by Dawn Doyle
“I didn’t think so.” He smiled again and took a scoop of his ice-cream and put it in his mouth. I watched his lips as he pulled the spoon out of his mouth and then licked them.
I swallowed, even though the only thing in my mouth was the drool.
“Mmm. This is good ice-cream.” He said, taking another spoonful.
Instead of eating it, he held the spoon out for me to have it. He held it by my mouth to feed it to me.
Now, Logan and I had done this before; lots of times. If I were writing something down, when we were studying, or had my hands full, he’d put candy or gum in my mouth for me, and vice versa. This was different. We’d never shared a spoon.
I opened my mouth, my heart pounding in my ears, and he watched as he fed me.
“That is good.” I said, after I swallowed.
Logan then ate more off the same spoon. To say I was surprised was an understatement.
“Ok, I know we usually swap halfway, but that’s not happening.” He said.
“You might think twice in a minute.” I said, spooning some strawberry ice-cream into my mouth. “Wow. You’re not even getting a taste of this.” I grinned.
“You better pass that here.” He said, demanding as he flashed his straight white teeth.
“Not a chance.”
I put another spoon into my mouth and moaned like it was the best thing I’d ever had in my life.
Logan took a deep breath, and I thought for a second that he was going to wrestle me for it. I wanted him to wrestle me for it, and my lower half ached just thinking about Logan pushing me down and climbing on top of me.
The thoughts had gotten worse and I knew I had to try to stop them. Nothing was going to happen with Logan. I had to get used to that. I’d been telling myself that for the past three years, but I couldn’t help thinking about him that way.
“I’ll just take it from you.” He said, his voice low and almost threatening.
I wanted to shout ‘come on then!’ But, that wouldn’t be clever. We’d fight for it, I’d get all flustered and he’d eat my ice-cream, not being affected in the slightest.
“Fine.” I said, holding out a scoop to his mouth and almost swooned when he slowly ate off my spoon.
I swear my nipples were cutting through the fabric of my T-shirt; they were so hard.
“That’s good too.” He said, his voice sounded tight.
“Yeah, we’re not swapping.” I said, and sat back to enjoy my ice-cream trying not to imagine licking it off Logan’s stomach.
That was a vision I could do without during my hormonal time. Not that I’d seen Logan’s body, but he worked out a lot, and I could only imagine what was under his clothes.
Ruffles, seemingly aware of my discomfort, curled up between our legs but our arms were still almost touching.
I turned on the TV, and we watched an episode of ‘Sons Of Anarchy’ which was one of our favorites.
Currently, Clay had just been killed. He should’ve gone a long time ago. I hated that arrogant, self-worshipping asshole.
Logan found it amusing that I got so absorbed in my favorite shows. I’d see him, out of the corner of my eye, watching me for my reactions.
It was almost eleven when we’d finished watching TV, our ice-cream demolished.
“I’d better go.” Logan said as he stood, putting my pillow back where it came from.
“I’ll walk you out.” I got up.
“No need. You stay here. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye Ruffles.”
Ruffles meowed in response.
I shook my head.
“Take her. She’ll be happier with you.” I joked.
“Imagine what Matt would say if I went home with her.”
I really didn’t want to. The guy was disgusting.
“Anyway, see ya.”
“Bye.” I said, and he was gone.
I listened to his footsteps and the sounds of the front door opening and closing.
“I’m such as mess!” I whispered out loud to myself and reached to stroke my cat.
Instead of laying there, she jumped down, and walked out.
“I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you!” I yelled after her.
The thing is, I don’t know whether I was actually saying that to the cat, or to Logan.
Chapter3
I met Logan for our Math class after homeroom.
We sat next to each other. Not on the same table, they were singles, but the ones next to each other. Close enough to chat if we had anything to say, which was usually me passing the answers to Logan.
You see, I was great at Math, and Logan’s best subject was Chemistry. I didn’t suck at that. I liked to let him think I needed his help.
That was usually how we ended up spending so much time together. We studied and helped each other.
Also, just like last night, Logan and I hung out and watched TV, or we were with the others. We didn’t see each other when I went to gym practice though. He’d been practicing baseball with the guys.
It was probably a coincidence, but it was as if he’d organized their training to coincide with mine. That would be so sweet to do that.
“Hey Chase!” He said with a smile as I sat in my seat. “Looking forward to your spa session?” He grinned.
“Not in the slightest.” I said, narrowing my eyes at him. He still found it amusing that I’d caved and agreed to go with my Mom. I was not looking forward to having somebody filing and buffing my nails. If I wanted to do that, I could do it myself.
“What are you going to do when your Mom is getting a rub down?” He smirked.
“I’ll call you and give you a step-by-step description of what a manicure feels like. Down to every last file and polish.” I smirked back.
“No! Anything but that!” He said with a mock horrified look on his face.
“You know you want me to.” I teased. “In fact, I think you should go with my Mom. I bet you’ll just love that.”
