by Dawn Doyle
The girls laughed louder, but they weren’t making fun of me. They were having fun thinking about the effects our ‘dancing’ would have.
To be, honest… I was excited to find out exactly what effects they were.
“So, the uniforms are ready and we need to practice in them, to make sure they fit properly.” Sian announced.
My stomach dropped. I knew I’d have to wear the little dress with the really short shorts underneath, but it had only just hit me that it was so soon.
“Can I try mine at the very last minute?” I asked.
“What if it needs altering?” Gretchen said.
“I’ll try it at home. If it hold up to my stretches, it’ll be fine on the day.” I said, trying to convince them to let me hold off a little longer.
I’d only just started to cope with the skinny jeans and T-shirt.
“We’re done for the day.” Carly smiled, a glint in her eye. “But before we leave…” She motioned to Charlotte who pulled out a box from behind the table and placed it on top. “It’s Chase’s birthday!”
“Oh God.” I groaned, but I smiled at their thoughtful gesture.
They got me a cake, decorated with a dirt bike and chocolate ‘mud’. I laughed when I saw the model of the rider with mud all over her face and hair.
Sian had done that.
“Happy birthday, Chase.” Carly said, hugging me.
Each girl then took turns to hug me and give their wishes too.
I smiled, even though I still felt I was missing a part of me.
Clearing my head, I blew out the candles Carly had lit and we all had a piece of the delicious cake. As I watched the girls talking, I noticed Sian and Kate having their own conversation, checking that the other girls weren’t paying them attention.
Kate was giving her some serious eye action and Sian reciprocated.
Hello!
They were passing each other heated looks and Sian blushed, turning her eyes away… connecting with mine.
She looked shocked, and scared at the same time, saying something to Kate. They both began acting like what I’d seen hadn’t happened.
Well, well, well, Sian.
Not long after, we all started to clear out, ready to go home.
“Chase, can I talk to you a sec?” Sian asked.
“Sure.” I replied, unlocking my car to let Poppy wait inside. I knew what it would be about.
“Um… I wanted to talk to you about… before.”
“What about it?” I asked.
“I know you saw, Chase.” She said, raising an eyebrow.
“So?” I shrugged.
“So?” She narrowed her eyes. “Is that all you’re going to say?” She whispered.
“What do you want me to say, Sian? I saw you and Kate exchanging glances? Do you think I’m bothered by it? So what? You and Kate have a thing going on. That’s none of my business.”
Sian looked surprised.
“You’re… not shocked?” She asked, in disbelief.
“Sian, you like girls. Big deal.”
“Please don’t tell anybody. If my parents found out, they’d go ballistic.”
“Sian…” I said, trying to assure her. “It’s none of my business or anybody elses. I won’t say a word. However, what’s the deal with Lex?”
“Seeing Lex means I can see Kate without my parents getting suspicious. She’s actually his cousin, and my parents think we’re just best friends. I show up at the diner to keep up appearances.”
Just best friends. I thought. That stung, even though I knew Sian never aimed that at me.
“You’re secret’s safe with me.” I said.
Leaving Sian, I walked to my car thinking about how Lex was sweet for doing that for her. Well, he was probably doing it more for his cousin, but still… It was nice of him to do that. So, the comments about her being good for other things… he’d lied. It had all been an act.
Now the whole looking me up and down didn’t seem as sleazy as I once thought. He wasn’t with Sian, and I wondered if he’d actually been seeing anybody himself.
Things sure were getting more interesting around here.
“What did Sian say to you?” Poppy asked as I got in the car.
“She apologized, again, and said that she thinks that the squad is going to surprise everybody at homecoming. She mentioned the uniforms and the stunts too.”
“Oh, ok.” Poppy smiled.
I hated to lie, but Sian had trusted me, and no matter what had happened between us in the past, I wasn’t going to say anything.
I dropped Poppy at her house and made my way home. My parents wanted to have a family dinner and watch a movie together. I didn’t want to go out, so my Mom was setting things up at home.
Hitting some more road works; I cursed out loud when I’d been redirected towards Logan’s street. That was the last place I wanted to be driving by today.
Taking a calming breath, to steady my hands on the steering wheel, I drove down the road.
I tried my best to keep looking straight ahead, but I couldn’t help looking when a movement caught my eye outside Logan’s house.
Chapter 12
Logan
Arriving home from the batting cages, I walked up the path to my front door. Before I could turn the handle, the door opened.
My eyes met the person I’d been sickened to find in my house the last few times.
Cassie.
Just like the first time, on my birthday of all days, she was leaving just as I was returning, luckily. I remembered feeling nauseated as I saw her smiling face, and her messed up hair.
I’d gone into the house as she walked away, when a black car caught my eye. A brand-new Mustang. It was sweet.
Blowing me a kiss, she sashayed down the path and I slammed the door shut before she could say anything.
Exactly the same as I did just now.
“Matt!” I yelled.
