by Jude Ouvrard
Kyle basically lived here so that didn’t sound like something he would do. “Did something happen?”
Levi sighed, and it was uncomfortable. “Look, maybe one day he will open up about it with you, but some shit went down with him when we were twenty-one. We never talk about it unless he does. Tomorrow’s the anniversary, so he’s going to hide for a while. He needs to be alone.”
“Any idea when he’ll be back.”
Running his hand through his hair, Levi shook his head. “No, I never know. It’s been as long as two weeks in the past.”
“Okay.” So many questions ran through my head which I wanted to know the answers to. Kyle was my mentor, and had become my big brother. Knowing he stayed alone while in pain sucked. I would try to text him later.
“Why don’t you split? Miles is already home, right? I’ll close the shop at six.”
“You sure?”
Nodding, he threw my wallet and jacket at me. “Yeah, absolutely. I’ll see tomorrow, Val.”
I gave him a quick hug then hurried upstairs to spend my sudden free evening with my man. Smiling when I found him shirtless and wearing his jeans, I ogled his backside as he set the table with our Chinese spread.
“Hey, cowboy.”
“Is that my beautiful tattooed cowgirl?” He turned around and came to me, pulling me against his toned chest. “You’re in trouble, little girl. I found out that you’ve been keeping secrets from me today.”
“What secret?” Damn, my birthday. Someone must’ve told him.
“Imagine my surprise when Nix called me this morning to know if I’d made plans for your birthday, which happens to be three days from now.”
“Whoopsie.” Giving him my best puppy eyes, I tried to look sorry when deep down I knew I’d intentionally kept it from him. “You already do everything for me. All the time. I didn’t want you to do more because it was my birthday. I don’t need a birthday party to be happy, Miles. Each day with you is more than I ever thought my life would be. You keep an eye on my Starburst inventory, you feed me, we cuddle—and much more—and you happen to be an awesome kisser.”
“I’m a good kisser only because you always taste so sweet.”
I lifted onto my tiptoes to reach his lips, and with my arms holding onto his toned shoulders, we kissed. Another sweet kiss to add to our ‘sweetest kiss ever’ list. Yes, I had a list.
“I could stand here in the kitchen and kiss you all night, cowgirl, but I’m starving.” He was kissing down my neck then moved down my arm, which tickled, so I pulled him closer.
“How am I supposed to let you go now?” I didn’t want to.
He laughed against my skin and kissed me one last time before pulling away. “Let’s eat.”
I sat at the table, wound up and my face flushed. My current flustered state amused Miles, making him laugh. At least someone thought it was funny. As I filled my plate, my appetite returned. It smelled good and looked delicious. As we ate, my thoughts diverted to Kyle and wondering what had happened to him. I couldn’t shake it from my mind.
“What’s bothering you?”
Sometimes, it seemed, he could read my mind. “How do you know something’s bothering me?”
Chuckling, he shook his head in disbelief. “You’ve been staring at the wall behind me for ten minutes, you haven’t touched your plate, and your eyes were about to cross. I think that’s enough to clue me in something’s going on in that head of yours.”
Damn, okay. “Levi said something about Kyle, and it’s bugging me.”
“What did he say?”
“Not much. Kyle won’t be at work for a while. Something happened a couple of years ago and tomorrow is the anniversary. I guess he always takes off to deal with his memories and emotions alone.”
“What are you thinking?”
I shrugged, because I had no idea. All I knew was that I didn’t like the idea of Kyle suffering. “Maybe I should try to text him or call him. I’m worried.”
“You could ask if he wants to join us for some of this Chinese. I think I ordered too much.”
He had. We had enough to eat for a few days. I grabbed my phone and punched in the words.
Hey, Kyle. What are you up to? Want to join us for Chinese? We’ve got a ton.
“I should have known something wasn’t normal when he didn’t show up today. He never misses a day of work. Never. He basically lives at the shop,” I said and tossed my phone down.
“Do you want me to call Levi?” Miles offered.
