"No, I'll come with you. We have plans, remember?" he reminds her. "Joy, please, answer the phone when Laura calls. She's messed up over all this, too."
"I will." I place my bagged purchase over my arm, grab hold of Conrad's harness, and turn toward home.
It’s not long thereafter that there’s a knock on my door, and Conrad jumps up to answer it with me.
"Who is it?" I know who it is because there’s only one person that has a key to get to my apartment.
"It's me," Laura says from the other side. Opening the door, I stand back for her to enter.
"What are you doing here?" I ask.
"You won't take my calls and barely answer my emails. I'm here to get this resolved. It's time," she says, taking off her coat and shoving it into my hands to let me know she plans on staying.
"Laura, there's a reason I don't take your calls, you know," I retort, tossing her coat over the back of the chair.
"I know, and I also know the reason why. I want to get this out in the open, so we can move on."
"Okay. Say what you want to say." Exasperated, I head for the kitchen, pulling two sodas out from the refrigerator and hand her one.
"First off, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I betrayed your trust. It was a well-intended betrayal, however. When Matthew explained to all of us how he's positive you will see again using his procedure, Brian and I were hesitant at first, but after listening to him, we all agreed that it was a good idea. We still feel that way. What we are sorry for is that we kept it from you. At the time, we felt that his reason was valid, too. He wanted to wait until after the holidays, so that everyone would be happy and … well … have fun."
"Yes, I've heard all of this before, but do you understand where I'm coming from, too? Not just Matthew? You all were quick to jump on board with his reasoning. Can you at least try to understand my point of view as well?"
"Of course, babe. We do understand. All of us — even Matthew."
"Frankly, Laura, I don't particularly care how Matthew feels. He planned to use me to further his career. Worse yet, he plotted to do it behind my back, without sharing his intentions with me. Even worse than that, he entrusted my dearest and closest friends to withhold that information from me. He must be very persuasive." I get up and start to pace the room out of the building anger.
"Do you think he conspired against you? Do you think he selected you out of thousands to perform this procedure on, just to further his already-successful career? Do you think he couldn't have found a volunteer to perform this miracle on? Someone who actually wants to see? He knew you were a perfect fit, and he knew that he could make your eyes see again. He wants you to be the first. He's performed tests on so many patients already. Willing patients, I might add. There are a lot of blind people out there that would fight to be in your position … to be on the top of that exclusive list, but he put you there. So don't be a hater when he only wanted to help you."
"Laura —"
"I came here to talk to you about you and me, not about you and Matthew. If you plan to use this time to turn me against him, I need to stop you right now because it won’t happen. What he is doing is a wonderful and miraculous thing. What he did wrong was delay in telling you. All that man wanted to do was to make sure your holiday season was full of love, laughter, and fun with your friends and his family. If that's all he is guilty of, and if you can't forgive him for that indiscretion, then maybe he's right in trying to get over you."
"He … he's getting over me?" I swallow my heart hearing those words.
"Yes! What do you think he’s doing? You won't talk to him either. You won't talk to any of us. You've cold-shouldered all of us for nearly two weeks, Joy. Be mad at Emma, but you need to see past her and her bitch-move in telling you first and see that what he did — what we all did — was done out of love and in no way calculating."
"But …"
"We all love you, Matthew most of all. He's trying to honor your request by not calling you. He's disappeared, and no one has heard from him in three days now. Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know," I say quietly.
Making my way over to the couch, I sit next to my best friend. "I don't know what to do, Laura. I love him, but I can't get it out of my head that he didn't tell me."
"Okay, so he didn't tell you when you think he should have. What about the fact that he was going to tell you after Christmas? What about the fact that he wanted you to have the best holiday ever? Can you get past the idea that he didn't tell you and replace it with he was going to tell you? You’re allowed to be mad, Joy. You've done that. You are mad at all of us, and we’re sorry that we hurt you, but are you really going to throw us all away? If you think we conspired to do something evil, then that's different. Do you think that?"
