"Ah, God…"
She swallowed the knot in her throat. "I remember thinking. That's strange. And I bent over to kiss him awake. He was cold."
"Terry…"
She brought herself up out of the past with a jerk. She couldn't stay there. Couldn't relive the rest of it. The hysterical tears, the screams for help, the sirens and the firemen and the policemen and her neighbors … all looking at her with sympathy. With tears on their faces and dread in their eyes.
"The doctor said it was SIDS. Nothing could have been done. He just … slipped away in the night."
"Jesus, Terry, I'm so sorry."
"I know…"
He kissed her and tasted her tears. She felt his heat, his comfort, his need and let it swamp her, bring her from the past into a present filled with hunger and passion and life.
Then he went deathly still, lifted his head and looked at her through horrified eyes.
"What is it?"
"I can't believe I did this … we did this. Never happened to me before, I swear."
"What?"
"Talking about Eric made me think of it. Protection, Terry. We didn't use protection. Either time." His features screwed up into a mask of misery. "And now, knowing what I know, I can't believe I let you risk.
"Hush." She laid her fingertips on his mouth, silencing him. Her own heart was pounding. She hadn't thought once about protection, either, and she of all people should have known better. But it didn't matter. As long as he was healthy, it didn't matter.
"I take the pill. To regulate my periods."
His forehead dropped to hers. "That's good." Then he rose again to look into her eyes. "I'm healthy. Don't worry about that. I'm a careful man."
"That's good to know," she said softly, catching his face between her palms. His deep blue eyes flashed with emotions she was too wrung-out to try to decipher. And right now, it wasn't important. Right now, she wanted to feel that rush of life pulsing through her again. Feel her own heartbeat race. Feel Aidan's body moving on hers.
"I'm healthy, too," she assured him, then stroked his cheekbones with her thumbs. "Now, I want you to make love with me again. And, Aidan…"
"Yeah?"
"Don't be careful of me."
* * *
Ten
« ^ »
The next few days passed in a blur of activity. The brunt of the hurricane skipped Baywater, moving along the coast, drenching them in high winds and torrential rain, but sparing the little town what could have been disastrous damage.
Yet, there was a lot of cleanup to do. Aidan's team was kept busy, helping the local police and fire department on several calls. He called to check on his family's safety, but didn't have time to actually get together with his brothers. Until tonight. Between his regular duties on the base and the SAR runs his team was making, he was kept pretty much at a run.
And whatever down time he did have, he spent with Terry.
He couldn't seem to get enough of her. Since that first night of the storm, they'd been together every night. Making love, talking, laughing, arguing. He'd never spent so much time with a woman before without feeling the need to bolt.
Always, before Terry, Aidan had kept his distance—at least emotionally. He'd never wanted to know a woman beyond the superficial level that allowed them both to enjoy each other. Now though, there was more.
It had sneaked up on him and he wasn't entirely sure what to do about it. Drawn to her time and again, he felt himself being pulled deeper into her life, her world. A corner of his brain continually warned him to back off. To remember that his life was here, hers was in New York. That a former debutante had nothing in common with a career Marine.
And mostly, to remember that he wasn't looking for forever. That he didn't want love.
But that small voice in his mind was getting fainter—harder to hear.
He walked into the Lighthouse restaurant and paused just inside the entrance. He hooked his sunglasses on the open vee neck of his dark blue pullover shirt and let his gaze sweep the crowded restaurant. Families dotted the round, wooden tables, celebrating being together. Celebrating surviving the hurricane.
He spotted his brothers at a back table and braced himself for the ragging he knew was coming his way. He'd been riding Connor and Brian hard for the last few weeks, so he fully expected to take his share of crap.
Stalking across the crowded room, he stepped up to the table and told Brian, "Move over."
When he did, Aidan dropped onto the bench seat. Shifting his gaze from Brian beside him to Connor and Liam across from him, he took a breath and said, "I'm out."
