Keisha reluctantly took her seat. Willie plowed through the remainder of the Preparing for Marriage counseling folder that outlined expectations, topics, and selective readings for the duration of their sessions. The overview usually cut the initial meeting to half the time.
“How do you see yourselves?” Willie asked.
“That’s simple - married with kids,” Keisha chimed in. She looked at Paul, and then back at him as if to say her answer was sufficient for the both of them.
This brother better find his voice box before he forgets to speak altogether, Willie thought. “I mean beyond your relationship with Paul and beyond his relationship with you. There have been others before him, and he has had other relationships before you, starting with the one with your parents. I am asking, how has that shaped you as individuals? The first couple of sessions are about each of you separately. It’s called what do you bring to the table?” Willie tried again, clarifying his approach. He was skipping a few basics on love and God’s design of marriage that he usually started with. He knew the destination, but he was launching from a different place with these two. “Are you bringing excess baggage? Are you so stuck in your ways that sacrifice and compromise are out of the question? How do you see yourself in the Lord now, and how will the Lord use the two of you together?”
Paul and Keisha looked at each other again. This time they had no immediate joint answer or spokesperson.
“I am, as you know, a PK, or preacher’s kid, who hasn’t always followed the rules of both my earthly father and my heavenly Father, but like us all, I have been forgiven,” Keisha said. “I’m on a leave of absence so to speak from fifteen years of being everything from administrative assistant to project manager. In this stage in my life I am a ministerial student.”
“See, you all have an interesting dynamic going on. Although you are marrying a ministerial student, you should never fail to go to God for direction on how to lead your household,” Willie said to Paul, and then turned to Keisha, “and how to submit to your husband.”
Willie felt his teeth grind on the word submit as he thought about his own marital stalemate. Vanessa wasn’t submitting to anything but her own hormones and stubbornness.
“Oh, I see where this is going.” Keisha said.
“Do you, really?” Little Ms. Know-it-all, Willie thought. Had she always behaved just like his wife? “You think you know what marriage is all about, Minister Morton? Who is going to cook and clean if and when you start taking a full course load at Bible college? How long do you wait to have the kids you mentioned earlier? What happens when the kids come and you need a bigger house on one income? What if Paul decides one day that he doesn’t want a woman who ministers all across the city, state, and country?”
“Well, you and Sister Pastor have written the book on being a ministry couple,” Paul said.
“Yeah, and if Vanessa can submit to you, I know I can submit to Paul,” Keisha said.
It seemed that Willie wasn’t the only one who couldn’t take the angst out of his voice. It was usually a game of his and his sister-in-law to grind each other’s peppercorn. He was seriously thinking of any of his friends in the ministry that his sister-in-law hadn’t dated that could counsel the two of them for that reason.
“Are either of you the least bit concerned that your marriage will interfere with the other’s call to God?”
Keisha shook her head while Paul nodded. Keisha could have given herself whiplash, cutting her eyes at Paul when she noticed they weren’t in agreement.
This made Willie scoot to the edge of his seat. “Expound.”
“Keisha has shared with me a little about being the baby in this ministry-driven family and her need to find her niche. She is not Sister Pastor, and sometimes she doesn’t feel like she’s being taken seriously. She is committed to her studies and nothing is more important to her now.” He turned in his seat, inviting her into the conversation. She looked at him as if he were sharing one of her sacred secrets, and breaking her heart in the process. He placed his hand on her knee cap and wiggled it until she cracked a smile. They had a nonverbal communication far beyond a couple engaged for such a short time. “I don’t want to interfere with that.”
“I can see us teaching together or starting a ministry for married couples at Pleasant Harvest like they have at other churches,” Keisha said, surprisingly subdued.
Once again, Paul nodded his agreement. “I’ve thought about that too.”
“You have?” Willie and Keisha said, almost in unison. Paul nodded again.
“You’ve got a good man here,” Willie reiterated to his sister-in-law.
“I get that. Paul is a good catch. You’ve said that twice already, almost as if you don’t think I am. Yes, he is too good for me some days, and some days I’m too good for him. This is the weirdest session ever. Do you normally start every couple’s session like this?” Keisha’s anger showed on her face, and there was a hint of something else. “Is everything all right?”
“No disrespect, Pastor, but I’m with Keisha. Is it important to have our whole life figured out now? We’re trusting and believing that God will lead Keisha to the perfect job and direct us to our ministry. I’m thinking you and Sister Pastor can help facilitate that growth. We’re family, right? With marriage under our belt, hopefully we will become surer of our joint purpose.”
Willie didn’t know if that last statement rang true for him and Vanessa, although he was nearing his one year wedding anniversary. What he knew for sure was whether Paul had to prop or bend, he was going to figure out a way to support his wife-to-be. Had he tried to lift Vanessa up through all of this? He thought that he should be taking counseling from them.
“I apologize,” Willie said, using his hand to gesture toward the many factors that were unseen, yet eating at him. “I’m off my script.”
He grabbed his desktop Bible and flipped to a familiar passage, prompting Keisha to go for the pocket version in her purse, and Paul to reach for his satchel. “First Corinthians, chapter thirteen, verse four states love is patient and love is kind. It does not envy or is it puffed up. And well, you know the scripture. It ends with love never fails. A marriage built on love, like I believe yours will be, and a faith in God should not fail.”
