He forced himself to back out of the room. To not give in to such decadent temptation.
And then he remembered why he was there hunting through that house for the man who’d caused his greatest woes. He clambered through the last two rooms, but the house was empty. Dusty was empty.
Empty. Empty of anything except the urge to run. To just run away. Run away until the fury subsided. If he knew where Skylar was, he’d run to her.
To hell with it. Dusty took off down the street. The ache in his calf heightening with each step he took. It would not stop him. Nothing would stop him. The muscles tightened, threatening his balance, threatening his progress, but he’d be damned if he ever stopped running.
Chapter Nine
Skylar walked down the beach next to Adrian, a million thoughts swirling rapidly around in her head. Every time she tried to focus on one problem or tried to rationalize any decisions she had to make, all the consequences attached to those actions attacked her psyche until she just wanted to scream.
And she’d thought things were complicated when she didn’t have a memory.
With the return of her memory, she’d become a complete person again, with attachments, desires, plans and a future. A future that until two months ago had been perfectly laid out. A future that until last night had only included Adrian Hawke.
If Skylar had been near a wall, she would have banged her head against it. It couldn’t hurt any more than her heart currently did. No matter what she decided, she was going to hurt one of the men she loved. And she did love them both, just…in different ways. That was where things became even more complicated.
Skylar looked out over the turquoise blue of the Pacific Ocean, the late afternoon sun shooting bright bursts of flame into the water, blinding in its reflection. She didn’t even know how long she’d been wandering down the beach, how much time had passed since Dusty had walked out of the cave. The gnawing emptiness inside her grew bigger with every passing step. She couldn’t imagine a life without Dusty in it. But she couldn’t imagine a life without Adrian, either. They were both an inexplicable part of who she was, and who she wanted to be.
She shot a glance at Adrian beneath lowered eyelids. In the two months since she’d last seen him he had changed. The eyes that had perpetually sparkled with life seemed harder—more lived in. His brown hair, which had always been perfectly styled, was longer, curling around his neck. He’d invariably had a trim physique, but now his body was tighter, his face thinner. And his clothing. Dark jeans, heavy work boots, and a gray waffle knit top. He’d never dressed that casually before, always preferring conservative, button-down shirts and dress pants. Even when they went out just to grab a burger or watch a movie, he dressed business casual. She’d teased him a lot about that. Told him he needed to get more life in his wardrobe. More variety. But he’d stayed the same. Until now.
Now everything was different.
Desperate for the familiar, Skylar placed her hand in his. Sweet comfort settled in her stomach when he laced his fingers with hers. A million times they’d walked this way, in silence, just happy to be together.
He stopped, looking down at where their hands were connected, then raised his gaze to her face. “Skye, if you hadn’t gone missing that night, do you think we would’ve lived happily ever after?”
The familiar comfort became an ache of regret. “I’d like to think so.” Except now she knew better. Yes, she would have been happy with Adrian. He was a constant in her life. He would have loved her, treated her with respect and kindness. Their life together would have been simple and sweet with minimal hardships and worries.
But meeting Dusty had changed her. What she felt for him went beyond anything rational. Before Dusty, love had been the light tug of Adrian’s hand and tender kisses good night. Dusty was a craving—a life-long burn inflamed in her after only one night. She loved him, ached for him, needed him like she needed air to breathe. It was basic, yet so complex, defying any explanation. Her body and mind equally desired him, as a partner, as a lover, as the one who completed her on every level. She loved Adrian as her best friend, the first man she’d ever loved. But Dusty…Dusty was forever.
Adrian’s jaw tightened almost imperceptibly. “Me too, Skye. Me too.” He nodded, unable to hide the pain in his eyes before he looked away and began walking again. He still held her hand, but it no longer comfortably bridged the distance between them. Now it felt like their linked hands were the only things keeping them together. It was the most apart from him she’d felt since they’d first met.
When she was ten years old, her parents had moved to a new house and curiosity about her new neighbors had gotten the better of her. She’d climbed a large oak tree that bordered their properties. When she saw a boy doing laps in the Olympic size swimming pool, she’d scooted along an overhanging branch to get a closer look. The branch broke, dropping her into their yard and into Adrian’s life. He’d come to her rescue then, jumping out of the pool, hurrying over to make sure she was okay. He’d tended to her scrapes then boosted her back over the wall so her parents wouldn’t know the trouble she’d gotten into.
From that moment on, he’d been there for her. It never mattered that he was four years older than her. He was her self-appointed protector. Her confidant. Her best friend.
Their parents had become best friends as well, the six of them—Adrian and Skylar were both only children—became an extended family. They took vacations together, celebrated holidays together. And when she was sixteen and her parents had died in a car accident, Adrian’s parents welcomed her into their home, truly making her a part of their family.
Two years later she’d gone off to college, alone. And hated it. She missed Adrian, his daily companionship and the comfort of his presence. She missed teasing him about the fact he never dated, or when he did date, he never went out with a girl more than once. She missed the way he smiled when he saw her. She missed seeing him whenever she wanted to. College life bored her. Not the studying, but the constant partying, the fact that the men she dated either regressed to first grade mentality after a date or two, or they only took her out to get into her pants.