“No, it’s not his story to tell. I’m curious and worried, but I should find out what happened from Kyle. It must be something huge.” Sadness invaded my mood and while I tried to eat, I’d lost my appetite.
“I can google him, if you want. See if there are any news stories or anything.”
I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. Picking at my food, I couldn’t think of anything else to try, though. By the time I gave up on my plate, strange noises were coming from the stairwell. So, while Miles cleaned up our dishes, I went to the door to see what was happening. A broken man, who looked drunk, was stumbling up the stairs.
Kyle.
“Wow, Kyle, hold on. Let me help you.” I met him halfway down the stairs while Miles waited at the top. How am I supposed to manage the bulk of an inebriated man who’s over six feet tall?
However, taking it one step at a time, we’d made almost at the top where Miles cleared the way. Holding onto Miles’ outstretched arm, I stepped into the apartment and slowly pulled Kyle to me. Kyle missed the last step and we both fell to the floor. Kyle’s body on top of mine, and he started laughing so loud that I laughed, too.
Miles helped me out from under Kyle, and then, we tried helping Kyle up. His laughter transformed into sobs. Watching him cry saddened me while Miles seemed uncomfortable, like he didn’t know what to say or do.
I got Kyle on the couch; his legs were so weak, he couldn’t walk anymore. Miles had gone to get pillows and a blanket but then left, leaving me to deal with Kyle alone.
“What’s wrong, Kyle? You can talk to me.”
“I had too much to drink, but I still hurt. Guess I didn’t have enough.”
“Drinking won’t stop the pain, K, it’ll only numb it for a couple of hours. Are you hungry?” Food might save him from having a terrible hangover in the morning. “K, please. Say something.”
He looked at me, the rim of his eyes red as the tears rolled down his cheeks. “I really loved her, Val.” Rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands, he dried his tears and then, got up again. I did, too, and held his arm. “I don’t even know why I came here in the first place.”
“I texted you. I offered you dinner. Are you hungry?”
“I don’t know. I guess. Maybe a little.” He sighed too closed to my face, I could smell the mix of beer and Jack Daniels on his breath.
Guiding him into the kitchen, I sat him at the table and gave him a plate. “Take whatever you want. I’ll get you some water.” His plate was full by the time I returned. “Where were you today?”
“I was at Lucky 13,” he said around a mouthful of eggroll. His eyes were glossy and unfocused.
“Okay. I’ve never seen you like this. Do you want to talk about it?”
He shook his head. “There’s nothing left to be said. I have to move on. Like you did. You were able to move on, so I should be able to, too.”
His words made me hurt for him. “I moved on from John because our lives were going in different directions. I made the right decision at the right time. Who knows, maybe I would change how I did it, but I would never be able to move on from Miles.”
“That doesn’t help me, V.”
“I’m sorry, Kyle. I truly am. Sometimes, though, you have to allow yourself to try something new. Have you tried engaging in a new relationship?”
He never answered, but his expression revealed how lost and confused he was.
“You should rest here, or Miles can give you a ride home if you want, but no
more alcohol for you tonight, okay?”
Again, he didn’t speak, instead finishing his plate and then staring at the table. “I think I’m going to go now.”
There was no time to react before Kyle was up, and then falling down on the floor.
“Shit, Kyle.” I knelt beside him. “Miles, come here!”
Miles came running from the bedroom and helped me get Kyle up again. Together, they moved over to the couch. Kyle fell down and Miles lifted his legs onto the couch as well.
“Should I take off his shoes?” Miles had no idea what to do; I didn’t know much better.
“Yeah, why not. We should make him comfortable.”
A few minutes later, Kyle’s breathing became calm and soft. There was still some tension in his forehead, and his eyebrows pulled together every once in a while.
“What should we do now?”
