A large car was waiting for us when we climbed out and we were swept away from Le Bourget towards Paris.
Victor took my hand in the car and asked,
“Happy, Samantha?”
“Very!” I replied.
It wasn’t quite true, but I must have sounded convincing because he said,
“I want you to be thrilled with Paris. To me it is the most fascinating City in the world and the only possible place for lovers.”
That made me wonder if I would ever go to Paris with David and, when I saw how beautiful the City was, I longed to have him there with me.
We passed The Opera, which was very impressive and then drove down a street which Victor told me was the Rue de la Paix, which led into the Place Vendôme, with its high column in the centre.
“Where are we staying?” I enquired, thinking it was a question I might have asked sooner.
“The Ritz,” Victor answered casually. “I always stay there.”
He greeted the Concierge and the reception clerks as if they were old friends and we were taken upstairs to a most attractive suite overlooking a quiet garden with a huge bedroom and bathroom for me, and the same for Victor, with a sitting room in between.
There were flowers everywhere and, when the porters had brought up our luggage and Victor had tipped them, he kissed me lightly and said,
“Come on, Samantha, let’s go and enjoy ourselves.”
I lost count by the end of the evening of all the places Victor took me to, but wherever he went he seemed to find friends.
There were bars, restaurants, a special place in the Bois de Boulogne where we had drinks and, when we had changed, we dined at the most fascinating place called Maxim’s, which was very like the Embassy Club.
Victor knew half the people in the room and, after a superlative dinner, we danced to the best band I have ever heard.
After that we went to a nightclub in Montmartre, where there was a cabaret and the girls wore very few clothes.
We had only been there a little time before Victor suggested,
“This is dull. Let’s go home, Samantha.”
It was then that I felt again a funny cold feeling inside me as to what lay ahead.
Victor had been so interesting. We had talked so intimately of so many things and we had met so many different people that I really hadn’t had a moment to worry about myself or what was going to happen when we were alone.
It was only when I began to undress in my bedroom in The Ritz that I wondered why I was there and if I had been crazy to accept Victor’s invitation.
For the first time I realised that he must have taken it for granted that I was sophisticated and experienced.
It was not only the way I looked and that I was a Giles Bariatinsky model, but also because I had let him kiss me the first night we had met and had hardly hesitated when he suggested that we should go to Paris together.
I felt sure that he would expect me to have made love to heaps of different men and I wondered if, like David, he would find me unattractive and a bore once he realised how ignorant I was.
I became more and more nervous and frightened and, while I kept telling myself I had to be brave and remember I was doing this for David, it didn’t seem to help.
Finally, I climbed into the double bed with its pretty pink eiderdown.
There were big vases of carnations in the room and I thought miserably that with only small lights at the bedside it all looked very seductive.
I was very tense and found it difficult to breathe. So I gripped my fingers together and told myself I must be sensible.
‘Perhaps Victor won’t realise,’ I thought, ‘how inexperienced I am.’
He was obviously attracted to me and that should be enough.
I tried to argue myself into the right frame of mind, but I kept thinking of David and how silly I had been not to go away with him to that little inn in the Chilterns.
I felt that it would have been so wonderful to let him teach me about love and I would not have been afraid, but only happy with that wild marvellous ecstasy I felt when he kissed me.
But I told myself severely that even if I had gone with him when he suggested it, he would still have found me boring.
I couldn’t help being ignorant about things that no one had taught me and perhaps after tonight I should be quite a different person – really sophisticated and poised, like Lady Bettine and all the other women David admired.
I was so intent on thinking of David and what he meant to me, that it was quite a shock when I heard the door open and Victor came in.
He was looking exceedingly handsome and attractive in a blue dressing gown that matched the colour of his eyes.
He closed the door behind him and then he stood looking at me with a smile on his lips before he walked towards the bed.
It seemed to me that he walked very very slowly and then, when he reached my side, he said with that beguiling note in his voice that he used when he wanted to be particularly charming,
“That is what I have been waiting for, Samantha.”
Then something snapped – I gave a little cry and put my hands up to ward him off.
“I can’t! Oh, Victor, I – can’t! I’m sorry, but I’ve made a mistake – a terrible mistake – you’ll never forgive me – but I shouldn’t have come.”
My words seemed to fall over themselves and now the tears were running down my cheeks as I tried frantically, desperately to make him understand.
“I thought – I could do it, but I – can’t!” I cried. “It’s wrong – and I don’t love you and I thought – it wouldn’t matter to you – but now – I know it’s wicked – and I can’t – please, Victor – I can’t – ”
He looked astonished and then he sat down on the side of the bed facing me.
“What is all this about, Samantha?” he asked.
“I ought not to have – come,” I sobbed, “but I thought once I was here everything would be – all right – and I do like you – I do! But now it’s come to the point – I’m frightened – and I knew all the time it was a – sin.”
