by RH Tucker
“Um … what?”
“I mean, I don’t want to know if you’re a racist or anything, it just helps to know if a guy likes me because of that, or if that doesn’t really play into their decision making. I’m half Korean, that’s why I ask.”
He narrows his eyes, his mouth dropping as if he’s trying to solve an equation. “I don’t … I don’t understand …”
“Never mind.” Cindy waves her hand. “That’s a touchy topic anyways, let’s just base this totally off looks.”
“What is happening right now?” he asks, staring at me, and I shake my head, completely confused.
“Chad, focus.” She taps his nose with her finger. “Now, I’m going to ask you a question, and I need you to be totally honest with me, okay?”
“Okay …”
“Do you think I’m cute?” As she asks it, she leans on her hip and starts twirling his short, black hair.
“Um …” He pauses again, and his gaze bounces around the store. “Am I being pranked right now? Is this some kind of YouTube show or something?”
“No, I’m totally serious. I’m trying to prove a point to Veronica here.”
“Chad, I’m sorry.” I tug at Cindy’s arm. “This is completely embarrassing. She’s crazy. She has episodes. Come on, Cindy. Time for your afternoon nap.”
The words come out as calm as I can make them, but my voice still cracks, and I know my entire face is probably crimson red. Cindy doesn’t even look at me, pulling her arm away, still staring at him.
“No, this is important. Chad’s a guy. And I’m not lumping all guys in the same boat or anything, but he’s gonna be honest.” She leans closer to him. “Aren’t you, Chad? You wouldn’t lie to a couple of cute girls, would you?”
“Uh … no?”
“See?” Swiveling her head in my direction, she smiles at me, before turning back to him. “And so, you do think I’m cute, right?”
“Yeah …” He nods. “Yeah, sure. You’re cute.”
“And what about my boobs?”
His eyes pop open, then dart around, looking anywhere but her chest. “Uh, what?”
“My boobs,” she repeats, grabbing herself. “The girls here. What do you think about them?”
“Ohmygod.” Grabbing her, I try to pull her away. “What are you doing? This is insane.”
I can’t move her more than a couple steps before she takes her arm back. “I’m proving a point.” She turns and goes back to Chad. “So? You decide?”
“Are you sure I’m not being pranked?” He eyes the counter in front of him and the cash register, searching for a hidden camera. “Someone is watching this right now, isn’t there?”
Reaching over, Cindy grasps his arm. “Chad, please. You’re not being pranked. Yes, this sounds crazy, but it’s for the benefit of all womankind.” She laughs. “Okay, that’s laying it on a little thick. It’s really just for Veronica’s benefit.”
“Me judging your boobs is for her benefit?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“It just is. Please, Chad.” She leans in even closer, and I know the look she’s giving him. I’ve seen her use it on other guys. It’s a pleading, doe-eyed look. It’s the one that says, ‘Aren’t you going to help poor little ol’ me?’.
I roll my eyes, shaking my head.
“Um … okay … well …”
“It’s okay, I’m a big girl. I can take it. And I’m asking for your honest opinion.”
Wrinkling his nose, he averts his eyes. “I mean, you’re kind of small.”
“Kinda,” she chuckles and looks over at me. “He’s being so nice. Chad, I am small. I know that. But I make up for it in … other ways.”
His nervousness vanishes, and he turns about as red as I know I am. “So, you think I’m a little flat chested. Okay, that’s not news to me. But here’s the thing, Chad. Would you go out with me?”
“Well, I have a girlfriend.”
“Aww,” she turns to me and smiles. “He’s got a girlfriend. Chad, you’re a good guy for being straight up. But, let’s just say that you didn’t have a girlfriend. Would you go out with me?”
“Yeah. I guess so.” He lifts his shoulders and nods.
“Even though I’m lacking in a certain department.” She gives a slight shake of her chest, he gives an uncomfortable chuckle, and I just stare at the ground. Horrified.
“Yeah,” he answers.
“You see?” She turns to me and stands triumphantly.
