Rachel, the unflappable, looked down her nose at Cassidy. “I know what Logan was doing,” she announced. She eyed her husband for a moment. “And, I know he is faithful to me now,” she told the group firmly. She shifted Storm over to her other breast.
After studying his wife and child for a moment, Logan took another sip of coffee. He put the white mug down with a thunk. “Anyways, we're not talking about me,” he told Cassidy, “we're talking about you.”
“My point is,” Cassidy started, “we all have pasts.” Then she amended her words because she was trying to get that frown off Carrie’s face. “Well, maybe not Caleb, but you and I have a past.”
“I have a past,” Caleb protested. “I've lived on the edge,” he added as he leaned into the table. He glanced back at Carrie. “But not too close.”
She smiled nervously.
“Your past is about being the oddball,” Logan told him.
“What's wrong with quirky?” Caleb demanded to know. “Can't a guy stay home with his baby without the world thinking of him as some kind of wimp?” He shook his head. “House husband is an honorable profession.”
“And I love quirky,” Carrie, told her husband quietly. She reached over and pushed the hair out of his eyes. Caleb's face softened while Carrie touched him.
“You've reformed your life,” Cassidy commented returning her attention to Logan. “And I'd like to do the same,” she added while deciding that Caleb had married the very best woman for him. Good God, Carrie was patient, understanding and adorable, plus super smart. Caleb liked smart.
“But not on the back of Kevin,” Logan told Cassidy.
Why, oh why did Logan have to be so stubborn? “As I said,” Cassidy continued to keep her voice even. There was only one person in the world that made her as crazy as this—John Risk. But he was long gone, out of her life to never, ever be seen again.
“It's not on Kevin's back,” Cassidy clarified. “He's my son. I want to spend time with him.” Cassidy should have hit the road a month ago, right after Caleb's baby was born. Then Rachel popped little Storm out and Kevin wanted to spend time with his new cousins. Understandable, and Cassidy had delayed her plans. “I have a right to be with him.” She stood up. “I'll have him back in time for school in early September.”
Then she went out the back door. She needed to find her son and start working on that relationship she wanted to build. Maybe he would lend her a few DVDs of Firefly. Cowboys in space, she'd never heard of such a thing.
* * * *
“So,” Cassidy started. She shoved her hands in her pockets. After leaving the kitchen, she had found Kevin behind the barn throwing a ball to the dogs. One was Buck, Caleb's old yellow lab and the other was a new black lab named Lasso. Logan had rescued the animal dehydrated and starving along a road in Arizona. After a flea and tick bath plus lots of food, the dog was looking pretty good in his new home.
“What do you think about all this?” Cassidy asked her son. She wanted to reach over and touch him, but had a feeling Kevin wouldn't like it. He was similar to Caleb in that way.
“About what?” Kevin asked stiffly. He refused to look at her as he threw the ball again.
“About going on the road with me?” she told him. “I plan on bull riding.” She wished she could see those green eyes of his. But he wore his cowboy hat low, like Logan.
Then he stopped throwing the ball. Told the dogs to sit and turned to his mother. “I get it,” he said flatly. “You've got some creepy maternal fantasy to fulfill,” he continued, “and you can't do it without involving me.” He turned away again.
Cassidy took a step back. His words were like a slap to the face. “I, I want to spend time with you,” she stammered. “I haven't been the best mother,” she acknowledged, “but I want to try to do better if you'll give me a chance.” She put her hand over her heart, something hurt in there.
Kevin folded his arms and stood perfectly still for a moment staring at the mountains. “I'll consider going along for the ride,” he finally announced as he tapped his toe on the grass, “if I can bring my laptop, loaded with Battlestar Galactic and Firefly.” He turned back to the dogs, picked the ball up and threw it. The dogs barked as they took off across the field. “And,” he continued to negotiate, “I want pizza every night, plus potato chips whenever I feel like it.” He shook his head wearily. “Rachel's making me eat healthy food and it sucks.”
