by Dawn Doyle
“Hey, Logan. Where’d you go? Adam said you took off like you had a firecracker up your ass.”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. The guys knew there was a reason I always had Chase with me; always gave them shit if they said anything about her. I didn’t want it to become an issue so I never told them the truth. It didn’t matter anyway, because I suspected they had a good idea. Especially after Lex had asked Chase to show them some gymnastics right there in the hallway. Without thinking, I’d told him to stop messing with her, and not to look at her. Yeah that gave the guys a reason to mess with me too, saying that I had it bad for Chase.
“I, um… I went after Chase.”
“Yeah, I heard she left by herself. What happened?”
“She wasn’t feeling too good and I said I’d take her home. She was waiting for me, and I took too long. I was supposed to be five minutes, but I left her there.”
“Dude. That sucks.” He said.
“I couldn’t find her, so I called her. She wouldn’t answer, and when I sent her a text, she said ‘fuck you’. I left straight away and went to her house. She told her Dad to tell me to fuck off. She wouldn’t even speak to me, and her Dad wouldn’t let me see her.” I blew out a breath after my rant, and ran my hand through my hair. I hadn’t meant to tell Lex, but I couldn’t help it.
“What are you going to do? Do you think she’ll talk to you when she calms down?”
I knew that wasn’t something worth hoping for. Chase wouldn’t let me make up for this.
“I doubt it, Lex. Any other time I’ve been an ass, I’ve made it up to her. This is different, though. She wouldn’t even talk to me.”
I had to swallow the lump in my throat as I thought that Chase may not speak to me for a long time. I had to try to get her to see me. Even if she doesn’t want to say anything.
“Look, give her a day or so to cool off, she might come round. We’re going to the cages tomorrow anyway. Take out some stress there. Maybe try calling her again afterwards.”
Lex made sense. If Chase had a day to think about things, maybe she’d agree to let me explain.
“Ok.” I said. “I’ll see you there.”
After the call with Lex, I showered and then turned on my TV. I sat in my bed watching some show about detectives, and I didn’t even know what was happening. All I could think about was Chase.
The amount of times I’d gotten close to telling her. The times I’d gotten close to showing her. Remembering when I’d massaged her back in the kitchen, and when we’d played Marvel V’s Capcom 2 a few minutes later, and she’d kicked my ass. What I did to put her off…
Being that close to her, touching her, feeling her warm skin against mine…
The guys had interrupted what could’ve been the beginning of something else. I didn’t know they were coming over, and I knew right away that Matt had been the one to let them in the house without telling me.
It was just like that asshole to spoil things for me, again.
His constant comments to Chase about being a cock block. I’d punched him a few times over that. It never fazed him though, he just kept at it. He was purposely trying to drive Chase away from me. I could see the anger behind his eyes when she would dismiss him with an eye roll or a fake yawn.
When he propositioned her in the hallway, though. I could’ve killed him. He said he was just fucking with her. I knew he was talking crap. He was trying to get her to leave me because of him.
I knew I had to get her back. I had to make her see just how much she means to me.
*****
I didn’t sleep very well, and I was tired and grumpy as hell. I certainly wasn’t in the mood to take any crap from my brother.
I walked downstairs to get my breakfast, and I saw that he was still here, having breakfast of his own.
“Hey.” He said, looking up as I walked in.
“Hey.” I replied, grabbing a bowl of cereal.
“How are you feeling this morning?” He asked.
My eyes snapped to Matt. This was different of him. Since senior year, when Chase and I started Freshman, he’d been an asshole.
“Um… Ok, I guess.” I said, unsure of what the hell was going on.
“Look, Logan. I know I’ve been a bit of a dick…”
“A bit? How about a huge fucking boner of a dick?”
“Ok, I deserve that.” He said, his hands up. “What I’m saying, is that maybe this is for the best. Sure it’s going to hurt for while, but you’ll get over it.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I said in disbelief. “Nothing has happened yet! You’re acting like there’s nothing I can do about this.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t do anything.”
“Excuse me? Why shouldn’t I? Because you don’t like Chase? Newsflash, Matt. This isn’t about you. It’s about Chase and me. It has nothing to do with you, and I wish you’d just keep your fucking nose out of our business.”
“It’s not that I don’t like her. It’s just…” Matt looked like he was thinking about what to say.
“Please enlighten me, oh wise big brother.” I said, sarcastically. “Because obviously I have no fucking clue about anything.”
“Come on Logan. What do you think’s going to happen with Chase? You’re going to be BFF’s and stay happy forever, and shit? What happens when Chase gets a boyfriend and leaves you behind?”
“What?” I had no idea where that came from, or why Matt sounded as though he was talking from experience.
“Do you think she’s going to want you around when she has a guy that gives her attention?”
Suddenly, I wasn’t hungry anymore. Thoughts of Chase with somebody else making me feel nauseated. I didn’t want to imagine her like that.
“I give her attention.” I almost growled.