“See? See what? This has been mortifying, and I have no idea what you’re trying to prove.”
“Hold on, I forgot the most important part.” She turns back around to him. “How about Veronica, Chad? Would you go out with her?”
“Yeah, she’s cute, too.”
“I can’t even.” I stare at the ground, wishing I’d disappear.
“Even though she’s got that full-figure going on? She’s still hot, right?”
He raises his eyebrows, seemingly more comfortable with this conversation as it’s gone on. “Yeah.”
“And she’s got a great rack, right?”
“Cindy!” I yell through clenched teeth. She pays me no attention, waiting for his answer.
Gone is his trepidation when she asked him about her own chest because now he nods his head in agreement. I cross my arms in front of myself as he says, “Yeah. Great rack.”
“That’s it, I’m leaving.”
I don’t wait for her. Turning around, I head out of the store, but I can hear her behind me. “Thanks, Chad. You’ve been a terrific help. You deserve a raise. I’ll call customer service or something and tell them how helpful you’ve been.” I hear her footsteps as she hurries to catch up to me. “V, slow down.”
“Slow down? Slow down! Are you insane? I’m the one who usually spouts off at the mouth, not you. What the hell was that?”
“I was proving a point.”
“Oh yeah, what point? How far along I’ll go with something before I’m horrified of going out in public with you again?
“No,” she responds, laughing. “That you’re the one with this hang-up. That guy in there didn’t know us. He’d never seen you before. But he still thought you were cute. And,” she nudges me with her elbow, “he was definitely eyeing your chest a lot longer than he was eyeing mine.”
I stop, turning to face her. “This isn’t funny, Cindy. That was freaking humiliating. He was checking me out and—”
“And nothing.” She puts her hands on my shoulders. “That was exactly the point, V. He was checking you out. I don’t know how many times we have to tell you, that yes, you may be overweight and yes, you may have issues with that, but you have to get over it. Because there are guys out there that will like you because of that, and more importantly, there are guys out there who won’t give a damn about that. Guys like Micah. He likes you. But how long do you think he’ll like you if you’re constantly saying you’re too fat to be loved?”
Her tone has turned from fun to severe, and the last sentence hits me hard. “I never said I’m—”
“You’ve never had to. The jokes and comments you make all of the time say it for you. I love you. Your family loves you. And we all feel like that because of who you are, not because of what you look like. If you stay hung up on this, especially because of that asshole Tim, how long do you think it’ll be before Micah starts seeing it and wonders if what he feels for you will ever be enough?” Her dumb joke and my embarrassment are all gone, and it’s just one of my best friends confiding in me now. “I love you, and if you don’t see that you’re an amazing person, what kind of life is that for yourself?”
Chapter 11
Micah
“So how’re things with this new girl? Veronica, right?” I nod at my dad’s question as we exit the parking lot of the baseball stadium. “You seemed to be on your phone a lot during the game.”
We caught an early afternoon game, and now we’re headed back home where my mom said if I don’t have dinn
er with them this week, I’m grounded. I’m not sure how that would work, since I don’t live at home anymore, but she seemed upset that I hadn’t been by the last couple of weeks for a family dinner.
“Everything’s good,” I answer with a smile, pulling out my phone, scanning over the string of text messages we’ve built.
Ever since that night where we almost had sex a couple of weeks ago, we’ve been in sync. She’s slept over more than a couple of times, and while we fool around, we haven’t crossed the line yet. She doesn’t say it, but I think she’s nervous, and I get that, so I haven’t brought it up. We do other stuff that I’m honestly fine with however long she wants to wait.
I do wish she’d let me in on the reason she’s waiting.
She doesn’t seem overly religious, and while we’ve talked about marriage in general, she hasn’t said she’s waiting for marriage. My only conclusion is she’s self-conscious. She doesn’t say anything, but sometimes she’ll move a certain way, or grab hold of her shirt, to make sure it’s not clinging to her. And she never lets me see her without a shirt on. It’s not annoying. It’s not even concerning. It’s just … peculiar. Especially since I feel like I tell her all of the time how beautiful she is—which she is. But she doesn’t seem to see it.
