by Lucy Rinaldi
“Did you know the others are here?” My brother’s accent is thick and kinda sexy in a little brother kind of way. Is that even possible?
“Sì, Gio, the driver told me. But why has papa called us all here?” I’m intrigued as to what’s so important that he needed all eight of us here. We all come from different parts of the world; my father traveled a lot and loved a lot of different women. We all live thousands of miles away from each other, so calling us all together is just ridiculous!
“Papa said; he has something important to tell us all” Right? That told me nothing little sister, but thanks... Not! The door of the study swings open, and my stomach falls to my feet as I swallow hard at the sight of my father, fifty three years old, tall and tanned with smart black hair and dressed in his signature deep blue suit.
“Mercedes” He says in his low tone as always. I rise from my seat on the comfortable couch as he walks toward me with his arms open. “Come to papa,” I humor him and let him hug me without really hugging me. This man doesn’t love me and I really don’t think he ever has, maybe he used to when I was really little, but not for many years. Yes, he pretends to love me in front of people, because after all, he can’t let anyone know the things he’s done too me, the things I’ve done for him, or the things I’ve done with him, he’s to well respected in everything he does so no one would believe me anyway. People think my fathers a great man with his generosity to those less fortunate than himself, giving jobs to people who need one the most, and making sure their families are well taken care of, a very noble quality. My father owns a very successful media company; jobs with my father range anything from photography, news reporter, television presenter, model, driver, security, a record company and even jobs in radio. He learned at a very early age that if you wanted to be successful in this world you have to take chances, and that’s just what he did, and he’s now one of the richest men in Italy. I move back from him as quickly as I can, as if he’s fire, fire burning at my skin. I know he notices, but he doesn’t say anything. Perhaps I do the same to him? “Come, my bambinos, there is much to see. Your brothers are awaiting us in the screening room” Smiling, he takes Isabella’s hand and walks out of the study. I’m kind of wondering why he wants to show us a movie. My father had a cinema built in the lower floor of this house when my brothers were little. We spent a lot of time in there as kids, it was the one place my father could keep his eye on us at all times.
Fucking control freak!
I do feel excited and nervous right now, though, it’s been so long since I saw my brothers, especially Robbie, the brother eighteen months older than me. Robbie is twenty five years old, tall not overly built, but fit nonetheless, his muscles don’t overtake his body. My brother has beautiful pale blue eyes and short well-kept light brown hair, and he’s the most amazing man I know. Robbie grew up in England with his mother in the west end of London. Robbie’s mother is in fact my mother’s older sister. Very strange, I know, he may be my cousin as well as my brother, but I love him more than anything. Robbie’s a pediatric Doctor and I’m so proud of him. I smile to myself at the thought of my two favorite men, both being Doctors, the thought warms me inside. My eldest brother Vinnie has always lived in Italy, a very proud Italian. He’s never been what you’d call practical or safe, though, he can be quite dangerous at times not to mention scary. Vinnie’s thirty five, tall like my father and brothers, brown eyed with light brown hair that he often ties in a short ponytail. Just like my father, Vinnie has a thick Italian accent when he tries to speak English and so doesn’t bother trying often. Gino, my brother just younger than Vinnie, is almost thirty four and lives in South Africa with his family. Gino is maybe the brother I see the least of in life, he’s a policeman and takes his job very seriously. Gino is just as tall as Vinnie but with sandy blond hair and beautiful blue eyes, he’s also the most caring well-mannered man you’re ever likely to meet. Then there’s Fabien, Fabien is twenty nine, dark haired, brown eyed, and the geekiest of my brothers, glasses, suits and messed up hair, but still as handsome as the rest of them. Fabien comes from New York, just a few hours from where I live in California, yet we don’t seem to see each other very much, if at all. Fabien works with disadvantage kids around New York, helping them stay in school and work hard toward a better way of life. Last but not least is Angelo, twenty six and probably the most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on, pale blue, almost gray eyes, sandy blond hair and a body so ripped with muscle you could