“Well, I’ll tell him you called.”
“Thanks.”
“Take care, okay?”
I closed my eyes as she disconnected.
I had to confront Danny.
—
“We should make a list.” Peyton rolled onto her stomach, picking through trail mix for the chocolate. It was late. She was lying on one end of the sectional, me on the other. Our heads met in the middle. The TV was the only light in the room. “A list of pros and cons. If the pros side is longer than the cons, you should stay together. If not—”
I felt nauseated. Nell had fallen asleep hours ago, and Juliette had gone to bed. I rubbed my stomach.
“Have you ever made a list like that for Nick?”
“No. But I have for other guys.”
Why did it feel so horrible, so awful, like she was more in love than me? Why did my stomach hurt?
“I don’t think I want to break up with him.”
“Let’s make a list.”
She clicked the lamp on and found a piece of scrap paper. She pushed that and a pen across the cushion.
After sighing, I started the list, pros first.
Nice
Cute
Close to his family
A good dad
Good kisser
Good friend
Hard worker
Likes having fun
I stopped. “This is too easy.”
“You haven’t gotten to the cons side yet.”
I added five more things to the pros side and drew a line down the middle of the page. All right. Cons.
And my eyes filled with tears. The words burned as I wrote. I worked my way down in slow, careful letters.
Avoids me
Peyton crawled over and put her arm around me. The bullet points felt a little like real bullets.
Asks other girls to parties
I shook my head and wrote again.
Cheated on me
I added, once. I squirmed away from Peyton, feeling feverish, feeling, I don’t know, crazy. “I don’t want to break up with him.”
“Don’t you want to be happy? I hate seeing you like this.”
“Yes. I’m happy with Danny.”
“Are you really?”
“Yes.”
Peyton just looked at me then. I grabbed the remote and flipped channels until I found a reality show—stupid drama to make mine seem small. I scribbled the cons side of the list until the pen caught in the middle and ripped the paper, leaving a stripe of ink on my knee.
Day 17
Karma was at the game a week later.
She trudged to an open spot on the sidelines, baby carrier on one arm, two bags and a blanket on the other. After a long process of shedding her things, she tightened a gray sweater around her waist and rocked the carrier with one foot. Scanned the field. Danny shocked us both by running up for a kiss right before kickoff. His jersey blocked my view. A white number 30.
She glanced up when the kiss ended and caught me staring.
The ref’s whistle shrilled. Time to focus on the team, Danny and his so-called talent. I ordered him to take the field as a starter, ignoring the questioning look from the quarterback. I was in charge. Danny’s ego had to be fed. I smacked his back. “Let’s go, Danny, you got this. Show the team what you’re made of.”
He jogged to the line of scrimmage while I folded my arms over my chest.
My plan flopped. First play, he fumbled. Walt lost it for a second and stomped around, hat whipped to the ground. One of the wide receivers saved Danny’s ass by scooping up the ball and running it in for a touchdown. A score on the first play! The fans loved it. They were on their feet, cheering, including Karma. A textbook was open on the blanket. I kept Danny in for the rest of the quarter.
At the start of the second, Danny asked for a break and spent ten minutes ordering junk food from the concession stand. He didn’t buy anything for Karma.
About five minutes before the end of the half, Nell started wailing. Karma patted her, bounced her, smiling like crazy, talking with really energetic language. Danny joked with his buddy on the sideline. Three little girls surrounded Karma, and though she seemed calm, it was obvious she wished their parents would get them away from her so she could deal with her screaming baby. She stood quickly and glanced at Danny, who was tipping the last of the chips into his mouth.
I meandered over and tapped his shoulder. “If you need to give her a hand, that’s totally fine.”
“Nah, Nell never stops crying for me,” Danny said.
“Yeah, ’cause your face scares her,” his buddy said. Danny smacked his arm and his friend grinned. They leapt up to spar a few feet behind the bench.
“I need you to take over the next few plays,” I said, pointing my clipboard at Walt’s chest.
“Ha. What for?”
“There’s someone I need to check on.”
“Can’t you wait until halftime?” His tone was more commanding than questioning.
“This can’t wait.”
I passed the concession shed with my hands in my pockets. Picnic tables, a cooler—the fans really went all out. I made my way over to the blanket. The three little girls scattered.
“Hey,” Karma said with a little laugh, Nell squirming against her chest. “I was hoping she’d make it until halftime.”
“Is she okay?”
“Tired. We’re always tired, aren’t we, sweetie?” She kissed Nell’s cheek three times. “I like what you’ve done with the team. A score on the first drive must be a Lakefield High record.”
“Thank God for that receiver.”
Her smile faded. “Yeah.”
She sat on the blanket and moved her English book out of the way. After a moment of hesitation, I joined her. The blanket was smaller than I’d thought. Soft fleece. The place where we’d accidentally bumped arms seemed heavy with the memory of her touch. I rolled my shoulder around and stared at the field.
“How’s Leah doing these days?”
“Oh, her mouth is healed now—not even a scar.”
“Does she always speak in a British accent when she’s drunk?”
“Accent? Seriously?”
“She ’ad a bit of an accent at the party,” I said.
