“You aren’t going away forever. There’ll be holidays, birthdays, Granny summer camp.”
“Next month?”
“Yes. But you don’t have to leave right then. We can do a slow transition. Have Lily stay with Kasey one night a week, let her get used to it. We’ll take it from there.”
“That sounds like a sensible plan.”
Tiana reached across the table and took her mother’s hands. “I love you, Mom. You’ve been an amazing example for me. Lily and I are going to be fine because of the skills you’ve given me.”
“Guess I’m going to have to figure out that FaceTime thing you kids are always talking about then.”
“We’ll get that all set up,” Tiana said with a laugh. Her mother hated technology and still had her ten-year-old flip phone.
Vivian got up and Tiana stood to embrace her. “We’re all going to be okay,” she whispered.
“Of course we are. I’ll come back and take a switch to you if you aren’t.”
“That’s my momma.”
* * *
“ARE THERE MORE of them?” DeShawn asked as he stepped carefully into Molly’s living room. There were kittens everywhere. Two of them were climbing his pant leg.
“A couple. The more the merrier,” Molly said with a laugh. “The shelter knows I’m a sucker for a good sob story. This is rather out of control though. I’m up to fourteen kittens and two momma cats.”
“How do you get anything done?”
“I don’t. Come on in. Sit down. Let’s talk.”
As they settled on the couch, a kitten walked off the back of it onto DeShawn’s shoulder and put its nose in his ear and purred. He pulled away and turned to look. It was the little gray kitten with the mint-green eyes. “You again,” he said.
“Told you, you’ve been chosen.”
“I am not getting a kitten.”
“So you say. Now, tell me about your decision.”
The change in topic left him feeling off-kilter. Because he hadn’t really reached a decision. He wanted time. “I haven’t made one yet. But I think I need to give an answer and not leave them hanging in the dark.”
Molly nodded. “Do you want me to make the call?”
“No. I’ll do it. I just need some...”
“Moral support?”
“Yeah.”
“So tell me what you’re going to say.”
“Exactly what I said. I’m not ready to meet with her right now, but I haven’t ruled it out completely. I’ll call if I want to do it.”
“When will that be?”
He spread his hands. “I don’t know.”
“But they’ll need a time.”
“They aren’t getting one.” He felt himself getting angry.
Molly smiled and patted his arm. “Sorry, I was trying to throw questions at you that the sponsor might. Wanted you to be prepared for some pushing. As a sponsor, she’s going to be focusing on what is good for your mother, not necessarily what’s good for you. You’ll have to stand your ground and not let her make you feel guilty about your choice. It is your choice, DeShawn.”
“Got it.” He pulled out his phone and scrolled through the phone log until he found the sponsor’s number. “Funny if after all this agonizing, it goes to voice mail.”
“Just say what you got to say.”
Taking a deep breath against the nerves that wanted to creep in, he hit Redial. The phone rang twice.
“This is Gretchen.”
“Hi. Gretchen. This is DeShawn. I’m Denise’s son?”
“Yes. I know who you are. I’m glad you called back. Your mother is...”
“I’m sorry,” he interrupted. “I called to let you know that I haven’t decided if I want to do this or not. I didn’t want to leave you hanging. I wanted to give you some sort of answer. But I don’t think I’m ready.”
There was a long pause. “Okay. I understand that. But here’s the situation. Your mother is trying...”
“Ma’am. I’m sorry. My mother’s situation is her situation. Not mine. I will let you know when, if ever, I am ready to meet with her. Thank you. Goodbye.”
He ended the call with a trembling hand. The gray kitten climbed down from his shoulder to curl up on his chest. The rumbling purr was sort of soothing. He petted its tiny head with a finger and was rewarded with an even louder purr.
“You did very well,” Molly said quietly.
“I feel like crap.”
“Oh, the guilt. Yes. I’m well acquainted with the guilt. Addicts are experts at creating guilt.”
“How do I deal with it?”
“First, you have to realize you have nothing to be guilty about. You did not create this problem. You did not make your mother an addict.”
“I know that, but she is my mother. Shouldn’t I try to help if she asks?”
“If she was asking you to come over and help her move heavy boxes up to the attic, yes, you should help. But she isn’t. She’s asking you to dredge up the most painful memories of your life. To mentally and emotionally go back in time and relive those with her. You have every right to say no to that.”
“Sadie thinks I should do it. Have my say and move on.”
“It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks you should do. It only matters what you want to do.”
“That’s the problem, Molly. I don’t want to do it, but I think Sadie is right. If I can face her and be able to say exactly what her behavior did to me, it will be like getting rid of something that’s been festering in my mind all my life. But I’m afraid that if I let it all out, it won’t leave and it’ll be right there, in my face forever.”
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think it will. When I cut my husband off, when I refused to participate in his constant cycle of sobriety and using, I felt that same guilt. What if my rejection made him worse? What if he went completely off the deep end and never got better? What if he died? It’s hard to walk away. But you also have to know that you can’t save that person. They have to save themselves. Destroying your own life isn’t going to help them.”
