“You’re right, I can’t.”
“Then it’s definitely time to move on. I’ve loved working with you. The firm wouldn’t be what it is without you. But trust is critical. I can’t work with someone who can so easily dismiss all the great things we’ve done together over the years.”
Looking down at her hand she said, ”I’m sorry, I just can’t get past it. I tried Michael, I really did.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I have a few more things to get out of my office and then…I know I said I’d stay through the end of the week, but…”
“Take care of yourself. I’ll miss you.”
She simply nodded. He watched her go down the hallway as he made his way back to his office. He closed the door and opened a desk drawer retrieving the bourbon. Taking his first sip, he sat on the couch thinking about how it was all unraveling.
CHAPTER 32
During most workdays Janine could always count on text exchanges with Michael. Sometimes they were flirty or comments about how each one’s day was going. Other times he simply sent “I love you,” which always brightened her day. Depending on how busy they were, they’d have a chance to talk-if for nothing more than discussing plans for dinner. But once again they hadn’t communicated all day. He’d virtually shut her out since he learned about the abortion. Being close to ten, she was a nervous wreck that he wasn’t home yet. She lay in bed as her worst fear crept into her thoughts.
Ironically, it wasn’t about him being in an accident or some other harm coming to him. With something like that, the police would have contacted her. But his deliberate silence meant he still wasn’t ready to deal with her. Her worst fear was that he couldn’t get past the hurt and his sense of betrayal. She was desperately afraid he would leave her.
Her stomach was in knots as the nausea overcame her again. She rushed out of bed for the toilet emptying her stomach. As she clung to the bowl, she thought she heard him coming up the stairs. Cleaning up quickly, she nervously exited finding him seated on his side of the bed with his head down.
Barely above a whisper she said, “Hi.”
Looking up at her, his eyes were sorrowful and his expression full of defeat. “Hey.”
“I’m glad you’re home.” She didn’t move, but stood by the bathroom door watching for any indication of what she should do next.
“Where else would I be?” he said flatly.
“I was worried.”
He didn’t respond but got up slowly removing his tie. He headed towards the closet to undress. Walking to her side of the bed, she sat facing away from him garnering her courage. She felt him sit on the bed then slip under the covers before turning out his lamp.
“Michael?”
“It’s been a hellish day. I don’t want to talk—about anything.”
“Okay.”
Looking over her shoulder, she saw that he rested on his side with his back to her. She eased under the covers, lay down and stared up at the ceiling. Smelling the subtle stench of bourbon on his breath, there was little surprise at how quickly he drifted off to sleep. But sleep didn’t come easily for her even as she listened to his light snore. At least he was home. She clung to that thought even as tears began welling. This was among the most devastating things they’d dealt with in the course of their relationship. But she had to give him the emotional space he needed to address his pain while acknowledging her own heartbreak. His outburst wounded her with the underlying sentiment being that selfish interests ultimately drove her decision.
For the next week or so, each day was more of the same. There was very little conversation or physical contact between them. Having a limited appetite since it all started, she’d curl up on the den sofa letting her thoughts fade into mindless TV waiting for him to arrive. He’d come home late, eat whatever food she’d left out for him and crawl into bed thoroughly exhausted. After several nights of this, she soon learned there was no worse feeling than being lonely with the one she loved most lying beside her.
It was happy hour and he sat at the bar sipping on a bourbon, lost to his thoughts. He wasn’t paying much attention to anyone or anything until he heard a familiar and hearty laugh. Glancing into the mirror behind the bartender, he saw her take a seat at the opposite end of the bar with two friends. He hadn’t seen Nikita since that night in Spectra’s chamber. Motioning for the bartender, he had him put the ladies’ drinks on his tab.
Soon after, he felt a light tap on his shoulder.
“Hello stranger,” Nikita said.
“I’m no stranger. I’ve seen you naked and tapped that ass,” he flirted before turning around. Offering her his stool, she sat as he stood close enough to smell the subtle musk of her perfume.
She chuckled. “How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been. And you?”
“Couldn’t be better.”
“I can tell. You look…good.”
“I try.”
“So what have you been up to?”
“You know me, I can get into all kinds of trouble if the mood strikes me.”
“Are you looking for trouble?”
She leaned even closer brushing her lips against his ear. “Trouble seems to find me, Sir.”
“Still topping from the bottom?”
“You gotta push all those boundaries…you know what I mean? Find out what you’re really made of.” She leaned in seductively, brushing against him.
“So what did you learn the last time I saw you?”
Her entire expression changed. She hesitated for a moment while looking deeply into his eyes. “Do you really wanna know the answer?”
“I wouldn’t ask.”
“I’ve said it before. I’ve never had a Dom like you. You’re a tough act to follow...but I’m trying. I appreciate what you did for Ryan and me. What about you? What did you learn?”
Picking up his drink, he took a long sip before answering. “That I loved you, but I never told you because I didn’t believe it would work…and I’m sorry for that.”
“Wow. I don’t even know what to do with that.”
“It is what it is.”
“So…is that why you brought Snowflake in?”