Willie’s cell phone, set on vibrate, buzzed and fluttered around on his desk like a primitive insect. He recognized the number as Vanessa’s and figured he had wasted too much of Keisha and Paul’s time already to take a personal call.
“God likened the marriage between a man and a woman to Christ’s relationship with His church,” Willie continued.
“Aren’t you going to answer that?” Keisha asked after the phone stopped its dance on the desktop and started again.
“It’s Vanessa,” Willie said, checking the display. “She probably just wants me to bring her something on the way home,” Willie dismissed.
Keisha grabbed the phone. “Vanessa, girl, I was going to call when I got home to ask you to save me from this man you call husband and this interrogation you call pre-marital . . . What? Where?” Her smile was suddenly drawn in tight like the opening to a duffle bag. “Oh my God, my sister is in the hospital.”
It took them less than thirty minutes to get to Washington Hospital Center in their caravan of cars. Vanessa’s doctor was not available when they reached the hospital, but Alexis filled them in as to the sequence of events with Vanessa’s elevated blood pressure, which led her doctor to admit her as a preventive measure. Willie was thankful she was sensitive not to divulge anything about the pregnancy in front of Keisha, Paul, and Roy. They all seemed relieved.
“Let me go in to see her first,” Willie announced before taking off to find the room assigned to his wife.
Willie felt his organs had lurched forward in his chest when Keisha relayed the message and had not yet returned to their normal place. His heart led the way into the room where his wife lay awake on her back watching a crime show on television. She was tethered to an IV po
le, and her hair formed a nest beneath her head. He plopped in the seat next to her bed as if he had been there all along and had just returned from the vending machine.
“Aren’t you going to say something?” Vanessa asked.
“What can I say, Vanessa? I don’t know what you are willing to hear these days.” Willie said, bending at the waist to loosen the laces on his shoes before sitting upright and doing the same with his necktie. “I’m camping out until I hear from the doctor.”
“I’ve talked to the doctor.” She paused. “She thinks my blood pressure is an indication of preeclampsia. She’s putting me on bed rest, maybe for the duration of the pregnancy. She says how I take care of myself will determine whether I do the bed rest here or at home. Once they get my blood pressure under control, I can go home.”
Willie let out a puff of air and he turned to look at her for the first time since entering the room. He let his hands rest on the bed and fought the urge to inch them forward and touch her in a way he knew she preferred not to be touched. “It’s as if my body is not my own. People wouldn’t normally be rubbing my stomach, and I surely don’t go around rubbing their tummies,” she had said.
She surprised him by finding his hand with hers and scaling the mount of her expectant abdomen with them. Her belly was warm and complete in its curvature, and he fought back emotions in the acceptance he felt in that gesture. “I’ve been trying to tell you—” he started.
“I’ve been trying to tell you that I love you and this baby, our baby . . .” She inhaled sharply, sucking back every tear trying to preempt her breakthrough. “. . . and I’m sorry it came out as anger, selfishness, or any other cursed disposition. I come against it all now.”
“Shhhhhhhh.” He pecked her lips.
“I’ve been stuck in thinking what if something is wrong. Believing that it was and the doctors weren’t telling me. Now I’ve probably brought this condition on myself. Along with increased visits to the doctor and bed rest, the doctors say they must keep in the back of their mind a strategy in case the baby has to be delivered early.” There was panic in her voice. “Which just confirms my fear that I can’t—”
“You can do all things through Christ.” Willie stood, still holding her hand, still beholding her natural beauty. “We’ll pray it away, Vanessa. No more fear, you understand me? We are not a people without hope. Your job now is to rest, so I can take you home.”
Their foreheads touched as their hands clasped together and the tears flowed. When they looked up, her sister and the rest of the gang were in the doorway looking as if they just sneaked a look at a peep show.
“She’s having my baby, y’all,” Willie announced.
Celebration erupted among the six of them as if they all were just finding out the news. Willie noticed Keisha set her wedding book down on Vanessa’s tray table. He hunched his wife as her sister extracted a picture of a fitted coral bridesmaids dress and a few others. She began to rip it to shreds, letting the pieces rain down over Vanessa’s hospital bed. It was the perfect confetti.
Chapter 21
Her Epiphany
Vanessa approached the sacred desk at Pleasant Harvest Baptist Church a little after twelve during Sunday morning service, armed with three truths; her Word, her secret, and the knowledge that this would be her last time preaching for a while. The deal she made with her husband was that she would preach, they would tell their congregation their little secret, and she would go directly to bed. She had been in prayer and meditation since leaving the hospital, as pastors often did. She could not get past the events of the past month and her own personal epiphany. That, she knew, was the revelation the Lord wanted her to share.
“There are over five hundred references to fear in the Bible; five hundred. That’s a lot, y’all. God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear. The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? That’s just one of the references found in scripture. That’s not counting all the times the Lord suggests to us to be of good courage or to take heart, alluding to our fear.” Vanessa stood robed ready to stand and deliver.
