She put her hand on Venn’s back. “Just take as much time as you need.”
Venn nodded and wiped at her face with her sleeve. She walked away from Aiden a few paces and faced the open landscape, still not looking at anyone.
“I’m sorry if I worried you.” Kathryn was nearby, and it took every bit of self-control not to reach for her. After what had happened between them the previous night, Aiden wasn’t sure Kathryn wanted to be touched. Not by Aiden anyway.
“Aiden, we were so concerned about you.”
She saw nothing but worry in Kathryn’s eyes. Maybe she was no longer angry.
“I think you should have some water and food,” Rowan said.
“Yeah, I am very thirsty.” Aiden looked down at her shirt, smeared with dust. She figured her face was too. “Maybe I should eat something and then wash up a bit.”
“Yes, of course.” Rowan took Aiden’s arm.
She saw concern on Kathryn’s face, but Kathryn made no move to reach for her. Instead, she allowed Rowan take the lead. With Rowan on one side and Kathryn on the other, they walked up the gangway back to the main deck of the ship. Venn lingered alone on the ground.
*
They sat in the galley at a long table in the center of the large space. The timbers began to creak as the ship started to move. Nilah had decided to set sail while they still had a few hours of daylight. A steward set food and water in front of Aiden. She downed the liquid, and Rowan reached for the pitcher to refill her glass. Kathryn sat across from her, Rowan at her side. Neither of them spoke, but Aiden could see the questions in their eyes.
After a few mouthfuls of food and a second glass of water, Aiden began to feel better. Her body felt strangely tingly. It was as if her arms were covered with goose bumps despite the fact that the air was quite warm. She looked up from the bowl of chicken and potatoes to see that Kathryn and Rowan were both watching her. She set down her spoon and smiled at them.
“Could you hear what I was saying to Venn?” Aiden wondered how much they’d overheard.
“Some of what you said, but truthfully, I’m confused by what I heard.” Rowan refilled Aiden’s water glass.
“I walked into the desert last night.” She looked at Kathryn as she spoke. “I know I shouldn’t have, but I was…upset.” Kathryn broke eye contact and looked down at her hands on the table. Aiden wanted to make things right with Kathryn, but she wasn’t sure how to do that. She pushed on with her story. “The white wolf found me, and when I sank my fingers into the animal’s fur, I was transported to another place, another time.”
“What white wolf?” Kathryn asked.
“Aiden has been seeing a white wolf since she left the monastery.” Rowan relayed this detail to Kathryn as if it were the most normal thing in the world.
“A white wolf has been following you?” Kathryn sounded doubtful.
Aiden nodded. “I know it sounds strange, but when I filled my fingers with the wolf’s fur, I was suddenly in my mother’s bed chamber. Venn was there and I was there, only I was just an infant.”
“So Venn really was in Belstaff.” Rowan’s voice sounded soft, contemplative.
“Yes. She and my mother…well, I don’t know how, but I could feel how much they loved each other. My mother asked Venn to hide me from my uncle. I was there. I saw and heard the entire exchange between them. I feel pretty sure my mother died that same night. She seemed extremely ill and weak.”
Retelling the experience felt like a weight sinking onto her shoulders. Aiden released several deep breaths and fought the urge to cry. She didn’t want to break into tears in front of Kathryn. She met Kathryn’s gaze, but couldn’t tell from her expression what she was thinking. Probably that Aiden had gotten lost in the desert and lost her mind.
“I think I’ll go lie down for a while.” The wooden legs of the small bench loudly slid across the rough flooring as Aiden pushed back from the table.
“Of course,” said Rowan. Rowan and Kathryn both stood up. Aiden nodded at them and left the room. She’d had the sudden strong desire to be alone. She needed to get her feelings under control. Every time she revisited the encounter with her mother she felt seized with sadness and on the verge of tears. She was unsure if the sadness was hers or Venn’s. Maybe it was both.
Kathryn sank back to her seat after Aiden left the room. She and Rowan sat in silence as the steward came to claim the remnants of Aiden’s unfinished meal.