“What?” He yelled back.
“Why the hell was she here, again?”
“Chill out Logan, she leaves before you get back.”
“That’s the thing, you shouldn’t even be here, let alone that tramp.” I snarled.
Matt had been hooking up with Cassie for the past week, and it was disgusting. He’s twenty-one and she’s still seventeen. Legal, but still…
Now, I was going to have to face her in school, tomorrow; our first day back, and know where my brother’s been.
I shuddered before stomping off to my room. I seriously hoped he hadn’t been in my room with her.
No. My Mom still kept his room for him here, at our house, regardless of the fact that he had his own bachelor apartment in the city. It was costing him money, and he was hardly there.
He’d been gone for a few days, but then started hooking up with Cassie so, again, he was around.
I had a feeling that something in the city was making him come back home. I just didn’t know what.
I showered and then relaxed on my bed, switching on the TV. No need to place the pillow on my lap. Chase wasn’t here.
Chase.
God I missed her so much.
Even after the amazing birthday gift, I still hadn’t been able to contact her. Her Dad still wouldn’t let me see her, not that she’d been home. Apparently, she’d been busy with gym. He warned me to stay away from there, too. I didn’t know why, but something in my gut told me that Larry was even more pissed with me than before. I had no idea why. I hadn’t seen Chase at all, and I assume my number was still blocked from her phone because I couldn’t get through and my texts wouldn’t send.
I turned off the TV, not watching anything, I switched on my computer and looked through all of the photos of us together from our Freshman year, until before the summer.
I’d printed a ton of photos of us. Some of them Chase didn’t even know about. They weren’t weird or anything, no they were just of her smiling and laughing, and I took the photos when she wasn’t looking.
They were my fa
vorites. When she wasn’t posing. When she was just being Chase.
My Chase.
I wanted her back so much, and I knew I had to fight for her.
Senior year started the very next day, and I already had butterflies in anticipation of seeing her again.
Hell, I’d dreamed about it for the past few weeks.
Most of the dreams… they hadn’t been innocent, at all. In fact, if Chase knew what I’d dreamt, the situation we were currently in; I’m pretty sure she’d castrate me.
Stroking my fingertips down the screen, over Chase’s face, I felt the familiar ache in my chest. I wanted to touch her for real.
Fuck it. I thought to myself. I have to tell her, explain to her… She needs to know how I feel.
Knocking on my door, Matt walked in and I clicked the screen closed.
“Hey. Cassie and I aren’t serious, you know.” He said, sitting on my bed.
“I don’t care, Matt.” I said, without looking.
He blew out a breath.
“It’s just a casual hook up every now and again. It’s what we both want, and we’re not going to be all hearts and flowers over it.”
“I don’t give a shit what you do with her, Matt.” I spat. “It’s the fact that you’re bringing her here. To our house.” I raised my voice. “We go to the same school, for fuck’s sake!”
“How’s that a problem?” He asked, oblivious to the reason for my anger.
“Oh my God! Not only has she been in our house, she’ll tell people in school. She might start talking to me, too.” I really didn’t want that to happen.
“Why’s her talking to you a problem?”
“Because I can’t stand her!”
Matt didn’t seem to realize, or care, what I was trying to say so I told him what Chase had told me Cassie had said; that day on the bleachers.
“So? She thinks you’re hot. Like I care.” Matt laughed as I groaned. “Like I said, it’s a hook up. Nothing more. I couldn’t care less if she hooked up with somebody else. As long as I’ve got the protection…”
“Spare me the details.” I said, Matt laughing again.
“Sure, little brother. But you know, if you actually tried it…”
I glared at Matt. He knew damn well I wasn’t going to go there. Not with her and not with any other girl.
Even though, since my birthday, he’d stopped saying that without Chase I’m a free man, he never stopped the little comments about maybe trying to just hook up with someone.
Not happening.
I really didn’t want anybody knowing about Matt and Cassie. It would spark too many questions. Things like ‘Cassie and your brother? Are you hooking up with her too?’ and possibly… ‘I thought you were with Chase.’
That last thought caused a bolt of pain to shoot through me.
If Chase found out about them, she would be horrified. That is, if she even cared anymore.
I couldn’t think like that, when I hadn’t even seen her, and I tried to clear my head by lifting a few weights in the garage.
Chase needed to know how much she means to me. She needs to know everything I did was because I was too scared to tell her.
The thing is… I have no idea how to do that because she was still not talking to me.
*****
It was the first day of senior year, and I dreaded it already.
I felt so alone, like I’m wasn’t myself, and I hated it. I felt like a weak, pathetic guy who couldn’t cope.
During my thoughts of self pity, I absent mindedly found myself driving towards Chase’s house, to pick her up.
Turning, I doubled back.
She’d probably have her own car now. I snorted a laugh, remembering how she’d wanted a motorcycle, and her Mom had thrown a fit.