Chuckling, Miles wrapped his arms around me. I loved the feeling of being held by him. My body hurt from manhandling Kyle. “I’m sorry I left you alone with him. It hit a little too close to home earlier and I almost lost it. Seeing him like that, I could see myself all those months ago after Lisa first left.” He kissed my lips many times. “I should’ve stayed with you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. It was fine until he tripped again.” I draped my arms around his waist, and laid my head over his heart. “Tomorrow morning’s going to suck for him, though.”
“It will. Do you want me to stay out here with you?”
I loved how compassionate he was, but everything would be fine—apart from Kyle’s headache come morning. It’s funny how, not too long ago, I’d had a life in Boston with John and very few friends. Those friendships never felt like they could impact the life of someone else, never felt real, but here, as soon as I’d moved back, I was welcomed back in with arms wide open. It wasn’t just Bekka and Nix, but also Levi, Kyle, and Tyler who all treated me like family. Even Tiff, and I barely knew her. They made me happy and gave me that sense of belonging.
“Nah, come on, let’s call it a night. Apart from sitting at the table, we can’t do much now,” I said pointing at our occupied living room. “I’m tired, anyway.”
“Why don’t we take a bath first? You seem tense.” How could I say no?
“I like the sound of that.”
Miles had already left for work. Kyle’s snoring hadn’t stopped since midnight. I debated whether I should wake him up or not, unsure what to do. Levi would be expecting me at the shop soon. He would understand if I were late, right? I sighed and kept watching the man on my couch.
The mystery around Kyle’s broken heart had yet to be solved, but it had something to do with a girl. At least now I knew why he and Tiff had never made their relationship official. They liked each other, I could tell, but Kyle couldn’t move on or forgive his past.
Kyle’s feet and hands started to move as he tried stretching, but with all the unintentional pirouettes he’d done last night, his muscles might be stiff for a new days.
“K?” My voice came out so low he probably didn’t hear it so I tried again, louder. “Kyle?”
He groaned deep. “I heard you the first time, V.”
“Do you want something for your headache, or do you want me to leave you alone? Or both, maybe?”
“I’ll take anything extra-strength, if you have them?”
In this department, I was prepared. In my past, I’d dealt with plenty of hangovers. Gosh, some had been terrible and took me days to get over. It wouldn’t surprise me if Kyle had one of those bad boys this morning.
“Here, a water bottle and two extra-strength Advil. You should drink the whole thing while you’re at it.”
Getting up to give him some space, I started breakfast in the hopes he wanted some. Waiting for him to wake up had left me starving. The smell of eggs and toast soon lingered in the air of my small kitchen. It didn’t take him more than a couple of minutes before he joined me in.
“Val.” My name came out in a croaky voice. “I’m sorry about last night. You shouldn’t have witnessed that. If only I could remember why I came here in the first place...”
Chortling, I wondered if I should tell him everything. “Well, you were kind of heavy when you fell on top of me, but I’d rather you have been here than anywhere else. You were safe here. So anytime you feel like drinking too much and walking around town, my couch is yours.” I laughed. “But I think you came here because I texted you an invite you for dinner.”
He smiled, embarrassed. “I owe you one.”
“Oh, please, you owe me nothing, Kyle. You gave me an apartment, and a job, when I barely knew you.”
He smiled then hugged me tight. “I’m still sorry. I… I’ll…be away for a couple of days, but I’ll make it up to you when I’m back.”
“Will you call me if you need to talk? You’re not alone, K. Please know that I’m here, we’re all here, for you.” As I spoke, the tears conquered my eyes. Why was I going to cry now? This was too much emotion for this time of the morning.
“Hey, don’t be sad for me. Ever. I’m the only one who can do that. Smile now, and get me my breakfast.” Kyle’s joking made me feel better, but the pain still appeared in his tired eyes.
He’s up and everything is under control. I love you.
Having sent an update to Miles, Kyle and I sat down to eat. We didn’t say much. Respecting his silence like I’d done when Miles needed space was the best I could do for him right now.
Okay, thanks for letting me know.