Even as she spoke, Vanessa was warring against fear. She was wondering what was behind the stares of her congregants and how much ground and position and respect she stood to lose carrying out God’s plan and admitting what had been crippling her. She knew now she only had one choice. She prayed for that blind faith that allowed Peter to get his feet wet and nothing else.
“That many scriptures, that many warnings, but no,” Vanessa shook her head and puffed her chest out, “this was me, y’all; the great Vanessa Morton Green will not fall prey to fear. I am a co-pastor to an ever-increasing ministry that just celebrated fifty years, and I sit on the board to what will become one of the largest and surely the greatest coalition and conference of pastors. I am one of only three women to serve on the executive committee of a major religious conference.”
Vanessa invited their applause on that achievement. She looked back toward her husband with a knowing look. Another part of their deal was that he would attend the Trinity Conference meetings in her absence and choose a committee to serve on for the upcoming conference thus preserving this spot of recognition for her.
She took a wide stance to help her shift her weight from side to side. “I thought that since I preach and teach about fear that I would counteract this particular devilish plot in my own life. Fear sneaks up behind you and puts his hands over your eyes, blinding you. Fear will have you paranoid, irrational, self-sabotaging. Fear is one of the biggest manipulators out there.
“I don’t care who you are, we have to guard ourselves against fear.” She pounded her fist with each syllable and stepped back to gauge the crowd. There were those who stood, some hollered out, and others rocked side to side in their seats.
“I don’t plan to be before you long. Can I tell my truth and then sit down?” She felt like James Brown prepared to hit it and quit it. His finale song was always the most dramatic. Just like watching him in concert, Vanessa felt physically tired, but emotionally charged at the same time. She didn’t need a cape thrown over her to get her second wind though. “You might be wondering where I am going with all this. Sister Pastor must be tripping, taking the subject, The Epiphany, but taking her text from the first part of God’s gospel according to Matthew. The Epiphany here in the text is the commonly known time or time period when the wise men got to Jesus’s side to witness the miracle of his birth. They journeyed long, some say it took over two years.”
She turned her outline over because she felt the help of the Holy Spirit and didn’t want anything in her hands to hinder His flight. “The miracle had already happened. It was their job to worship God for their gift. See, fear comes when you forget the gift.”
She unhooked the microphone and trotted over to the right side of the podium, playing to that side of the house. “Just being here is the miracle. Some of us are in our right mind. Notice, I said some of us.” She ran over to the other side to do the same. “Some of us are in one piece, like I said before, some.”
This time she returned to the middle.” But we are all here, bad knee, false teeth, wig on, wig off. One dollar offering, ten dollar offering, tithes and offering, we are all here! That’s a miracle in itself, y’all. I should have been dead and gone, but for the miracle, I received grace. We can’t forget the miracle. We should be worshipping Him, and worship cuts down fear at the root.”
She heard Willie yell out like the co-signers in JB’s band and she smiled, thanking God for back-up while she wiped her sweat soaked forehead. “King Herod plotted to use the wise men to exact the location of Jesus. He told them that when they returned that he would like to know where they found our Lord so he, too, could go worship Him—code word for kill Him. Yes, there was a hater plotting to kill Jesus before Judas. The devil is a lie. Y’all know me, I would have been thinking, if the Lord is your light and salvation, does not the same star we plan to follow not shine bright for you as well? But these were wise men, not Vanes
sa from North Forestville. They followed the star, worshipped the King, and listened to the Lord when He told them to not to go back the same way they came. The lesson here is you can’t tell everyone about your miracle.
“Oh, I just said something.” The revelation of the Word was so sweet to her. It dissolved her fear and sweetened her disposition. “I said, you can’t tell everyone about your miracle, but . . .” Vanessa teased.
“But,” Some of her congregants instinctively reiterated with anticipation. Her sister was the loudest.
“But . . .” She let several more painstaking moments pass by. “But you’re my members. Family, can I clue you in on my miracle and trust you to help me worship the Lord our God for the gift? Come here, honey. Walk this thing with me.” She beckoned to Willie, and he eagerly joined her side. She unzipped the front of her robe, revealing a pale purple sheath silhouetting the pure plumpness and miracle of her pregnancy. With Willie’s help she stepped out of the robe and crossed in front of the pulpit podium. She cupped her tummy for those in the back who couldn’t see her bump. “We are going to be welcoming a new member to the Pleasant Harvest family in a few short months.”
The congregation erupted in a mixture of celebration and surprise. Again, she felt like a rock star. She had struck a harmonious chord. “Heaven help us. Brother Pastor will tell you I was so fearful at first that I forgot to praise and worship God. I saw it as a curse to my future rather than a blessing. This baby will change our lives, and we can’t go back the way we came. Hey!” That last statement gave her reason to dance.
The musicians backed her up, and once again she was JB conducting a jam session. Willie backed up to give her room for her happy dance, forcing the podium back for added space. He just shook his head as if he wished he were gifted in that way. Others expressed similar giftedness in the aisles. It was not like she could stop herself if she wanted to, but she knew the Holy Spirit in her wouldn’t allow her to harm herself or her unborn child while she was in praise.
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