When Danny’s number popped up moments later, I realized I’d been holding my breath. Fear had crept into my chest, a horrible black ink. I pushed answer and held the phone to my ear.
“Karma, please.”
My eyes eased shut when I heard his voice. He still wanted me. And despite everything, despite how angry and hurt I was, I just wasn’t ready to let him go. My tears came again, slow, wet droplets streaming down to soak Aaryn’s pillow.
I cried in silence as Danny promised me all sorts of things, things I knew deep in my heart would never come true. The release felt like waves over my body, and the sound of his voice was like a spring, helping me forgive, forget.
Day 74
The doorknob to my bedroom turned, and Karma came out, eyes puffier than when she went in, hair disheveled, like a girl who’d been beaten. Her cheeks were unnaturally red.
“Are you okay?” I asked. She wouldn’t look at me. “What did he say? What’s going on?”
She picked up her purse from the couch, the leather sliding against her hip. “I’m going to go.”
“What? But—did you talk about things? From the way you were yelling, it seemed like you were going to break up.”
I followed her as she took a few more steps toward the door. She hugged the purse. “No.”
“No?”
The zipper made a scratching sound as she opened it, then dropped her phone inside. “Can you just—stop worrying about this? I know he’s an ass, but he said he’s sorry and there’s just a lot you don’t understand.” Her bottom lip quivered when she finished.
“I do understand.” I tried to pull her toward me for a hug, but she stiffened. “Karma.” I smoothed her hair behind her ear. The curls were a little damp from her tears. “I understand more than you know.”
She was so pitiful and strong at the same time, fighting a power she didn’t even realize controlled her. My arrow. My arrow had turned her into this. I stood in front of her, my hands on her arms. She was shaking her head.
“You don’t,” she whispered. “You couldn’t.” Her hands pressed against her stomach, her frown deepening.
“You need to lie down.”
“No. I’m fine. I think I’m just sore from dancing.”
“We have to talk. I don’t even know how to start.”
“Danny’s on his way over.” She slid away from my touch, the kitchen linoleum creaking as she walked to the sink. The water sprayed into her glass.
“He is? Why are you going with him?”
She finished the water and placed the glass on the counter. “We have a lot going on between us right now.”
My breathing was really shaky. “And that’s what you want? To go with him?”
“Yes.” She dug around in her purse, then typed a message on her phone, mouth set in a line.
“Don’t go. Don’t go with him, not now.”
“I have to.”
“What if I told you there was a way to stop feeling like this?”
She stood there for many moments, then strode toward the door.
“Hey, I’m serious,” I said. “I know you feel like you have to stay with him, but I swear—”
“Can you please stop talking?” She gasped and bent in half. Great. I’d made her cry again. She breathed in hard, but her nose was all clogged.
“Stay with me.” I stepped closer. “We can have coffee. I’ll explain everything. I’ll tell you everything. I promise.”
She closed her eyes slowly and just stood there, not moving, not speaking.
Her phone buzzed.
“I really have to go.”
The sound of the door closing behind her felt like a gunshot. Something inside of me broke in that moment, my ego, maybe, my heart.
My fists had closed, the veins rising along the top. I ran to the bedroom and opened the closet with a bang. I threw the T-shirts off the golden arrow and grabbed the shaft. The blades brushed my arm—fine. Maybe it could ruin my life next. I snatched the bow, feeling the cool curved handle, wire that pinged when my fingertip brushed the edge.
Running, the stairs didn’t take long. Not when I felt so much rage. In the darkness I immediately spotted where Danny had parked in front of the apartment. It had started to rain, a cold autumn rain that would soon change into snow. The droplets stung my face, my ragged breath making a cloud before me into the night. A small shrub hid my presence, but I saw him clearly: Danny’s silhouette through the branches. He talked while his hands gestured in sweeping motions. He was the one she wanted.
