by Solet, Trina
After they made a big mess out of the Chinese food containers they had spread out all over the kitchen counter, Tyler and Jake did watch some cartoons with Julie. They weren’t bad either. Jake in particular seemed to be enjoying himself.
Tyler didn’t know when Julie’s bedtime was, but he figured nine o’clock was a safe bet. By the time they had everything figured out, her toothbrush, her pajamas, her Sleepy Doll, it was after ten o’clock.
Once she was in bed, Tyler and Jake sat in the living room watching more TV. Actually, Tyler was just letting the TV play in front of him while he tried to absorb what had happened. Jake knew this and patted his knee. Then he rubbed his head and in the same motion pulled him close. Tyler leaned against his shoulder. He couldn’t imagine what his life was going to be like from now on.
“I’m going to have to go kid furniture shopping. I can’t face that.” Tyler didn’t know the first thing about shopping for a little girl. And Jake was probably the wrong guy to help him with that as he soon pointed out himself.
“Don’t even look at me. Take Jo or Fiona. Or both,” Jake said with a smirk. He knew Fiona and Jo hated each other.
Jo was a new friend he and Jake had made while stumbling between a club where Jake tried to start a brawl to another club that would still have them. They came across Jo in the middle of being mugged at knife point. Without even thinking, they chased off the mugger. Fueled by booze, they kept chasing him just for kicks. After they lost the guy in some alley, they strutted back, ready to receive some heartfelt gratitude from the hot, young guy they just rescued. Instead, they were told off by that hot, young guy, Jo, the would be victim. Jo bragged that he didn’t need their help and could have handled it himself. He flexed his arms to prove it. He certainly liked to show them off. His vanity and ingratitude didn’t keep Tyler and Jake from buying him a few drinks and walking him home after. Jo was younger than they were, and cute as well as obnoxious. He was just the kind of guy they liked to hang out with. Luckily, he wasn’t interested in either of them, and told them so. They weren’t interested in him either, but he didn’t believe that for a second. They found each other again a few nights later and had some fun. Now Jo was pretty much entrenched as their third wheel.
The other shopping candidate, Fiona, was Tyler sister. She wasn’t the nicest person in the world, but she was about average as sisters go. Tyler shuddered at the thought of introducing her and his mom to Julie. Jake gave him some sympathy for that too.
Jake stayed late, but then Tyler sent him home so he could do some work. With Jake gone, Tyler meant to get down to business, but he found that he couldn’t focus properly. Since trying to get any work done was a lost cause, Tyler should have just gone to bed. But as he paced around the apartment, he realized that he wanted to watch over Julie. He was worried that she might wake up and get scared not knowing where she was. There were a few lights on, but the place was still unfamiliar to her. Tyler decided to lie down on the couch in the living room so he would be close if Julie needed him.
He woke up the next morning to find Julie sitting on the edge of the coffee table looking at him. As soon as he opened his eyes she smiled.
“Good morning,” he told her.
“Good morning. You like to sleep on the couch too?” Julie said.
“Nothing better,” Tyler confirmed, though his back disagreed a little.
Tyler wondered how long she had been sitting there.
“Were you watching your dad sleep?”
“Yes,” she said.
By her expression, Tyler could swear that she was happy to have him as her dad. If that was the case, he would just have to make sure he was worthy, first by not making her late for school.
Tyler had forgotten to set his alarm, but Julie had gotten herself up in time to go to school. He had to scramble a little since this wasn’t part of his routine, and the school was farther away than he realized. But then he got to have the quintessential fatherly experience of taking his kid to school. As he watched her walk away to join the other little kids, Tyler felt a twinge, a mixture of worry and pain at seeing her leave his sight.
Driving back home, Tyler thought about Leslie. He felt a terrible regret that he would never be able to talk to her. There were so many things he wanted to ask her. Thinking about her, how she was gone forever, Tyler remembered that Julie had also lost her grandfather. Tyler had never liked the man, and the feeling was mutual. But what mattered now was Julie. She seemed all right, but in a short time she had lost two important people in her life. For her sake, Tyler even regretted Mr. Armstrong’s absence.