“Wow. I’ll have to tease her about that. She’s watching Nell after the game so I can go to dance. Trying to stay out of trouble.” Karma smoothed the curls that kept blowing over her mouth, one hand holding them back.
“Think that will work?”
“I don’t know. I get so mad at her for partying. Ugh, she acts so stupid! But I know exactly how she feels. She just wants to have fun.” Karma frowned. “A little fun can change your whole life. I’ve never regretted Nell, but some days are really hard; today for instance, me taking her here, hoping to get homework done and support Danny, but all she does is cry and—wow, this sounds bad, doesn’t it?”
I sat back. “Not at all. I admire you.”
Karma snort-laughed. “Me?”
“Yes. You’re a strong person. A good mom. I like that about you.” For some reason my pulse was racing. Did he ever say anything nice to her?
“Well, that’s the end of the half,” Karma said. “Look, there’s Daddy.” She waved her daughter’s fist. I forced a smile as Danny jogged toward us.
Good.
Her getting his attention was good.
“All warmed up for the next half ?” I asked.
He bobbed his head. “Damn straight. Hey—think you could let me start? You won’t be sorry, I swear.”
I did not roll my eyes. “I definitely think you’re ready.”
Karma fidgeted, waiting for him to acknowledge she existed. Finally she nudged him. “Kiss?” she said.
After a quick peck on the lips and a pat on the head for Nell, he shot his mouth with water from his sports bottle. “Man, what a game.” He dodged imaginary players, sweat running from his hairline. “That first play was pure magic. Did you see how the def
ense was all focused on me so our receiver could sneak in?”
“Aaryn and I were just talking about that,” Karma said. “You’re still coming to dance tonight, right?”
He guzzled water and bounced from cleat to cleat.
“Danny.” She caught him with her hand until he stood still.
“That’s tonight?”
“We can’t put this off any longer.” Her voice went quiet. “Juliette’s really on my case.”
“Do you need me, babe? You know if the guys find out, I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Find out about what?” I said.
Danny’s hands shot out, palms up. “She wants me to do this dance thing with her.”
“You said you wanted to help,” Karma said. She smiled, but her lips trembled at the corners. “It’s just one piece.”
Danny smacked my arm with the back of his hand, like we were friends. “I don’t know where she comes up with these crazy-ass ideas. Her little dance hobby makes her a bit…woo!” He circled his finger alongside his temple.
Even though her baby had fallen asleep, Karma began swaying with her. She tossed her hair and tried to push by Danny, but he caught her arm.
“Babe, come on. Don’t sulk. I’m sorry I can’t go, but you have to understand—”
“Fine. Okay.” She tugged her arm, but Danny held tight. He squeezed until her sweater came up through the gaps in his fingers. “You’re hurting me,” she said. Was he? I stepped forward just as he released her.
“Don’t mention this dance thing to Ma if she asks. You know how she worries. Take a chill pill.”
“I won’t.” She pressed her cheek against Nell’s pajamas.
“What’s all involved with the dance?” I asked.
Karma turned with a shrug. She seemed really, really sad.
“Three weeks of rehearsal. Well, it was supposed to be six weeks.” She looked at Danny’s chest. “It’s for a scholarship I’m trying to get. A big one. The competition is in Milwaukee, so we’re going to stay in a hotel overnight. Danny was going to help me perform a pas de deux—a partner dance—because none of the girls at school can do it. They’re too small, or injured. Peyton has this ankle problem. Anyway, partnering is one of the requirements.”
Maybe I sucked at making him love her, but here was something I could do. “If it will help you guys out, you know, if you need someone, I’ll do it,” I said. The bleachers were a safe place to stare when I offered. “I took a dance class once.”
Danny hooked his thumbs in his gear. Karma’s mouth fell open a little. She was still rocking Nell. Did her arm really hurt from him squeezing it?
“All right,” she said. A gust of wind blew hair over her face, but she didn’t bother to sweep it away. The emptiness in her eyes killed me.
“Cool, man, cool—I guess you do owe me your life,” Danny said. Adrenaline shot up my spine, surprising me, like I could punch him and not even care.
I did care, of course. He was my only way home.
He pivoted Karma into his arms, baby and all, kissing her hair, her lips. I tried to feel relieved that he was kissing her again but couldn’t, probably because the fact that he might not love her was giving me anxiety.
“You’re sure this is okay?” she asked.
“I don’t care what you do,” Danny said.
She smiled as he ran over to join his teammates. “Do you want to meet here after I drop Nell off with Leah?” she asked. “We can ride together.”
I stared across the field. Walt was giving me the eye. “Can we leave now?”
—
Buckling Nell safely into her carrier took five minutes.
When she was in, Karma slid behind the wheel and raked her fingers through her hair from roots to end. The scent of her shampoo, coconut, filled the interior. She was beautiful.
She was.
I noticed and then thought I shouldn’t notice, but there:
She sat with her hands full of tangled brown curls, her lips slightly parted. She was beautiful and there was nothing wrong with noticing. She reached up to secure her hair in a bun, but the hair tie shot between my feet.