I didn’t know what she’d get, but knowing Laura, Chase’s Mom, it’d be something safe and not very fast.
Pulling into the school parking lot, I saw Stu and Carl standing at the entrance.
“Hey.” I said, as I approached, feeling an empty space beside me.
“Hey Logan.” They replied, in unison.
“So, here we are. Senior year.” Stu said, grinning.
“This is our year, boys.” Carl said, rubbing his hands together. “It’s gonna be epic.”
I nodded, without actually agreeing.
Looking around, I couldn’t see Chase anywhere. I scanned the crowds that were showing up, looking at those with dark, or black T-shirts, and the same hair color.
I couldn’t find her.
It was getting closer to the start of the school day, and she still hadn’t shown. It wasn’t like her to be late. Especially on the first day back of the school year.
I wasn’t listening as the guys continued talking, as I was still searching, when I heard the bell sound for homeroom.
“It’s Chase.” I heard somebody say, just before I turned into the room, and when I turned to look, my heart stopped; my mouth dropping open. Immediately, my pants strained and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
Chase.
Chase walked towards me, wearing black skinny jeans, and biker boots. Instead of her usual baggy tops that I’d been looking for, she wore a tight red vest with a loose black vest over the top. The kind that are meant to be worn together.
Her toned arms were bare, her neck and upper chest exposed, which was something she never did. I wanted to reach out and stroke her skin.
Chase shook her head back, and her hair, loose and straight, swished out behind her, and I noticed all of the stares she was getting as she walked. I didn’t like it. I wanted to tell everyone to stop staring at her, but I had no right to. Not that anybody had a right to do that to somebody, but the caveman in me wanted to hide her away from the other guys’ eyes. Girls too. They were staring just as much.
I could tell Chase was oblivious, looking down at her phone with her earbuds in, and my heart pounded furiously as she got closer to me.
I opened my mouth, ready to say ‘hi’ but she didn’t even lift her head to make eye contact with me.
Instead, all I got was a whiff of her blackcurrant scent as she walked right past.
I watched her walk, and then turn in the direction of her own homeroom.
I felt as if I’d been kicked in the balls.
I could feel myself wanting to cry.
You’re not going to cry! Stop being such a pussy! I shouted internally to myself. She’ll come around. When you tell her, she’ll understand.
Taking a breath, feeling nauseated, I walked into my room and sat at my table.
“Have you seen Chase?” Lex asked as he sat by me. I nodded. “Man, she looks smokin’…” He paused when he saw my reaction. I wasn’t happy about him leering at her. “Sorry. I’m just saying she looks different.” Lex shrugged.
“She looks totally different.” Added Pike, which wasn’t helping.
“Chase looks like that. Get over it.” I snapped.
“Well, we’ve never seen her like that. Have you?” Lex asked.
I wasn’t going to tell him about me accidentally seeing her body. I hadn’t intended for it to happen, but it had been the focus of many of my dreams afterwards.
“No, but it’s obvious. She works out a lot. What did you expect?” I growled.
“Dude, you need to get your head out of your ass.”
“Excuse me?” I said, at Lex’s comment.
“Seriously, you’ve been out of it for the whole of summer. If you want to explain it all to her… Just do it. She can’t avoid you at school.”
Lex had a point. Because of her help, I had advanced math with Chase. I’d be able to speak to her then, and being next period, I had to act fast to get a seat near her, because there wasn’t any doubt in my mind that the whole class would want to get close to her now.
“I will.”
The bell sounded for first period.
Here goes.
Heading into the math class, I saw that Chase was already in her seat.
My stomach rolled when I saw her long, shiny hair flowing down her back. Chase never wore her hair loose and I was tempted to run my fingers through it.
Slowly, I walked closer and I noticed that Chase wasn’t in her usual hunched over style of sitting.
No, she was sitting back, her arm slung lazily over the back of her chair, her legs extended out into the aisle with her ankles crossed.
My pants became painfully tight as I watched her tongue move over her full pink lips, sucking the lower into her mouth as she flicked through her phone.
My eyes ran down the length of her body, glancing over the fabric that rested on her breasts, and seeing the tight curves of her thighs.
Her hand lifted, and she ran her hand over the center of her hair, pushing it back over head, out of her face. Just that movement had me almost bent over to hide my boner. I swallowed the saliva that had pooled in my mouth and lowered my bag in front of my crotch.
With my bag now in front, I walked to the seat at the table next to her. It seemed that the other guys were now intimidated to sit by her. All I could hear were the whispers from the back of the room. Safely out of her earshot.
I sat down, resting my backpack near my feet, and turned to watch her.
I could hear ‘Moving On’ by Asking Alexandria playing, as she completely ignored me.
I realized that the song was fitting for both of us. I’m ‘torn up,’ and she’s ‘Moving on’.
I hated that. Hated that she was ready to give up on me and have a life without me. I didn’t want that to happen, and I wasn’t going to let it happen either. I was about to say something when the teacher walked in.
