by Emerson Rose
Kit turns around to watch me struggle with my shoes. I can’t see my feet anymore, and I’m starting to think maybe I should have waited until next summer to get married. Wearing a wig sounds a lot easier than getting all dressed up when you have a watermelon protruding from your middle. My bump has officially become a very plump lump, and yes, Dr. Seuss had a good time with that one. My dress is actually pretty comfortable. All I asked for was a white muumuu, but Kit wasn’t about to let me be married in anything less than a custom designed Vera Wang maternity wedding gown made especially for a beach wedding. Now that’s a mouthful. He made Devin pay for it, but I asked Devin about it later, and he waved it off like it was a t-shirt from Wal- Mart. “It’s nothing, darling. I was happy to help,” he said.
“Where’s that juicy sister of yours, anyway? I need her to adjust my tie.”
Kit has taken a special liking to my sister. I don’t know what it is about her, but he thinks she’s just everything.
“I think she’s helping Liam with the baby. I can help you. What am I, chopped liver?”
“Oh no, Lovey. You can’t tie a tie for shit, no offense,” he says, waving a limp hand at me.
“None taken.” I laugh. I’m good at a lot of things, but fashion is not one of them, and Kit knows it.
Kit inhales a dramatic gasp when I stand up straight.
“You’re so living that dress, Lovey. I can’t. I just can’t.” He shakes his head back and forth and wraps his arms around his waist.
“Thanks, Kit, I love you too.”
“Oh stop, now. I’m gonna smudge my mascara crying,” he says, snapping a fancy handkerchief from his pocket to dab at his eyes.
I narrow my eyes and lean in to look closer. “Did you use my mascara?” I ask.
“No, of course not. That stuff is so old it would give me pink eye. I have my own,” he says, patting the breast pocket of his shirt.
The door opens a crack, and my mother sticks her head in to check on me for the hundredth time today.
“Everything all right in here? Are you all ready, honey? Can I help you with anything?” she asks.
“No, Mom. I think I’m all ready. How are the boys?”
“Oh, fine. Toby’s running around with Ivy, and Rachel has the baby.”
“What about my other boy?” I ask, referring to Liam.
“Not sure, dear. He won’t come out of his office. He has music playing very loudly. Do you think he’s all right?”
That loud music is Liam meditating. He says he centers himself when he puts on his headphones and blasts his music loud enough to wake the dead. I can’t believe he doesn’t have hearing loss. Actually, he probably does. It’s sort of funny that my mom thinks his music is loud when I know Liam has headphones on. If he didn’t, all the glass in the house would vibrate and explode into a million pieces.
“He’s fine, Mom. Music is his thing, remember?”
“I’ll never understand, Lourdes. You know that. I’ll go check on the guests. We should be starting in a few minutes. I’ll come get you.”
Mom can’t understand why Liam is so famous. She says he doesn’t sing or play an instrument or write music, so how could he make millions of dollars just playing it for people? I’ve tried to explain the process of mixing music and how it’s more than just putting a song on and playing it, but I had to give up. Liam wants me to bring her to a show and let her watch him in action. That might be fun. Maybe then she’d understand why the world loves my DJ Freedom.
I open the bedroom door a crack to see if I should be making my way outside yet, just in time to see Liam breezing through the living room with his headphones still on. Blake grabs him by the arm going by and takes the headphones off his head for him. Liam looks at him and laughs a nervous laugh. He’s nervous. That’s so sweet. Am I nervous? I haven’t had time to think about being nervous with all the planning and babies and doctor appointments. Now that I think of it, I am a little wobbly. This is it. Today, I make Liam mine forever. I honestly never thought this day would come.
The music starts outside, and Kit is suddenly behind me, pushing me out the door. I wanted Rachel to be my matron of honor, but she insisted that she take care of the herd of kids that we now have together, so Kit is my whatever of honor. I don’t even know what they put on the programs. Liam has Blake standing up as his best man. He doesn’t have any family left that he would claim as his own. He found out a week ago that his father died of a heart attack a couple of months ago, and his mother has been MIA for years. He seemed rather at peace when he learned his father was dead, and knowing what he did to his baby brother, I can’t blame him.
