I squeal and hurry upstairs to get ready. I chance a look at Matthew as I run upstairs and see him smiling up at me. Then I remember.
I need to tell him.
~.~
"You’ll love Curtis, Joy. He's the best in Chicago, and he'll make anything you want, from the eclectic to down-home southern cooking. Whatever you want," Lillian explains as we look over the pictures of various dishes from the menus she spread out on the dining room table.
"I'd like something new and fresh … but recognizable on the plate," I mumble, as I look at some of the pictures of Curtis's dishes. Some of the things I can't even call a meal. It looks like a plate of twigs, leaves and flowers. "Where's the meat in this dish?"
"Okay, I'll jot that down for him. No experimental dishes. Now for dessert … what would you like?"
After Lillian and I spend the better part of the morning poring over menus and my wedding cake suggestions, we wait for Laura to arrive so we can, hopefully, find my dress. I want something pretty, but not too formal. It's a very small wedding, and I don't want anything too elaborate.
"Do you have an idea of what you want?" Lillian asks, flipping through the copy of Brides magazine she brought with her.
"Yes. Something short and simple. Nothing fancy," I answer, looking at the pictures as she turns the pages. "Like that!" I nearly shout and point to the picture. I scoot in closer to her, and our shoulders rub as she reads to me about the dress.
"Look here." She points to the name of the shop where the dress can be found. "This shop is here in Seattle. We'll go there first." I look up at her, and we both beam with excitement when Laura comes through the door. Apparently, Lillian and I were so engrossed in the magazine, we didn't even hear her at the door. Matthew must have let her in.
"Let's go. I’m in charge of your unmentionables, Joy. I miss buying your sexy underwear like I used to. Now that you can see, I would have loved to see your face when you saw what you were actually wearing under your blue jeans before the fire burned everything." I blush knowing that Matthew's mother is standing mere inches from me as she hears about Laura's penchant for fine underwear, and that her son was the benefactor of that.
"All right, ladies. Let me visit the restroom, and we’ll be on our way," Lillian calls over her shoulder, as she walks down the hall.
I look at Laura as she scans the room for Matthew, who has retreated back to his office.
"Did you tell him yet?" she whispers. I shake my head and look down at my feet.
"Not yet. We’re going to Kennewick tomorrow. I thought I'd tell him then," I answer, the feeling of dread washing over me again. I fear everything will change.
"You know you're being ridiculous, don't you? That man is crazy for you, and if he didn't want to marry you, he wouldn't have asked you, so you can get those negative thoughts out of your head. Has he ever mentioned that he wanted kids?" Again, I shake my head.
"We've never discussed it before," I reply, shyly. "I'll tell him tomorrow, for sure." We stop whispering as soon as we hear Lillian's heels clicking on the tiles.
"All right girls, let's go spend some money," she says, excitedly.
I run to Matthew's office to say good-bye and see him on his phone. I tiptoe into the room to give him a kiss and a wave.
"Hang on, Dad, the girls are leaving," he says before he grabs my hand, pulling me down to him. "You get anything you want, do you hear me? I've instructed Mother that she’s to get you whatever you want." I pull back from him because I planned on getting my own dress and shoes.
"Joy? This is a gift I want to get for you, all right? Let me do this. I want to do this for you." I look at his face and see that he is sincere and insistent.
"I wanted to get it, Matthew. You do so much for me as it is."
"And it's because of me you’ve lost everything you owned. Let me do this," he responds. "Please?"
How can I say no to that? He’s so damned handsome and looks like he's about to cry if I refuse. I smile when he pulls me down for an overly passionate kiss, considering his father is on the phone right next to our mouths.
"Try that again when I get home, would you?" I ask into his ear.
"It's a date," he promises and lets my hand go. I wave and notice Conrad lying on floor next to his chair. I bend and play with his ears, saying good-bye.