Whoops and delighted laughter rolled out from the other three men and got loud enough that people at the other tables turned to stare.
Aidan hunched his shoulders. "Jeez. Keep it down, will ya?"
"This is great," Connor said, still laughing.
Brian held up one hand and leaned across the table. Connor slapped that hand hard and they whooped again, just for the hell of it. Liam grinned and rubbed his own palms together as if he were already getting ready to count the money he and the church had just won.
"So what happened?" Brian demanded, giving Aidan a hard elbow to the ribs.
"What? You need a picture? You know damn well what happened."
"Yeah, but what happened to all your big talk about outlasting us?"
"I did outlast you two losers," Aidan reminded him quickly. He might not have won the bet, but he'd sure as hell beat out the other two members of the Reilly triplets.
"Yeah, man," Connor said, folding his arms on the table top. "But you only had two weeks to go. I really thought you were gonna pull it off."
"Not me," Brian muttered.
"Terry?" Liam asked quietly.
Aidan just nodded.
"Terry?" Connor repeated, straightening up and looking around the table like a man who's the only one not in on a joke. "Who the hell's Terry?"
"Yeah," Brian added, glaring at Liam. "How is it you know about this chick and we don't?"
"You guys don't know everything," Aidan muttered, sliding down in his seat.
"Here you go, guys," a woman's voice said cheerfully, "four draft beers."
The Reilly brothers shut up fast while the waitress delivered their drinks and didn't start talking again until after she was gone.
Aidan reached for his beer and took a long, deep swig. The icy froth hit the back of his throat and eased down the knot of irritation lodged there.
"So spill," Connor demanded. "Who's the new babe?"
"She's not a 'babe,'" Aidan told him, wincing slightly, since he called Terry "babe" all the damn time.
"Where'd you meet her? The Off Duty?" Brian laughed.
He had a right to laugh, Aidan supposed. Usually the women he met did hang out at the bar that catered to Marines.
He took another drink, then explained how he'd met Terry. And in telling his brothers, he relived it all. He didn't notice, but his voice softened, his eyes shone and his features lit with warmth.
"She sounds … special," Liam said when Aidan stopped talking.
Snapping his gaze to his older brother, Aidan fought down a sudden, near-overpowering flash of panic. Glancing from Liam to Brian and finally to Connor, he shook his head. "Don't start with me, you guys. Don't make more of this than there is."
"I didn't say anything," Connor pointed out, lifting both hands in mock surrender.
"You didn't have to. I can see it on your face."
"You ought to be looking at your face," Brian pointed out and took a drink of his own beer.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Aidan argued.
"Hell, man," Brian said, "holster it. Loving a woman's nothing to be ashamed of." He grinned. "Well, except for Liam."
"Funny," their older brother said and leaned across the table to slap Brian upside the head.
"Hey!"
"Stand down," Aidan told all of them, his voice low pitched but steady and firm. "Nobody said anything
about love for God's sake. All I'm admitting to is losing the stupid bet."
"Relax, man," Connor said, picking up his beer and gesturing with it. "We've all been there—except for Liam."
"I have to take this from you, too?" Liam growled. Connor shrugged.
"Seriously," Aidan said, feeling the snaky, cold tentacles of panic tighten just a bit around his insides, "shut the hell up about love. I'm not in love. Don't plan to be in love. You guys can have it."
"You make it sound like a disease or something," Brian said.
"Isn't it?" Aidan countered.
"What crawled up your ass and died?" Connor grumbled.
"Yeah," Liam asked, his voice quieter, more thoughtful. "What's got you so scared, Aidan?"
Instantly he bristled. "Didn't say I was scared, for God's sake. Just said I wasn't interested."
"Don't know why the hell not," Brian said. "Hell, can't imagine not being married to Tina."
"Oh, yeah," Aidan sniped. "You liked marriage to Tina so much, you divorced her then remarried her."
"You want to go a round with me?" his brother snarled.
