Indie nodded, but his gut told him differently. He knew exactly what his lady could handle, and this would be too much. It would be a deal breaker.
“Go home and work things out,” Bill said as he stood. He gave Indie a reassuring pat on the back before heading up the stairs.
* * *
YaYa heard him come through the door, but she didn’t budge from Skylar’s bed. Her child brought her a comfort that she couldn’t explain. Skylar’s love was the only kind that would always remain. Indie appeared in the doorway to Skylar’s room.
“Hey, beautiful,” he whispered.
“Hey,” she replied as she eased out of the bed and approached him. She pulled Skylar’s door closed as she pushed him into the hallway.
“You’ve been crying?” He caressed her cheek. A knot twisted in his stomach because he knew that he was about to cause her more pain … more tears.
“I’m just in my feelings. I love you and I’m so happy to be your wife, but we rushed this. We skipped a few steps. We can’t just act like the past years of our lives didn’t happen. Like Parker didn’t happen. Like Ethic didn’t happen,” YaYa whispered. “Every time you leave here I feel like you’re going to her.”
“I’m not,” Indie said. Now was his chance. He could lay all his cards on the table, but he didn’t. It was already in her head that he was doing wrong. At this point, telling her about the DNA test would just add shit in the game. He could see doubt in her. She was defensive when it came to him, as if his touch would add one more injury to her already tortured soul. He had reduced her from the confident woman she used to be. He had done this to her. At this point he could tell her now and lose her instantly, or he could hold on to her as long as he could until the day it all blew up in his face.
YaYa looked him square in the eyes with a raised brow. She could sense that he was holding back. She could read the tension in his body language. “I don’t know why my intuition is conflicted right now, but prove me wrong, Indie. I don’t have it in me to do any more forgiving, so you’ve got to get it right this time. We both do.”
Indie grabbed her chin with a gentle hand. “That’s all I’m about right now, YaYa, trying to stay right for you. Anything that can hurt you, I’m keeping away from you.” He kissed her lips. “Away from Sky. I don’t want to lose my family. I know my woman. I can see the worry weighing you down. You’re wearing it on you all day. You’re tired, and for a long time you were scared. Scared of Leah, scared of losing to her, scared of going without, scared of falling off, scared of failing, but you don’t got to fear shit with me. You’re my queen, YaYa, and I’mma lift you up. I’mma keep you so high that other niggas can’t even reach you, other women can’t compete with what they can’t touch. Nobody compares to you. Focus on the good that’s around you, not the bad that hasn’t even happened yet.”
Indie could see the skepticism in her eyes, and it pained him. He remembered a time when she trusted his every word. Indie could have told YaYa that the sky was a color other than blue, and she would have believed him. Now all he saw in her was hurt.
“What happened to us?” Indie asked.
“We let other people in,” she replied truthfully.
Only she could injure him with words. The sadness that she carried in her tone was like salt on an open wound. She stung him, but he knew he deserved it. Indie had planted uncertainty in her mind. He had put another woman over her, and even though she had slept with Ethic, the two sins weren’t the same. Her actions were a reaction to his disloyalty. His pride was wounded from it, but he didn’t fault her; not if he was being honest with himself. Seeing the way YaYa had run to Ethic after being rescued from the Dominican kidnapping had crushed Indie. He had never been so jealous, so hurt, so remorseful in his life. He loved YaYa and he wanted her to be his forever, but he had rushed her into marriage, rushed her into a shotgun wedding because he was deathly afraid of losing her. Indie had known if he didn’t make his move, then Ethic would beat him to the punch. As he stood in front of YaYa, staring into her doubt-filled eyes, he knew that he had pushed her into something she wasn’t ready for.
“Did we make a mistake, Disaya?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she replied. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and he brushed it away. He closed the space between them and cupped her face in his hands.
“You can tell me if this is something you don’t want, ma,” he said.
“How can I know if this is what I want if I don’t even know who I am anymore?” she whispered. “I thought I knew, but with Ethic I felt like a completely different person…”
YaYa felt his body stiffen, and she placed a hand on his cheek. “Not better, just different. That’s when I realized that I’m not defining myself. You are. He did. Leah did. For a long time my mother did. I have never gotten a chance to be who I think I should be or to pursue what I want to pursue. Who am I?”
Indie wanted to be angry, but how could he? From the very first day he met YaYa, he knew she was a black girl lost. He had given her direction, molded her into the type of woman he wanted her to become: one that fit his way of life, one who lived by his creed. Now she was questioning that. She wanted to know herself outside of any manipulating forces. Who was Disaya without Indie? It was a terrifying question because not even he knew the answer to it.
“Where is this coming from, Ya?” Indie asked. “You don’t like this life I give you?”
“That’s the problem, Indie. What’s given can be taken away. You can decide at any moment that I’m not what you want anymore, and then you leave with my security, with my identity, with my self-worth in your hand.”
“I’m here with you. I gave my last name to you. Isn’t that enough to show you that I’m not going anywhere?” Indie said defensively.
“No. It isn’t!” She shook her head in frustration. “Not with Parker in the picture. Not with your loyalty wavering.”