"No," I relinquish. "No, I believe you intended to help me in a devious sort of way." I can't help but grin, and when I hear Laura giggle, I know everything’s going to be all right.
"What about Brian?" she asks. I still feel miffed, but I also don't want to lose my two dearest friends over this. We've been through some pretty hard times, that's for sure, but we've always managed to forgive one another.
"Tell him I still love him." I take a deep cleansing breath. "Damn, it feels good to let go of all the anger. It's been eating me alive."
"I bet. It feels good knowing I have my best friend back, too.”
After Laura leaves, I call Brian to make it all better with him too.
~.~
'He's trying to get over you.' Laura's words repeat over and over, and it frightens me every time. Is this really worth losing him over?
I think that maybe it is time for Matthew and me to sit down and talk. He tried to talk to me, but I wasn't listening. I wasn't ready. I'm determined to let him explain so that I understand and I will actually listen this time. I know he didn't do the things Emma said he did, but he used my friends to hide his secret from me. He announced to the New York delegation that he plans to use me to perform his procedure. How could he make that decision for me without consulting me? I need answers for these questions.
Shaking my head free of all the negative thoughts, I focus on getting my day started. With Christmas just a few days away, I plan to work that day on the new trilogy that’s sweeping the nation. I'm sure everyone will be at the Davis's for the holiday, so I decide to ignore that it's Christmas and treat it as if it's just another work day.
~.~
"Hey, Joy," Myra greets me when I walk through the door.
"Hi, Myra. The usual, please," I reply, dropping Conrad's halter, so that I can fish my wallet out of my bag.
"Here, this is on me," says a familiar voice behind me.
"Lillian? How are you?" I ask, turning to hug her. "It's been a while, and I've thought about you often. I should have called."
"I've missed you too, dear. Why don't you take Conrad over to a table, and I'll get our coffees and meet you there?"
"Okay." Conrad holds his body flush against me, guiding me to our table. Once there, I remove my coat, pull my book out of my bag, and sit to wait for Lillian to join me.
"Here we go, Joy," she says, placing a cup in front of me. I hear the rustle of her coat as she removes it and the chair squeak against the floor as she pulls it out to sit.
"Matthew said the coffee here is good, and it sure is," she says nervously.
"Yeah, it was one of the reasons I moved to this neighborhood; I love this place in general, and it’s close to home," I say. "I like the ambience."
"And it's where you met Matthew?"
"Yes," I reply quietly.
"I may be seeing you here quite often then," she says, surprising me.
"Why do you say that?"
"I don't think Matthew got a chance to tell you, it all happened so fast. Leland and I are moving here. We've sold our practices in Chicago and decided to move close to Maddie and Matthew," she explains. Is this something else that Matthew forgot to tell me?
"No, Matthew didn't te
ll me that either." I know I sound spiteful, but I'm getting pretty pissed off with all this information that everyone seems to know but me.
"I think Leland only told Matthew the day before the ball, Joy. If you recall, you were pretty busy that day. Then Emma decided to —"
"Yes, I know what Emma did," I remind her, taking a sip of my coffee.
"You really are bitter, aren't you?"
I set my cup down in the saucer a little too hard and coffee spills everywhere. "Yes, a little bit, Lillian," I say sternly, while wiping up the spilled coffee.
"Listen, I know that Matthew's intentions were good. He didn't mean to hurt me or hide it from me, but he did. Not that I need to know everything that you and Leland are doing, or how you are changing your lives, but it's just one more thing that Matthew forgot to tell me."
"You know you can stop being a bitch now, Joy. It's unbecoming," Lillian says sweetly before taking a noisy sip of her coffee. "I don't condone Matthew keeping the surgery a secret, but us moving wasn't a secret. He only learned of it himself the day before you spent the day at the spa, and then you attended the ball, so you both were pretty busy. If I'm not mistaken, you haven't given him the opportunity to talk to you since, so you can quit with the martyr shit."