Toby and Ivy are walking down the aisle when I get to the gate that opens to the beach. Toby and Kit and Blake are all dressed in kakis and lapis blue linen shirts with casual loafers, and Ivy’s dress is a miniature copy of mine with an empire waist and a satin crisscrossed top. Ivy is dropping white rose petals as she walks down the runner toward the canopy, but my sweet Toby is following behind, picking them up and putting them in his pockets as they go. Like mother, like son. I love that boy so much.
When the kids reach the end of the aisle, my sister hands the baby to Kira and hustles them into their seats.
“Look at her—such authority,” Kit whispers in my ear with such reverence that I can’t help but giggle. He thinks she is so cool, and she is so not that it’s hilarious.
“You ready, honey?” My dad says, taking my arm. Kit hands me my bouquet of lapis colored orchids and white roses. I used the colors of Liam and Toby’s eyes as the center of my color pallet for the wedding. I couldn’t think of a better way to show homage to them.
“Daddy, I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life.”
His eyes fill with tears of joy and pride and relief. He’s a good dad. He’s always loved and supported me in anything I’ve done. Both of my parents have, in fact. I’m a lucky girl. Maybe my initials do mean I’m lucky, because I’ve never felt luckier than I do today.
The wind picks up when the music changes, and the sheer white material wrapped around the wooden beams of the temporary structure at the end of the aisle blows almost horizontally for a moment. When the gust is over, chains of flowers hang vertically again from the roof of the structure and the material settles around the beams. Kit steps out onto the runner, tall and proud, and begins his pace down the aisle until he is standing across from my beautiful husband to be. Liam’s shirt is a few shades lighter than Blake and Kit’s. It compliments his tanned skin and his sparkling eyes. He, however, is not wearing the same lovely casual loafers that the other men are wearing. Liam has on a brand new pair of all-white Adidas tennis shoes, as always, but he looks perfect.
I’d like to think I stopped his crazy compulsion, but I’ve probably only curbed it. I gently reminded Liam that there are a lot of low-income kids out there, like he was, who need shoes. So instead of wearing a new pair everyday, Liam has been stretching it out to a week or two, and he started a charity that provided underprivileged kids with shoes that fit.
My dad steps in next to me and takes my arm. We carefully walk down the beach as the wedding march music flows in and out of the wind. I’ve been dreaming that I would fall and twist my ankle in the sand on my way down the aisle all week, so I’m gripping my dad’s arm tight.
He’s smiling when he tips his head in my direction and says, “Ease up, honey. I’m gonna need that arm later to lift my beer to my mouth.”
I giggle and relax. Leave it to him to lighten the moment.
“I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, little girl.”
At the end of the aisle, I hand my bouquet to Kit, who looks positively overjoyed to be standing on an altar while holding a bouquet of flowers. I wonder if I’ll be his best man at his wedding someday?
Daddy and I turn around, and Liam is waiting to take my hand. Daddy holds my hand out for Liam and says, “Liam, I’ve watched you stand by my daughter and support her when all she wanted to do i
s crumble. I’ve seen you give her love and understanding and new life.” He pauses to look down at my belly and then back at the boys before continuing.
A wave crashes onto shore, and we’re hit with a fine mist of water that makes us gasp and laugh. But my father continues, “I want you to know that I’m not giving my baby away today, because she is not mine to give. I will continue to love her the same way I have for twenty-two years. The only difference will be that I will be loving you too, Liam. Thank you for being her rock, and welcome to the family.”
There isn’t a dry eye on the beach, including mine. I had no idea he was going to make that speech. It’s not how we practiced it last night at rehearsal, but I’m glad.