He looked down at the kitten, feeling even more confused. “I wish this whole thing would go away.”
Molly stood and went to the kitchen, followed by about ten mewling kittens. “I’m going to make some lunch. Tell me about this woman you met.”
“What? How’d you know about that?”
“Eric is a gossip.”
After wrestling the kitten off his chest—seemed like for every tiny claw he pulled from the fabric of his shirt, the thing grew twenty more—he got up and joined Molly in the kitchen. “Eric doesn’t know anything. She’s an...acquaintance. We’re doing a project together at an elementary school. She has a kid.”
“Mmm-hmm,” Molly murmured. “What do you think? A blustery day like today calls for grilled cheese and tomato soup, right?”
“Sounds perfect.”
“Tell me more about this woman.”
“She’s a nurse. She’s friends with Mickie—that’s how I first met her. She has a six-year-old. I think that’s all.”
“Here, stir the soup while I make the sandwiches. You like her?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Not really. You either like her or you don’t. Very simple.”
“Yes. I like her. A lot. The complications are coming from her.”
He stared down at the soup he was stirring. Molly stood beside him and dropped a giant blob of butter into the warming frying pan, tilting it this way and that to coat the bottom. His stomach rumbled.
“The child?”
“Yes. She’s very careful about her. Doesn’t want people wandering into and out of her life.”
“Very good mother then.” The sandwiches sizzled as she caref
ully placed them in the butter.
“It’s one of the things I admire about her. She puts her daughter first and I respect that.”
“That’s because you’re a very good man, DeShawn. You are both putting the child first.”
A few minutes later, they sat at the kitchen table eating soup and sandwiches and detaching kittens from their legs.
“Feeling guilty?” Molly asked out of the blue.
The question startled him. “No, I’m not actually.”
“See? This is how you know the guilt will go away. You go about your life. It’ll creep up on you now and then, but you have to keep on living.”
“I’m not so much worried about her recovery. I’m worried that by not addressing it, it’s just out there. Waiting. Like a ticking bomb.”
“Then detonate it. On your terms.”
He took their dishes to the sink and rinsed them. “How’s the dishwasher doing?”
“Perfect. Thank you. DeShawn, I don’t like to tell people what to do...”
He cut her off with a real laugh. “Could have fooled me with that drill sergeant routine you pulled at the Crew.”
“That’s work. I mean in people’s private lives. But I’m getting the impression that you want to do this but you’re afraid. That’s okay. If you need someone to go with you, I will. I’m sure Sadie would also. She took Lena and Josh with her when she met her own mother.”
He put the dishes in the dishwasher and turned to lean against the counter. “You’re right. I do want it done and over with. I just don’t want to actually do it.”
“Fine. But there are consequences either way. Once you decide facing the unknown is going to be better than living waiting for the other shoe to drop, let me know.”
“True. I promise I will make a decision soon.”
“Good. Your kitten will be ready for adoption pretty soon.”
“I am not getting a kitten.” He gave her a hug. “Thank you for listening to me whine.”
“You weren’t whining. Sometimes you need to talk things out.”
As they walked to the door, DeShawn looked around at all the various kittens. “I might know someone who wants a kitten. Actually, I even mentioned you to them. Let me check.”
“That would be lovely. I’ll be keeping them until they are ten weeks old, but if they hit two pounds at eight weeks, they can be fixed and adopted.”
“I’ll let you know.”
“I’m keeping that gray one for you.”
“Goodbye, Molly.”
“Call me if you need anything, okay?”
* * *
SUNDAY AFTERNOON, TIANA was regretting her talk with her mother. She had the entire weekend off, in fact didn’t have to go back to work until Thursday afternoon. So her mother had gone home for a few days to check on things. And Lily was super mad that she couldn’t go home with granny. Tiana was gaining new respect for her mother. Surely, she hadn’t been half as stubborn as this child.
“It’s not fair that I can’t go to the farm.” Lily plopped on the couch, arms crossed against her chest, and glared up at Tiana.
Taking a slow breath, Tiana put her arm around Lily’s shoulders and tried to pull her closer. Lily twisted away. It’s okay. This is normal. Change. People leaving. Not easy. “I understand you’re upset that your Nana went back to the farm. It’s okay to be upset. But you have school in the morning. And Nana will be back on Tuesday.”
She was going to have to talk to her mother more in depth about this. They needed a more exact withdrawal plan if Lily was going to take it so hard. She was a sensitive little girl with a huge heart. This is why you’re right about DeShawn. You can’t let Lily get attached. Mom is coming back. A man doesn’t have to. “Well, it’s still very unfair! I want to see my cat. You won’t let him come here and you won’t let me get another one and you’re just mean.”
“What cat? That old barn cat? Lily, honey. That cat would hate living here. He’s used to being outside all the time and hunting mice. No mice here and he’d have to stay inside because he might get run over.”
“Then why can’t I get a kitten?”