After a full afternoon of shopping for the dress I had to have, which we found at the very shop that was featured in the magazine, I found the perfect shoes to go with it. Then, we found Laura's dress, and after she gives me a very formidable argument, I win and buy it for her. Once we leave the shoe store, we then go to Laura's favorite lingerie boutique where we all buy new, sexy unmentionables to wear under our pretty new dresses.
"Laura, isn't this a bit much?" I say, looking down at a white corset with white matching panties.
"Oh, hell no!" she exclaims, walking around me in a circle, making sure it's perfect. "He is going to cream his jeans when he sees this. This is every man's fantasy, Joy," she continues, adjusting the top of my stocking. "Let's get it. It's perfect."
"Do you know where he's taking you for your honeymoon?" Lillian asks, as we pay for our purchases.
"No. He hasn’t even mentioned it, but I haven't asked, either," I reply, as we head for the door.
"I know he and Leland found a Justice of the Peace in Bainbridge to officiate, so that's handled. It looks like everything has come together nicely," she says as she pulls away from the curb.
Once I get home, Matthew looks at my hands, then behind me and asks where my bags are. I tell him that his mother took them with her, since I'll be staying the night and getting ready at their house anyway. I smell something good, and my stomach rumbles, and it’s then that I notice that I wasn’t sick all afternoon.
"Did you cook?" I ask, looking toward the kitchen but seeing it clean, with no signs of dinner.
"No, Rebecca did. She came by earlier and made a pot of chicken and dumplings. It's warming in the oven with fresh bread. Are you ready to eat? I hope so, because I'm starving."
"Me too," I answer, heading for the kitchen and following my nose straight for the oven. Dinner stayed down all evening, thank God.
The following morning is a different story. Feeling queasy again, I try to hide it the best as I can. Matthew knows something is amiss when I refuse morning sex. I simply tell him I need to get into the shower, and when I don't invite him to join me, I see the sad look on his face. He's propped up on his elbow, watching me leave him alone in the bed.
I scold myself while I scrub my hair, angrily digging my scalp with my nails.
"Just fucking tell him. What's he going to do?" I curse to myself. Leave me? I hear my inner voice say for the millionth time.
"No. He won't. He wouldn't do that," I say out loud. "Just tell him."
I get out of the shower and look at myself in the mirror. I still marvel at seeing myself nude after all these years of only feeling what I look like. I smile and turn sideways, pushing my stomach out with my hips, imagining it big with a baby. Matthew's baby.
I get busy drying off and wrap my hair in a towel, then hurry to get dressed. I'm surprised to see that Matthew is already dressed, his hair wet.
"Did you take a shower?" I ask, slipping into my panties and bra.
"Yeah," he answers quietly. As soon as he fastens his watch around his wrist, he turns and leaves the room.
My heart breaks for him. I hurt him and he knows something's up. I need to tell him and soon.
After I pack a small bag for the two of us, we take Conrad to Jessie and Laura's for the night, and we’re on the road. Matthew plays tour guide, giving me a little history of Seattle and what little he knows of Kennewick.
"How did you know where I lived and where my parents are buried?" I turn to ask.
"It doesn't take much to research it on the Internet, Joy." His answer is short and clip.
"Well, here's the cemetery where your parents are. I researched it on the map, and I believe they�
��re just over there." He sounds a little softer now, not as angry with me.
After we get out of the car, I glance up and notice it looks like it could rain. Matthew reaches into the back seat and pulls out an umbrella, just in case. We look around, and I wait for him to show me where they are. Stopping in front of identical headstones, with the same writing, same dates, and same last name. The same as mine.
"I'll give you a little time, okay?" he says, kissing my forehead before turning to walk away. My eyes follow him to see where he’s going, and he stops and leans against a tree not too far from me.