“What are you thinking?” Kathryn wasn’t sure what to think.
“I believe Aiden had a vision in the desert.” Rowan had a far-off look in her eyes. She finally let her focus return to the room, and she turned to face Kathryn. “I believe she was somehow given a chance to see her mother, to travel back in time. Strange things can happen in barren places. In a place where every bit of life and the living has been stripped away, I believe the dead walk.”
“You’re scaring me a little.” Chills traveled up the back of Kathryn’s neck.
“The dead shouldn’t frighten you. The living are the ones to fear.”
Kathryn might have laughed at such an ominous statement, but she could see from the expression on Rowan’s face that she was completely serious.
Chapter Eighteen
An hour later, Kathryn found Aiden leaning against the ship’s railing looking as if she were focused on something far away or lost in deep thought.
“See anything interesting?” She’d tried to think of something casual to lead with. But she was afraid that her question just sounded lame. Excuse me while I tiptoe along the edge of the chasm that now exists between us.
Aiden graced her bland question with a friendly smile. “Nothing but the night.”
Kathryn joined her at the rail facing out on the seemingly endless dark. Thin, wispy clouds partially hid the moon and the stars. Just say what you want to say.
Silence stood between them like an unseen presence.
“Aiden, I owe you an apology.” Kathryn didn’t look at Aiden; she wasn’t sure she could. When there was no response, she turned to see that Aiden was looking at her. There was a softness in her eyes that melted Kathryn’s heart. Was that forgiveness?
“You don’t owe me an apology.” Aiden sounded dejected. Had Kathryn managed to kill the spark between them so easily?
“Yes, I do.” Kathryn tucked a long strand of loose hair behind her ear and summoned the strength to be honest. “I had no right to get so upset with you. I’m…well, I was upset, and I didn’t handle it very well. I should have stayed and talked with you instead of running away, but I didn’t, and then when you left the ship I thought you were angry with me, and it was all my fault that you…” The words had come out in a rush, but she lost her train of thought when she felt Aiden’s fingers entwine with hers.
“To be perfectly honest, I was pretty mad.” Aiden turned Kathryn’s hand over and traced the lines of her highly sensitive palm with her fingertip. “I didn’t handle it well either. I should have followed you instead of marching off into the desert like an idiot.” Aiden furrowed her brow. She released Kathryn’s hand, as if she’d taken possession of it absentmindedly and regretted doing so.
Kathryn lamented the loss of contact. She pressed down the swell of need in her chest. She wanted Aiden to touch her again. She wanted Aiden to kiss her. Then she remembered what Rowan had said about who’d have to make the first move. Kathryn was used to having the world at her feet. She wasn’t used to having to ask for forgiveness or make the first move.
“Will you tell me more about what happened out there?” Kathryn thought maybe getting Aiden to explain further would offer them some neutral ground. But as soon as Aiden began to recount more details about the experience, she realized the topic was anything but neutral.
“I was here and then instantly somewhere else, some time else. I don’t know how to describe it really. But I saw myself as an infant, and my mother was there and Venn was there. But no one could see me. I think I was feeling everything Venn was fee
ling that night. The night my mother died.”
“You’re sure it was Venn?” This explained Venn’s emotional breakdown upon Aiden’s return. And she realized she hadn’t seen Venn since.
“Yes, I’m sure. She was younger, closer to my age now, but it was definitely her. Something, some deep connection, obviously existed between my mother and Venn. I haven’t gotten to speak with her about it yet.”
“So that’s why she left Belstaff’s royal guard?”
“I assume so. I want to talk to her more about what happened that night, but she was so upset earlier that I thought it might be better to give her some time.”
With the mention of time, Kathryn felt that time was running out. They would be back in Olmstead in another two days, and then Aiden would likely decide whether to stay or go or try to claim her throne in Belstaff. The latter could go badly, and knowing Aiden better now, she wasn’t sure she’d even want Aiden to try. Maybe Gareth had been right. Maybe Aiden was no match for Balak. Even if defeating Balak would help Kathryn, she wasn’t sure she was willing to possibly sacrifice Aiden to do that.