“You’re ‘friends’.” He said, holding up his fingers in emphasis. “What kind of attention do you think she’s going to want in the future, huh? I’m guessing it’s not going to be the ‘just friends’ kind. Logan, she’s going to want a relationship at some point. Would you be ok watching that?”
I hated to admit it, but Matt made complete sense. There’s no fucking way I wanted to watch Chase with another guy. That wasn’t going to happen.
“Like I said, Matt. Nothing has happened yet, and I am going to fix this.”
Matt didn’t say anything. He just shrugged his shoulders and continued eating.
I forced myself to have breakfast before going back to my room, and the things Matt had said were running through my mind.
Did Chase want somebody else? Did she want somebody else to have a relationship with? Sometimes I wondered if she’d felt anything more for me, but there were also times were I would get a little closer to her and she would move away. Surely, if she did want something more, she would’ve stayed put?
I’d almost believed that, when we were playing the game, before we were interrupted. However, she hadn’t wanted me to get rid of the guys when I suggested it. It was possible that it was because she didn’t want to make me choose -that was so like her- but it might have been that she was grateful to get out of the situation I had put us in.
Fuck! Why didn’t I just tell her from the beginning? I thought to myself.
I could’ve saved us all of this trouble, and she’d be with me right now. However, it could’ve gone in the complete opposite direction and I might have been watching her with somebody else for all this time.
There was no point in beating myself up before I had a chance to fix things, so I got ready to go to the batting cages with the guys. I wasn’t in the mood to go, but I needed to get out.
I opened the trunk of my car and got out my bat.
Walking over to the cages, I saw the guys all waiting for me. They were watching me as I approached, and I knew, instantly that Lex had opened his fucking mouth to them.
Great. Just… great.
“Hey, Logan!” The guys chorused, and I could see Carl trying to hide his smirk.
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God I wanted to hurt him so bad. It was obvious he was happy about my situation; he never wanted Chase with us. It wasn’t just curbing what we said around her, which Chase never had a problem with, it was that he thought Chase being there, stopped other girls from coming over. As if we’d only speak to girls who dressed like Chase. That was bullshit, and he knew it.
He was jealous.
“Hey.” I replied, and entered the cage.
I rolled out my neck and shoulders. They felt stiff from not sleeping well.
I started the machine that pitched the balls, and I couldn’t focus. The balls I managed to hit were terrible.
“Focus Logan.” Lex said from the cage next to me. “Don’t think about anything but the ball.”
That was easy for him to say; he had Sian, sort of. He didn’t have to worry about losing her. Not after the last time, when she’d asked him to take her back. I knew something about Sian, but I didn’t want to bring it up. I wasn’t sure if Lex had any idea.
I hit a few balls, but I didn’t get anything more than a sixty.
“It’s going to be fine.” Pike said, and I stopped the machine.
Taking a breath, I left the cage for a break.
“Get over it, Logan.” Carl said with spite in his tone. “The game’s more important that Chase.”
I snapped.
I grabbed Carl buy his shirt and pushed him against the side of the cage. Pulling my hand back, I let my fist connect with his face.
“Logan!” The guys shouted and began to pull me off of him.
“It’s your fault!” I shouted. “If you hadn't had been such a prick, she would only be a little mad at me.”
“My fault?” Carl yelled, holding his jaw. He spat blood on the floor. “I wasn’t the one who left her by herself. I wasn’t the one who let her walk home alone.”
“You’ve been an ass to her all along, Carl. If you’d have fucking understood it wasn’t her that was your problem, then this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Seriously? No matter what I said, she was there. It made no difference, Logan. You did this to yourself.”
“Fuck you, Carl.” I snarled, shrugging the guys off me.
I knew he was right, to a point. It was me that left Chase alone. She’d stood by me, even with his comments. After the last punch I gave him, I thought he’d learned his lesson. Obviously not.
The reason I didn’t do more to him was the fact that he knew, before the others, what was going on.
*****
Four months ago.
“Jesus, Logan. Does Chase really have to hang with us? I mean, how are we supposed to get chicks if she’s around?” Carl whined.
I’d told the guys that I shouldn’t have to split my time between them and Chase and that she should be able to hang with all of us. The other guys were a little hesitant, but had agreed. All but Carl. He’d kicked up a fuss.
“There’s nothing stopping you from getting girls, Carl. If you want a girl, go right ahead.” I said.
I didn’t know what his problem was. He was Ok with Chase beforehand, but now he was being an ass about her.
“That’s the thing, Logan. No girls will want to know us, because they’ll think we want girls like Chase.”
“You should be so lucky.” I mumbled.
By the expression on Carl’s face, when he smiled, I knew he’d heard me. I hadn’t intended to say that loud enough for him to hear.
“Actually, come to think of it, Chase might just fit right in. She may be the kind of girl I’m looking for.”
“Don’t you fucking touch her.” I growled.
“Ooh! I totally get it now. You have a thing for Chase, don’t you? Does she know?” He laughed.
“No, and don’t you say a fucking word.” I said. There was no point denying it. It was pretty obvious from my actions.
“Or what?” He grinned.