“Do you want more coffee?” Not waiting for his answer, I refilled mine. My night had been too short, and I’d tossed and turned for most of it. Knowing Kyle was sleeping on my couch had made me anxious. I’d worried he might try to leave in the middle of the night. In short, I cared for him.
“No, I’m good, thanks.” Taking the last bite of his eggs, he cleaned his lips with his napkin and then brought his dishes to the sink. “I’ll do the dishes.”
“No, no. Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it later. Don’t be silly.”
“I used to live here, before.” Kyle rubbed his eyes like he was trying to wipe away the memories. “Waking up here, you cooking me breakfast... I thought I was back in my old life.” He sniffled. “I have to head out now. I need air.”
“Are you going to be okay, Kyle? Text me if you need me, okay?” Watching him head to the door broke my heart.
“I will. Thank you, for everything.”
Shit, I said to myself. How could I possibly let him go like this? He needed a friend, someone to talk to. Never in my life had I felt so helpless, but I understood he needed to go through this alone, as Levi had said.
We all deal with pain in different ways. I just wanted to help him through it.
VAL
I woke up a twenty-two-year-old woman today. Gosh, it feels like I just turned eighteen, but that was four years ago.
“Hey, birthday girl,” Miles whispered in my ear before pulling me against his chest. We were still in bed, in our warm sheets, cuddling and relaxing. I had no idea what time it was and I didn’t care. This day belonged to me, and nobody could force me out of this bed, not even Miles.
“Morning, cowboy.” I caressed his hands resting on my stomach. “I love you.”
“Oh, really? Show me how much you love me.”
“Shouldn’t it be your turn to show me how much you love me? It’s my birthday, after all.”
He took to kissing and nibbling my neck, letting the tension build up between us. As if we still had energy after last night.
“Cowgirl, every single muscle of my body hurts, but to please you, I’ll do anything.” He rolled me to the side, then held my hands over my head while his body covered mine. “Do you feel it? I don’t ever think I’ll be able to control my hunger with you.”
“Then don’t.” At my invitation, he didn’t control anything.
We let our bodies do the talking even though I hurt everywhere, like I’d been in a rodeo. Well, what h
e’d done to me might be considered a rodeo. I blushed at my thought but was brought back to reality when Miles pushed deep into me. “Gosh, Miles.”
“Are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
He laughed and continued taking care of me. My hands were locked over my head. I wanted to touch him, feel him—but couldn’t. It drove me crazy, which was what he wanted. What a tease.
“Feel, cowgirl. It’s all you have to worry about.” The sensuality in his voice gave me shivers.
I let him make love to me and worried about nothing else. Though I felt useless at first, when my insides started to tighten and I could feel the moment coming, I didn’t care. Miles knew what to do with me, how to move his hips against mine. It sent me right to the highest peak I could get.
“Miles, stop… or this will be over before we know it.” I giggled.
“Shh, tattoo girl. I got this.”
He didn’t stop or slow down. While he almost drove me crazy, albeit a good crazy, my heels dug into the mattress.
Soft kisses plastered my breasts, neck, and lips. Our fingers intertwined and locked together. There was no pressure to leave them up over my head, but I didn’t move. I was enjoying what Miles had proposed, and giving him more power made it all more interesting.
“Now I’m the one who can’t hold it together much longer, cowgirl,” he murmured through his heavy breathing.
“Do what you have to do, handsome.” Gosh! Was “Gosh, Miles” all I could think or say anymore?
I couldn’t keep up with his faster, harder thrusts. Going higher and higher, breathing heavier, hands together, we jumped off the cliff into ecstasy. My body floated mid-air, feeling the wave of pure excitement deep within. Miles’ body became heavy over mine and he buried his face in my neck. He was out of breath—just like me.
Both relaxing, we descended back to reality. Exhaustion found me and I wanted nothing but sleep again. What a way to start a birthday.
“I’m going to pass out again if we don’t get up.”
He laughed and rolled to his side. “What do you want to do? Do you want to go eat somewhere?”