“Like, oh my God! That would just be so awesome!” He said with a girly voice that made me snort out loud and the teacher glared at me. The pair of us chuckled quietly with Logan pretending to file his nails like a woman.
“I have baseball practice later. Are you coming to watch?” He asked after the lesson ended.
Whenever I watched them play, Logan would do well and he would say that I was his good luck charm.
I wasn’t, even though it made me all fuzzy thinking that I was that significant. He’d played well when I wasn’t there, but he didn’t know I knew that. I think he was just trying to make me feel part of the whole group.
I wanted to, but I was more interested in being with Logan than ‘one of the guys’.
“Yeah sure. I’ll bring my books with me and study.”
Baseball wasn’t the kind of sport I was into. I wasn’t really into any of them, except gymnastics, but I supported Logan with his.
“It wouldn’t hurt to watch sometimes.” He said, with a smile but I knew he wanted me to watch them play. The thing is; I couldn’t do it. Not much anyway. I’d see him running round, his muscles flexing under his T-shirt and his thighs tensing under his pants as his legs powered around the field. My mouth watered just thinking about it.
“I do watch. All the time.” I lied. “I just have to study too so I’m multi-tasking.”
“Ok, sure.” He said as we walked along the corridor to our next lesson. “Free period after lunch. Ok?”
“I’ll be there.” I said, and then we went our separate ways for our different subjects.
“Chase the Ace!” Poppy, my lesson partner greeted me when I sat down.
“Hey Poppy. How are you?”
Poppy wasn’t like me. She didn’t hang out with guys, and she wasn’t into rock music or ‘guy’ stuff. She was a typical girly-girl, but she was one of the nice ones. She didn’t care that I looked completely different to her and she never tried to get me to ‘girl up’ whatsoever. She liked diversity and thought that everybody had a right to
be what they wanted to be, and she wanted to be girly. I liked her a lot, but we never got together out of school because we actually didn’t have any other common interests that would bring us together.
“I’m great, thanks!” She replied in her enthusiastic tone. “So, I heard that you and Sian had a bust up last night.”
“What? What do you mean a bust up?”
“Oh, apparently Lex dumped her because she was mean to you, and then she called him to give her another chance.”
“Oh God.” I groaned.
The gossip had already spread and that was one thing I hated in school. Everybody talked about everybody.
“Who told you?” I asked her. It obviously wasn’t Sian. She wouldn’t willingly make herself the topic of conversation if it made her look bad.
“Well, Sian told Gretchen, and Gretchen told Charlotte. Charlotte told me.”
Gretchen was Charlotte’s ‘BFF’ but that didn’t matter with those girls. If it were juicy, they told; regardless of the friendship status.
“How nice of her to gossip about her friend.” I said, sarcastically.
“Come on, Chase. Everybody talks.”
“I don’t talk about my friends.” I told her. “It’s nobody’s business what anybody does.”
“I suppose guys are more secretive than girls.” She said with a shrug.
“Excuse me?”
Did you just say I was a guy?! I thought.
“I mean guys in general.” She laughed nervously, obviously realizing what she’d said. “I know you’re not a guy, Chase.”
Well that just pissed me off. The night before, after the Sian incident, I was happy. Now, I was annoyed.
I was so sick of being labelled because of how I looked or whom I chose to spend my time with, or not.
I know Poppy didn’t mean to sound like she was calling me a guy, but it hurt all the same. I clenched and released my fists, taking a deep breath to calm myself down.
I tried to listen to the teacher, as she started the class, but I couldn’t focus.
I barely heard Poppy when she started talking about cheerleading and holding tryouts for junior members when the current squad moved to seniors. Her voice sounded as though it was coming from the distance as I tried to block out exactly what I was feeling.
I felt alone.
*****
“You’re quiet today.” Logan said as I sat on the bleachers, ready for his baseball practice. “Is everything ok?”
I hadn’t said much through lunch. I hadn’t even heard what anybody was saying. All I could hear was what Poppy had said to me earlier.
“Yeah. Everything’s fine.” I hated lying to him, but the last thing I wanted was to show my insecurity about how he saw me.
“Chase.” He said, looking me right in the eye. “Everything’s not ok.”
Shit. He saw right through me, and now I was going to have to explain myself. Not there on the field though, not when there were other people watching the practice.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sian and her followers sitting down to watch the game. Of course she would. Lex played baseball too. So did the other guys.
I took a deep breath.
“I’ll tell you later.” I sighed.
“You will.” He said, and then the guys called him to practice.
Why was it so hard? Why did I have to have feelings for him? If I weren't friends with Logan, then I wouldn’t be hanging out with them. I would be by myself. Sometimes I thought I would be better off, and then I wouldn’t have to go through the hormonal roller coaster ride every time I laid my eyes on the perfection that was Logan Blackwood.
As he ran across the field, his tight ass moving as his legs shot him forward towards the benches where his other friends sat, my eyes were completely fixed on him.
I tried not to watch as Logan stepped up to the mark, swinging his bat over his shoulder, getting ready to hit the ball that Pike was about to throw.