Before catching up on work he failed to do last night, Tyler went grocery shopping. He bought snacks first then some healthy junk food to balance it out. He bought juice boxes, Jell-O and pudding cups, and Popsicles. He was at the register admiring his colorful purchases, when he had to go back for some yellow mustard. There was nothing to put it on, but he wanted to make sure they had some, just in case.
To go to work, Tyler had to go back home. He ran his business from there, from his living room for now. Tyler got started in web design when he was in college. He did it freelance just to earn some extra money. After he finished school, he put that work experience together with his degree in business management and started his own company. He still occasionally designed a website or two, but he mainly let other people do the grunt work. Tyler had better people than him to put on high profile websites. He was proud of the talent he had lured into his company. Unfortunately, some of his best people weren’t a hundred percent reliable. That’s why Tyler had to make sure he stayed on top of things. Usually that was no problem. But with Julie constantly on his mind, he would probably need someone to supervise him and make sure he got his work done.
As he put away the groceries, none of which qualified as actual food, Tyler couldn’t keep his mind from drifting back to Julie’s mother. Leslie had been Tyler’s girlfriend during the last year of high school, when he made his last ditch effort to pretend to be straight. He found it easy to pass for straight and took full advantage of that fact to make his life easier. He wasn’t afraid of telling his family, but he knew high school could be hell if he was out. But then high school was over, and college life seemed full of possibilities. He decided he wanted to be himself, have fun and take whatever trouble came with being gay. Having fun and getting into trouble were still his main goal and occupation. Maybe that was shallow of him, but it wasn’t boring. His life was good, and he didn’t have any regrets. But now he had to reconsider how he told Leslie that he was gay.
He remembered that she came to see him during his first term at college. They had already gone their separate ways just before the term started. There didn’t seem to be much point in staying together since they chose different universities. Now Tyler was free to live his life the way he wanted to. But one day, there was Leslie standing in his dorm room. She was nervous, and she seemed to be leading up to something. Fearing that she might want to get back together, Tyler told her he was gay before she said too much. He wanted to spare her the embarrassment of putting herself on the line and being rejected, and spare himself an awkward scene. In response to his news, she said, “Congratulations” and left immediately. At the time, Tyler had been relieved. Now he knew why she really came to see him. His news had scared her away. Because he had given her his news first, he would have to wait for years before he learned that he was a father.
Today, his first full day of being a parent, Tyler had to use superhuman effort to keep his mind on business. He was thinking about Julie, if she was doing OK at school, how she was handling her grief, her new living situation, her new dad. He decided that today’s busywork when she came home from school would be to get her some furniture for her room. He set aside Saturday for introducing her to Mom and Fiona. On Sunday he would have a nervous breakdown and be committed to a mental institution. It was good to have a plan.
Chapter 3
Jo usually jumped at a chance to go shoppin
g, but he was not thrilled to go shopping for kid’s room furniture. Tyler had to bribe him by promising to buy him something as well.
Tyler and Julie went to collect Jo in front of his apartment building. Knowing that Jo wouldn’t be on time since he never was, Tyler took Julie for a walk around the block. They stopped and browsed in a funny smelling thrift sore. Julie fell in love with a figurine of a fairy dancing on top of a flower. With no hesitation, Tyler bought it for her even though he thought it was hideous. He had a feeling parents had to do that a lot. The thrift store clerk showed them that the base of the figurine was supposed to be a music box, but that its guts had been removed. She explained that the fairy probably used to turn to the music. Tyler really wished the lady hadn’t done that, but Julie didn’t seem disappointed that the fairy used to be able to dance but now she couldn’t.
By the time they stepped out of the store, Jo was waiting for them on the sidewalk ready to throw a fit. Seeing Julie stopped him dead. His eyes widened, and he stared at her. Then he circled her as Tyler introduced them to each other. Julie stared at Jo as well.
