by Dawn Doyle
It was a small bend, so we were probably going to get a little muddy.
“Hear that?” Logan asked excitedly as he gripped my arm causing me to break out in goosebumps.
I’d seen him do that with the guys too, so I knew there was nothing in it. When he’d played baseball, and Stu was running for a home run; Logan had gripped Lex’s arm with both hands in anticipation of the win.
“Here they are!” He said, his grip leaving me and his hands landing on my shoulders.
I immediately felt the rush of electricity shoot down through my body, to my feet. The same zing I always felt whenever Logan touched me. It had intensified over the years.
I don’t know exactly when I’d fallen in love with him, but I knew it was in that first year.
He could never know, though. He was my best friend and he didn’t like me that way. I was just ‘one of the guys’.
*****
“Chase!” Logan squealed.
I swear my Dad bought my birthday present for Logan instead of me.
The bikes zoomed towards us. Swerving and sliding in the dirt; muddy water spraying everywhere.
They approached, and the rider, Jez, came towards us. He skidded around the bend, spraying us with mud.
Now, I’ve never been a girly girl, as you know. The type who screams when their hands get dirty or they chip their nail polish, but I have to admit… all that mud wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be. I mean, I was covered from head to toe. Nobody would be happy with that.
“Woo!” Logan cheered, and I turned to see him grinning.
The fucker had been shielded by me! He got the tiniest little bit on his face and in his hair.
“Holy shit, Chase, you’re covered!” He laughed.
“Thank you for using me as your shield, ass!” I spat, the mud dripping from my chin.
“I didn’t mean to, Chase. I didn’t know it was going to be like that.” He said, his laugh dying out.
I felt a little bad for getting angry with him. Being so much taller; of course, he would be standing behind me. The rider had skidded into the corner; his back wheel aiming right at me.
“Come here.” He said and started to wipe my face with his sleeves.
“It’s ok, Logan. Just leave it.” I said, pulling away. I don’t know why it did, but the look in his eyes as he wiped my face upset me.
Amusement.
He thought it was funny as hell.
It probably was, but knowing I wasn’t finding it particularly amusing at that moment had me almost in tears.
I was feeling emotional. I was due my period in a couple of days, so I probably had PMS but, despite that, I was reaching the end of my rope.
I didn’t know how much more I could take being just friends with Logan.
“Look, I’m sorry. Ok?” Logan said on the drive back.
I’d been able to sit without covering the seat in mud by taking off my hoodie, and the back of my pants were ok. Conveniently, and I did wonder why, Logan had a blanket in the trunk of his car and he draped it over my seat.
“I didn’t mean to laugh that hard.”
I ignored him. I crossed my arms, being careful to put them on the top of my chest and not under. I wasn’t about to have my cleavage pushed under my chin.
“Chase.”
I didn’t answer him.
“Come on, you knew it was going to be dirty…” His voice trailed off as he realized how that sounded. “I didn’t mean…”
“I know what you meant.” I mumbled. “Nobody means anything else when talking to me.” I said.
I never meant to say that bit out loud, and I cringed when I heard the words leave my mouth.
“What? What do you mean by that?”
“Nothing, forget it.” I said as Logan pulled up outside my house.
We walked through the door and instantly, my Dad cracked up.
“Don’t, Dad, Just don’t.” I said as I turned to the stairs. “I’m going for a shower.”
I stomped, as carefully as I could, to my personal bathroom.
I took off my clothes and rinsed them in the water as I washed my hair…twice. When the water finally ran clear, I got out and dried myself.
I wrung out my clothes and put them in the sink, ready to take them to the washer.
I wanted to wear my favorite navy blue cargo pants, and they were in the laundry room downstairs. Logan hadn’t come up with me, so I couldn’t call out to ask him to get my clothes for me.
Sometimes, I would stay in my bathroom and he would get stuff and pass it through to me; my hand sticking out of the doorway. I wasn’t about to call him for a favor, the way I was feeling, so I’d have to get them myself.
I put on a pair of gym shorts and a T-shirt. My shirt was so long that it covered the shorts, making it look as if I were naked underneath. It was only for a minute, though. Whoever was downstairs was going to get a flash of my legs. Nobody ever saw my legs, except for my parents. Even in the summer, with the blazing heat, I wouldn’t wear shorts outside.
I brushed out my too long hair and left it loose. I could feel the tips against the top of my ass.
Walking down the stairs, I heard my Dad and Logan talking about the race. I’d been gone for about fifteen minutes so I wondered what else needed to be said.
“I don’t know why, but she got the whole mud slide right over her. It was freaky stuff; like the guy aimed for her.” Logan said, chuckling as though he couldn’t believe it.
“Well, going that fast I doubt the guy meant for that to happen.” My Dad said.
The traitor was laughing at me too.
“Chase got mad. She usually laughs at that stuff, but she was really mad. I think it was at me, too, because I laughed, and I got only a little spray on my face and hair. I easily got it out with a little water.”
I walked round the corner, into the kitchen, clutching my wet clothes in my hands. My Dad and Logan both looked at me. My Dad grinned, and Logan had, at least, the decency to look embarrassed and sit down. He propped his elbows on the breakfast bar, leaning forward.
