by Emerson Rose
“Don’t look away, Lourdes.”
I look back into his lapis eyes and get lost in their want. Liam slides his arm around my waist and surprises me by pulling me close. We’re pressed against each other with our hips against the counter on one side. He doesn’t hold me, though. As soon as I’m where he wants me, he lets go of my waist.
I have to look up at him now to read what’s going on in his head, but Liam is unreadable. I have no idea what to do next. He’s said we have to wait, and it’s been difficult, but is he caving now? Are we throwing out the no touching, no kissing rule?
He leans down into my neck and ever so slightly thrusts his hips forward until I feel his hard length against my belly. I can feel his breath against my skin when he inhales deeply and exhales with a moan.
I’ve never been so turned on without being touched or kissed in my life, and he makes it worse when he whispers into my ear, “I want to kiss you.”
A little whimper escapes my lips, but I’m not letting this opportunity pass me by again. I want him to know how much this affects me.
Willing my jelly legs to do as I say, I stand on my tiptoes and give him a taste of his own medicine.
“I want you to do more than just kiss me,” I say. I feel him smile against my cheek, and I take a deep breath before stepping back.
He closes his eyes and drops his chin to chest.
“This is ridiculous. My marriage isn’t even real. My resolve is chipping away every single day. There is no way I’ll last until after the baby is born. I’m filing for divorce this afternoon.”
My mouth falls open, and I start to shake my head back and forth. “Liam, no, you can’t do that. Amira isn’t even home yet. You don’t know if she’s in her dad’s will.”
“I don’t give a fuck anymore. I want you. I want you so badly that every fiber of my body leans toward you, like a magnet, pulling me in every time I’m near you. I can’t sleep at night. All I think about is how you’re going to taste, how it’s going to feel to be inside of you. I want to spend all of my time with you. When we’re apart, all I think about is when we will be together again. I don’t care if Amira’s broke and destitute. She’s ruled my life long enough. We have nothing but a legal document binding us together. It’s you I need. It’s you I crave, Lourdes. Only you.”
My heart is pounding in my chest and my knees are wobbly. I feel the same way about him, but I’ve been too scared to say it out loud. Now that he has, relief saturates my soul. I feel like I can take a deep breath for the first time in weeks.
Kids are always great mood busters, and mine is no exception. Toby runs into the room and toward the front door, yelling, go, go, go, and the bubble of emotions surrounding us pops. We both snap back to attention and head out to the car.
“I called Dr. Clover this morning. She says she can get you in this afternoon to draw some blood and make sure you’re not more anemic then they originally thought. She thinks your fatigue might be related to that.”
“Oh, you called her yourself? I could have done that. I was going to do that today,” I say.
“I know, but you were sleeping, and I didn’t want you to miss getting in today, so I called early.”
“Thanks. What time do I need to be there?”
“Four. I’ll take you. The office is closer to my house.”
“Ye-yum house,” Toby says from the back seat, and Liam winks at him in the rearview mirror.
“So what’s the surprise at your house? You get a dog or something?”
“No, no dog. Better.”
“Better than a dog? Hmm.” I pucker my lips and tap my finger against them.
“Are you a pet person?” he asks.
“We had a dog growing up, but I have enough to do taking care of Toby. I don’t have time for a pet. Why, are you?”
“I always wanted a dog—a big one—but I travel too much, and Amira sure as hell wouldn’t take care of it when I was gone.”
“She’s a peach.”
“A sour peach.”
“Are you really going to do what you said earlier?” I ask.
“Yes, if you’re referring to filing for divorce. I am. I already called a lawyer that Steve recommended. He’s getting things lined up.”
I turn to face my window and watch the world go by while I absorb what he’s said. I wanted this, but I’ve been stuffing my feelings down so deep for so long that now, it’s almost difficult to allow myself to be hopeful. This is actually happening. I’m getting the guy, the kids and the career. My mom always told me when things seem like they’re too good to be true, they probably are. God, for once, I hope she was wrong.
Chapter 25
Liam
The expression on Lourdes’s face whens she walked through my front door was killer. She was awestruck. I bought the house when I started making big money. I thought I needed it to be taken seriously, but I would prefer something smaller now with more yard. The pool takes up all of the limited space on the side of the house because it’s built on a hill.
It’s a beautiful warm summer day in paradise. I love LA. After traveling all over the world, this is where I’m most comfortable—in the sun, surrounded by palm trees and people who love my work. It was always my dream to open a dance club of my own here. Fiction is the product of years of hustling and living out of my car. I never thought it would end up being secondary to my public appearances. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we are going to make our future work together. I need to tour, but she’ll be in school with two children, and I won’t leave her alone to fend for herself. I haven’t come up with anything yet, but I will. I always do.
Lourdes is sitting next to me in lounger chairs, watching Toby splash in the pool. I found his swim trunks in his dresser, and Lourdes is wearing one of the many bikinis we have for guests who don’t have a suit. Amira loves pool parties. She’s always having sloppy drunk fests when I’m out of town or at work. I know this because we have closed circuit television everywhere on the property. Amira also leaves the mess from the party until someone she’s hired comes to clean it up. Sometimes, I’ll come home and my house, yard and pool are littered with trash, beer cans, and occasionally, a naked straggler who didn’t get the message that the party was over.