“Aiden, I…” Aiden looked at her, but she was having doubts about finishing the thought out loud.
“What is it?”
“Nothing. I think I’ll turn in.”
“Can I walk you to your room?”
Given her current state of mind, Kathryn reasoned she should have refused the offer, but she allowed Aiden to walk her to her chamber. Only the night watchman was on deck as they passed. Everyone else was probably either in their own rooms or in the galley drinking ale. The ship was anchored for the night, and the hour was late.
Once they reached the narrow doorway, Kathryn hesitated. When she turned around, Aiden was standing so close in the small space that her breasts brushed against Aiden’s shirt. She closed her eyes and tried to quiet her libido. What was wrong with her? She’d never been so wrought up over anyone before. Why now? Why Aiden?
With her eyes still closed, Aiden brushed her lips with a soft kiss.
“For whatever I said the other night that upset you, I’m truly sorry.”
Kathryn shook her head.
“Oh, okay, I understand.” Aiden started to step away from her.
Kathryn caught Aiden’s arm and tugged her back.
“You misunderstood. I was saying no to the part about what you said, not the kiss.” She glanced up and down the passageway and then pulled Aiden into her room.
“Listen, just don’t talk about other women, even if I ask. And especially if you thought they were pretty.” Kathryn stroked Aiden’s exposed forearm as she spoke.
“I’ve never met anyone as beautiful as you. Ever.” Aiden sounded so serious that Kathryn had to laugh. “I mean it.”
“Thank you.” Kathryn titled her face up to gaze into Aiden’s. “You’re so handsome that I’d be a fool to think you haven’t been with other women. And normally, I’d be able to handle that. I mean, I don’t want you to think I’m the jealous sort, although maybe I am.” Once again, the words came tumbling out. She’d hardly taken a breath.
“I haven’t.”
“Sorry, what?”
“I’ve never been with anyone before.”
“What?”
“I understand if that means you don’t want to—”
Kathryn covered Aiden’s lips with her fingers. “You’ve never been with a woman before? Ever?”
Aiden shook her head. The moment the words left her mouth she’d second-guessed confiding this to Kathryn, but she’d already upset Kathryn once, and she didn’t want to do it again due to lack of experience. She didn’t want Kathryn to mistake inexperience or ineptitude for disinterest.
“Our kiss last night was my first real kiss.” Aiden waited to see what Kathryn’s response would be.
“Oh, my.” Kathryn tottered back, seeming a wee bit unstable, and the wind ship wasn’t even moving at the moment.
“Are you all right?” Aiden put her arm around Kathryn to steady her.
Kathryn didn’t respond other than to wrap her arms around Aiden’s neck and pull her into a deep kiss. She pressed the soft curves of her body firmly against Aiden.
Aiden realized that things were happening that were causing her heart rate to spike. Her face felt hot and her insides ached. She wasn’t sure what to do with her hands. At first, she let them hover, afraid to touch Kathryn, but then she let them land at Kathryn’s hips. Kathryn moved against her, insinuating her thigh between Aiden’s legs so that there was pressure against her crotch.
Aiden couldn’t breathe. Everything that was happening between them felt amazing and utterly frightening at the same time. Having just experienced some sort of vision in the desert, reliving the night of her mother’s death, all the emotion she’d experienced, Aiden’s chest felt tight. And things were getting mixed up. Was she feeling something intense for Kathryn? Or was the crush of emotion the result of witnessing her mother’s passing? Blood rushed in her ears like a raging storm. Panic constricted her throat. She fought to the surface of it and pulled away from Kathryn, her breathing shallow and rapid.
“What’s wrong?” The look on Kathryn’s face was somewhere between concern and confusion.
“I’m sorry…I can’t…I’m sorry…” Aiden couldn’t look at Kathryn as she stumbled out the door and down the narrow passageway fighting for air. She felt ashamed but didn’t really know why. She wanted to cry or run away or hide or all three.