Pike lifted his leg, brought his hands together, taking his arm back until her threw the ball right towards Carl who was the catcher. The ball was fast, but Logan swung the bat round and hit the ball hard. It flew right through the left field, I think it was called, and away. It was a home run. He practically strolled around the bases.
It wasn’t a full game, just a practice. The full games, with more in the field, were a hell of a lot faster.
Logan grinned and looked over to me as he passed third base.
“Logan is so hot!” one of Sian’s friends said.
I didn’t want to look, but I knew it was Carly Range. One of the junior cheerleaders and probably the head when we go up to senior year. Her long legs were crossed in front of her, that much I could see, and I knew she’d be twirling her pink hair round her fingers.
Her hair wasn’t bright pink, like you’d expect. No, it was the same color as cotton candy.
“Yeah, I’d jump him at the drop of a hat.”
Now, I knew who that was. It was Cassie Hastings. Or ‘Cass’ to her friends. The same girl who was caught with her pants down, with somebody else, under the very same bleachers we were sitting on. She never seemed to have any one group of people that she hung out with. She kinda just went with whomever took her fancy that day.
I smiled back at Logan, and I felt the girls’ eyes on me. I knew they were whispering about me.
God I was so sick of high school, and we hadn’t even finished junior year.
Looking down at my text book, I couldn’t focus on the chemistry symbols. I just wanted to get up and leave.
“Logan! Wake up!” I heard Carl shout, and I snapped my head up to see what had happened.
Logan was in the field, and the ball was behind him as he was running to get it.
“Stop eyeing up the girls and keep your eye on the ball!” Carl said with a smirk in my direction.
They were quite a bit away from me but not far enough for me to miss their expression. Sian and the girls started giggling and I felt my stomach turn. My face heated, and I looked back down at my books.
“I think he was looking at me.” Said Cassie.
“I think he was.” Giggled Carly. “I bet he wouldn’t mind getting under the bleachers with you.”
“I’d be more than happy to get on his wood under this wood.” She purred, patting the seats.
That made the three of them cackle like old ladies.
These ones are made of steel, you dumb ass. I thought to myself.
“So what’s up?” Logan asked after school. He was giving me a ride home so I could meet my Mom for our spa session.
Oh yay. Not.
“It doesn’t matter anymore.” I said, looking out of the window. After the baseball practice, hearing what the girls had said, I wasn’t in the mood to talk.
“Chase. It matters. Now tell me what’s wrong.”
Logan’s tone sounded a little snippy. He wasn’t happy either.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
I rolled my eyes.
Logan made an expression, signaling that he was waiting for me to answer him.
I huffed out a breath and told him what Poppy, had said.
“You don’t really care what people say do you?”
“I don’t…usually.” I said with a shrug. “But, it’s getting annoying that people refer to me as a guy.”
“They don’t Chase.” He said, trying to assure me. “I do understand, though, but I think you’re wrong.”
“I’m not, Logan. For example: Sian said that I look like a ‘fat boy’.”
“You don’t…”
“Let me finish.” I interrupted him. “The girls today… They were whispering, but I heard them saying that I wasn’t a real girl. So, when Carl told you to stop ‘eyeing up the girls’…” I held up my fingers in emphasis “… He was gawking at Sian, Carly and Cassie. Who, by the way, explained in detail how she would be happy to have sex with you under the bleachers.”
After my litt
le rant, and feeling disgustingly sorry for myself, I crossed my arms over my chest and looked out of the window.
“Ok.” He sighed. “Firstly, I wasn’t eyeing up those girls; I was looking at you.”
My eyes snapped to his and I felt a little glimmer of hope take root in my chest.
“You looked as though you were trying to set fire to your book with your eyes. It was funny. Secondly, I wouldn’t go anywhere near Cassie. I can’t stand her.”
Ok, so saying he can’t stand Cassie wasn’t the same as ‘she’s not my type’ but I was glad nonetheless. At least I could cross her name off the long list of girls who wanted him.
“Is that what’s really bothering you?”
“It doesn’t matter, Logan.”
“It does, Chase. I’ve noticed you acting different sometimes. I know it’s hard, with the guys, but we’re all friends, and they don’t care that you’re a girl. Plus, ignore Carl. He’s been wanting to hook up with Carly for a while, so he was trying to get her attention.”
“I don’t give a shit about Carl.” I muttered. “He’s an ass.”
“Yeah he can be, I agree. Don’t let it get to you, ok?”
Logan put his hand on my bare arm, and my whole body broke out in goosebumps.
“You’re right.” I said. “It shouldn’t.”
But it does. I thought.
*****
Logan dropped me at home, and I went up to my room to put my things away. Ruffles was lying on my bed, as usual, ignoring that I was there.
The comments that the girls had said about me were flying around in my head.
“She’s not a real girl; she doesn’t even go to the salon.”
“Why does she wear such huge tops? Is she hiding a flabby stomach?”
