I tried to concentrate on what he wanted me to do, but all the time I kept thinking of David, seeing his face, hearing his voice, feeling his lips on mine.
It gave me a little thrill every time I thought of it and, when at last Giles left the studio and I was free to go home, I ran down the street into Piccadilly so that I could catch a bus to South Kensington.
I had stupidly forgotten, of course, that the clothes I had accumulated since I had come to London wouldn’t go into the suitcase that I had brought with me from the Vicarage, so I had to ask Mrs. Simpson if she could lend me one.
She was rather surprised by my request, but when I explained that it was all Mr. Bariatinsky’s fault for choosing so many clothes for me, she mellowed and lent me an almost new one.
“I’ll be very careful with it,” I promised.
“I’m sure you will, Miss Clyde,” she replied. “It’s what’s inside that’s important, isn’t it? All those lovely dresses that Mr. Bariatinsky photographs you in! I wonder you’re not afraid to wear them!”
“I’m always afraid of spoiling them,” I confessed.
She smiled and murmured something about my being a lucky young woman with which I thoroughly agreed, although not for the reasons she meant.
Anyway, with a tremendous scramble I was ready, my suitcases were packed and I had a small round leather hat box as well.
I went to the hall to ask the porter to collect them from my room and I saw David’s Bentley pull up outside.
I ran down the steps and he got out of the car looking more attractive than I had ever seen him before, in a blazer that had a lot of gold buttons on it. It was, I knew, a Regimental blazer because David had been in the Coldstream Guards.
“How are you, my darling?” he asked.
I felt my heart turn over at the tone of his voice.
“I’m all right,” I answered.
“You look lovely!” he said. “Or have I told you that before?”
“It’s something I want to hear again,” I replied.
His eyes were on my lips and I felt as if he kissed me and then we just stood gazing at each other and somehow there was no need for words.
When the porter came out of the house carrying the two suitcases, they seemed almost too heavy for him. He was only a small man and he had my hat box under one arm.
He put them down on the pavement beside the Bentley and David exclaimed,
“Good heavens! What have you brought all that luggage for?”
“You didn’t tell me what sort of house party we were going to,” I said, “and I didn’t want to bring the wrong things.”
“House party?” he questioned.
“Well, you didn’t say if it was a big one or a small one,” I went on apologetically. “Sometimes people play tennis or swim or go to a garden party unexpectedly and I would hate to have the wrong clothes.”
I was talking rather quickly because he had a strange expression on his face. He realised the porter was waiting and, putting his hand in his pocket, he gave the man two shillings.
Then David said,
“I didn’t say anything last night, Samantha, about a house party.”
“You told me we were going to the country,” I said in a puzzled tone.
“That is where we are going,” he answered, “somewhere very quiet – just you and I.”
I looked at him and I suppose he must have seen that I didn’t understand because he went on,
“It’s a cosy little inn, rather like the one we went to last night, hidden away in the Chiltern Hills. We will just be together, Samantha.”
“With – no one – else – there?”
“I hope not,” he answered, “but if there are, we need have nothing to do with them.”
“But – I can’t – ”
I stopped. I found it hard to go on with the sentence and David asked,
“You can’t what?”
“Go away with you – alone,” I said and the words came out in a rush, “without a – chaperone, without there being a – married woman in the party.”
He stared at me for a long moment before he asked,
“Are you serious?”
“When you said we could go to the country,” I answered, “I thought that we would be staying with – your friends.”
“You told me that you wanted to be with me and I want to be with you,” David said. “Surely that’s all that is necessary?”
He seemed to be waiting for my answer and then I said slowly,
“I think it – would be – wrong.”
“What do you mean – wrong?”
I was finding it difficult to answer and then I said almost in a whisper,
“If you – made – love to me like – that, it would be – a sin!”
“Good God!” David ejaculated so forcefully that he made me jump. “You can’t be serious in saying this to me, Samantha! Where on earth have you come from?”
“From a – Vicarage,” I answered miserably.
He stared at me in astonishment.
“A Vicarage?” he repeated. “I don’t believe it!”
“It happens to be true,” I said, “and I think now that what you are suggesting is one of the – temptations Daddy said I might find in London.”
David put his hand up to his forehead.
“Can I really be listening to this or am I dreaming?” he asked. “You can’t look as you do, Samantha, and talk about sin and temptation just because I ask you to go to the country with me.”
“Well, I know it isn’t right for us to go – alone,” I said. “We ought to have somebody with us!”
“And do you think that would make any difference?” he asked roughly. “Who do you suggest we take – the porter? One of the people passing by in the street? Good Lord, Samantha, you are talking like some Victorian miss of half a century ago!”
He spoke scornfully and I felt afraid because I knew that he was getting angry.
He bent down and picked up one of my suitcases.