“Or I’ll break your fucking face.”
“I won’t, but if you even try to do anything, I’ll tell her anyway.”
I knew I was stuck. If Carl told Chase, I’d hurt him. If I hurt him for any other reason, he’d tell Chase.
I couldn’t risk it.
She didn’t like me that way, and I didn’t want to lose her because of it.
I had one weapon against Carl, though.
“I swear, Carl. If you say anything to her, I’ll be telling people about the girl you have a thing for. Do you think she’ll be happy about it?”
His expression told me everything. He didn’t want everyone knowing at all.
“Didn’t think I knew, did you?”
“She won’t talk to me because of Chase.” He spat.
“Chase isn’t the reason.” I said. “That’s ridiculous.”
“But, she’s not like her. She won’t wanna hang out because they’re nothing alike.”
“Bullshit!” I yelled, but trying not to raise my voice too much. I didn’t want the other guys hearing our discussion.
“Yeah? We’ll see, Logan. Just you watch.”
Carl was pulling the same shit every week, since then. He’d ‘accepted’ Chase, but the sly comments would slip in, and I couldn’t do anything major in front of Chase. Just the same as Carl couldn’t say anything either. If he told… I told.
Neither of us wanted the guys to know; in case it got back to the girls.
I had to tolerate his shit because I was afraid Chase would leave me.
I walked away from the guys to clear my head.
I pulled out my phone, and called Chase, hoping that she’d calmed down and would pick up.
It rang and rang.
If I could, I’d leave a voicemail. I needed her to hear me out, but I didn’t want to say everything on the phone. I wanted to see her face-to-face.
Before the call went to voicemail, I heard the tone that told me Chase had declined the call.
I tried again. That time, she declined instantly.
Instead, I sent her a text.
L: I’m sorry. Please talk to me.
I paced back and forth, waiting for a reply. It never came, and I knew she was still mad. I should give her more time, like Lex had suggested. I didn’t want to, though. I wanted to tell her; to make her understand.
“Tomorrow.” I said to myself, walking back to the cages.
Tomorrow, I was going to try again, and if she wouldn’t answer I was going to call at her house.
“Diner?” Lex asked when we’d finished out allotted time at the cages.
We’d been there for a couple of hours, taking turns on the two cages we’d hired, and we were all hungry.
“Yeah. I need to shower first.” Pike said.
“Ok. We’ll meet in an hour. Is that ok?”
“Yeah.” I replied, even though I wanted to just wallow in self pity.
We went our separate ways to get cleaned up, and I didn’t look at Carl. It was possible I’d attack him again. With the way I was feeling, it was very likely.
I pulled up to the diner and walked inside. Making my way to our table, I sat down next to Pike and Stu. Carl wasn’t around.
“Lex is on his way.” Pike said, holding his phone up as if he’d just gotten the message from Lex. “A word of warning, he’s bringing Sian.”
I groaned internally. The last time I’d spoken to Sian, she’d been a bitch to Chase. I didn’t have to say anything to her because Chase could hold her own. I was proud of her for that, too. She wouldn’t take any shit off any girl if they made fun of her. Chase always stayed quiet, almost keeping herself out of the way of attention, but when she needed to… man she could dish right back and then some.
“Carl’s running late. He had to ice his face.” Stu said, looking at me.
“He deserved it.” I said, quietly.
“Maybe. I don’t know why he acts the way he does, but you need to lay off of him, Logan. We can’t have fighting within the team. It’s not good for the game.” Stu added.
“I don’t give a fuck about that, St
u. You know how he was with Chase. There was no need for him to be like that. None at all.”
Right then, Lex walked in with Sian.
She sauntered over to our table and sat down next to Pike, Lex sitting on her other side.
I saw her glance around and then look right at me.
“Wow, you look as though somebody died. What’s the matter?” She asked, and I knew Lex hadn’t told her. “Where’s Chase? You guys are practically joined at the hip.” She snorted.
I had to bite my lip to stop myself from telling her to mind her own Goddam business.
“She’s not coming today. No biggie.” Lex said, dismissing it.
I was grateful that he didn’t tell her what had happened. The last thing I wanted was for Sian to go gossiping with her friends. Even though the school year had finished for summer, word could still travel fast in her circle.
“Why? Is she too busy deciding what shade of boring to wear?” She chuckled.
I clenched my fist under the table.
“Sian, leave it.” Lex warned.
“What?” She asked, shrugging her shoulders as if it weren't a big deal. “I’m just saying… Chase doesn’t dress to impress at all, does she?”
“She doesn’t need to.” I said, before I could stop myself.
“Logan, girls our age should dress accordingly. How else do we get attention from guys?” She asked, as if I were stupid.
“Chase doesn’t flaunt herself.” I snapped as I looked Sian up and down, not in an approving way, but more to get the point across that Sian was dressed for a hell of a lot of attention. Her blue pants that looked as though they’d been sprayed on, and her tight, white vest top, left very little to the imagination. Not that I wanted to imagine Sian like that in any way. Not at all. I imagined Chase that way though.