My voice was choked for a moment and then Victor said in a surprised tone,
“Are you telling me, Samantha, that no one has ever made love to you before?”
“No one,” I answered, “and I realise how – boring and stupid it makes me – but I thought if you – taught me about – love I would be quite – different, and then – ”
“Then?” Victor prompted.
“ – the man – I really love wouldn’t find me a – bore!” I blurted out.
I thought that might make Victor angry and I put out my hands towards him and said,
“Please don’t be – cross. I’ll pay you back every – penny that you have spent in bringing me here – but after all – I can’t let you – ”
The tears were pouring down my cheeks and I didn’t sound very coherent.
Victor took a handkerchief out of the pocket of his dressing gown and wiped my eyes.
“Don’t cry, Samantha,” he said gently. “I am trying to understand what all this is about.”
“I have been such a – fool,” I told him, “in thinking I could let you – teach me – what I – wanted to know, but Daddy was right when he – said I must – keep myself for the man I – love.”
I gave a little sob and added,
“Unfortunately – the man I love doesn’t – want me.”
“Has he said so?” Victor asked.
“He said I was – absurdly innocent and a – crashing bore,” I answered and even to say the words made me start to cry all over again.
“Poor Samantha!” Victor said sympathetically.
Then, as I put his handkerchief up to my eyes to try to stop the tears, he said,
“It’s David Durham, isn’t it?”
“Y-yes,” I answered, “but how – did you – ?”
“I heard you had been about with him,” Victor answered, “and that he was in love with yo
u. Somebody told me that Durham was caught at last.”
I shook my head.
“He likes sophisticated, experienced women,” I explained, “and you were quite right when you said I was a fake. I am! I look one way – but I am quite, quite different – inside.”
“I also told you, if you remember,” Victor answered, “that I wanted to know what there was beneath the Bariatinsky model.”
“There’s nothing!” I said miserably, “except a stupid, idiotic little girl from a Vicarage.”
Victor laughed, but not unkindly.
“You are very young, Samantha,” he said after a moment.
“I’m getting older,” I answered, “but I don’t seem to become anymore – sensible or more experienced.”
“I know a lot of men, including myself, who would like you just as you are,” Victor said.
He was holding my hand very tightly in his and I thought how kind he was. Then I said in a very small voice,
“Victor – will you tell me – something?”
“What do you want to know?” he asked.
“What really – happens when two – people make – love?” I asked. “I can’t find anything about it in books.”
He looked at me in a speculative manner almost as if he questioned what I was saying.
Then he answered slowly,
“I think one day, Samantha, someone you love and who loves you will be better qualified to tell you that than I am.”
He suddenly stood up from the bed and walked across the room to the mantelpiece.
“When I meet David Durham,” he said in a strange voice, “I’ll knock his damned head off.”
“You mustn’t do that,” I said quickly, “I wouldn’t want you to hurt him. It’s not his fault that – I am so stupid.”
Victor didn’t answer and after a moment I said nervously,
“Would you like me to go – away tonight? I expect I can catch a train to Calais and go home by boat – or will it do in the morning?”
I spoke in rather a frightened voice because I didn’t understand why Victor was angry with David when really he ought to be furious with me.
He turned round and walked back to my side of the bed.
“I’ve decided what we’ll do, Samantha,” he said. “We’ll stay in Paris and enjoy ourselves, you and I, but you must promise me one thing.”
“What is that?” I asked nervously.
“That you will try to forget that you are unhappy. I cannot bear to see a pretty girl in tears.”
“Do you mean I can stay tomorrow?” I asked.
“Just as we planned,” he said. “I didn’t mean to take you back until the evening because I want to go to the races and I know you will enjoy that too.”
“I’ve cost you a lot of money and ruined your weekend,” I said.
“You promised me you wouldn’t be miserable,” he replied, “and my weekend isn’t ruined. I’m determined we’ll have fun! So cheer up, Samantha.”
“I’m trying to,” I answered, “but you are so kind, it makes me want to cry!”
He laughed at that and then he said,
“I’m going to kiss you goodnight, Samantha, as I did last night. I like kissing you. Do you like kissing me?”
“I like it very much,” I answered.
I thought that was true and if I had never been kissed by David I would have thought Victor’s kisses were rather marvellous.
But he didn’t sweep me up to the sky as David did and there wasn’t that strange wild ecstasy that made me feel as if the whole world had disappeared and there was only David and I alone and part of each other.
Because I was sorry I had behaved so badly I lifted my face up to Victor’s and he put his arms round me and kissed me gently and not really passionately for a long time.
Then he said,
“Go to sleep, Samantha, and don’t worry about anything. We are going to have a splendid time together tomorrow and we’ll go on seeing each other just as if this had never happened.”
“Can we really do – that?” I asked.
“You know I never accept defeat,” he answered.
I didn’t know what he meant by that, but he kissed me again and then he went away shutting the door behind him.