“We can’t stand here talking this nonsense,” he said. “I love you, Samantha, and you love me. It’s really quite ridiculous to start invoking the Ten Commandments and trying to change all our plans at the last moment.”
He dumped my suitcase in the boot of the car and went on,
“If you’re worried as to what people will think, which I imagine is your main objection, you can register under a false name or as my wife. I’ve only ordered one room anyway.”
What he said and the way he said it made me feel as if I was frozen to the pavement.
I knew that he despised me for being so stupid. I knew, too, that he was angry because I was making a scene.
But I remember how I had promised Daddy that I wouldn’t do anything he and Mummy would not approve of and I knew without any argument that they would not approve of my going away with David alone to stay as his wife in some country inn.
“I’m sorry if I’m spoiling your weekend, David,” I said, “but I cannot go with you.”
He was just going to pick up the second suitcase as I spoke.
Instead he straightened himself to say,
“Don’t be a little fool, Samantha. We’ll talk about this on our way there.”
“I am not going.”
I saw the anger in his eyes but before he could speak a voice said,
“So this is where you’ve been hiding yourself, Samantha. I’ve had great difficulty in finding you.”
I turned and standing beside me was Lord Rowden.
David and I had been so busy arguing with each other that we hadn’t noticed his large grey Rolls Royce drive up and park behind the Bentley.
Lord Rowden was dressed in the same way as David and it was obvious that he was going to the country.
“I was just going to leave this for you, Samantha. It’s an invitation for you to come to lunch on Sunday at my house on the river. I thought it might amuse you and I am very anxious to see you again.”
I took th
e note, but for a moment I could find nothing to say.
Then Lord Rowden turned to David and said,
“How are you, Durham? I’ve been hoping that you would dine with me one evening.”
“Thank you,” David replied in a not very gracious tone.
“Perhaps my invitation is too late,” Lord Rowden went on to me. “I gather you and David Durham are already going to the country. What a pity! I wish you were coming to stay with me.”
“I’m sure Samantha would be delighted to accept your invitation,” David said in a hard bitter voice. “She likes large house parties and I am certain that you will have a crowd of people staying with you.”
“I have indeed,” Lord Rowden said quickly. “And I should be overjoyed for Samantha to be my guest and you too, Durham, if you have nothing better to do.”
He paused for a moment and then as if he took in the whole situation he added,
“I’m going to Maidenhead now. Why don’t you two follow me? You’ll find a lot of friends at Bray Park and the weather is going to be perfect for the river.”
“What fun!” David exclaimed. “It sounds exactly what we should both enjoy!”
I heard the note of bitter sarcasm in his voice and I realised that he was arranging this to punish me and there was nothing I could do about it.
I just felt weak and helpless and, although I longed to refuse Lord Rowden’s invitation, the words would not come to my lips.
“Then that’s agreed,” Lord Rowden said quickly as if he was afraid that we would change our minds. “I’ll go ahead and see that everything is ready for your arrival.”
He looked at David.
“You know where the house is, Durham? I’ve rented Lord Bray’s place for the summer.”
“I know it well,” David replied.
“Then I’ll see you both later,” Lord Rowden said. “I’m looking forward more than I can tell you to having you as my guest, Samantha.”
He put his hand on my arm for a moment and then he walked away and got into his Rolls Royce.
I stood staring at David.
“Why did you do that?” I asked.
“That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?” he said savagely. “Gay, gay people, tinkling laughter, champagne, dancing on the lawn and, of course, plenty of young men to try to kiss you in the bushes. That’s so much more respectable than going away with me.”
His words hurt me like blows and vaguely I thought that I ought to refuse to go anywhere with him or anyone else.
Yet I couldn’t find the right words and, when he opened the door of the Bentley, I clambered in and he slammed it shut.
He drove off and I felt so miserable that I didn’t know what to say or do.
We drove in silence for a long time and then at last, when I could bear it no longer, I said unhappily,
“I’m sorry, David – please – I’m sorry.”
“I can’t quite gather what sort of game you are playing,” he said.
“Game?” I questioned.
“Well, looking like you do for one thing and being a Giles Bariatinsky model and then suddenly going all holy on me! I was quite certain that you understood what I suggested last night. What’s the idea?”
“It’s just that I know it’s – wrong,” I said defensively.
He didn’t seem to understand and I added,
“People I know don’t do that sort of thing unless they are married.”
David gave a kind of shout.
“Married?” he said. “So that’s the key to the puzzle, is it? You are holding out for marriage, Samantha?”
There was a silence and then I said in a very small voice,
“Do you – mean you – don’t want to – marry me?”
David didn’t answer for a moment and then he slowed the car down and drove off the road in the shadow of some trees.
He switched off the engine and turned half round in his seat to face me.
“I think we ought to get this clear, Samantha,” he said.
I looked at him apprehensively as he went on,
“We seem to be talking at cross purposes. Last night was an enchantment I shall not easily forget. I find you very very attractive. You told me that you loved me, but I am not the marrying sort.”