cook eggs on his stomach. He’s smoking hot! A fitness fanatic from Australia, he oozes charm and charisma. His accent fascinates me, as does Robbie’s, they’re so different from what I’m used to. Robbie, Angelo and I were so close as kids, we still are. It’s only sad that we all live so far away from each other. I haven’t seen any of my siblings apart from Robbie and Angelo in the past three years, even though I miss them all we’re just not that close, we all live such very different lives, and none of us really needs each other. Although I couldn’t imagine my life without Angelo and Robbie in it. We all have a very special bond, especially Robbie and I, our mothers being sisters, and both giving birth to us at the sweet tender age of sixteen. I don’t know if that makes my father some kind of sexual pervert, the fact he was twenty seven when he got Robbie’s mother pregnant at fifteen, and twenty nine when he got my mother pregnant, also at fifteen. But then I know he’s a sexual pervert, I’m his daughter and it’s never stopped him taking what he wanted from me! The thought still makes me feel sick! I shake the thought off, it’s not something I want to think about right now. My brothers and I may not be as close as brothers and sisters should be, but I know that if anyone of us should need help we’d all drop everything to be there for each other. I’ve needed them all so much over the past three years, ever since I met Elijah, but I never called I always pushed the urge away, because I stupidly believed that he loved me, and the fact I know if my brothers ever found out what he’s done to me they’d kill him! And not in a nice way! And I do mean literally! I smile as my baby brother puts his arm round my shoulder and kisses my cheek, and then winks at me as we walk into the screening room. The lights are bright and my brothers are all standing in front of the big, talking and laughing with each other. Wow, they all look so handsome and happy. Jeez, I’ve missed them more than I realized.
“Sadie!” Robbie’s the first to notice me; I smile and run into his waiting arms. I wrap my arms tightly around his neck, he hugs me so tightly, while spinning me round. I giggle and kiss his cheek. I notice my fathers look of disapproval as Robbie sets me back on the ground. I ignore him. “I missed you, Sis. Shit, you lost weight!”
“Nice bro, real nice. Thanks a lot. I missed you, too, jerk face” I can’t help but laugh, he’s got no tact whatsoever. I don’t want him, pointing out my weight, though it makes me self-conscious. The truth is, I did lose weight; a lot of it since I left Elijah, even though I eat the weight just drops off. Oh great, now I feel shy in front of them all! I’ll put my weight back on soon enough, or so Blake tells me. He said all I need to do is eat right and work out. He’s had me on a strict diet and exercise routine since I came out of hospital, after my wounds were fixed. It’s nothing strenuous, and he often works out with me. He thought I was weak, until I showed him just how well I could use a punching bag! He joked how if I punched him I would knock him out. There was once a time I was strong enough to hurt someone. Elijah had me so downtrodden that I wouldn’t have dreamed about doing anything like that when I was with him. But I can feel my physical strength coming back, little by little, day by day, and it’s all thanks to Blake. Although, I kind of think he just wants me fit for the sexual games he wants to act out with me. I would act any sexual act out with him. It makes me smile to think he would have wanted me even when he first got me working out with him.
I wrap myself in Angelo’s arms; I love him just as much as I love Robbie. I then hug each of my other brothers in turn, smiling as they all kiss my cheek and compliment me on how well I look. I wish I co
uld tell them it’s all thanks to my beautiful Dr. Blake... My Everything. I snigger to myself because it’s been so long since I saw most of them that they haven’t noticed anything different about me, apart from Robbie and Angelo of course, those two notice everything!
“That is enough silly behavior; take a seat all of you” We all do as he tells us, taking a seat in the first row of this large oversized cinema; it’s the exact size of a mainstream cinema house. Ridiculous man! I take my seat between Robbie and Angelo, my favorite brothers... My Hero’s! I know favoritism is wrong, but I don’t care these two men mean the world to me, especially Robbie, he was there for me at a time no one else could be. I will always love him for that! “I bring you all here to tell you a story”
“Dad, are you fucking serious?! You brought me all the way from Australia to tell me a goddamn story?” Damn his accent I could listen to him speak all day. I will go there one day, Australia. I want to visit all the places my brothers live.