I fit the arrow into the bow and pulled, the string making a slicing sound, metal on metal, a sound that was familiar and nauseating. I hadn’t changed much as a human. I was still willing to cheat and lie my way out of trouble. What did I care about love? She wanted him.
His face was right there.
Right in my sights.
My shot would change everything.
As soon as he proposed I would go home.
I closed one eye and stared, my body hot with adrenaline. The moment had come. I saw him as if I had a telescope, his face was so clear, the words he spoke almost audible.
My arm didn’t tire of holding the arrow toward him, and my breathing had returned to normal, calm, ready.
He punched the dashboard.
My eyelid twitched.
He did it again, again. His fist pounded the plastic, the veins in his neck protruding, yelling at her. He was no longer sorry. He’d never been sorry, not before, not now. I couldn’t do it. She deserved to choose who she loved.
Just as I was going to relax my arm, someone reached around my stomach. A face pressed into the middle of my back. Soft, slender fingers slipped over my hand, guiding the arrow’s grip.
With a snap, the arrow flew. It landed on Danny with a burst of light, the perfect shot. I waited, not breathing as I watched Danny’s silhouette.
He wasn’t yelling anymore.
I whirled around. “Phoebe!”
“Finally.” Her emerald eyes flickered. “Nice shot.”
I hurled the bow against the building. It clanged noisily. “Why did you sneak up on me like that? My God, what have we done?” In the truck Karma and Danny talked calmly. My throat hurt from the tight feeling surrounding it.
“You were aiming right at him,” Phoebe said.
“I was angry.” The aura around her pulsed. “I wasn’t going to shoot.”
“Now we just have to wait for the proposal,” Phoebe said. “Too bad you’ll have to stay until then.”
“I’d rather die than wait for that.”
She sighed and reached to comfort me, one glowing hand against my arm. “It’s not so bad, really. Soon you’ll be home. We’ve waited a long time for this.”
I shrugged away from her touch. “We?”
Phoebe lifted her palms skyward, the light from her hands illuminating her face even more. “Don’t you get it? There’s still a life for you on Olympus. I know, you’re mad you can’t be with Karma, poor you, but the truth is I just saved your life. Now you can come home. Be back where you’re supposed to be.”
“I was going to go to Blackout. Like I should have at finals.”
“What?”
“I wasn’t going to join Tek. I was going to fix my mistake. Break Karma’s enchantment with the lead arrow, if it ever got here. Fail my mission. Go to Blackout.”
“And what, be mortal?”
“Yes.”
Phoebe gave a short laugh. “This girl has really messed you up. You’re being totally irrational.”
“We were going to find each other after Blackout.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I don’t know if it would have worked.” I met her eyes. “Maybe it was a crazy idea, but it was the best I could think of. She could have loved me. We could have started over, together.” My hands were beginning to feel numb.
“You’d rather be human?” Phoebe looked incredulous.
“Maybe.”
She rolled her eyes. “Well,
okay—you’re welcome. Now you can’t be stupid. I have to get back. See you after he proposes.”
“I don’t want to wait.” I stepped toward her. “I can’t stay for that. I can’t.”
“Until he proposes, the assembly won’t believe your mission is complete. There’s no choice but to wait. I told you, no one can find out about the golden arrow, okay?” She shook her head. “See you soon.” With a wave of her hand she flickered and disappeared.
The stairs to my apartment creaked with each step forward. It didn’t seem possible to feel lost inside a narrow stairwell, but that night I did.
Tek’s chip was on the table. I locked the door behind me with a click. It was time to push all the lies into the open, no matter what the consequence. It was time to make sure that what happened to Karma never happened again.
I placed the square chip into my palm, then sucked air, hard. Fear pricked my skin as I drew the chip to my mouth.
“How could you leave the party with him?” Danny shook his head and punched the dashboard of his truck.