Her condescending reference to his other Sub Jocelyn wasn’t as annoying now as it was at the time. “Not consciously.”
“But? ‘Cause there’s always a but with you.”
“You’ll always be special to me. You know that.”
“So now what?”
He paused for a moment, gazing at her and knowing full well how easy it would be for both of them to cross the line. “As luscious as you are…you go home to Ryan and I go home to her. I’ve always loved her…on a level I can’t even put into words sometimes. And you love him.”
“Love is a mothafucker sometimes.”
“Yeah…yeah it is.”
Raising her glass, “To love and all its messy.”
“To love.” He softly kissed her cheek before setting his empty glass on the bar. “Take care of yourself, Nikita.”
“You too.”
Hoping to settle her nerves and a stomach still reeling from the stress of it all, Janine sipped wine while waiting patiently for him to come home yet again. Knowing he’d enter the kitchen from the garage, she sat at the island counter. They were at an impasse and she had to find a way for them to begin healing. She thought counseling might help, but they weren’t having meaningful conversations to make such a decision. Finally hearing the garage door open, she poured herself another glass and filled one for him. Being a creature of habit, he walked through the door, set his bag down but seemed stunned to see her sitting there.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
She handed him the wine glass before returning to her stool. He set the glass on the counter and began loosening his tie before sitting down.
“Are you hungry?” she asked.
“No.”
“Can I get you anything?”
“No.”
She w
atched as he took a long sip of wine before resting his elbow on the counter. Still holding the glass and running his index finger across his lips, his eyes closed as his brow furrowed at whatever unpleasant thought or conflict crossed his mind.
Unsure what else to say, the only words that came to her lips were, “Baby, we can work through this. We have to.”
His eyes immediately opened. Looking at her and somehow seeing past her, he said nothing. Taking a deep breath, he closed them again. Leaning forward, she reached out gently placing her hand on his cheek. His hand joined hers for a brief, hopeful moment. Then he took hold of her wrist drawing her hand away. Without looking at her, he got up and retreated upstairs. Burying her face in her hands, she felt hopelessly lost. She grabbed her car keys and headed out the door unsure where she was going.
Starting the car and tightly gripping the steering wheel, she thought What the hell am I doing? It’s not going to happen like this! I’ll be damned if it goes down like this! Wiping away her tears, she turned off the car and went back inside. Tossing her keys on the counter, she made her way upstairs. She found him leaning against the headboard in his underwear when she walked into the bedroom. He was watching TV all but ignoring her presence. She calmly walked over to it and turned it off.
“I was watching that.”
“I don’t care.”
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t care.”
“Janine, turn it back on.”
“No. You’re going to talk to me and we’re going to deal with this.”
“There’s nothing to say. It’s all in the past right?” he said sarcastically.
“You’re hurt. You’re angry and you’re grieving. I get that. But so was I when it all happened. I made a choice based on everything I knew at the time. I could’ve lied, but I didn’t. So you can pout, but you will not shut me out anymore. And honestly, I’m not going to be punished for it anymore!”
“Turn it on, Janine!”
“No!”
Snatching the remote, he turned the TV back on. In that moment, she remembered a story his mother shared about Michael’s capacity for stubbornness and what she called self-righteous indignation. At the time Janine found the story humorous as she imagined a willful little boy in full defiance of his mother’s instruction simply because it didn’t make sense to him. But to watch the behavior in a grown man was infuriating. His usual patient, loving and incredibly measured self was gone and now she just wanted to shake the bullshit out of him. She walked over to the TV and pulled the power cord out of the wall and the back of it.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he shouted.
“Oh. You’re mad?” she said calmly.
“What do you think?”
“Hmmm.”
Lifting her shirt over her head to remove it, she draped the cord around her neck. Next she unzipped and slipped off her slacks.
“It’s not going to work.”
Ignoring his comment, she continued disrobing until she was stark naked. Although neither had used the technique in a very long time, his mantra “you can’t stay mad when you’re naked,” was all she had remaining in the coping arsenal. With steely resolve she walked over to the bed standing next to him, but he refused to look at her.
Looking down at him and cocking her head to the side she said, “Take off your underwear.”
“I’m not in the mood.”
“I don’t care. Take them off, Michael.”
“Who the hell do you think you’re talking to?”
“My amazing and loving husband. The man who fucks me ‘til I can’t breathe. And the one who acts like a spoiled brat sometimes. Now take them off!”
Looking up at her, fierce determination was evident in her eyes and posture. As they stared at each other, her smirk gave way to a smile that was equally daring and inviting. His breath was less pronounced as the rage inside him clouded at the sight of her. It wasn’t her nakedness that was distracting but more so her strength. He swiftly grabbed each end of the cord, causing her to lose balance and fall onto him. He rolled on top of her straddling her hips before sliding the cord off her neck and dropping it to the floor.
“What did you call me?”
“I called you a lot of things. The question is, which ones are you going to be?”
“You’re pushing.”
“Yeah, I am.”