I much prefer the family atmosphere. Watching these two relax in a healthy environment with more than one hundred and fifty square feet to turn around in is satisfying.
“This is amazing, Liam. Thank you for today. He’s having a blast.”
“No problem. I do want to talk to you about something though.” She freezes and chances looking away from Toby for a fraction of a second.
“Uh oh, am I going to like this? Because I’m feeling like maybe I won’t.”
She’s fiddling with the side string on the bottom of her suit. She’s a fiddler, I’ve noticed. She unconsciously plays with anything on or near her that has strings, fringe or zippers, especially her necklace. It’s adorable.
“It depends. You should like it, but you’re a little pigheaded and independent, so it could go either way.” She drops the string and straightens her spine.
“I’m pigheaded? Seriously, Liam? I think out of the two of us, you win that coin toss,” she says, getting up to check on Toby. He’s wearing a bodysuit with floaters in it, so he’s fine. She’s just using him as an excuse to shift some of the attention from our discussion.
“Okay, so I’m pigheaded too. I’m glad you understand that, because I’m not taking no for an answer on this.”
She’s sitting down on the edge of the pool now with Toby between her ankles, bobbing him up and down. Her thigh muscles flex and relax every time she lifts him out of the water, and her abdomen tightens simultaneously.
Fuck, I shouldn’t be having thoughts like I’m having while watching a mother have fun in my pool with her little boy. I’m not in my right mind lately. I can’t even watch her doing the simplest mundane things without some sort of erotic fantasy running like a movie through my mind.
“Toby, watch and listen. This is what it’s like to be bullied. Don’t let anyone do this to you when you start preschool, okay?” she says, reaching out to tousle his hair. When she bends over—Lord, she’s bent over—I notice the tip of a tattoo peeking out of her suit bottoms. A tramp stamp. I would have never guessed sweet little Lourdes Kennedy would have a tramp stamp. It’s just one more thing to fantasize about when I lie awake tonight, alone in my bed.
I lean forward and look around her to speak to Toby. “Your mommy is kidding, Toby. I would never bully her.” He squeals, not knowing what we’re even talking about. He just enjoys the attention.
“I’m moving you and Toby into the lower level of my house while you’re pregnant. I’m not going back on my word to buy you a house near Berkeley, but I want you safe until you go back to school.”
I watch her shoulders rise and fall. I think she may be deep breathing to keep herself from freaking out. I’ve never seen her angry, and I don’t want her angry now—especially since she’s pregnant—but this is non-negotiable. She needs help, and I’m giving it to her.
She slips off the edge of the pool and disappears under the water—where she can’t hear me or where she can’t yell at me, I’m not sure which. Either way, it’s proof that she is just as pigheaded as I am.
That’s all right. I can wait. I’m a very patient man, and I’m used to dealing with cranky women. I stand and slip my hands into the pockets of my shorts and step to the side of the pool. I watch as her gorgeous body glides underwater to the other side.
Away from me.
Inside my pockets, I cross my fingers and say a prayer that she’s not going to give me much trouble on this matter, because I have movers scheduled to pack them up and move them the day after tomorrow.
When she surfaces she looks fine—more than fine. She’s glowing. Toby is kicking and splashing, trying to reach her. She smiles at him and ignores me. First time for everything, I guess. I kick off my flip-flops, pull my t-shirt over my head and toss it aside. When I look back at her, she’s staring at me while treading water with her mouth hanging open. She realizes she’s been caught and snaps it shut.
Toby has flopped himself halfway across the pool, and she’s about to swim out to him when I dive into the water and come up between them.
“Got him. Come here, you little fish.” I never realized what good buffers kids could be. Toby grabs onto my neck, and I slide him around onto my back and face Lourdes.
“You still like me,” I say.
She rolls her eyes. “Yes, I still like you. You’re an overbearing, overprotective, dominant, crazy man. But I like you—a lot.”
“Good, because the movers will be at your house the day after tomorrow to pack you up and move you.” Without giving her time to object, I swim away with Toby on my back, screeching and thrashing with joy.
Chapter 26
Lourdes aka LK
Life is a dream until it’s a nightmare. Things have been going so well. I can’t help but be suspicious that the rug will be pulled out from under all of us at any second. We’re living in Liam’s house now. He has graciously given us complete reign of the entire lower level. He even moved the furniture out so our things would fit and we would feel as at home as possible. Toby’s room is three times as big as the one in our apartment, and mine is as well. In fact, my furniture looks small and lost. The room is mostly bare, but it’s nice to be able to turn around and not bump into each other all the time.
I can hear Liam’s feet thumping on the treadmill upstairs in the gym. I’d like to join him, but I’m too tired. We have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Clover today to find out the results of the bloodwork she had drawn last week. My plan until then is to rest—not sleep—while I watch Toby play in the living room.
He can actually runs in circles and wears himself out without even going outside if need be. I love taking him out for walks and to swim, but on rainy days like today, I’m glad Liam bullied me into living with him. Well, he didn’t actually have to bully me, but I make him think so.