Wow, that was a lot of television and junk food. The kid would have his nose against a computer screen and greasy fingers the entire trip. “You know,” Cassidy countered, she was starting to recover from that maternal fantasy comment. “A road trip is for experiencing the road not watching people shoot each other in space and get fat,” she argued.
“No,” he replied slowly. “A road trip with your mother is like experiencing the seven gates of hell while playing checkers on some geezer's front porch eating strawberry shortcake without a fork.” He complimented himself for coming up with such a cleaver analogy and pulled a note pad out of his pocket. It seemed Rachel had suggested he write his ideas down when his laptop wasn’t around.
Cassidy wasn't so sure about that suggestion. What did eating shortcake without a fork have to do with a road trip and an old man? But she decided it was in her best interest to not comment. Instead she pushed forward. “We'll drive by some beautiful scenery, stop at a few quaint towns and experience America at its best. No superhighway for this adventure.” She smiled tentatively not sure what was going to come out of her son’s mouth next.
“If I go,” he continued to bargain. “I don't want to have to hang around with you.” Then he added. “This bull riding thing of yours is mighty mortifying.”
Ouch, the boy didn't mince words, but maybe Cassidy deserved it. After all she had left him with her brothers a lot of the time. She was close to being a deadbeat mom and it would probably hurt a lot if Kevin actually called her that which she was pretty sure he was close to doing. “All right, you win,” she burst out. “I'll act like I don't know you, I'll buy you crap to eat and you can bring your computer.”
She could be flexible with his demands. After all, that parenting book she bought after leaving L.A. said there were many different ways to build a relationship with a child. Except that mortified comment of his did sting. Couldn't he just have used the word embarrassed? Parents were used to being called embarrassing by their children. But mortifying?
Kevin eyed her as the black dog nipped at his pant leg. “And,” he continued to negotiate. The kid certainly had moxie. “I want to be able to watch all my shows without interruption.” He pushed the dog away with his foot. “I don't want to hear you telling me how beautiful some stupid river is or how lovely a rock formation appears at sunset. No making me lookup from my computer.”
“Okay, fine,” Cassidy conceded again. Damn, if he was this tough at thirteen, she wondered what he would be like at sixteen. Yes, she understood that some people, like John Risk, would feel she was giving in too easily to Kevin's demands. But John wasn't around so she could do what she wanted concerning her parenting style.
“I’ll think about it,” Kevin said, “and give you an answer after dinner.”
“Good,” Cassidy replied. She started to walk back to the house confident he was going to join her. Her plan was to help Rachel with lunch and then start to pack Kevin’s stuff. But before she took two steps she swung back to her son, something more needed to be said. “When we're out on the road,” she told Kevin with a smile, “and we stop for strawberry short cake, I'm not buying you any.”
He didn't react as he tossed the ball back and forth in his hands, so she added. “I'm going to sit and lick my plate clean while you watch and drool.” Yes, she was trying to get a rise out of him and it was probably because she'd just given away the farm, plus the one next door.
“Just like you licked guys in L.A.,” Kevin countered in a low voice.
That was certainly a reaction. For two seconds Cassidy debated how to respo
nd. Slapping the kid was out of the question—wasn't it? “I'm pretty sure you didn't just say what I thought I heard you say,” Cassidy suggested taking a few steps back toward her son, fingers fisted at her sides. “Because if you said that,” she told him, “it would probably hurt my feelings a lot.” She sucked in a deep breath. Yes, the parenting books had recommended a non-confrontational method.
“Maybe I did,” Kevin replied. “Maybe I didn't.” He threw the ball again—hard. He almost hit one of the dogs.
“I want you to know.” Cassidy put her hands on her hips. She could see her shadow on the ground. Too much of a cop stance, she let her arms fall at her sides. “I'm not like that,” she continued. “I've done some things that were not good but I had a reason.” Yes, she sounded cryptic but she couldn't tell him. There were still lives at risk.
“Well,” Kevin replied. “That's not what I understood.” Attitude wrapped around every word he muttered.