Liam takes my hand and wraps his other arm around my father’s shoulders, burying his face in my dad’s neck for a moment. My father nods. Liam must have said something to him, but I can’t be sure. When he pulls away, they clap one another on the back and Liam leads me to the minister. His eyes are brimming with tears, but not one breaks free.
Janet Rose is a friend of my mother, who is also a minister. She married my sister and Blake, and she’s always been like a part of our family, so it only seemed natural to have her here today performing our ceremony.
When it’s time to say our vows, Janet begins with the traditional script, but Liam holds up his hand and asks her quietly if he may interject.
“Sorry, Babe, I couldn’t resist,” he says, taking my hands in his.
“I, Liam James Wild, take you, Lourdes Unity Kennedy, to be my wife, not just today, but for my life. To love if you’re rich, to love if you’re poor, to love and adore even when you may snore. I promise to love you when you come home at three, I promise, I promise, just come home to me. If you wait until four, I will worry and fret, but come home to me always, and I’ll never forget. I promise to love, for better or worse, but I will not promise to carry your purse. For richer or poorer, I love you no regrets. I will love you forever, even in sweats. Before God and before friends, I promise to you, that my love will always be truer than true. I’ll be faithful to you if you’re pink or you’re blue. I will love you, because love you I do. In sickness and health, ‘til death do us part. There is nothing and no one who can tear us apart.”
I started sobbing and laughing the second he began his Dr. Seuss vows, but it took our family and friends a few lines before they understood what was going on, and a ripple of chuckles went through the crowd.
“Ah, okay. I think those are the first Dr. Seuss vows I’ve ever heard before,” Janet says with a laugh. “Do you have anything special planned, Lourdes?”
“Yes, nothing as clever as Seuss here, but I have something to say.” I push against Liam with our joined hands, and he laughs.
“How about a game of love quotes?” I ask, and he drops his head back to look at the sky.
“You’re gonna embarrass me in front of all of our friends and family?” he asks with a mock pained expression on his face when he looks back at me.
“Yep. And I’m going first. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.”
“If I get it wrong, will you still marry me?” he asks.
“Maybe.” I say with a mischievous smile.
“Leo Tolstoy,” he answers smugly.
“Very good. You might just have a chance at me yet. Your turn.”
“Ah, you’ve caught me off guard. Just a second,” he says, looking down at our hands to think. A second later, his head pops up.
“To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.”
“You really want to win this game?” I ask.
“Of course,” he says with a frown.
“Then you’d better pick harder quotes than that. Mark Twain. My turn,” I sing.
“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I would never have to live a day without you.”
“Winnie the Pooh,” he says, smiling coyly.
“All right, let’s call it a draw and get married already,” I say.
“Sounds good to me. Oh wait, just one more, and it’s not for the game. It’s just for you.”
Liam lifts his hand to cradle my cheek, and I lean into it when he says, “I am in love, and out of it I will not go.”
I nod as tears flow down my cheeks and little hiccups of resistance rack my body. Janet asks us to take each other to be lawfully wedded whatsit’s and to have and hold stuff or whatever. The rest of the ceremony is just that, a ceremony. We put on rings and kiss, which is great, but the important words have already been spoken, and our quirky ways of expressing our undying love have been shown. Now, all that’s left to do is carry our kids down the aisle and party, and live, and laugh, and be free, and sometimes suffer, and cry, and fight, but most of all, it’s time to love.
Epilogue
Five years later
Lourdes
“Aria! We have to go. Hurry and tell your brothers to grab their suitcases!” I yell up the stairs of our home in Berkeley.
“Babe, we have plenty of time. Don’t stress. Here, listen to some music,” Liam says, trying to put his headphones over my ears, but I bat him away.
“Uh uh, we have fifteen minutes to load up the truck and make it to the airport in time. You know I’ve got this down pat. We’ve been doing it for years.”
He curls his bottom lip in and tilts his head to the side to gaze at me.
“What?” I ask, throwing the last of our carry-on bags into the pile at the bottom of the steps.