My part-time job at the law firm hasn’t had many hours available lately, and frankly, I couldn’t work them if they did. It’s a relief not to have to worry about finances for a couple of months while I get through the first trimester of my pregnancy. Having Liam close by to help with Toby is pretty awesome too.
The thumping upstairs stops and Toby looks up at the ceiling.
“Ye-yum?” he asks with his big blue eyes wide and full of excitement. He loves Liam so much. He’s the father figure he’s never had.
“Yes, that’s Liam. He will be down in a little while. He was running,” I say and smile.
“Run, run,” he says and runs all the way around the perimeter of the living room until he reaches the sliding glass doors that overlook the pool. He gets distracted every time he sees it. He stops and smacks his hands on the perfectly clean glass and I cringe. I’ve never lived in such a sterile environment. Being that I’m a clean freak, or a germaphobe, as Liam calls me, I should like it, but it also causes me anxiety when Toby messes something up. I’ve been following him around with Windex and Clorox wipes everywhere for days.
“How’s my favorite duo?” Liam asks, descending the stairs into our living room. I swear, he’s trying to kill me when he traipses around in nothing but shorts, especially after he’s been running. Every one of his muscles is glistening and covered with sweat as he saunters across the room to the doors where Toby is standing. He winks at me on the couch as he goes by, and my heart skips a beat. How does he do that to me? And do I do it to him too? He crouches down next to Toby to look outside with him.
“Sucks that it’s raining, buddy. Sorry we can’t swim today.”
“Sim?” Toby asks.
“No, no swimming today, but maybe tomorrow.” He kisses him on the forehead and stands.
“I’m gonna take a shower, and we can go if you’re ready.”
“Yeah, I’m good, just trying not to fall asleep.” Just to drive home that point, I yawn.
“Maybe I should take little man upstairs with me. He can run around in the bathroom while I shower if you think you’re going to fall asleep.” He moves closer to the couch and my heart accelerates. He’s sizing me up, trying to decide if he trusts me not to fall asleep on the job. Unfortunately, until he came downstairs, I would have been with him on that one, but he has my blood pumping and the adrenalin flowing with his bare chested presence, so I think I’m good.
“I think I’ll make it. In fact, we were just going to go up to the kitchen and make a snack, weren’t we, Toby?” I say without breaking eye contact with Liam.
“Nack, want nack,” Toby says, heading toward the stairs.
This seems to put his concerns to rest, no pun intended. He holds out his hand and pulls me up off the couch. We’re standing toe to toe for a second before we turn together to try and beat Toby up the steps. I walk in front of him because I don’t think I can handle looking at his lean, cut back muscles right now. I’ve already had several quickie fantasies about licking the sweat from his eight-pack. A girl can only take so much temptation.
Liam’s kitchen is very high-tech with all the latest gadgets and high-end appliances. I’m not into cooking other than the basics, so I stay away from any intimidating thing that I’m not sure how to run. I sit Toby in his booster seat at the kitchen table that usually has a breathtaking view of LA, but it’s too cloudy and rainy today to see much of anything.
“I won’t be longer than fifteen minutes,” Liam says, sauntering down the hall toward his bedroom—his and Amira’s bedroom. It’s been weird seeing little touches of her throughout the house. I don’t know why. It’s her house, but she’s been gone so long that sometimes I forget he’s married. Liam officially filed for divorce yesterday, and Amira will be notified soon. That makes me very nervous. I don’t know how she’s going to take the news. I’ve been imagining different scenarios all morning. Will she freak out and come home, or will she refus
e to sign the papers? Maybe she’ll just ignore the whole thing, thinking it’ll just go away? Liam says not to worry, but I do, and I know he does too. He just won’t admit it. His career is solid and his club is one of the hottest in the city, but Amira’s father has a very long reach and even deeper pockets. He could destroy everything he’s worked so hard for all his life.
Twenty minutes later, I’m floating around in a cloud of Liam’s soapy clean scent and buckling Toby into his seat. He smells so good all the time, but I’ve learned while living with him the past few days that fresh out of the shower Liam is the most delicious thing I’ve ever smelled.
“You’re looking at me funny,” he says.
“I am?” I must have been daydreaming again. “Sorry. You smell good and I’m sorta spacy. I need a nap.”
We pull out of the garage into the pouring rain. Liam reaches his arm across the seat behind me while he backs out and takes advantage of the closeness. He tickles the side of my neck and I giggle.
“When we get home, we can all take a nap. I closed the club last night. I’m tired too.”
He pulls on the end of a piece of my hair. “Your hair is getting longer.”
I automatically lift my hand to where my hair now covers the back of my neck. It’s beginning to get long. “Yeah, I thought I’d grow it back out for a while. It’s only been short for a little over a year. I’m used to long hair.”
“I like your short hair. A woman who can be drop dead gorgeous with short hair is a truly beautiful woman. Too many women hide behind their hair and depend on it to be beautiful. You just are beautiful.”
I can feel myself blushing as I turn to look out the window. Drops of rain race down the glass, and I follow one down with my fingertip.