She’d gotten disillusioned with the opposite sex, and with sex in general. Why would she want to get naked with someone who had no interest in anything beyond the two-second orgasm or in how many coeds they could jump each weekend? Thanks, but no thanks. So what if she was the last virgin in her dorm? Sex was a mind game she wasn’t interested in playing.
When Skylar had first started fantasizing about love and marriage and the goal of a happily ever after, she’d believed that she would instantly recognize her soulmate the first moment they met. Like lightning would strike or birds would sing a little louder, or there would be that instantaneous zap of startling awareness. But dreams of her Prince Charming showing up and whisking her away to their paradise had dimmed the longer she’d waited, and she had finally dismissed those fantasies as follies born of reading too many romance novels. There was no such thing as all-encompassing love that burned so deep nothing could ever dim the flame. But a tiny part of her kept hoping.
So she’d spent all her free time studying, or on the phone with Adrian. She called him to complain about dates gone wrong, or just to find out what he’d eaten for dinner. And it was over the phone that they began to dream of a future together.
After one of her frequent bad dates, she’d called Adrian.
“Addy, he was all hands. Even his toes were fingerlike, creeping up my leg trying to get down my pants. Every time I tried to talk to him, he’d give me a blank stare like talking was beneath his capabilities.” She sighed as she plopped down onto her bed. “Why do I bother?”
He chuckled, but she knew what was going to come next. He’d gotten used to her midnight rants. “Because you keep hoping someone will surprise you.”
She snorted. “I keep hoping I’ll feel something other than an express desire to get away from the creep. I think I must be dead inside. I just don’t
give a damn about what every other college student cares about. I’m not going to have sex just to brag that I’ve had sex.”
“And that’s absolutely the way it should be. The right guy will love you for more than your body and you shouldn’t waste yourself on anyone less. The guy should be willing to give everything for you. To wait until you’re ready and not try to play you into something you shouldn’t be doing if your heart isn’t in it.”
Skylar smiled and held the phone closer as she curled up in her bed. “Sounds like you, Adrian.”
“I guess it does.”
Her heart had started a rapid flutter. Did he really mean it? “So maybe we should date each other…”
She could hear the smile in his words. “Maybe we should.”
And they had. From that moment forward, she’d stopped the insane college dating game. Whenever she could, she got away from school and visited Adrian. He did the same. They began to date, and slowly began planning out their future together. She’d been happy…
“You hungry?” Adrian asked, pulling her out of her memories. His free hand gestured toward a smattering of buildings near the pier.
“Yeah.” She gave him a tentative smile, her stomach growling at the mention of food. “I can’t remember the last time I ate. I guess it’s been a while.”
He frowned. “You’ve lost weight.”
Skylar looked down at herself. She had lost weight. Her curves weren’t quite as curvy as they used to be. “Damn. I didn’t even notice earlier.” She stepped closer to him and traced her hand along the tightness of his jaw. His chin was sandpaper rough, another new look for him. “You’ve lost weight, too.”
A contemplative depth shone in Adrian’s eyes as he intensely, almost angrily, pulled her against him. “Shit, Skye. I hate this. It’s pure hell. This…this stilted awkwardness between us is killing me.” His tortured gaze seared hers as he continued in a ragged voice. “I can’t get the memory of you, naked, in another man’s arms out of my mind. It—It’s one of the worst memories of my entire life. And out of every fucked up thing that has happened to me since that night… Goddammit…” His lower lip quivered and tears filled his eyes. Roughly, he ran a hand over his hair trying to regain his composure. “I most hate the fact that it took me two months to find you. Because now, I look at you and…and I know I’ve lost you and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. I just…I just don’t know what to do.”
Skylar stared up into the pained depths of his eyes, her heart beating so hard against the walls of her chest she thought her ribs would crack. She wanted to somehow wipe the slate clean between them, be the Skylar from two months ago who’d told him she would marry him. But that wasn’t who she was any longer. David had changed her. Dusty had changed her. Things weren’t that simple anymore.
She struggled to keep the tears at bay, to keep her heart from crumbling into a thousand pieces because of the look in his eyes and the pain in his words. He turned away from her. His voice was rough when he spoke. “I—I’m sorry. C’mon, let’s go get something to eat.”
A surreal silence surrounded Skylar and Adrian as they walked the remaining distance to Xena’s Café. She felt him slipping away from her with each step they took. It hurt like hell, taking away any appetite she’d thought she had.
They slid into opposing sides of a booth, their entwined hands resting on the table between them, a tenuous thread holding them together. They ordered their meals, then sat in silence for several minutes. He stroked his thumb over the back of her hand almost reassuringly before he spoke. “Do you remember what happened the night you disappeared?”
Painful, frightened memories she’d pushed to the back of her consciousness struggled to break free. Since the return of her memory, she’d kept those moments at bay, not wanting to dwell on her captivity, or on the crazy bastard who’d ripped her from her life, altering her perceptions and changing the path of her future. Skylar licked her dry lips and took a drink of the ice water the server had left when she’d taken their order. “I remember…I remember you asking me to marry you.”