I felt as though my heart dropped six feet with a bang and I felt too that all the lovely plans I had made last night were like a castle of cards, which David had knocked down with a touch of his hand.
“I quite understand that you want to get married,” he went on as I didn’t speak. “I suppose all women want that and I’ll be frank with you and say that quite a lot of women have wanted to marry me. But you are going the wrong way about it, Samantha.”
“What have I – done that is – wrong?” I asked.
“Looking like you do and taking up your particular career,” he answered, “is not the best introduction to St. Margaret’s, Westminster.”
I knew that this was the fashionable Church where all the Social brides were married, but I had been thinking of the Church at home and Daddy marrying me to David.
David’s eyes were on my face and now he said in a gentler voice,
“You are very lovely, Samantha, and I think that we could be very happy together, if you would forget your absurd ideas about sin and all that sort of thing.”
“I can’t help – knowing what is – right and what is – wrong,” I insisted.
“What you think is right for you is not right for me,” David answered. “Perhaps I should have made it clear from the very beginning that I have no wish to marry anyone.”
“Then if we are not married, we cannot possibly stay away together, pretending that we are.”
He had made his position clear and I felt that I had to make mine clear too.
“Tell me why?” David asked.
“Because it would be – wicked.”
“But if we were clever no one would know or have the least suspicion, so why should it matter?”
I wanted to say that God would know, but I felt he might laugh at me and so I merely said nothing and after a moment David suggested very beguilingly,
“Let’s forget this silly argument, Samantha. Let me take you to this little inn. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do, not until we have talked it over. I have a feeling, Samantha, that you would realise how very wonderful it would be for us to be alone with each other and know that nothing else is of any importance.”
He put his arm around me as he spoke and drew me close to him.
I felt myself quiver because he was touching me. Then he turned my face up to his and I knew he was going to kiss me.
I wanted that kiss more than anything I have ever wanted in my life before, but at the same time, I realised that he was tempting me.
This was just like the temptations I had read about in the Bible and I knew I had to say no.
With what was really a superhuman effort I turned my face away from David and said,
“We can’t – we mustn’t – I know it’s wrong!”
“Damn you!” David said sharply. “You would try the patience of a Saint!”
He took his arm away from me, switched on the engine, slammed in the gears and drove off.
I knew that he was angry, but there was nothing I could do about it.
It would have been so easy, so very easy, to agree with what he suggested, and so very difficult to go on being obstinate. But, I told myself, I could never face Daddy again if we stayed in that inn, and in only one room.
We drove in silence to Maidenhead and then took a twisting winding road along the side of the river until we came to an enormous house surrounded by elaborate gardens that sloped down to the river’s edge.
We drove up to the front door and several footmen came hurrying out to take our cases.
A chauffeur appeared and drove away the Bentley and David and I walked into the hall, which was very impressive.
A butler led us across it and opened the door into a long
room that seemed to be filled with people, all chattering at the tops of their voices.
For a moment I could see no one I knew and then Lord Rowden came towards us from one of the windows that opened out on to the lawn.
“I thought you wouldn’t be very far behind me,” he said. “Need I tell you, Samantha, how pleased I am to see you?”
He took my hand and raised it to his lips and I felt a shiver when his mouth touched my skin.
I wished I had kept my gloves on.
He took me by the arm and introduced me to his guests.
The women were all very pretty. Some of them had titles, some, I gathered, were actresses and some were beautiful – those Lord Rowden introduced just by their Christian names.
There was nobody I had ever met before, although some of the men were very distinguished and I had seen photographs of them in The Tatler and other magazines.
David seemed to know everybody and I noticed that one woman who was introduced to me as Lady Bettine Leyton simply flung herself at him.
“David, darling!” she cried. “I had no idea that you were to be here. What a wonderful surprise!”
She put both her arms round his neck and kissed him.
“I’m furious with you,” I heard her say in a low voice, “because you haven’t been to see me. I had so much I wanted to tell you.”
“You can tell me now,” David suggested.
“I will and make no mistake about it,” she replied.
He laughed at that and I could see that he was at his ease and obviously rather pleased with everyone fawning on him, while I felt stiff and there was a large piece of ice somewhere inside me because David and I had quarrelled.
Champagne and cocktails were being handed round on silver trays by the footmen and Lord Rowden put a glass of champagne in my hand and drew me outside into the garden.
“I want you to see how attractive this place is,” he said.
“It’s lovely!” I answered, looking at a profusion of roses of every colour.
“I thought I had lost you, Samantha,” Lord Rowden said in a low voice. “I had great difficulty in gouging your address out of that snooty secretary of Bariatinsky’s.”
I felt rather guilty about poor Miss Macey getting the blame for my determination not to see Lord Rowden again.
Say Yes Samantha Page 8