She ducked into her room and leaned against the door, trying to focus on slowing her rapid breathing. Aiden balled her fists and pounded against her thighs. God! All of it was too much: her mother, Venn, Kathryn, an uncle who wanted her dead. It was all too much and there was no way to escape any of it.
*
Kathryn stood staring at the empty space where Aiden had just been. Everything disintegrated so quickly that it now felt as if it had never happened. But it had happened. Something was happening between them, and she wasn’t going to run away from it this time, or let it run away from her. She followed Aiden.
“Aiden?” Kathryn knocked softly. When there was no answer, she opened the door. Aiden was wiping at tears on her cheeks. Aiden shook her head.
“I’m sorry, but you should probably go. I’m—” Aiden’s voice broke.
“It’s okay. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling right now.” She put her hands on Aiden’s arms and pushed her toward the narrow bunk so that she could sit down. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.” Kathryn should have sensed that Aiden was feeling overwhelmed, but she’d been selfish and she’d let her attraction direct her actions.
Aiden sniffed. “I really like kissing you.”
“There’s plenty of time for kissing.” She brushed a clump of hair from Aiden’s forehead. “For now, why don’t you try to get some rest. Here, let me help you.” Kathryn took the heel of Aiden’s boot and tugged it free. Then she did the same with the other. Aiden shifted on the bed and Kathryn sat back down on the edge near the pillow. She pulled Aiden’s head into her lap and lightly caressed her hair. “Just rest.”
Aiden sighed and Kathryn reached over and dimmed the lantern near the bed. She propped her head against the wall and continued to stroke Aiden’s hair. This was nice. She’d wanted nothing more than to be close to Aiden. She felt Aiden relax against her, and her breathing slowed to a more even pace. It was rare that Kathryn ever had the chance to comfort someone in such a way, and it felt good. It felt good to be the person that Aiden needed, to be the woman in whom Aiden found comfort.
Kathryn looked down at Aiden’s face. Long dark lashes rested on her elegant sun-kissed cheekbones, and Kathryn thought hers was the most beautiful face she’d ever seen. She closed her eyes too and allowed herself to daydream about the future.
Chapter Nineteen
Motion jarred Kathryn awake. She blinked and tried to get her bearings. The last thing she remembered was stroking Aiden’s hair as she coaxed her to sleep. She must have fallen asleep too
. Kathryn looked down and realized that Aiden’s arm was draped around her waist. They’d obviously cuddled up to each other in their sleep. I fell asleep. We slept together. All night.
Kathryn wasn’t sure what to do. This had never happened to her before. Well, she’d slept with a woman before, but not like this. She wasn’t sure what if anything to read into this. Maybe she could slip out without waking Aiden.
She shifted, and Aiden stirred next to her. She rotated, which put her mouth dangerously close to Aiden’s. She was so beautiful when she was asleep that Kathryn couldn’t tear herself away. She rested on her arm and watched Aiden sleep for a few minutes until Aiden’s eyes fluttered open. She appeared as surprised as Kathryn had been that they’d spent the night together.
“Good morning.”
“Hi.” Kathryn touched Aiden’s cheek. “We must have fallen asleep.”
Aiden smiled and snuggled closer to Kathryn. “I’m glad we did. Thank you for staying.”
Kathryn tried not to move against Aiden. They were in a compromised position. Aiden probably wasn’t even aware of the effect her proximity was having on Kathryn, and it would take very little friction to make Kathryn’s libido hum.
“I should go.” Kathryn said the words aloud but made no motion to leave. She felt as if her head and her body were in a tug-of-war with each other. It was early. The soft rocking of the ship indicated that they were underway. Why did she have to be in such a hurry to leave?
“Don’t go.”
It was such a simple request, but the implication was huge. Kathryn felt Aiden’s arm around her waist. She put her arm across Aiden’s hip, and as she did she realized Aiden’s shirt had pulled free during the night. Her hand had a mind of its own. Like some heat-seeking creature, her hand slid under Aiden’s shirt. Her palm rested against the bare skin of her back. She closed her eyes and sighed softly before she could stop herself. Aiden’s skin felt so good.
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