There was no denying she was fighting for them when he no longer had the reserves to do it. Even in his anger and hurt, he loved her. Dealing with betrayals from Spectra and losing Lacy could never compare to the hurt experienced by Janine’s revelation. But the thought of losing her over his difficulty reconciling his head and heart was unbearable. Instead of responding further he searched her eyes for grounding and the peace that had been so elusive recently.
Returning his gaze, she caught a glimmer of need in his eyes. In response, she ran her fingers across his chest slowly making her way down to his belly. Reaching the waistband of his underwear, she slid her hand further down gripping and stroking his penis through the boxer briefs. Remnants of his anger were easing away as she slowly grinded her hips beneath him. The more she stroked, the pace of his breathing changed again. No longer the huff of anger, it was slowing, becoming steady and deep. Easing her hand inside, she felt the heat emanating from his penis as blood rushed to it.
Releasing him, she raised up moving her lips and tongue softly over his neck and chest. He placed his hands on her upper back holding her tightly against his body. He missed touching her, holding her, being one with her. He missed it far more than he cared to admit. Savoring every touch made it easier for him to succumb. Carefully laying her back down, he kissed her lips exploring her mouth as if it were the first time.
Laying his head on her breast, he whispered, “It hurt like hell. I don’t want to feel like that again.”
“I know. I don’t want to feel that way either… and I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
Lifting his head, his tongue flicked and teased her nipple, before gently taking it in his mouth. Closing her eyes and arching her back, the sensation was familiar and yet a little different. The warmth of his lips and tongue as he gently sucked sent shivers up her spine and a sense of euphoria throughout her body. Gripping the back of his head, she led him to the other breast where he eagerly offered the same care.
As he licked, her fingers glided over his back occasionally pressing into his skin in response to his touches. Her body warmed considerably as she squirmed beneath him. Moving further down her body, his hands replaced his mouth gently squeezing her breasts. His tongue tickled her belly eventually going lower until he reached his prize. With vulva lips swollen, her clit peeking from its folds and moistness escaping her vagina, it was a welcoming sight enticing him further. He hungered for her and yet he lingered for a moment. Letting his nose brush against them all while smelling her essence, all he wanted was to taste her. He wanted to consume everything flowing from her.
Slowly lapping her inner thighs, he held them as she drew her knees up spreading her legs further apart. Teasing the outer edges of her vagina, he swirled his tongue before plunging deep inside. Rather than increasing his pace, he kept his insertions slow and deliberate basking in her pungent sweetness.
“Ohhhh, Baby!” she moaned softly.
His moans soon echoed hers. That’s it Baby, open up for me! His fore and middle fingers replaced his tongue as he eased them inside turning and twisting, touching her inner walls. He loved watching her body gyrate and her face contort to his expert fingering. Withdrawing them, he presented his slick fingers to her. Taking hold of his hand she accepted his offering as his tongue returned to her clit.
As her orgasm reached its peak, she screamed while lifting her upper body before collapsing again. He wouldn’t relent pushing her further into pleasure. Damn! She was finding it harder to catch her breath. Interspersing his fingers and tongue, he became more vigorous as the next wave overtook her. His penis was throb
bing for release, but he wasn’t about to cum without being inside her.
Quickly moving into place, he sat back on his haunches, lifting her hips onto his thighs. He wanted to easily see all of her glorious mound and be able to stroke her clit as he slipped his penis inside her. But the sensation of entering her was so overwhelming he lost his balance for a moment. Oh, Fuck! Grabbing her thighs and pulling her further onto him, he came almost instantly. It took him completely by surprise.
“Dammit!”
“Shhhh,” she said.
Lowering her hips, she wrapped her legs around him applying enough pressure to let him know she wanted him on his back. As he fell into position, she climbed on top of him teasing and sliding her wetness over his penis. She could feel him swelling again as his fingers dug into her behind. Gazing into his eyes dilated by desire, she leaned over him licking his lips and nibbling his ears. He met her wicked little smile with his own.
“You still mad?” she taunted.
“Can’t stay mad when you’re naked, right?”
“Funny how that works.”
“Mmmm,” he moaned. “I missed you, Baby.”
“Show me, again.”
So many options rattled around in his brain, but in the end he simply wanted to revel in the return of their bliss. Grabbing her mussed hair, he pulled her down to meet his ravenous kiss. Rolling around on the bed with bodies entwined, they made love until exhaustion overtook them.
CHAPTER 33
When she woke the next morning, Michael was gone. He’d left a note on her nightstand apologizing for having to leave earlier than usual. She didn’t know how he had the energy to get up and out of the house. Still tired and a little achy from their late night, she rose slowly from bed feeling a bit unsteady. She too had a busy day ahead and needed to get going since it was already after seven-thirty. She quickly showered, dressed and headed out the door.
With his first appointment wrapped up, Michael called a quick meeting with his team to update them about Lacy’s departure. As expected there were a number of questions about why she left prior to her announced end date, but he covered it well without getting into unnecessary details. Assuring them they’d be able to maintain operations until a business manager could be found, they all seemed satisfied with his answers. As they returned to their offices, Ricardo stayed behind as requested.
Their Now and Forever (Book III) (The Allen Trilogy 3) Page 23