Taking a deep breath, Tiana forced herself to stay calm. “I said you could have a fish. A goldfish or one of those pretty Siamese fighting fish.”
“I don’t want a fish! I can’t snuggle and pet a fish. You’re mean and unfair and I wish Granny was here because she’d let me have a kitten.”
“That’s enough. Go to your room. Ten minute cooldown time.” Tiana went to the kitchen and grabbed the timer, twisting the dial to ten minutes and handing it to Lily. “Go on.”
She ignored the slammed door and flopped down on the couch. Damn. Her mother had been right. This was going to be harder on Lily than she thought.
Her phone dinged out a text notification. She fished it off the coffee table with her feet, too exhausted to even sit up and reach for it. DeShawn. Peachy.
When can we get together to talk about the take-one-of-the-kids-to-work stuff?
Now. She’d like to run away from her obstinate daughter right now. She could use a little DeShawn vacation. Ever since all that kissing the other day, her hormones were in a constant state of turmoil.
It would have to be on your lunch break. My mom is out of town until Thursday, so I have Lily.
A minute later, the phone dinged again.
I’ll be doing field work on Tuesday so could swing a real lunch. Let you know time?
Too tired for anything else, she sent back a thumbs-up emoji.
Everything okay?
Dealing with a tantruming six-year-old. I’m mean.
There was a long pause before the phone dinged again.
My grandmother always said if a child didn’t ever tell a parent they were mean, the parent wasn’t doing their job right. Hang in there.
Unexpected tears stung at her eyes. He really was a great guy. And this solo parenting gig was harder than she thought. No. She’s just testing you because it’s something new. She heard the timer go off but Lily didn’t come out. Sighing, Tiana got up. “Round two,” she muttered under her breath.
In the room, Lily was sitting cross-legged in the middle of her bed, arms across her chest and a scowl on her face that left zero doubt whose child she was. What was that curse? May you have a child that acts just like you?
She sat down on the edge of the bed and rubbed a circle on Lily’s back. “Lil, I know you’re upset about Granny going home for a few days. It’s a change and change isn’t fun. It’s okay to be sad but it’s not okay to call people names.”
“I didn’t call you a name. I said you are mean. That’s a description not a name.”
Thankful Lily wasn’t looking at her, Tiana struggled not to laugh out loud. “Okay. I’ll make a deal with you.”
Lily’s scowl faded and she turned to look up at her. “Does this deal end up with me getting a kitten?”
“I’m not going to guarantee that. You have library day tomorrow, right?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I want you to tell the librarian you need to research taking care of a kitten. All the stuff it needs, how often it has to go to the cat doctor, how much food it eats, how much those things cost. Got it?”
“Yes. And then what?”
“Then we’ll look at it together and talk about it. When we have the facts.”
Lily flopped back on the bed with a dramatic sigh. “I guess so.”
Tiana leaned down to kiss her forehead. “I love you, Lily.”
“I love you too, Mommy. Can we have french fry dinner again?”
“No. But we can play Battleship again.”
* * *
AFTER GETTING LILY fed and bathed, after losing her Battleship twice in a fierce ocean altercation, Tiana tucked her in
to bed with a story and a kiss. She pulled the door closed and immediately went to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine. Curling up on the couch, she flipped on the television. Time for a little binge-watching. An hour into some really bad disaster movie that she couldn’t tear herself away from, her phone dinged. Kasey.
How’s it going?
She’s trying to use it to get a kitten.
She got a laughing tears emoji back, and the only response to that was a middle finger GIF. A few minutes later it dinged again.
Want to try a sleepover sometime this week when you’re available to come get her before we start with the real deal?
She thought about it. A sleepover would earn her some grown-up time with DeShawn. And that was very tempting. She sipped the wine and sighed.
No. I think she and I need this continuous chunk of time alone together. We can try it when my mother comes back.
Okie dokes. Let me know if you need anything. See you Thursday!
She sent a thumbs-up and tossed the phone on the couch beside her. So, no alone time this week with DeShawn. Unless he could take an extra long lunch break on Tuesday. She grinned and stretched out on the couch. That would be nice. She’d certainly have the biggest smile in the school pickup line that afternoon.
She was dozing off when the phone dinged again. She grabbed it, thinking it was Kasey. Nope. DeShawn. That woke her up.
You get everything settled?
Stalled. She has to do research on how much work having a kitten will be.
My former coworker has fourteen foster kittens. Want one of them?
No!
Want to meet at my place on Tuesday? I’ll cook. We can fool around.
Now she was really awake. Fool around. He was so adorkable. Yes, she was very interested in some fooling around.
Lasagna?
Whatever you wish. Sweet dreams.
You too.
Only if I dream of you.
Okay, Man Maid. You’re backsliding.
There’s my girl. Tuesday. Noon.
She sent a kissy face back. Turning the sound off on her phone, she checked the time. Nine. If she went to bed now, she’d be up at four in the morning. She got up for another half glass of wine, her absolute limit when alone with Lily, and cued up another disaster movie.
The Littlest Boss Page 15