Jo’s hair was bleached and spiked. His eyes were very blue and looked ready to cut. His arms were tanned and almost always on display though at the moment he had a jacket on. Julie looked from him to Tyler like she was comparing them. Unfortunately, Tyler had a feeling that next to Jo, he looked drab and ordinary.
“You made that?” Jo said while pointing at Julie.
“My contribution was minimal,” Tyler had to say thinking of Julie’s mom giving birth to her and then raising her alone.
“You are cute, but your voice isn’t cute,” Julie said to Jo. She had noticed that his voice was surprisingly rough and was perplexed by this. “Can I show him what we bought?” Julie asked Tyler.
Once she had Tyler’s permission, she unwrapped the figurine carefully. Jo’s reaction to the fairy was, “Ooh, irony.”
“Where?” Julie asked looking at her figurine closely.
“He means because it used to be a music box,” Tyler said not wanting to explain. He gave Jo a warning glance that was probably useless.
“I like your shirt,” Julie said.
Jo wore a pink, checkered shirt with gold threads running through it. On him, it actually looked good.
“It’s not bad,” Tyler said. “Don’t tell me...”
But Jo did anyway.
“I found it in a thrift store, and I cut off its sleeves.” That was the story with ninety percent of his wardrobe. He took his jacket off so they could see his shirt better. His jackets never stayed on for long. He flexed for Julie’s benefit. She laughed. That might not have been the reaction Jo was looking for.
After hours of fun and torture, also called shopping, there was talk of going somewhere for dinner. But then Tyler remembered that Silvia was stopping by, and they had to rush home. The three of them arrived with arms full of shopping bags to find Silvia waiting for them by the front door.
“I wondered where you were,” she said just as Julie greeted her enthusiastically.
“We went to buy me furniture. It’s really nice, but we didn’t bring it with us. They have to deliver it,” Julie told her.
“It’s coming tomorrow,” Tyler said. Then he noticed her looking pointedly at Jo so he introduced them.
“Silvia is my step grandma,” Julie explained.
“I had one of those,” Jo said. “Actually I had a bunch. My grandfather and all his women.” He then looked squarely at Silvia. “If you have any use for a horny, old bigot who refuses to stop smoking cigars, I can set you up.”
Silvia ignored Jo’s offer as they all filed into the apartment. Right away, she noticed the rearranged furniture from the office. It looked like she approved. To keep them busy, Tyler had Jo and Julie put away the stuff they had bought, some of which was much needed real food to stock his kitchen. He went into the living room to talk to Silvia. Tyler wanted to know more about Julie and Leslie. Silvia told him some of what she knew.
While she was pregnant, Leslie stayed in school as long as she could. After Julie was born, Leslie moved in with her dad so he could help her with the baby and she could go back to school. Carl Armstrong, Leslie’s father, wanted her to force Tyler to take some of the responsibility for Julie. Once Leslie told him about Tyler being gay, her father changed his tune. He didn’t want Tyler anywhere near his family. Leslie didn’t agree with her father’s views about gay people. She might have been angry with Tyler, but she forbade her father to badmouth gay people in front of Julie. But there was nothing to stop him after she died. Once Leslie was gone, Carl was determined to keep Julie away from her gay dad. Silvia wasn’t sure if Julie absorbed any of what her grandfather said, but she wanted to warn Tyler that telling her that he was gay might be tricky.
Julie and Jo were throwing together an impromptu dinner. They invited Silvia to stay, but she said she had to go home. She promised to come for another visit next week. Though he knew she was checking up on him, Tyler didn’t mind as long as she was done trying to boss him around.
What she told him about Carl Armstrong trying to influence Julie against him did worry him. Looking at Julie and thinking that she might have had her ears filled with homophobia, scared him. He was tense and tried to hide it until he couldn’t take it any more. Since Jo was there, Tyler called Jake to make sure he was in the mood and free to go out. Then he cornered Jo and asked him to baby-sit. He and Julie had a great rapport. They had already gotten into a long discussion about Taylor Swift’s hair. But Jo was not willing to commit to babysitting duties during prime partying hours.