“She’s not in the picture,” Indie said. It slipped from his lips so quickly that he didn’t have a chance to take it back. It was a half-truth. Did that count as a lie? He certainly couldn’t tell her that King was his son tonight. Not in the heat of this moment. It could be the revelation that pushed her out the door for good. “Listen, baby girl, you’re panicking. We up and did this thing. Your name is different. Things are different and you afraid of losing yourself. You can be whoever, do whatever. I want to love whatever version of yourself you grow into. That’s why I put a ring on your finger. I want to grow with you. I want to appreciate the changes and the evolution. I’ll support you, YaYa. You have to know that. Just tell me what you want to do. Whatever it is, I’ll back you. I got you. I got us. What you want from me, ma?”
“I don’t know. Something. Maybe I’ll open a boutique, or go to school, or manage talent … I just can’t only be your wife, Indie!” YaYa said. There was desperation in her voice.
“Okay, ma. We’ll figure it out together. Tomorrow, you’ll have me all to yourself. Whatever I need to do, I’m there. I can buy a building for you, get your paperwork together, give you start-up money—whatever. Let me make one thing clear, though. You’re Disaya Perkins, and if you never wanted to lift a finger for the rest of your life, you would still bring more value to my life than anything else in this world. I see your worth, even if you don’t, and it’s measured in more than dollars and cents. What you bring to my life is priceless, but I get it and I’ll help you. I don’t want you to feel like you have nothing without me, like you’re worth nothing without me. We’ll figure out your destiny together. Just don’t pull away from me, because I need you, YaYa. Through thick and thin, until death.”
Indie’s lips silenced her response as he pushed her against the wall. He slipped one hand beneath her nightgown, and just like that the conversation was over. There were so many things that she could have said back to him, so many thoughts that she wanted to express, but his hands were on her. With him standing in front of her looking this good, talking this right, and smelling so f
amiliar, all she could do was comply. This man. This king. This god that was Indie Perkins had a hold on her, and it would either bring out the best in her or the worst, depending on which direction the winds of life blew them. She was stuck, for better or for worse, and even with all of his promises she felt that the worse had yet to come.
4
Time stood still inside the SUV as Parker sat silently, parked in front of King’s school. Awkward space existed between them, and she hated it. They had always been a team. From the day King was born all they had to rely on was each other, but King’s anger toward her had only magnified in the days following their fight. He wanted answers. He wanted his father, and he blamed Parker for Indie’s absence. There were many voids that she could fill, but she couldn’t do anything about the male figure that was missing in his life.
“It’s the first day of fourth grade. Can’t I get a smile or something?” Parker asked, trying to break the ice.
“It’s just school, ma,” King said as he reached for the door. Parker hated that he was burdened by something so heavy. She had worked too hard to give him a real childhood for it to be destroyed now.
“I’ll be right here to pick you up in a few hours. Try to have a good day, baby,” she said. She gave him a smile, one that he didn’t return, before he rushed into the school.
She checked the time on her phone and sped out into traffic. She only had thirty minutes before her first lecture began. She always wondered what it would be like to have a partner to share her responsibilities with. Life was hard. Everything rested on her shoulders. She was a single, working mom, and it was an unending job. She loved it, but just as desperately as King wanted a father, Parker wanted a man to share her life with.
It seemed that she just couldn’t have it all. She was smart, confident, and independent, but somehow that added up to lonely. Parker wasn’t the type of woman to break up someone else’s marriage, but she felt cheated. Indie was supposed to be hers, and what stung even worse was the fact that the woman he had replaced her with was unworthy of it all. YaYa is a pretty face with nothing else to offer. Bum bitch is sitting pretty just spending Indie’s money. She’s not helping him be better, Parker thought.
She willed her emotions away as she pulled onto campus at the community college where she taught. She had uprooted her entire life to move back to New York. Parker had dropped everything to come back to claim her man, only to end up heartbroken and empty-handed.
* * *
The school bell rang and King sprang out of the doors, running full speed down the block toward the subway station. He didn’t care that it was the first day. He wouldn’t be there. He had other important things to attend to. He had stood inside the door waiting for his mom to pull away from the curb before making his exit. He ran all the way to the next block and didn’t stop until he descended the stairs taking him below the street to the subway platform. No one batted an eye. It wasn’t uncommon to see a kid with a book bag navigating his way through the city during the school year. He slipped under the turnstile, maneuvering his way in between the dense crowd as he found his way toward the PATH train. He remembered taking the train with his mom. They had done it before, when they first came to New York. His grandma Elaine lived in New Jersey. She had taught him her address, and he knew if he just made it there, he would get to see Indie. She would make sure that he saw his father. He turned left then right as he bumped into the people around him. He felt like a pinball as everyone moved him in a different direction. King didn’t remember there being so many people before, and he hadn’t felt like he wanted to throw up last time. King slid onto the first train he saw. He didn’t realize he was in over his head until the doors closed and the train started moving, but by then it was too late to turn back. He was afraid, not just of getting lost but of showing up and finding out that it wasn’t his mother keeping his father away.