“Yeah,” I repeat. “Things are good.”
“That’s good.” Smiling, he turns up the volume in the car.
After a short drive down the freeway, we make it to my parents’ home. I still have my room in the three-bedroom house that my mother refuses to turn it into the library my dad wants. It’s never used, but she says it’ll stay that way “just in case.”
As soon as I walk through the door I smell the lasagna she’s cooking. “Mom, that smells amazing.”
She gives me a broad smile, her cheeks pushing into her brown eyes that match mine. She has her hair pulled back and walks over to me, giving me a hug. “Well, I gotta make sure you keep something on those bones. Look at you.” She holds me at a distance.
I wrinkle my nose. “What? I work out. I’m fit.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she replies, waving her hand and turning back to the stove. “Speaking of, how’s Taylor?”
“He’s good. Working a lot for the summer. I think our manager wants to promote him to a supervisor for the gym.”
“That’s good. He wants to do that, right? Gym stuff.”
I laugh, reaching into the fridge to grab a bottle of water, then hopping up to sit on the counter. “Personal training, yeah. Once he’s done with his associate’s for business, he’s gonna get certified to be a PT.”
“Good for him,” she says as she stirs a pot. “Go wash up, the veggies are just about done.”
I glance over at my father, who’s already sitting at the table, with a confused look. “We just got home, Mom. I’m clean.”
“Micah.” She points her wooden spoon at me, silently ordering me to the bathroom as if I’m five years old again.
“Okay, okay.”
After washing my hands, I head back out to the dining room, where she’s just set the lasagna pan down. Dad places the pot of cooked vegetables on the table. As long as I can remember, it’s always been like this. She’ll do the cooking, he’ll help set up the table, and I do the dishes. I may not live at home anymore, but when I visit, I’ll still do them. It couldn’t be more cookie cutter, wholesome-family if you tried.
Before I get to the table, I hear my dad whispering, “No, Justine. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Jacob, she called the house. I know what you told me, but she sounds remorseful. They’re in love.”
“They were in love. Now he’s—”
I clear my throat loudly, and they both turn and look at me. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” she says with a smile, taking her seat.
“Okay.” I watch her carefully, before looking over at my dad. He gives me a worried expression and raises his hands in defeat. The kind of expression that says ‘Sorry, son. I tried’.
Mom cuts into the lasagna pan. “So, your father told me what happened.”
“About?”
Her eyes find my dad’s for a second, before looking back down at the food. “You and Lana.”
“Right.” I nod, trying to act as normal as I can.
I haven’t spoken to her in a month and a half. I hear from Taylor and a couple other friends she’s asked about me, but she hasn’t tried calling me. And I might still be mad about everything that happened if it wasn’t for Veronica.
I can’t say I’m entirely over being cheated on. There are times I’ve wondered if Veronica’s waiting to have sex because she’s seeing someone else. I quickly reprimand myself for those thoughts and try to remind myself that Veronica isn’t Lana. I can’t assume she’s going to do the same thing.
“Mom, I know you liked her, but it’s over.”
“But, Micah. You guys were so good together. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, and she’s so gorgeous.”
“Mom, smart and beautiful aren’t the end all be all to liking someone.” I grip my fork tighter, hoping she drops the conversation. She doesn’t.
“I know that, Micah. Of course not.”
“Okay, then.”
“But you two were—”
“Please don’t say it.”
“High school sweethearts.”
“Justine,” my dad says lowly.
When I was little and learned my father drew for a living—I called it drawing because at the time I didn’t know it was called graphic design—I was mesmerized. You mean, you can actually use pencils and crayons and have that as your job? He went after his dreams, became what he wanted to become, fell in love with a beautiful girl—his high school sweetheart—and everything fell into place for him. The girl, the house, the family. He was and still is my hero.