Yeah you better be sorry. I thought to myself. The fucker still looked immaculate whereas I had looked as if I’d taken a mud bath, fully clothed.
I went into the laundry room and took off my shorts, pulling on my loose cargo pants, before putting my dirty clothes in to wash.
I took a breath to calm my nerves, then walked back into the kitchen where my Dad was holding back a laugh.
“Dad, it’s not funny.” I said, rolling my eyes.
“What isn’t?” He asked, his smile growing.
“My mud bath, now drop it.”
“Ok, baby.” My Dad glanced to Logan and then left the room.
Logan visibly relaxed when he did.
“So, do you still want to meet the guys at the diner?” He asked. He wasn’t smiling now.
No. In fact, he looked sheepish, as though he’d done something he shouldn’t. There’s no way he had because he was with my Dad the whole time.
I should’ve really let him off the hook. He was my friend, after all, and the fact that I had deeper feelings for him was no reason for me to be a bitch about it.
“Sure. When are they getting there?” I asked, pulling my hair round to braid it, and Logan’s eyes moved to my hands.
“In about half an hour. Do you want me to do that for you?”
Yes, Logan could braid hair. Actually, he’d done mine a lot.
I was fifteen and just before my ‘development’, I was practicing some tumbles at gymnastics. Logan would occasionally come with me to watch. No, I wasn’t in a leotard. Hell no! As soon as I’d started high school, out came the extra baggy T-shirts and pants. I still wore my leotard underneath just incase my T-shirt lifted mid-somersault.
One of the days he came, he was sitting on one of the benches and a girl from the club sat next to him, batting her eyes and smiling. I lost my concentration and I landed awkwardly on my wrist, spraining it.
Even in a ba
ndage I could do most things, uncomfortably, except write and do my hair. So, when Logan met me at my house for school he saw me struggling and he offered to help. He followed my instructions and loosely braised my hair. Even when my wrist was better he would stop me, hold my ponytail, and braid it; as if I hadn’t finished doing my hair.
When we’d watch movies, he’d take out my hair tie and braid it.
I loved it.
It happened less and less and by the time we started junior year, he’d stopped completely. To be asking me now, was strange.
“No.” I said bluntly as I worked my hands quickly through my hair. “My wrist has been fine for two years, Logan.”
“I know.” He said, and I felt a pang of guilt hit me in the stomach when I saw the sad expression on his face.
I wasn’t going to apologize though. I didn’t want him to think that he could walk all over me every time he gave me the puppy eyes after annoying me, and I didn’t want to give him any clue that I had fallen for him big time.
“We should go. They’ll be there soon.” I said before running back upstairs to get my black hoodie.
I put on a little mascara, my black converse and walked downstairs. Trying to let it go, I took a deep breath as Logan and I got into his car to meet Stu, Carl, and Pike at the diner.
They were good guys, essentially. Except for Carl. He’s an ass and made it clear that he still wasn’t ok with me hanging out. I mean, the others didn’t want me hanging out with them either, at first, but once we’d all been out together a few months ago, they seemed to accept me. I think it might have been that they thought I was ‘girly’. Anyway, I don’t know exactly why, but I was included so I couldn’t complain. I still got to hang out with Logan although we were alone a lot less these days.
Chapter 2
The five-minute journey to the diner, we didn’t talk much. I was still angry from the race and Logan constantly fidgeted in his seat, as if he were uncomfortable.
We didn’t even talk about the event, although number five won. Logan seemed to be preoccupied with something else.
We arrived at the diner and when we walked in, we saw that the guys were already there.
“Hey guys.” Logan said as we neared the table. They all turned and, for some reason, they looked at me. Yeah they obviously didn’t want me there today. I was Logan’s ‘tagalong’.
Giving out the usual fist bumps; we sat down in the huge booth.
“Lex is coming. He’s bringing Sian.” Pike said, glancing to me.
I suppose it was my fault that she was coming along. After all, I was the only girl in the group. However, Sian is Lex’s girlfriend so I didn’t see how that was the same thing.
Then, I realized why Pike had given me that look.
Lex walked in with Sian, holding her hand. Her loose, dyed red curls bouncing as she walked in her heeled shoes. Her white Capri pants and bright yellow off-shoulder sweater clung to all of her curves. Her arm was raised with her handbag hanging from her bent elbow; her bright pink nails in the air for all to see.
She stared at me with her hazel eyes, framed with thick false eyelashes; her shiny pink lip gloss to match her nails.
The stereotypical girly-girl.
Something I wasn’t.
Even though she stood out, it was me that looked out of place. My clothing style matched the boys, but not my gender. Thanks to Sian, I now felt uncomfortable with my friends.
“Hey Sian.” The guys greeted her.
“Hello boys.” She said with a sickly sweet smile. “How are all of you?”
“We’re good.” They chorused.
“Chase.” She said, acknowledging my presence.
“Sian.” I replied in the same tone.
“What’s up?” Lex asked the group as they sat; Sian next to me.
Yep. I was now the outcast.