I flinched. The engine was noisy, glugging gas. I was quiet for a while, then took a deep breath and placed my folded hands on my lap. “How could you cheat?” I clutched the sides of my stomach and leaned forward, feeling like I might vomit. Maybe the stench of smoke had something to do with how nauseated I felt. “I mean, seriously, are you saying that because I go somewhere with my friend, it’s okay for you to cheat? I thought you were coming here so we could talk, and obviously we have a lot to talk about, but I’m really, really tired of the conversation.”
“Oh, this is great, just so typical, you acting like you’re better than me, you and your perfect family.”
The gnawing pains in my belly, pains I’d only experienced during childbirth, made it hard to focus. “What? This has nothing to do with my family.”
“Yeah, you’re just so perfect, aren’t you?” His fist landed on the dashboard with a crack. “Maybe if your dad hadn’t run off, you wouldn’t be such a slut. Do you think? Huh?” Thump.
Thump.
I cowered against the door.
Then a breeze.
A change.
Danny’s face.
The anger lines in his forehead and eyebrows had softened and his shoulders relaxed. “Karma,” he said, leaning toward me. Was he going to kiss me?
Despite the fact that every muscle in my body throbbed with pain, I turned my face, barely avoiding his thick lips. “Just—don’t touch me, okay?” I didn’t want his lips. He’d lied to me so many times. Hurt me. I deserved better, and so did Nell.
I wanted better.
The pain inside me began to fade. It recoiled, as if being wound on a music box. With each second that I admitted the truth to myself, a release spread over my torso, little sparks, little stings. I gasped and grabbed the seat for support. What was happening to me? The feeling was both sad and beautiful, sad because of the truth and beautiful from the freedom it told. My body no longer felt heavy. The nausea that had sickened me for weeks lightened, then disappeared. I turned to the window, to the shadowy outline of trees and buildings. Mist floated along the ground.
“Don’t touch me,” I whispered.
“Babe, I’m so sorry. I love you.” His voice was soft and desperate. Unfamiliar. He covered my hand with his, but I felt nothing. I pulled mine away.
“I’m going to make this right,” he continued. “First, dinner like I promised.” He dragged the gear back and began to drive toward the highway.
“Dinner won’t fix what you’ve done.”
“Marry me.”
“What?”
“Marry me. We can live together in college, you and me and Nell. I love you, Karma.”
“No, Danny. I thought that was what I wanted, but I can’t do this anymore. We aren’t happy. We haven’t been happy for a long time.” Lakefield was speeding by. Had Aaryn watched us drive away? The clarity of what had to happen next felt amazing, like my life could be bright and clean again after all those weeks of fog.
“I love you so much,” he said. “I’m going to do everything I can to make you happy.”
“It’s too late for that.”
“What?” His voice actually shook.
“Please turn around and take me back to Aaryn’s. It’s over between us.” My posture was straight. The words were sweet and empowering, a year in the making; a long, damaging year. He had fooled me and pushed me and almost ruined me, but I was strong. I was brave.
“I don’t love you anymore.”
Endlessness.
The clouds of Mount Olympus shifted above me. I was home. The city with honey-scented air, and light, and no Karma. The inhalation and exhalation of my breath was her name, as if I could hold on to her, hold on to life.
“Aaryn. Get up.”
The marble was cold beneath my hands and feet as I tried to stand. I felt weak.
“Hey, Dad.” But I couldn’t. The ache of my human body had gone, but the ache for her was far worse. “I’ve lost her. I don’t even know what to say.”
“Who have you lost?”
I squinted, my head in my hand, but the brightness around me only changed shape.
My father clapped my shoulder. “Come on now, get up. You did it, son. You’re finally home. I’m so proud of you.”
“We need to talk about the arrows.”
That’s when I heard the murmur of the gods in the distance. A soothing hum of voices, like a calm, crowded arena, rose from a shadowed half-moon before us. There, tucked among storm clouds, the assembly had gathered.