“That would put me here while you go clubbing,” Jo said.
“I’ll pay you,” Tyler told him.
“You are depriving me of valuable time grinding against other guys on the dance floor. Of course you’ll pay me.”
Now that Jo had agreed, in his own way, Tyler gave him some instructions.
“Julie will be in bed by the time we go so you can just hang out, but be on alert. Whatever you do, keep it rated PG at all times.” Tyler was thinking of any and all available entertainment activities.
Jo gasped in horror. “You are a monster.”
“And she is a little kid.”
“You are a bad man.”
“I’m trying to be a good father. Or a halfway decent father.” Or a father who runs away into the night with his best friend rather than deal with his daughter.
While Tyler was mixing some work with getting ready to go out, Julie had taken a bath and was in her pajamas. She was sitting on the former office couch with a comb next to her when Tyler went in to check on her.
“Did you comb your hair?” Tyler asked, but the answer was obvious. Her hair was starting to dry, and he wasn’t sure a comb could even go through it.
“I tried.” She handed Tyler the comb.
Tyler looked from the comb to her hair. To call it a bird’s nest would be unkind to birds’ nests and the birds who work so hard to construct them.
“OK. Let’s see.” Tyler approached her hair with trepidation then gave up almost immediately. “Jo, come and comb her hair.”
Jo poked his head into Julie’s room, took one look at Julie’s hair and said, “No way.”
Tyler sighed.
“Let’s just cut it off,” Jo suggested to Julie’s horror. “We’ll bleach it and spike it.”
Hearing this, Julie covered her hair with both hands. Then she ran off. She wasn’t gone long. She came back and brought something from the bathroom.
“I forgot,” she said and handed Tyler a spray bottle, which was labeled “detangler”.
“That’s the stuff,” Tyler said hoping it would do what the label promised.
“It’s Mommy magic.” Julie explained that that was what Leslie had called it.
Tyler smiled. Thinking about Leslie doing this for Julie made him feel like there was a bond between him and Leslie as parents. He remembered when they were dating, and she would accuse him of messing up her
hair. He would say, “Don’t look at me. Mother nature did that to you.” She was fun to tease.
Chapter 4
When it was time to go, Tyler found it wasn’t so easy. Julie was already asleep, but Tyler had to drag himself away from her. He found that his own child’s sleeping face was hard to walk away from. But he was also looking forward to tonight, to releasing some tension, maybe even forgetting some of his worries.
As he and Jake stepped in from the dark street and into the club, the doors opened to the pounding beat and pulsing colors. Tyler felt like the first time he had gone to a gay club. Jake had clapped him on the back then too as Tyler tried to absorb the flood of sensations that hit him all at once. Jake leaned in to shout in his ear, “You need this.”
From that day to this one, it was him and Jake diving in, absorbing all the excitement that places like this had to give. Tyler smiled feeling Jake’s heavy arm over his shoulder, feeling him start to move to the beat.
The night was filled with noise, lights, and plenty of distractions. But Tyler learned that being out where the fun was while his kid was at home with a first time babysitter was not like the old days. Loud music and shirtless, sweating, dancing men could not drown out his concern. Way too much of his brain space was now reserved for Julie. That left only a small percentage to appreciate the sights and sounds, and there was none left for joining in. He watched Jake dance with a cute, blond guy. Then he watched him get sandwiched between two tattooed hunks. The whole time Jake would catch his eye. He had once told Tyler, “It’s no fun dancing if you aren’t watching.” His dance moves made Tyler smile. Jake wasn’t a great dancer, but he didn’t need to be. His long, muscular limbs in rhythmic motion made Tyler horny. Few guys could compare to Jake in terms of raw, sexual appeal, and none of them were on the dance floor right now. That meant Tyler’s eyes were glued exclusively to Jake just as Jake said he wanted.