“Angelo, hold your tongue, this is very important. This is a sad tale, listen to what I say. It is time you all learned the truth, the truth some of you know. But it is time you all knew” The truth? From this man? That would be a first! I’m totally aware of the stupid look on my face, the look of not understanding what the hell he wants from us. I wished he’d hurry up, I’m so tired from traveling that my heads beginning to pound horribly. I just want to sleep, but I know I can’t, not until he’s done, and in my experience that could take hours! I sigh to myself and sag into my chair; maybe he won’t notice if I lean my head back and fall asleep for five minutes? “This is a story of a young boy, one born from horrible circumstances to a whore mother and an unknown father, taken from his mother before she even looked upon his beautiful little face. The poor child would never feel the warmth of her bosom as she wraps her arms around him and holds him close for the first time, not even the gentle first kiss from her lips. She cast him out into the unknown without a second thought of what might happen to him next, just as long as she got to go about her life as normal, he didn’t matter” I feel his eyes on me, staring as he tells his story. I look up and meet his gaze, my stomach burns and I feel my face going so red. Jesus, why is he doing this? Haven’t I paid enough? “His grandfather found him loving parents, he just couldn’t leave him to his fate. He had a wonderful life with them, he never wanted for anything” Had? “On his fifth birthday just a four days ago the poor little boy had a very tragic accident” What the hell? My heart just fell out of my mouth and onto the floor. Yes, there it is somewhere over there in a million shattered pieces! I can’t hear my fathers words; everything seems to be in slow motion, blurred by my failing vision. I hear the words “Died. Hospital. Injuries” What wait?! He died? No! He can’t be dead, he’s just a baby! I want to run, I need to get out, but I’m stuck to my seat like I’m plastered in super glue. I feel Robbie’s hand, take mine, squeezing gently like he understands how I feel right now. What do I feel right now? I don’t even know. I have all these feelings going through me all at once, I feel sick, scared, nervous, grief stricken, and totally numb like I’m not really here, like I’m watching through someone else’s eyes, and there’s a horrible lump in my throat that threatens to choke me to death! No one but Vinnie knew about him, and only because he was there when it happened. Gio and Izzie were kept in the dark about everything. I told Robbie and Angelo a couple of years later. They were so hurt that I’d kept it from them. But they held me while I cried over it all. I don’t remember to this day anything of the conversation we had that day, but I remember the feelings I felt, the feelings they felt when I told them, all of the hurt and pain inside. How could my father do this to me in front of all my siblings?! “I have a little home video for you all. A little boy’s life in pictures. Please, sit back and watch this little boy’s life from his birth to his death” What!?! My father looks at me with the most evil smirk on his face; I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole! Why the fuck does he torture me so much? Am I really that much of a disappointment as a daughter?
The light dims as the big screen jumps to life, white static flicking on the screen, then there he is the face of a little boy, the little boy from the picture in the great hall of my fathers home. His little face shining, all brown hair and brown eyes. Picture after picture flicking on and off the screen to the sound of Sarah McLachlan’s “Arms of the angel” and all I can do is watch the screen and hope I keep breathing, because right now I don’t seem to be able to tell my brain to let go of the breath I’m holding within me. It’s killing me watching the pictures showing his first Christmas, first birthday, his first day at school, his first lost tooth, even his first Halloween dressed as a little baby pumpkin. My heart hurts even more, all these things he should have shared with me, his real mother! As the last picture flicks onto the screen I see the words sprawled across the bottom reading:
R.I.P Valentino Roberto Moretti 2005-2010
I keep my eyes on my little boy as the screen goes black, and the lights go up. I sink my head into my hands. I just can’t believe my father would do this, why wouldn’t he just take me aside and explain to me that my baby had passed away. But then he’s no father to me, he lives to cause me pain! He stole my baby from me the moment he was born, and now I will never get to meet him in person and explain that I did love him, that I wanted him. “Papa, what the fuck are you doing? How can you do this? She is your daughter!” My brother Vinnie can’t control his anger toward my father any longer. It’s nice that he’d stick up for me, but I’m just too numb to take it all in. I can hear the arguing coming from my siblings, and the fact they don’t understand what’s happened, and how I could have had a child without them finding out. I can’t breathe I need to get out! My skulls crushing my brain I can feel it. Damn, it hurts to focus. I walk toward the door, but I’m halted in my tracks as my father calls my name.
“Mercedes, where do you think you are going?!”