"He's just itchy," Connor cut in, breaking up the tension before it could spiral into one of the Reilly brothers' world famous knock-down-drag-out fights.
"Hell, I remember how it felt. I love Emma, but damned if I wanted to admit it—even to myself."
"Now you're both married," Aidan grumbled. "And what'd it get you?"
"Happiness?" Liam offered.
"No offense, Liam," Aidan said, snapping him a look. "But priests don't get a vote in this."
An angry flush swept up his older brother's face, then faded again almost instantly. "I may be a priest, Aidan, but I'm also a man. And your brother."
"And, you know jack about women." Aidan took another long drink, set his beer down onto the table and cupped the frosty glass between his palms. Staring at the pale gold liquid, he muttered, "These two at least have a position to argue from. You don't. You don't know what it is to—" he caught himself before uttering the 'L' word "—care about someone. To know she matters and also know that you can't let her matter too much."
"Got you there, Liam," Brian pointed out.
"Too true," Connor added. "You lucked out. Didn't have to worry about pissing a woman off and living with the results."
"Who the hell do you three think you're talking to?" Liam demanded, but focused on Aidan, leaning across the table, forcing Connor back in his seat, a surprised expression on his face. "Do you think I was born wearing this collar?" he tapped at the white circlet at his throat. "I was your brother first. I was a man first. Do you really believe I never loved anyone? That I don't know what it feels like to want?"
Aidan just blinked at him. It had been years since he'd seen that flash fire of fury in Liam's eyes.
"Take it easy, Liam," Brian urged, shooting a glance at the table closest to them and glaring the nosy woman sitting there a narrowed glance.
"You shut up," Liam growled. "This is between me and the moron."
"Hey."
"My turn, idiot. You shut up and listen." Liam pointed one finger at Aidan, took a breath and lowered his voice. "I was in love once."
"What?" All three triplets said it at once.
Liam's eyes didn't flicker. His gaze didn't shift. Just held Aidan's steadily.
"Her name was Ailish."
"Whoa," Connor murmured.
"I thought priests heard confessions…" Brian said softly.
"I met her in Ireland," Liam continued as if none of them had spoken. "That last summer before I went into the seminary."
Aidan thought back, remembering the trip Liam had taken while trying to decide if he was really cut out for a life in the priesthood. He'd stayed in their grandparents' house outside Galway and toured Ireland for a summer. He'd never really talked about those three months, and the rest of them had let it go, assuming that Liam had spent those months in quiet reflection and prayer.
Apparently, they were wrong.
Aidan kept his gaze locked with Liam's, unable to look away. "What happened, Liam? If you loved her so damn much, why'd you let her go?"
Liam's breath hissed in and out of him in rapid succession. His eyes glimmered brightly, then darkened in memory. Slowly, he eased back into his seat, still staring at Aidan. "She died."
"Ah, Liam." Connor murmured.
"Damn, Liam…" Brian winced in sympathy.
Aidan held his breath. Sure there was more. He watched his older brother relive old pain and wondered how they'd drifted into this minefield of emotion.
"She drove into Galway city to meet her sister for some shopping," Liam said softly. "An American tourist got confused, drove on the wrong side of the road. Hit her head-on. She was killed instantly."
God.
"I'm sorry, Liam," Aidan said, stunned to his soul. In all these years, his brother had never hinted at the tragedy that must haunt him still. And Aidan finally realized that Marines weren't the only people with courage.
Anger gone now, Liam smiled sadly. "It was a long time ago, Aidan. And I'm only telling you guys now because I want you to know I do understand. I know what it is to love a woman so much that she's all you can see of tomorrow."
Silence dropped on the four of them like an old quilt. Each of them lost in their own thoughts, none of them wanted to be the first to speak.
Naturally enough, it was Connor who finally shattered the quiet.
"So, if Ailish had lived," he asked, slanting a glance at Liam, "would you still have become a priest? Or would you have walked away from her?"