What if he doesn’t want me? King thought, as tears stung his eyes. He gritted his teeth and blinked them away. He wanted to be strong, but nobody had ever taught him how to man up. He only knew the type of strength that his mother displayed, and that was different from what he was trying to muster up. He didn’t have a man to teach him how to handle fear or loss or disappointment. He was figuring it all out on his own. No one knew how it felt not to have a father. It hurt. Like a wound that wouldn’t scab, his heart continuously bled. He never understood why his friends had fathers and his was nonexistent. It angered him. It made him feel like he was undeserving of love, undeserving of someone to look up to … like he had done something to make his father flee from his life. While other boys his age were learning how to shoot baskets from their fathers, King was looking for masculinity in his mother. She couldn’t teach him how to be a man. Even her strength looked like weakness to a growing boy. King had gotten a taste of what it was like to have Indie in his life, and he craved the bond. If he didn’t get it, he would seek it elsewhere, and like so many he would get pulled in by the allure of the streets. He had the blood of a hustler running in his veins, and if he didn’t connect with his father, he would chase the illusion of paternal love in those around him. He needed guidance, and he would get it one way or another.
* * *
The commotion of the kids filtering out of the school filled the air as eager parents waited outside. Parker balanced her cell phone between her ear and her shoulder as she grabbed her handbag before exiting the car.
“I only need you to cover one class. I left a lesson plan for you on the desk. I’m grabbing my son from school now. I’ll be back within the hour,” Parker told her teaching assistant as she headed toward the front entrance. It was days like these that drove her insane. She was expected to be in two places at once. Her job was demanding but so was motherhood, and it always prevailed above all else. She hung up the phone and walked to her son’s classroom, where his teacher was releasing a long line of students. She waited patiently, knowing that King’s unorganized habits would make him one of the last kids out of the room. When the last child exited and King didn’t emerge, she stepped toward the teacher in confusion.
“I’m here for King Perkins. Is he in trouble? Should I check with the main office?” she asked.
“Are you his mom?” The woman smiled at her as she extended her hand. “I’m Mrs. Baker.”
“Yes, I am. Nice to meet you. I’m Parker Banks.” Parker shook her hand. “Where is he, exactly?”
“I marked King absent today,” the woman responded.
“I sent him to school today. I watched him walk inside this building,” Parker said sternly. Panic didn’t immediately set in. This has to be a mistake. Did they switch his class?
“Perhaps the main office knows more. We can walk down there together. I’m sure they will be able to sort this out.”
Parker’s heels clicked against the hallway floor as she was escorted to the principal’s office.
“You can have a seat, I’ll update the principal and see if I can get you some answers,” Mrs. Baker said.
Parker watched as Mrs. Baker walked into the back office. She peered through the glass window at Mrs. Baker and the principal, and a knot formed in her stomach. Their body language told her something was wrong. Her impatience turned to restlessness, and that gave into fear as she watched the teacher and principal speak in hushed tones.
Parker’s body filled with dread when the principal came out and approached her. “Ms. Banks?” he asked.
Parker nodded.
“My name is Mr. Temple. Your son was not in attendance today, and we don’t have any way to know where he went after the bell rang. We don’t have cameras at the elementary level. Our next move here is to call the police.”
Parker felt as if she’d gone deaf. She saw his lips moving, but everything blurred around her as she tried to grasp what was happening.
“I saw him walk in here. I dropped him off right out front,” she whispered as tears came to her eyes. She couldn’t breathe. It was the like the earth had opened up an
d was swallowing her whole. In what universe did a mother drop her child off at school and no one saw him? Horror stories ran through her mind.
This can’t be happening, she thought. Parker struggled to breathe, then screamed, “Where is my son!”
* * *
“Where are you taking me?” YaYa asked as she sat blindfolded.
“Just relax,” Indie told her as he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “We’re almost there.”
“We’ve been driving so long, Sky fell asleep. I’m about to join her. Can I please just take this thing off my face?”
“You’re a difficult woman, you know that,” Indie said with laughter.
YaYa felt the car stop moving, and she waited until Indie opened the door for her. He helped her out of the car.
“Okay. You can look, ma,” Indie said.
YaYa pulled the scarf off, half expecting to see a new car or a private plane that would carry her to paradise. Instead she stood in the middle of a busy Brooklyn street. She turned to him in confusion. “Am I missing something?” she asked with a smile. “What’s the big surprise?”
Indie pulled a set of keys from his pocket and held them up in front of her face. “The surprise is ownership, ma.” He turned toward the building. “This is yours.”
YaYa was taken aback by the gesture. She turned to the building and then to Indie. Her mouth was open, but no words came out. She didn’t know what to say.
“I’ll grab Sky out the back. You go in and take a look around.”
YaYa took the keys, and a feeling of intimidation took over her as she pulled the security gate to the side before opening the door. It was a huge space: ten thousand square feet with floor-to-ceiling windows and two floors. Her heart pumped. She was full of nervous energy. She had asked for this. Not this specifically, but for something to call her own. YaYa had needed fulfillment, and now she had a place that she could transform into whatever she liked.
The Prada Plan 5 Page 4