She could feel her face getting red and the need to slither away, but she didn’t. She had to set her son straight. “I didn't sell myself for money,” she started. Then she looked at Kevin's scrawny body and narrow shoulders. Did he even know what sex was? Cassidy hoped Logan had spoken with him, but she wasn't sure. Maybe her brother was leaving the birds and bees talk for her.
“Everyone says you did,” Kevin shot back, “and we saw that picture.”
Crap, this was complicated. The motorcycle gang liked to take scantily dressed pictures of their 'old ladies' sprawled across their bikes. One of Cassidy straddling John's Harley had been published on the web and made it back to her family.
“Sometimes,” she started. Every last parenting book had advised against lying when a child asks an uncomfortable question, but she didn't know what to do. “People have reasons for doing things that they have to keep secret.” She could feel her face get red again. “I've done some things,” she continued, “that I'm not proud of, but my actions were for something better.” Yes, she was sticking with the same obscure argument but she didn't have much else.
“Are you still doing those things?” Kevin demanded to know. He threw the ball again. This time he hit poor, old Buck. The dog yipped. Thank God Caleb wasn't around. He loved that dog.
“No,” Cassidy said. “When you come on the road with me you can see for yourself,” she added. “All I want to do is ride bulls.”
Kevin didn't reply.
Okay, the kid had a right to be guarded but Cassidy was kind of hoping he'd show a little more enthusiasm for this adventure. A road trip, didn't every thirteen year old want to go on a road trip, Jack Kerouac style? She knew she did. Except Logan and Caleb always got to go to the county fair and she had to stay home to take care of the animals left behind.
“What does Logan say about all this?” Kevin asked cautiously.
Again, she decided to be straight with her son. It was hard but she knew in her gut the right path. “Your uncle doesn't want you to go with me.” She took a deep breath, she was pretty sure she'd be driving down that dirt road alone tomorrow morning. “He says they've built a stable environment for you here and they'd like to continue to work on that.” Cassidy shoved her hands in her pockets. “They feel if I take you away, you could regress.” She shrugged. “They may be right.”
If she had been in Los Angles, working with John Risk, he would have yelled at her. 'Too much information—put a cork in it Cooper.' But she wasn't in L.A. and it was time to stop taking advice from men with perilous names and charismatic personalities. She needed to focus on her son.
Kevin smiled a little. It seemed he was responding to Cassidy's honesty. Kudos to sappy parenting books.
“It's early June,” Cassidy told him. “Come on the road with me for six weeks. I'll have you home by the beginning of August to start school in September.”
Kevin shifted his pursed lips to the right, then to the left. Cassidy thought for sure the word 'no' was going to be rolling off his tongue. But then he moaned, scratched his armpit and said, “Yes.”
“Ahh right,” Cassidy tried to high-five him but he wouldn't put his hand up. “You're a good man, Kevin Cooper,” she said after giving him a light punch on the shoulder. She wanted to hug him but didn't try. She'd take one step at a time reestablishing their relationship and her first goal was to get past him being mortified by her.
In the spirit of that objective, she turned and walked away. She just learned a valuable parenting lesson. 'Getting in the last word' was not a good strategy with a thirteen year old. If she'd not dropped that strawberry short cake comment and wasn’t looking to get a rise out of him, things would have gone a lot smoother.
Chapter Two
“Yippee,” Cassidy shouted, “it's great to be back at the rodeo.” With wide eyes that she was sure Kevin was ashamed of, Cassidy ‘oohed and awed’ over the cowboys in their tight Levis and scuffed boots. Bull ropes hung from their shoulders while worn Stetsons sat on their heads. Even a buckle bunny, wearing a pink glittering wig and red cowboy boots, made Cassidy smile.
When Kevin told her to tone it down she impulsively tousled his hair. She was that happy to be at the rodeo.
“Hey,” he protested “What’d you do that for?” He tried to smooth the pieces back into place.