"Hi mom. Hi dad," I start, turning to look at Matthew again. He hasn't moved. "I want you to know that I'm all grown up now. Gran took very good care of me, but you probably already know that because she's with you now. That man over there, Matthew, gave me my sight back, after I lost it in our accident. I'm getting married in a few weeks. I love him, and he takes care of me, so you don't have to worry about that. I miss you so much. I didn't know if I was going to make it after I was told you died. I was so alone, until Gran took me home with her. She gave me a good life. I miss you all very much, and I want you to know I will never, ever, forget you." I can’t stop the tears and get up off my knees, turn toward Matthew, and he comes to stand next to me. Taking my hand while we both face the headstones.
"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson. I'm Matthew. Dr. Matthew Davis, actually. I'm sorry we didn't get to meet officially, but Mr. Johnson, I was wondering if it would be all right with you if I married your daughter. You see, I love her very much, and I can't see my life without her. She's already agreed to marry me, but I thought I'd ask you, too. I promise I’ll take good care of her, protect her, and love her for the rest of her life."
Suddenly, as if by a strange coincidence, the sun comes out from behind a dark cloud, and a slight breeze blows my hair away from my face. It was a warm wind on an otherwise chilly day.
"I think he just gave his approval," I say, looking up at Matthew.
"Thank you, Mr. Johnson," Matthew says.
"Daddy, Mama, I have something important to tell you," I begin, looking into Matthew's eyes. "You're going … to be … grandparents," I say quietly as I continue to watch Matthew as the words sink in and take meaning.
"Wait. What?" he stutters. My silence says it all.
"You … you're pregnant?" he asks. I slowly nod.
"I thought you had the shot! I thought you couldn't get pregnant. When? How? When?"
His rapid-fire questions spin my head, and I can't determine if he's mad or not, but I just stand there waiting for it to sink in a little more. That's when I see it. The smile that creeps over his face lighting up his eyes, and then they tear.
"Oh, baby," he whimpers, lifting me in his arms. "I'm going to be a father?"
"Yes," I answer, my eyes filling along with his. Mine because I know he's happy and also because I never in my life, ever imagined myself a wife and a mother. He takes his thumb and wipes my tears and then, bends to kiss me.
"Thank you," he says against my lips. "I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you both for bringing me Joy."
Chapter 15
Dad. Papa. Daddy. Pop. I try them all on for size. After Joy told me she was pregnant, I have an overwhelming sense of responsibility and protectiveness of her and the child she has inside her. My child. Our child. This little human being that we made together out of love. Whether it was planned or not, he or she was created out of love.
I look over at her and can see that she's in deep thought and I know she’s thinking about the baby. I place my hand lovingly over her flat stomach and when our eyes meet, I know we are of one mind and one heart as far as this baby is concerned. She takes my hand to her lips and warmly kisses it, returning it to her stomach, cradling it lovingly in hers.
"We have some people to tell," I say more to myself than to Joy.
"Well, Laura and Maddie already know."
My head snaps in her direction.
"How do they know already?"
"Laura had a theory that my sickness wasn't just bad chowder, so she called Maddie to pick up a pregnancy test. I took it and passed with flying colors." She looks out the window again as the green scenery rushes past us. "I asked them not to say anything until I told you."
"When do you want to tell my parents?" I ask, curiously. "I would like to tell them first, before we tell anyone else if you don't mind."
"I'll leave it up to you, but I would like to wait until after the wedding. I just have this thing about turning up pregnant before I get married," she sighs dramatically.
"But, Joy, you are pregnant before you are married." I look over at her, and she gives me a deep frown.
"I know that! But let's just wait until afterward to announce it, all right? It's only three weeks."
"All right, babe. Whatever you want," I acquiesce. I wonder if she has any idea that I would give her the moon if she asked.
"Thanks for taking me to see my parents, Matthew. Maybe soon we can go back and visit Gran so I can see her too? Maybe after the wedding?"
"Anything you want, baby."
See? The moon.
I glance at her, and she smiles at me. I place my hand over her stomach again, worming my hand under hers. Feeling her flat stomach and I know that soon she will be full with my baby. I try to visualize her big and ready to pop. Once we get checked into the hotel, I follow Joy into the room, and when the door is shut and locked, I place our overnight bag off to the side. I watch my fiancé nervously looking around the room. Her eyes finally land on mine.