“I need some air, papa. This is too much”
“Dad, let her go, you’ve upset her enough, don’t you think?”
“Angelo! Hold your tongue; I will say when it is enough. She cannot go anywhere we have a funeral to attend. Come all of you, the car will be waiting” Funeral? Dear god, is he going to make me go to my baby’s funeral? Why would his parents want us there? Robbie takes my arm in his, I think he realizes I’m about to pass out from the pain in my head.
“Oh, Robbie”
“Ssshh, Ssshh. Don’t let him see you cry, Sadie, that’s what he wants” He’s right, he’d love that, seeing me break that’s what he wants, he feeds off my pain like some kind of vulture, picking away at its dead prey!
“But, dad”
“Angelo! I am losing my patience!” Angelo takes my right hand, Robbie takes my left and we follow my father out into the courtyard, where we find another black limo and a different driver. I climb in behind my brothers and sit between them, both their hands still in mine. I wish more than anything I could wake up from this nightmare, to bring my baby back. How could God be so cruel? How could he take my baby before I ever got the chance to know him? Why didn’t he take me instead? It’s not like he hasn’t had enough opportunity throughout the years. My father always promised I’d get my time, my time with my little boy, that he only took him because I wasn’t well enough to care for him myself at the time. He promised that once I was well he’d bring my baby back to me. He lied to me, he broke his promise! Did I really think he’d let me see him? Deep down I knew, I knew I’d never so much as look upon my baby boys beautiful little face. I never expected to get pregnant at seventeen, and I never thought my mother would kill herself on my eighteenth birthday, and I never dreamed my father would take my baby boy away from me the second he was born, without my even looking at him! But that’s exactly what happened. God, how do I get past this? The only thing that’s kept me going this long is the belief I would one day hold my baby in my arms. What am I going to do now?
~ ~ ~
Chapte
r Fourteen.
I said nothing in the car, I just kept my eyes to the floor. I have no words, no tears, nothing, I’m completely empty. My dad sits opposite me; I can see his black dress shoes shining in the sunlight through the window. I feel his hand on my knee as he pulls himself to the edge of his seat. “I told you you’d pay, didn’t I? I told you never to underestimate me, Mercedes”
“Roberto!” I can sense Robbie’s anger, but it won’t help, I know this and so does he. My brother’s anger goes unnoticed by my father as he laughs to himself. How could he find this amusing? Okay, he likes being in control and causing me pain, but a little boy died! His grandchild, how can he find that funny? I’m vaguely aware that the limo has pulled up outside a small church of whitewashed stone. St Matthews is just west of my father’s home and only a short drive, you could walk here in less than ten minutes, but my father has never been one for walking. The priest greets us as if he’s known us all our lives, for all I know he probably has. My memory loss from all the beatings Elijah gave me is something I’ve had to learn to live with, simply because I know I’ll never get those memories back. There’s no point dwelling on it, it will only drive me insane. My minds so blank I just follow my brothers lead. I sit down staring blankly ahead, and the only thing I can think is how much I want Blake right now, I need him here to hold me and tell me that it’s not my fault, even though I know it is. Blake would soothe me, he’d help heal my broke heart... I think. The sound of music fills the church, I don’t recognize the sound, but it’s a mournful lament, and then I see it through the corner of my eye, his tiny white coffin being carried by two men I don’t know. I catch a sob in my throat. “Don’t cry, Mercedes, don’t cry. Not here” I know she’s right, the voice in my head, but how can a mother stop herself from crying when her child has died? The pain inside is indescribable. I may not have ever seen him, never have known him, but I loved him more than life itself. I clung to the hope I would one day find him, one day hear him call me mommy, one day tell him how much I love him. What do I do now? How am I ever going to get over this? My poor baby boy! I feel Angelo’s arm around my shoulder and I turn away from the sight of that coffin and bury my head in his chest, and close my eyes. I let the ceremony pass me by in a haze looking over to the other side of the church every so often at the young women and a man sitting at the front of the church crying. I think they may be in their thirties, I can see blonde hair hanging over her shoulders from under her hat, he’s dark haired and tanned, they must be his parents. They look like nice kind people like they loved him more than life itself, I’m glad of that.