So, when I first met Lana, it’s the first thing that came to mind. I admit I am partial to brunettes over blondes, but there Lana was, flaunting her stuff in school. Most guys would kill to hookup with her, and she liked me. Just because she wasn’t my type, didn’t mean I didn’t notice her. But I didn’t go out of my way to go ask her out either. When we finally did get together, I thought that was it. I was on my way. I was on the same path that my father took. I had the girl, my high school sweetheart, and now I was going to start working on pursuing becoming an artist. Drawing for a living.
Since I always liked comic books, I wanted to be a cartoonist. To be able to tell my own story, with my own words and pictures.
Of course, I told my parents all of this. They both knew at the time I thought Lana and I would be together for the long haul. So she’s not off-base when my mom says high school sweethearts. Hell, I called us that from time to time.
“Micah, you should hear her out,” Mom continues.
I feel the anger rising, and snap. “I did hear her out, okay? I heard her screaming—” I stop myself, knowing if I say what I really want to I’ll not only embarrass my mom but embarrass myself. “Mom, believe me, there’s no coming back from this. Not this time.”
“But, Micah, people make mistakes.”
“Why are you pushing this? She’s the one that screwed up. I didn’t do anything wrong. Why do I feel like you’re on her side?”
“No, of course not, honey. I’m not on her side, I’m just saying, people do stupid things. She could’ve been drunk or something.” She cuts into her plate of lasagna, calmly.
“Seriously? And that would make it okay?”
She shakes her head. “No, it wouldn’t, I’m just saying—”
“This is the second time, okay?” They both stare at me, shocked at the revelation. It finally feels like they’re understanding the magnitude of the situation.
“Honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Whatever, can we just drop it, please? It’s not going to happen.”
I take a bite of my dish and watch her as she looks at me, then at him, nodding. Dad tries to make small talk for
the rest of dinner, but it’s awkward. And tense. I know she always loved Lana. And Lana gave her good reason to. She was always nice when she came over and helped her cook dishes a number of times. I just don’t understand why she’s making excuses for her.
We finish dinner, and even though there’s an air of agitation still lingering, I wash the dishes. Mom and Dad return to small talk, and no one brings up Lana again.
“Okay, guys, I’m taking off,” I say as I dry my hands on a dish towel.
“All right, son,” my dad calls out from his recliner, waving at me.
“Talk to you guys later.”
Just as I turn the doorknob, my mom reaches for my arm. “Micah, I’m sorry about earlier.”
“It’s okay, Mom.”
“I just want you to be happy, and Lana seemed to make you happy.”
“She did. But things change.” She nods. “Do me a favor, please? I don’t know what she told you, and I don’t really want to know. Just … if she calls here again, please tell her to move on. I’m moving on, and I think it’s the best thing for both of us.”
“Okay, I will.” She leans in and gives me a hug. “Your dad told me you’re seeing someone else already.”
“Yeah. I am.”
“You know she needs my seal of approval first.”
“Right.” Laughing, I roll my eyes at her. “I think you need more time than I did to get over Lana. I’ll bring her over in a year, how about that?”
“A year?” She gives me a concerned gaze. “Are you two serious already?”
It’s something I’ve thought about. I don’t know for sure what Veronica’s feeling, but I know what I am. It hasn’t been very long, but I could see spending more time with her. “I don’t know,” I try to play it cool, “maybe.”
“Oh, then she most definitely needs my seal of approval.”
I laugh. “Okay, we’ll see.”
“I love you, honey.”
“I love you, too, Mom.”
Chapter 12
Veronica
I’ve been spending more nights at Micah’s. Every once in a while, I’ll wake up before one of our alarms goes off. Sometimes the only thing that’s touching is our legs. Other times he’ll be holding me, and I can’t imagine being anywhere else other than in his arms. Being a foot taller than me, his wide shoulders feel like they envelop me, protecting me from anything that could hurt me. I’ll snuggle closer to him and fall back asleep, knowing I’m safe from any concerns or worries I might have. Then there are times like right now.