"Pregnant, huh?" I ask, taking a step toward her.
"Um … yes," she answers, swallowing thickly.
"And how did that happen, Ms. Johnson?" I remove my jacket and throw it on the chair.
"Uh … I forgot my shot." Her voice quivers.
"And you let me come inside you?" My shirt joins my jacket.
"I … I forgot." Her hands nervously twist in front of her.
"You forgot and let me come inside you?" I kick off my shoes and drop my jeans.
Her eyes travel to my boxer briefs. "Have you ever heard the expression 'fucking you blind'?" She narrows her eyes and begins to unbutton her blouse.
"I was blind once. I didn't like it as much as I do seeing you all naked except for those black things you’re wearing." She tosses her blouse with my shirt and jacket.
I take another step toward her, and she steps back away from me.
"Plus, how can you fuck me blind? What does that mean exactly? It sounds rather … silly, actually." She turns around and removes her bra, holding it out to the side, dropping it on the floor.
That little shit is teasing me, beating me at my own game.
"It means that I'm going to fuck you until you come so hard you can't see anything but stars." After I remove my briefs, she looks over her shoulder at my hard cock that's pointing in her direction. I smirk when I see her eyebrow lift. "Take those pants off, Joy." Her eyes look into mine, and she shakes her head.
"I don't think so, Dr. Davis."
I take a very large step toward her this time and repeat myself.
"I said take off those pants, Joy, and the panties with them." Again she shakes her head, but now I'm standing in front of her, holding her against me, trapping my cock between us.
"Take them off,” I say firmly. And before I can say another word, she has them around her feet, kicking them to the side.
Running my hands down her hips to her thighs, I slowly lift her and wrap her legs around my waist.
“Hang on to me, baby,” I whisper. With one arm holding her to me, I work my other hand toward her center and play in her wetness, spreading her lips, getting her ready for me. Sliding into her, I hiss at the delicious feeling of her heat surrounding me.
"Did you say something about fucking me, Dr. Davis?" she rasps in my ear, pulling my ear lobe into her mouth, letting me hear her heavy breathing waiting for me to fuck her. “Blind did you say?”
I turn
and force her back up against the door, using it as leverage while I thrust into her.
"Christ, Joy," I growl.
"Touch yourself, baby. Let me see you touch yourself."
When she quickly lowers her hand between our bodies, I look down and see her circling her swollen clit with vigor. The sounds coming out of her mouth are so erotic, I can't hold back.
"Come for me. Please, baby," I beg, barely hanging on. I clinch my eyes closed and drop my forehead onto her shoulder trying to hold off the one sensation that everyone in the world wants.
"Oh, god, Matthew," she moans as I thrust upward into her. Her whimpers are sexy as hell—the way she cries for me, the way she tells me she needs me.
"Okay, baby," she warns in a whimper, "I'm … I’m coming … now." I watch her as she throws her head back against the wall, her mouth opens in a silent scream. I give her all I have and empty myself deep inside her.
"Fuck … fuck … fuck!" I growl into her chest. My legs go weak while I ride out a very intense orgasm, and as my body quivers, I fear dropping her. As I withdraw from her warmth, I feel the mixture of us pour out of her. Locking my lips to hers, I carry her to the shower.
"Matthew?" she says, sounding frightened. I don't like to hear her sound that way and I pull back to look at her.
"What? What is it, Joy?"
"I … I … can't see." Her eyes are closed, her head is thrown back and her arms are flailing. She's giving an excellent rendition of Patty Duke in Helen Keller. I can't help but laugh and set her down in shower. "I think you've fucked me blind!"
"Ha, ha. Very funny, smart ass," I deadpan.
I love to hear her laugh.
"Wow, if I wasn't already pregnant, that might have done the trick," she teases.
"I love you, baby," I say into her ear, licking the water beads off her neck.
I See You (Seeing You #2) Page 22