When Lillian admonishes, you know it is never a good thing.
"Listen, Joy, I'm sorry. This has been stressful on all of us. Matthew acted innocently, knowing what he tried to do, and knowing how it affected you, has been hard on all of us. We have learned a valuable lesson in that we won't be keeping secrets from each other again, no matter how innocent. Now you need to put your big girl panties on and realize that Matthew did not intentionally set out to hurt you. He deserves a verbal spanking, yes, but not ostracism. You need to re-evaluate your relationship. If he’s worth keeping, then he deserves to be heard."
I listen to Lillian's words and, although they are sharp and cut to the core, she's right. I have been a bitch. I have been difficult … to everyone.
"I've been too self-absorbed to listen to him, haven't I?"
"I'm not saying you don't have a right to be angry, because you do but is this worth losing him over? He's already trying to get over you, although he's having difficulty in achieving that. Do you want him to succeed? When you are ready to talk to him, do you want to wake up to find he's already moved on and that he's no longer available to you?"
"No. I don't want that," I say, shamelessly. Lillian sure knows how to put it out there, and she's right. Is it worth losing him over? No, I don't think so.
"Laura said that he disappeared. Have you spoken to him?" I ask, praying to God she has.
"Yes, and he hasn't disappeared, per se. He's called me saying he needed to be alone and to get away from … he just needed some time, is all," she explains.
I drove him away from his home and family. Worse yet, he's trying to fall out of love with me. I feel the burning in my eyes, and I know the tears are going to fall. Lillian must have sensed it because she quickly changes the subject.
"Okay, so you're joining us for Christmas," she tells me rather than asks.
"Oh, Lillian, no. I can't —"
"God, you’re as stubborn as a mule," she says, exasperated. "Must I make you see reason behind this, too?"
"Um …"
"Would you rather stay home alone on Christmas while the people that love you most are in the same place enjoying the holiday, missing you? If you don't want to see Matthew, then that’s fine but what about Maddie, Brian, Laura and Jessie? Then there’s Leland and I. What about us? I was under the impression that you have become fond of us. Was I mistaken?"
I shake my head so hard it makes me dizzy.
"Then it's only Matthew that you don't want to see. Shall I tell him not to come so you can?"
"Don't be silly, Lillian."
"Are you saying you can't put those big girl panties on for one day, for the sake of spending a pleasant afternoon with those you love?"
"No …"
"We have gifts for you," she taunts. "Are you going to deny us the pleasure of giving those to you?"
Damn, she’s good. I can tell I'm blushing because my cheeks are warm.
"No," I say shyly, caving in to her. "Thank you, Lillian. Thanks for being up front and frank with me. You’re right, I do love him, and I don't want to lose him over this, but I need an explanation."
"And you deserve one. You'd get it if you'd only listen to him for five minutes, and if I'm not mistaken, aren't you are a little hot headed when it comes to surgeries? I understand you and he fought over the surgery you just had. If that was an indication of what he was going to be up against, he was preparing himself for a fight, and from what I can see, he wasn't too far off the mark with that assumption. Am I right?"
"I've had a few surgeries, Lillian, and all of them were unsuccessful. The one I just had was to prevent a flare up I get once or twice a year where my fever spikes and I wind up in the hospital. Matthew did the research and found it. Hopefully he cured it."
"That's my son," she gloats.
"But to actually repair my eyesight? I've heard that story so many times. I've had more miracles performed on me only to have them fail. I've had my head opened up, for god sakes. I will not do that again. But to have him plan something like this without consulting me, really pisses me off."
"Okay, you’re allowed to be pissed off. No one said you weren’t, but, again, I ask you, is it worth losing him over?"
"No. I love him, and this is killing me. I fear my stubbornness is controlling me right now."
"Then come for Christmas. You don't have to talk this out with him on Christmas day, but at least you can enjoy the holiday with your friends, all right?"