He smiles and tucks a chunk of my long hair behind my ear. “You’re so beautiful.”
I roll my eyes and sigh. Its no use trying to inject some pep into his step. He’s a laid back man living a crazy life that I just so happen to plan and organize and stress about. But I wouldn’t change one second of any of it for the world.
“Thank you. You’re pretty beautiful yourself,” I say, surrendering to his relaxed mood.
“Okay, now that we have agreed that we both have great genes and we’re beautiful, will you please go get our children so we don’t miss our flight?”
“Yep, if you promise to do me in the airplane bathroom again. I love being a member of the mile-high club, you know. I’d hate to have it revoked for lack of participation.”
I throw my head back and flop my hands against my sides. “Yes, yes, I’ll do you ten times if you’ll just get these kids into the truck.”
“Ten? Really? Cool.” He quickly kisses me on the mouth and turns to take the stairs two at a time. Promise a man sex, and he’s as good as conquered.
Five seconds later, it sounds like a heard of elephants trampling down the steps and through the house.
“Grab a bag or two and pack them in the back,” I yell after them.
We tour every summer with Liam. This year, we’re going to the Netherlands, South Africa, and then a little closer to home in Vegas. I love summer. Touring is crazy busy, but it’s a different kind of busy. I spend the rest of the year studying and taking care of Liam and the kids. I can’t believe I’m almost done with law school. Only one more year, and we can move back to Santa Monica for good. I miss our little piece of paradise on the beach, but I’m overwhelmingly grateful to Liam for being flexible enough to move our family here until I’m finished with school. I may even be able to finish early with a few online courses and an internship at a law firm in Santa Monica. This is very good timing, considering I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant with our second child—or our fourth, however you want to look at it. This kiddo is a surprise, and I haven’t even told Liam yet, but he will be thrilled. He’s been asking when we could have another baby for two years. I told him there was no way until I graduated, but he insisted he could pick up the slack, and I’m sure he could have. But I wanted to enjoy my pregnancy this time, with no hovering exes or cancer—just me, Liam, and our children living a normal life . . . well, sorta.
“Okay, they’re all in the truck, bags are packed, a
nd we’re ready to go, Boss.” Liam hops up on the kitchen island and grabs the last apple from our fruit bowl. It’s probably the last edible thing left in the house, since we’re going to be gone for three months.
“So what are you doing up there? Let’s go.”
“Come here,” he says, lowering his head and crooking his finger at me.
I step between his legs, and he pulls me close, holding me against his chest.
“I want to kiss you.”
I tuck my hands into the back of his jeans and tip my head back, offering him my mouth. His lips press against mine, his tongue slides between them, and within seconds, I have my hands under his shirt, running my nails over the chiseled muscles of his back, and he is pressing his hard length against my belly.
“Liam . . .” I say, panting and offering him my neck so I can catch my breath. He trails wet kisses and licks along my collarbone and is pulling at my shirt when Aria comes running into the kitchen.
“Mommy, gross, you guys are always eating each other,” she says, and I burst out laughing.
“I was about to say we should go before one of them comes looking for us,” I say to Liam.
“Yeah, I figured. We’re coming, honey. Go get back in the truck while I try to keep Mommy off me.” He says, as if I instigated this little make-out session.
“Nice,” I say, slapping his chest.
Aria takes off out the front door, letting it slam shut in her wake, and Liam slides off the counter, but I don’t back away just yet.
I run my finger along the inside of my necklace, and he freezes.
“What’s the matter?”
“Nothing. What makes you think anything’s—”
He grabs my hand that’s touching my chain. “You only do this when you’re really worried or you have something important on your mind. Now tell me what it is.”
“Okay. I’m pregnant.”
He blinks, and his mouth hangs open. I know what he was afraid I might say. Every time I need to talk to him about something serious, he thinks the cancer has come back. I’m glad I could surprise him with something so much more joyful.