Liam's hand fisted around his glass of beer. He lifted it, took a long sip and set it back down again before answering. "I've asked myself that a thousand times over the years," he admitted, then looked from one brother to the other, each in turn. "The honest answer is, no. I wouldn't have. When I met her, it was as if God had sent me a sign, telling me that He didn't want me in the priesthood after all." He sighed again, wistfully. "We planned to be married in the local church. Get a house near Lough Mask. Then when she was gone…"
"Married?" Aidan's voice was a whisper, carrying the stunned surprise all of them felt.
It took another moment or two before Liam smiled again. "I still believe there's a reason for everything—though I've yet to find the reason for her death. But maybe meeting Ailish, loving Ailish was supposed to help me be a better priest."
"I don't know what to say," Brian looked at their oldest brother.
"You don't have to say anything," Liam told them all.
An uneasy silence dropped over them. All of them aware now of Liam's private little hell—none of them quite sure how to handle this new side to a brother they thought they'd known.
Finally Brian spoke up again and, thank God, changed the subject. "You are a good priest, you know."
Liam glanced at him. "Thanks. I think."
"No, I mean it," Brian said and took a drink of his own beer. "Which means, I can probably use a few of those super prayers you've got in your stash."
"What's going on?" Connor asked the question they were all thinking.
"I'm shipping out." Brian looked at each of them in turn, then shrugged and grinned. "Next month. Middle East."
Growing up with a Marine father had taught them all that sudden moves were to be expected. Growing up a family made them all feel that instant quiver of worry.
"Have you told Tina yet?" Liam asked.
"Nope," Brian admitted. "I'm going home to do that now. That's why I thought I'd ask for those prayers." He grinned again. "Combat's dangerous, but fighting with Tina can be deadly."
"But you'll still be here for our joint humiliation, right?" Connor asked.
"Oh, yeah. Battle Color day. Convertible. Hula skirt, coconut bra. I'll be there." He gave Aidan a shove. "Slide out, will you?"
"I'll walk out with you," Connor said, "Gotta be getting home or Emma'll hunt me down like a dog."
Aidan snorted a laugh. "See? This is what ma
rried gets you. A woman ready to tear your lungs out."
Brian shook his head. "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" Then he punched one fist into Aidan's shoulder. "Move."
Aidan got to his feet and Brian slid across the bench seat and stood up beside him. Pulling a couple of bills from his pocket, he tossed them onto the table and said, "See you guys later."
Then he and Connor headed out and Aidan sat back down. "Tina's not going to be happy about this."
Liam shrugged. "She's strong. She'll worry about him, but she'll handle it."
"I suppose." But Aidan wasn't really thinking about his sister-in-law, or even about Brian, soon to be deploying into a combat situation.
Instead he was thinking about his older brother and the love he'd lost so long ago. Looking at Liam, he asked, "Why'd you tell us about her?"
Liam sighed and leaned back in his seat. "I don't know. Maybe I was just tired of hearing about how I don't know jack about women."
Aidan smiled briefly and nodded. "Okay. I can get that."
This news was still too fresh to make much sense of. He'd always thought of Liam as a quiet, reflective man. Born for the priesthood. Now, to discover there'd been dreams born and lost along the way was a little … disquieting.
"What was she like?"
"Ailish?"
"Yes."
Liam smiled sadly. "Beautiful. Warm. Funny. Stubborn." His voice softened in memory. "She was an artist, too. Damn good one. Landscapes mostly."
A lightbulb clicked on in Aidan's brain. "The painting in your room. The one of the standing stones."
"Yeah. That's one of hers."
Aidan had always liked that painting. Had even tried to buy it from Liam once. Now he knew why his brother had refused to part with it. A simple scene of a circle of standing stones, a dance, as the Irish called them, it had a mystical quality, with soft gray mist spilling across the emerald green grass and twining itself up around the stones like loving hands.
THE LAST REILLY STANDING Page 10