Cassidy had made the tiniest of progress with him when she stayed up until two in the morning last night and watched five episodes of Firefly. The show was pretty good and she liked the way that tall, lean, and dangerous space cowboy, Malcolm Reynolds, looked a lot like the men standing before her. Except he had a space ship to get around in while these guys drove dusty pickup trucks from rodeo to rodeo.
“Goram, this line is too long,” Kevin moaned shaking his head. He was cussing like they did on Firefly. A few days ago Cassidy had asked him to stop swearing. At the time they agreed Firefly curse words were fine. With his laptop under his arm and wearing a black Battlestar Galactic T-shirt he looked like he should have been at Comic Con rather than in a registration line at the Tulsa State Fair and Rodeo.
After muttering, jung chi duh go-se dway, which Cassidy had no idea of the meaning, Kevin leaned into her. To another mother his dead weight might have been annoying, but to Cassidy it was an opportunity to bond. Yes, he was still embarrassed by her but during the three day drive south from Montana, he seemed a little more willing to talk to her.
“Why do they only have one registration person for the women's line?” he whined. “Look at the men they've got a ton of people and iPads.”
After studying the men's line for a moment Cassidy decided Kevin was right. Well, soon she would be standing in that line. Her goal was to be the top woman rider by the Fourth of July. Then she'd have nobody to compete against and they'd have to allow her into the men's division.
“I hear we've got another Cooper at the rodeo.” A very large man, with a very red face, announced as he came up behind Cassidy. She turned sharply. She didn't like people sneaking up on her. Instinctively she pushed Kevin behind her and held onto him. Once a cop, always a cop.
“Bret Bodner,” the man said putting his hand out as he looked Cassidy up and down. “I was told you were an actress not a bull rider.” He smiled a little, like he was in on some sort of joke.
Kevin yelled, “Let go of me,” while Cassidy decided she didn't appreciate this Bodner guy's attitude. She released her son and tentatively gave Bodner her hand. His name sounded familiar and he certainly had an air of pompousness about him. There were guys like him in charge of the police station. One reason among many for choosing undercover work was to avoid the self-important. Another, she wanted to spend more time with John Risk.
Then she remembered, Bret Bodner was the President of the Rodeo. Also, Logan's nemesis. And…the man who had banned Rachel from the rodeo for life.
“I'm a bull rider now,” she clarified. She added quietly, “Caleb and Logan are my brothers.” It seemed he already knew that, and she couldn't believe she was name dropping, but Logan had a lot of respect among many of th
e bull riders and Caleb was considered a hard ass even though he didn't win much.
“When the hell is Caleb coming back?” Bodner demanded to know. “He's a real crowd pleaser.” Caleb had fallen off his bull and hit his head in some pretty creative ways and the fans enjoyed watching him, that was until he met Carrie Wang. She had been studying head injuries in bull riders and Caleb became her research subject.
“Well,” Cassidy started. It wasn't her place to talk about her brother's plans especially since all he wanted to do was stay home and change Karis's diapers. He actually made baby food last week from fresh berries he bought at the farmers’ market. Even though Karis was too young to eat the stuff he divided it up into little containers and froze it. But Cassidy had a feeling a man like Bodner wouldn't respect Caleb's choices. She carefully replied, “He's got the new baby and she's been a little sick so he's staying home to help Carrie.”
“That Carrie Wang,” Bodner commented with a nod and a smile. “She's amazing. I'm still getting reports from her about head injuries. So glad the little lady is staying out West and not going back to New York.” He ran a big calloused hand across his chin. “She needs a break from that mother of hers. Have you ever heard the term tiger mom?” He chuckled as he rolled back on his heels. “I didn't even know the phrase existed until I met Rose Wang. It's what you call a woman who expects the highest of achievement from her children.”
Before Cassidy could comment, Bret continued. “So,” he said smacking his lips together, “enough about Asian child raising techniques are you here to ride or what?”
“Yes,” Cassidy replied. She was glad he had changed the direction of the conversation. She loved Carrie's mother's egg rolls and didn't want to talk behind the woman's back. Cassidy started to say, “But I'm having a hard time regist—”
The Bull Rider Wears Pink Page 2