Only when he had gone did I feel that I had not thanked him enough for being so kind and understanding.
But I told myself that I would say it tomorrow.
The next day was an absolute whirl from the moment I got up until we started for home in the evening rather later than we had intended.
We lunched at a very fashionable place overlooking the Seine and then we went to Longchamps, which is the prettiest racecourse I have ever seen.
Once again Victor seemed to know everybody and introduced all sorts of charming Frenchmen who insisted on backing horses for me that always seemed to win.
I came away with quite a wad of francs, although I was not quite certain if I was really entitled to them.
We had tea at Rumplemeyers in the Rue de Rivoli, where they had the most gorgeous cream cakes I have ever tasted in my life. Victor said I was the only person who could afford to eat them because they were guaranteed to put on weight.
Afterwards we went to the Ritz Bar where apparently Victor had asked a lot of people to join us.
We had a kind of cocktail party, only it was more fun and much more amusing than any cocktail party I had ever been to before.
1 was really quite sorry when it was time to go home, but I knew I had to get back to work on Monday morning and Victor told me that he had to go North to try out a special racing car that had been made for him.
It was a lovely clear evening when we set off from Le Bourget and Victor had brought a bottle of champagne because he said we must drink each other’s health up in the sky.
It was really rather fun popping the cork as we flew over France and drinking out of small glasses because then we were not so likely to upset the champagne over ourselves.
He had also brought smoked salmon and paté sandwiches to eat and we talked rather more on the way home than we had on the way over.
Even so, it was rather hard to hear and as we drove home from Croydon in Victor’s car it seemed very quiet after the noise of the aeroplane engine.
As we drew closer to London, I said rather hesitatingly,
“I-I want to say – thank you, but I don’t know how to begin.”
“I want to say something to you, Samantha,” Victor answered.
‘What is that?” I enquired.
“As you know, I have to go North tomorrow, but I expect to be back on Thursday. I want you to think about me while I am away.”
“Of course I shall,” I answered, “but why, particularly?”
“Because I have fallen in love with you,” he answered, “and, when I come back, I am going to do my damndest to make you fall in love with me!”
I looked at him in consternation. That was the last thing I had expected to hear.
His eyes were on the road, his jaw looked very square and then he said quietly,
“I love you, Samantha, and I want to marry you. I don’t want you to give me an answer now because I know you are in love with David Durham. But just think about me.”
“I will,” I promised. “But, oh, Victor, I never expected you to be in love with me.”
“I didn’t expect it either,” he answered, “but you are everything that a man would want in a woman.”
“Am I really?” I asked, thinking that the one person who didn’t want me was David.
“I didn’t mean to settle down so soon,” Victor went on, “but now I have met you, I am far too frightened of losing you to hang about. The very moment you say you’ll marry me, Samantha, I’ll sweep you up the aisle so fast that you won’t get a chance to change your mind.”
“It wouldn’t be fair to marry you unless I loved you – really loved you,” I said.
“I will make you love me sooner or later,” Victor replied. “The only ques
tion is – how long will it take?”
As he spoke, he drew up outside my flat.
We got out of the car, he carried in my luggage and set it down in the sitting room. Then he took me in his arms and kissed me in the same passionate, possessive manner that he had done before we went to Paris.
“I love you!” he sighed. “Do you promise that you will think about me, Samantha?”
“Of course I will.”
Then, with his usual abruptness, Victor left me and I heard his car drive away.
Reflection 22
I had been thinking of Victor as I spoke and remembering how kind he had been to me, so that I had almost forgotten that David was lying beside me and I was really talking to him.
But now I suddenly felt embarrassed that he would think, as he had thought before, that I was trying to blackmail him into marriage by telling him about Victor,
It suddenly swept over me that I had been even more stupid than I had ever been in the past in telling David what had happened and showing him how idiotic I was.
I had made him realise, if he did not know it already, that I was a complete and utter failure when it came to learning about love.
He didn’t speak and I felt I knew what he was thinking and how much he despised me.
I had been right in the first place, I told myself, in being determined not to see David again until I was quite sure that I was no longer either ignorant or a bore.
Instead of which I had blurted out how I had upset two kind and charming men and I was still the silly little girl from the Vicarage who had bored and exasperated him.
Why he should ask me to marry him I had no idea, except perhaps he felt a sense of duty because I had been ill.
There was one thing which I knew I must never do and that was to accept a proposal from David simply because he felt that he ought to make it.
I loved him too much to take second best and, if nothing else, what I had been through had taught me that Love can be a two-edged weapon.
Still David didn’t speak and at last I said,
“I’ve only told you this so that you can see how hopelessly incompetent I am. I’ve tried, David, I’ve really tried to be what you want. But when it came to the point, I couldn’t let Victor make love to me. He was so kind about it – and I expect you are laughing at my stupidity – ”
Say Yes Samantha Page 15