“Dammit.” She leaned forward, her arm pressing against my knee. “Where did it go?” Our eyes met just as she released her hair. It cascaded around her shoulders. “Oh well, I’m sure someone has an extra.”
I focused out the window. Lakefield at dusk. We passed empty yards and porches, one kid riding his bike down the sidewalk, no hands. I cracked the window, enjoying the scent of the outdoors, so different from the honey-hint in the air on Mount Olympus. We dropped off Nell with Leah and were on our way.
An old tree by Juliette’s road reminded me of home. Someone had placed a plastic face on its trunk, bark-colored eyes, nose, and mouth.
“Look, it’s Daphne,” I said, pointing to the tree.
“What?”
My smile vanished. “Daphne. The girl who became a tree.”
Karma raised one eyebrow. “This I have never heard.”
The myths. Stories humans didn’t know were real. Fictionalized on purpose, important details left out. But the stories had actually happened. Real gods and goddesses, real lives. I cleared my throat.
“You’ve never heard the myth of Daphne and Apollo?” I turned in my seat to face her. She shook her head. “Well, Eros—you know, the cupid? He shot Apollo with a golden arrow, causing him to fall madly in love with Daphne.”
“And she was a tree, right?”
“She wasn’t a tree at first. Once Apollo was shot with the arrow, he chased her. The girl freaked out and begged her father to help her escape. He turned her into a tree.”
I didn’t tell Karma about the wall that had been built around Daphne, protecting her from prying eyes. Now only the tips of her branches were visible inside the city.
“That’s messed up,” Karma said.
“Crazy gods,” I agreed.
“What happened to Apollo?” She flipped the visor forward to block the setting sun when we started down the road to the studio. “What did he do when she became a tree?”
The inside of my mouth felt hot. “He stayed with her forever. It killed him to see her like that, but he vowed to tend her as his tree and used his powers of eternal youth to make her leaves evergreen. They’re known as bay laurel leaves. They never decay.”
Pink light from the sunset caught on her face when she tilted it to the left. “It’s tragic if you think about it. For someone to believe they’re in love with a tree.”
I fidgeted. “Yeah.”
She scoffed with a rueful half smile. “You’d think, being gods, they could forbid something so stupid. Tree love.”
“Yeah.” My body felt like stone. “You’d think.”
The studio seemed alive and smelled earthy from the diffusers Juliette had placed inside the entry. Swishing sounds, dancers’ feet hitting the floor, Juliette calling orders—the room was a blur of motion.
“You can just leave your shoes under the bench, and I’ll see if Juliette can find some clothes for you to wear.”
My aunt sashayed her way over with a cup of tea in her hand. The word Inspire labeled the mug. “What’s this?” She smiled at Aaryn, freezing the look as she locked eyes with me.
I unzipped my bag. “You remember Aaryn. He’s going to help with the competition.”
“Oh?” She drank. “Not…”
I grabbed my spandex shorts out of my bag and rummaged around for the tank top. “Danny can’t come.” The words left sadness in my chest—all the movement he’d miss, all the rehearsals we could have had together. Now it was Aaryn who’d be there, Aaryn who’d see me every night and ride in the van and stay up late when it was all over.
“Welcome back,” Juliette said. “Maybe it was fate all along, like you knew you belonged here.”
Aaryn grinned. “Ha. Maybe.”
Juliette sipped her tea and looked over the cup at the girls, who were staring and whispering about Aaryn. Svetlana was fixing her hai
r. “We better get started,” Juliette said. “I’ll grab something for you to wear.”
“Hey, you two.” Peyton walked up, then squeezed my elbow. Her hair was pinned in a tight bun, but waves crinkled along the crown of her head, curls that wouldn’t go straight. “Come on, Karma, I’ll come with you to change.”
The changing stall Peyton crowded me into was dark and smelled like cedar. “What’s going on?” she whispered.
“What do you mean?”
“Him. Aaryn. What’s he doing here?”
“He’s going to do the pas de deux.” I used the wall for support and peeled off my jeans, kicking them until they dropped into a stiff heap on the floor. A cricket had snuck into the studio and was creaking nearby.
Peyton helped me unlatch my bra. “I thought Danny was doing the dance.”
“He doesn’t want to.” Why had I worded it like that? Why did it feel like those words belonged on the cons list? I shimmied into my shorts.
“He’s not weirded out by some other guy dancing with you?”
“This is what dancers do. I’ll dance with tons of guys. It’s not like we’re going on a romantic date. We’re going to rehearse.”
“I know.”
The changing stall curtain scraped open. In unison, we said: “I’m changing!”
“She’s changing!”
Peyton jumped in front of me.
“He needs to get in there. You girls can talk later.” Juliette was holding a pair of sweatpants. “Don’t worry, he can’t see.”
I snapped my tank top on and meandered into the studio, fixing the edge of my shorts more than once. Aaryn was surrounded, Monique telling him something about her history with ballet. Svetlana stood the closest.
“Are you a really good dancer?” she asked him. She had her ankle pulled up to her head.
“I guess we’ll find out.”
“I thought you said you’d taken a class,” I said. With my heel planted on the floor, I squatted back to stretch.
Arrows Page 8