"God, Lillian, you are one tough lady, you know that?"
"Yes. Leland tells me every day." We both laugh, and I'm happy that, with the help of Laura and Lillian, the sadness and depression that has plagued me for too many days hurts a little bit less.
"I have an appointment at Radiant at one o'clock, so …"
"Let me give you a lift, then. I have Matthew's SUV today, so I can take both you and Conrad, if you’re all right with him traveling outside of his kennel."
"Thank you for your offer, but, actually, I would like to walk. I've been cooped up in my apartment for too long, and I would enjoy getting some fresh air."
"I’ll have Leland come and get you early Christmas morning. You can ride home with Laura or Brian if you like. Matthew, I'm sure, would take you, but he's planning on spending the night at the house."
"Thanks, Lillian. You really helped me get this mess squared away inside this head of mine," I say as I get up from the table. "You have my number, right?" I ask as an afterthought.
"Yes, I do," she says, confirming the number.
"Just give me a call or text me to let me know when Leland will be here to pick me up." Giving her a hug, I whisper, "See ya."
"Oh," I say as an afterthought, I turn to face her. "Is he all right? I mean, where is he? It would ease my heart if I knew," I ask, not really expecting an answer. I can see Matthew not wanting his mother to tell anyone of his whereabouts.
"He’s not far. He's at Bainbridge. He's hurting, Joy. He knows he's hurt you and, because of him, Emma is harassing you. He feels guilty about it all and it’s exacerbated by you not wanting to see him. It has sent him into survival mode. He's protecting his heart and getting over you is part of his process."
My heart breaks hearing that again.
"Thanks for letting me know. I look forward to spending Christmas with you."
"Me too. Bye, Joy." I wave at Lillian, take hold of Conrad's harness, and we walk toward Radiant.
~.~
After I meet with Mr. White and Peter to discuss the status of the new trilogy we are working on, Conrad and I make our way back home. Needing to change into something more comfortable, I opt for a long sleeved shirt, sleep pants and fuzzy socks.
Making myself a snack, I get a bottle of water out of
the refrigerator and head down the hall toward my office. Wanting to do a little of my own research on Matthew's procedure, I open Google and find an article on Dr. Matthew Davis. Clicking on it, the voice program opens Wikipedia giving me Matthew's biography. It explains that his background focuses on the development of The Transsclera Technology." Googling that, I research everything I can on the procedure and the terminologies. Amazed, I sit back in my seat.
Oh, my. This is for real.
Trying to find more on how the procedure is performed, I don't have much luck. I can only assume that it’s because it's in its developmental stages, and Matthew needs to keep it quiet, so people like Emma can't steal it. I do know that he is in contact with the FDA. It's amazing all the application processes he has to go through just for the biological aspect of it.
I feel as if I've taken Matthew's intelligence for granted. This is significant, and he wants me to be part of it.
After shutting my computer down, I go to the kitchen for a cup of tea then settle in the living room. Turning on the stereo, I open Pride and Prejudice … again. After thirty minutes of not getting past the first page of the chapter, my mind keeps drifting toward Matthew. I wonder what he's doing … is he eating right … is he over me. That last thought has my heart aching, and I feel a lone tear drop down my face. Surely, he can’t have gotten over me that quickly. Could he?
Snapping out of my self-pity, I check the time and determine now is as good a time as any to call him. Feeling the nervous knots in my stomach, I know he'll want to talk, and I'm not sure what to say.
One thing I agree with Maddie about is that if I listened to Emma then I should listen to him. I must have picked that phone up a thousand times only to put it back on the table each time. I finally pick it up and dial his number.
"Joy?" I hear his sad, shaky voice and his labored breathing.
"Hello, Matthew. I was wondering if you would like to come over. To, you know … talk." I begin to pace my living room, not sure if this is such a good idea.
"Absolutely. How about this evening? I have a late appointment and can come over after I'm finished."
I See You (Seeing You #2) Page 3