She squeezed his hand tightly, the memories of that night as clear as if they played on a high definition television in front of her.
“Skylar, will you marry me?” Adrian asked, kneeling in front of her. Candlelight flickered, making the simple band sparkle and shine with a life of its own, shining almost as much as the love in his eyes while he waited for her answer. They’d just finished the dinner he’d cooked just for her—broiled lobster, wild rice and asparagus. A dozen peach roses sat in a vase next to a bottle of fine champagne on the decadently laid dinner table. He had made tonight perfect.
So why did she feel like things weren’t right? Where were these doubts coming from?
She pushed those thoughts away and smiled at the man she loved. “Yes. Yes, Adrian. Yes.”
He kissed her, a long, slow, tender kiss as he slid the ring on her finger. She slipped to the floor, kneeling next to him, wrapping her arms around his body as she deepened the kiss. Tonight, she wanted more…more of him. To finally consummate their relationship. She wanted to feel that burn she’d read about, to understand desire and lust. And who better than with the man she was going to marry?
His breath came out in rough pants as his lips caressed her neck. They had touched and explored each other before, but they’d never made love. Not until tonight.
Skylar struggled to unbutton his shirt. Sweat dampened the palms of her hands. She was nervous…and afraid. She loved Adrian, wanted to spend her life with him, but what if she never felt that incredible all-encompassing spark for him? Would they grow to resent each other for what they didn’t have?
And why did she wonder if there should be more between them when Adrian was everything else in her world?
She mentally cursed herself. Rockets and fireworks were short-lived explosions that burned hot, burned fast, then died. It was time to forget those stupid teenage fantasies of “the one”. She was damn lucky to have the deep love of her best friend.
Adrian lightly nibbled and teased along her jaw, then lifted his gaze to hers. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
Slowly she nodded. “Yes.”
“Let’s go to bed.” He held his hand out and helped her to her feet. Time seemed to stop as they stared at each other, not moving, the only places they touched were their hands. Frantically, Skylar threw herself at him, kissing him, touching him, loving him, waiting to lose control. Waiting for the insanity of lust to take over. Waiting for something beyond the familiar comfort Adrian’s friendship had always given her. Waiting to know she hadn’t made a mistake when she’d said yes.
“Whoa, Skylar. What’s wrong, baby?”
“Nothing. Nothing. I just need…I just need you.”
He set her back on her feet and gave her a crooked grin. “You do have me. And you always will.”
Skylar swiped at a runaway tear. “Stupid condoms.”
The server interrupted them with the arrival of their salads. Glad for the diversion, Skylar took a few minutes to calm herself before continuing her stroll down memory lane. “The condoms weren’t in my purse. Maybe they’d fallen out, maybe I’d forgotten them. I don’t know. They just weren’t there. You promised you’d be back in twenty minutes, kissed me and ran out the door…”
He spoke through gritted teeth. “I was back in eighteen. You were already gone.”
Skylar couldn’t look at him, knew if she did she’d see the past in his eyes. “When you left, I couldn’t sit still. Nerves, I guess. I decided to take a walk to calm down. I remember looking up at the moon, thinking it was beautiful. Then my world went dark. Everything after that is a blur up until yesterday.” That last part wasn’t exactly the truth, but she didn’t want to tell him that she remembered being chained to a bed, and the pain she’d felt as the pieces of who she was had been stripped away. She didn’t want to tell him that she’d clung to his memory long after she’d forgotten his name, when he’d only been a g
host imprint in her mind’s eye. Eventually, even that had been taken away from her.
She finally got the nerve to look in his eyes. The sweet friendly spark that had always greeted her with a wondrous enthusiasm for life had faded, as though trying to shine through a dense mist of anguish. That scared her more than anything else did.
A lock of hair fell into his eyes and impatiently he brushed it back. His voice shook as he spoke. “I have another question. Why weren’t you wearing the ring when you went out that night?”
“I don’t know.” His gaze shot up abruptly but before he could ask the questions flashing through his eyes she continued. “As I was walking out the door, I had this overwhelming feeling that I should take it off. My hands were sweaty and the ring was sliding back and forth. I convinced myself that if I wore it outside it would fall off my finger and I’d never see it again.” She shrugged her shoulders. “It didn’t make sense, but I did it anyway to appease myself.”
His free hand skimmed over the table, his long fingers stroking the stained fiberglass. “That’s why the police wouldn’t believe you’d been kidnapped. They said it looked like an engagement gone wrong. Like you’d just run out on me. Then after you’d been missing for a couple weeks, a friend in the police department told me I was a suspect in your disappearance. I left that night. It was pretty clear that I was the only person who cared enough to even look for you. Everyone else assumed you were already dead. I never stopped believing.
“I came here to bring you home. That was my only goal. Find you and take you home. But now…” He tightened his hand into a fist. “I saw you with Dusty, saw the way you held each other, the looks you two shared.” Without any warning he slammed his fist on the table. Skylar jumped, taken aback at the completely un-Adrian-like behavior. She started to pull her hand away from his grasp, but he wouldn’t let go. “Dammit Skye, I saw the blood on the sheets. I know what happened. You slept with him. You fell in love with him. I was too late…”
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