Usually that didn’t bother me. I never wanted to be the center of attention, but the other guys now treated me like I wasn’t even there, hanging on to every word Sian said.
I don’t know why it hurt, but it did.
I was tired of being in the shadows. Tired of being overlooked. Hell, I actually wanted the possibility of having a relationship and kids someday. But, the way I was treated like I didn’t matter, that didn’t look like it was going to happen. Especially with the one guy I dreamt it would be with.
My best friend.
“Hey, are you ok?” He asked, seeing that I was quiet.
Kudos for noticing.
“Yeah I’m fine. Why?”
Logan glanced to Sian then back to me, which I knew meant ‘because she’s here’.
I just shrugged as if I didn’t care.
Logan stared at me for a couple of seconds, and I was getting lost in his eyes when he mouthed ‘ok’ and turned back to what Pike was saying.
“So how was the race?” He asked Logan.
“It was cool. Jez won.” He beamed, his eyes lighting up. “Chase and I got a really good spot at the track”
“You went to see the dirt bike racing?” Sian asked me, like I was insane.
“Yes. My Dad got me tickets for my birthday.”
“You actually wanted to go?” She asked in disbelief.
“Yes. I did.” I replied like it was nothing.
“Ew. All that dirt. Didn’t you get muddy?” Her nose wrinkled, and her mouth turned down in disgust.
“Yes, actually. I was covered in mud. Head to toe.” I told her with a smile.
“Oh my God. In your hair too? That’s totally gross.” She held up her hands like she wanted to back away.
“Yeah, it was in my hair. All over my clothes… and under my nails.”
Sian gasped in horror, and I could hear Logan silently chuckling beside me.
“That’s disgusting.” She shook her head, her curls swaying. “I wouldn’t be caught dead around all that.” She snorted.
“It was totally awesome.” I emphasized the word. I don’t think she realized I was mocking her because she turned her attention to Lex.
“Baby, give me some quarters.” She said, holding out her hand. No ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ either.
Lex gave her some coins from his pocket and she kissed him on the cheek before clicking on her heels over to the jukebox.
“She’s driving me nuts!” Lex said suddenly. “She doesn’t do anything other than her fucking hair or nails. Oh, and she shops.” He groaned. “But, she’s a great fu…” He paused mid sentence, looking to me, realizing I was with them.
“Don’t mind me.” I said, waving away his concern that I was sitting there.
“She’s good for… other things, but that’s it. She’s beginning to get on my nerves.”
Stu was about to say something when Justin Bieber’s ‘Boyfriend’ sounded out over the speakers and Sian took her seat between Lex and me.
“Seriously?” Pike asked.
“What? Justin is awesome.” Sian said, like he was an idiot for not liking the music. “Please tell me at least you like Justin.” She asked me.
“Um… Not so much.” I replied.
“Hey Chase.” Pike said, suddenly remembering I was there. “Why don’t you choose something you like?” He smirked.
I could tell he wanted to start something. Possibly between Sian and me, or cause more of a rift between Sian and Lex.
I got up and started to walk away.
“Don’t you need money?” Sian raised an eyebrow at me.
Oh, she expects me to sponge off the guys too. I don’t think so.
I jangled my pockets, the sounds of coins clinking together, as I turned away.
Choosing my song, I moved back to the table and I instantly knew I’d been the topic of conversation because they all stopped talking.
Lex looked bored, Stu and Pike were trying not to smile, Carl looked happy and Logan looked annoyed. At least he stuck up for me… I think.
“What. Is. That?” Sian said in horror as ‘Best Of You’ by the Foo Fighters started.
>
“You don’t like Foo Fighters?” I asked, like it would surprise me that she didn’t.
“Uh…No!” Her tone implied that I was stupid for even suggesting it.
“Oh. That sucks.” I smiled.
The waiter appeared with our drinks followed by another waiter with the huge cheese pizza we’d ordered.
It had only touched the table when Stu and Pike went for their slices; followed by the other guys.
“Oh my God! You guys are animals!” Sian whined. “You could use a plate!” She looked round and when she didn’t spot any, I swear she turned white. “Please tell me there’s at least some cutlery.”
“No, babe. None. We just use our hands.” Lex said with a smile, then took a big fat bite of his slice.
Sian looked to me as I lifted a piece carefully, and bit into it.
Ok, so I wasn’t as wild as the other guys, and I wasn’t shoving it in as fast as I could.
“I suppose you have a little decorum at least.” She snorted at me.
Now, I was beyond annoyed at Sian.
First, she made me feel uncomfortable, then tried to make me look bad for liking dirt bike racing, and then looked at me funny for not scrounging quarters from Logan. Then she mocked my taste in music. That was the last straw.
“It’s funny you should say that…” I said with my mouth full. It was nasty, but I didn’t care. “…My Mom says I don’t have any.” I smiled.
“Ugh! You’re just like them.” She snarled, tilting her head towards the guys.
“Oh Sian, thanks!” I said after swallowing. She looked at me as if I’d grown another head. “That means so much that you think I’m that awesome!” I put my hands on my chest for emphasis.