“You did it,” Dad repeated, grabbing my arm and leading me to where the white began to dissolve to gray. His golden cape flickered in the fog. Talk of my return grew louder, though I couldn’t make out the words.
“No,” I said. “I’ve failed you, and so many others, in so many ways. But we can fix things. Maybe the assembly can help us figure out what we’re doing for people. What we stand for.”
From the perimeter of light, Tek stepped forward. “I saw the chip register,” he said.
I shrank back as if I could protect her memory from him by doing so.
“What chip?” Dad said. He’d crossed his arms at Tek’s arrival, a little glance toward the heavens, where Zeus watched their interaction. As much as Dad hated Tek, everyone knew Zeus had a soft spot for the kid.
Tek stacked his arm across my shoulders, the material stinging. “The chip that’s brought Aaryn home.” He squeezed like we were buddies. “He’ll be the next cupid joining High Tower.”
“I won’t.” I shrugged out of his arm. “I’m done with this. I don’t want to control people’s lives, not with your software, or the arrows.” I faced my father. “You don’t know what you’re doing to people. I saw what the arrows can do. What interfering can do. People deserve a choice in who they love.”
She had been my choice. She would always be that. I felt short of breath as her name and face and smile filled my thoughts.
Tek and my father seemed more concerned with each other than with anything I had to say. They argued about whose side I was on. About the purpose of the cupids.
Dad’s wings expanded with a rush, thick from his shoulder blades, rising into a curve along his face and sloping downward to points at the end. Smooth white feathers covered the wings’ muscles in a clean pattern. “Love is a sacred thing,” he told me. “Maybe someday you’ll realize that.”
“But the arrows are causing pain,” I said. “They aren’t only about love, are they, Dad?”
“What do you mean?”
“The practice arrow in my pack on finals. The lead arrow.”
“What lead arrow?”
“I know about Mom.”
My father stiffened. “Keep your mother out of this.” In my peripheral vision, I saw a smirk rising on Tek’s face.
I shook my head. “I know about Aleth. The lead arrow. Maybe a compatibility scan would be good for the arrows. Tek said he was working with you, which might act
ually be a good idea. We have to come up with a plan to help people instead of hurt them.” A cruel thought came: that maybe they should all fall for someone who could never love them back. Maybe they’d get it. Let them try to live with the memory of someone they’d once loved.
“I like the sound of this,” said a voice from the heavens.
Tek stepped forward. “But, Zeus, with all due respect—you and I both know there can only be one god of desire. Eros’s own son believes the arrows are flawed. They’re out of control. Dead arrows, lead arrows.”
Tek needed to pay for his lies. “The Hive distracted me at the ration house on finals,” I said. “Your program. So who’s the one really out of control?”
“And the audit,” Dad said, facing the heavens. “It seems like he’s been working on this plan for a long time.”
Tek’s arms were crossed, his feet shifting.
“But have the arrows become strong enough to hurt people?” Zeus asked. “Eros, is it true that you used a lead arrow on your wife?”
“There was no lead arrow.”
The sound of the wind filled my ears, roaring, the storm clouds building, mist hitting my face. “But Mom broke the arrow’s spell,” I said slowly.
“Yes.” My father’s wings drooped with a sigh, and he glanced at Tek, then me. “And I made up a myth about why we separated, to hide the truth. That Psyche fell in love with Aleth and broke her own spell.”
I shivered as I stood outside Aaryn’s apartment, knocking loudly.
He still hadn’t answered, not the door, not my calls. I held my cheek to the wood and checked the handle, definitely locked. Where are you, where are you, where are you, where—
I sat on the doormat. The wind shook the entrance at the bottom of the stairwell, little ticking sounds from snow, cold seeping through the building. The way I’d left with Danny after that kiss, after everything. It was draining and exciting and I was really starting to worry that Aaryn might hate me.
I’m not sure how long my eyes were closed.
Arrows Page 17
