Once Upon a Witch
A Wicked Witches of the Midwest Fantasy Books 1-3
Amanda M. Lee
WinchesterShaw Publications
Copyright © 2017 by Amanda M. Lee
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
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Contents
Witchy Tales
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
1. One
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
2. Two
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
3. Three
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
4. Four
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
5. Five
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
6. Six
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
7. Seven
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
8. Eight
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
9. Nine
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
10. Ten
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
11. Eleven
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
12. Twelve
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
13. Thirteen
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
14. Fourteen
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
15. Fifteen
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
16. Sixteen
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
17. Seventeen
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
18. Eighteen
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
19. Nineteen
Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
20. Twenty
A Witch in Time
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
21. One
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
22. Two
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
23. Three
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
24. Four
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
25. Five
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
26. Six
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
27. Seven
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
28. Eight
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
29. Nine
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
30. Ten
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
31. Eleven
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
32. Twelve
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
33. Thirteen
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
34. Fourteen
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
35. Fifteen
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
36. Sixteen
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
37. Seventeen
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
38. Eighteen
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
39. Nineteen
Aunt Tillie’s Musings
40. Twenty
Make a Witch
Winchester Witticisms
41. One
Winchester Witticisms
42. Two
Winchester Witticisms
43. Three
Winchester Witticisms
44. Four
Winchester Witticisms
45. Five
Winchester Witticisms
46. Six
Winchester Witticisms
47. Seven
Winchester Witticisms
48. Eight
Winchester Witticisms
49. Nine
Winchester Witticisms
50. Ten
Winchester Witticisms
51. Eleven
Winchester Witticisms
52. Twelve
Winchester Witticisms
53. Thirteen
Winchester Witticisms
54. Fourteen
Winchester Witticisms
55. Fifteen
Winchester Witticisms
56. Sixteen
Winchester Witticisms
57. Seventeen
Winchester Witticisms
58. Eighteen
Winchester Witticisms
59. Nineteen
Winchester Witticisms
60. Twenty
Mailing List
About the Author
Books by Amanda M. Lee
Witchy Tales
A Wicked Witches of the Midwest Fantasy Book One
Once upon a time there were three little girls, and they annoyed their great-aunt very much.
– Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up
One
“What’s going on?”
I glanced up from the porch swing, my eyes landing on handsome perfection, and smiled by way of greeting as my boyfriend Landon Michaels climbed the steps of my family’s inn. He stooped low to give me a kiss and then lifted my feet and settled beside me.
“You’re early this weekend,” I said.
An agent working out of the FBI’s Traverse City field office in northern Lower Michigan, he generally split his time between his apartment there and the guesthouse I shared with my cousins here in Hemlock Cove. Although, truth be told, he was increasingly finding reasons to spend more nights with me as the weeks progressed. I’m not complaining, mind you. I’ve just noticed he’s around a lot more, which seems to make both of us happy.
“I got up at the crack of dawn so I could finish all of my paperwork and be here in time for dinner,” Landon said, pushing his longish black hair from his face and fixing his warm eyes on me. “I might have missed you a little.”
“You just saw me yesterday morning,” I reminded him.
“Yes, but you were still asleep when I left,” Landon said. “You made a weird growling sound and rolled over when I kissed you. I felt bereft without a proper goodbye.”
He likes to mess with me. “I still saw you.”
“But then I had to go all day yesterday without seeing you, and I had to spend the night in my sad little apartment all alone, and then I had to go through today without my daily Bay fix. It was something out of a nightmare.”
He was teasing me, but he was so cute it didn’t really matter. He does something weird to my heart. I can’t explain it. I just feel … lighter … when he’s around.
My name is Bay Winchester, and I’m a witch in love. Sure, the witch stuff is a pain to deal with, but the love stuff is getting easier to get a handle every day.
“I know you think you’
re being a drama queen and that it’s somehow funny, but I’m choosing to take your words at face value,” I said, leaning forward and lightly pressing my lips against his strong chin. “I’ll now be able to spend the next few days picturing you curled up in a little ball crying because you had to sleep alone.”
Landon grinned, the expression lighting his already handsome face. “I only cried a little.”
“Did your mascara run?”
“You’re not funny.” Landon reached over and tickled my ribs, delighting when he heard me laugh until I gasped for relief.
“Stop that,” I ordered. “It’s starting to hurt.”
Landon narrowed his eyes as he tried to determine whether I was playing him or telling the truth. Finally, he opted to pull his hand away. “I think you’re making that up, but I would never hurt you, so I’m going to stop.”
“That’s good,” I said.
“Why?”
“Then I can do this.” I launched myself on him, using my weight to push him back on the swing and force him down so I could return the tickling favor. Exertion clouded Landon’s angular face as he grappled to shift my body so he was back in control. I’m stronger than I look, though.
“Oh, good grief, do I have to get the hose?”
I glanced up, Landon’s hand tight on my hip as the wickedest witch in the Midwest sauntered onto the front porch of The Overlook – and yes, when my mother announced she and her sisters were naming the inn that, I tried to explain why it was a bad idea. They either didn’t get it, or didn’t care.
“Aunt Tillie,” Landon said, grimacing when I poked my finger into his ribs again. “How are you this fine summer evening?”
“Well, my arthritis is acting up, my glaucoma is taking over and my hemorrhoids have a mind of their own,” Aunt Tillie said. “Other than that, I’m just peachy.”
“You don’t have glaucoma,” I said. “You need to stop telling people that. That’s your excuse for planting a pot field, even though we all know you’re a senior citizen who likes to burn a big blunt from time to time.”
Landon arched an eyebrow. “Burn a big blunt? Where did you learn the lingo?”
“She’s been watching The Wire with me,” Aunt Tillie said. “On the nights you’re not here and Clove and Thistle are busy with Marcus and Sam, she has nothing better to do than hang out with me. It’s pitiful.”
I frowned while Landon fought to hide his smile. “I don’t think I’m the only one crying when we’re apart,” he teased. “You must be desperate to spend your nights with Netflix and Aunt Tillie.”
“I’ll have you know I’m a very popular person,” I said. “I could hang out with a lot of people.”
“Are any of them alive?”
Talking to ghosts was one of my witchy gifts. Landon wasn’t always happy with my abilities, but he was putting up a good effort to understand them these days. “I’m desirable,” I said. “I could have any number of male suitors the second I snap my fingers.”
Landon wrinkled his nose. “Why don’t we just agree that I’m the only one masochistic enough to put up with this family? And why don’t we go inside and get a drink?”
I poked him again, this time a little more viciously. “Tell me I’m desirable.”
“I desire you all the time,” Landon said, laughing. “I still think I’m a saint for putting up with this … nonsense.”
“You shouldn’t put up with that lip,” Aunt Tillie said. “If he was in my bed I’d glue his lips together just to get him to shut up.”
Landon shuddered, the mental image of sharing a bed with Aunt Tillie clearly throwing him for a loop. “Don’t ever say anything like that again.”
“Oh, please, you know very well you’ve had dreams about sharing a bed with me,” Aunt Tillie chided. “Don’t deny it. The Goddess knows when you’re lying … and she doesn’t like it.”
“I don’t know why I come back here weekend after weekend when all I get is abuse,” Landon said, pushing me up so we could both settle into a more comfortable sitting position. “It must be because I’m such a masochist.”
I pinched him one more time for good measure and then focused my attention on Aunt Tillie. “What’s up with you? Why are you out here? Isn’t Jeopardy set to start in five minutes?”
One thing you don’t want to do is get between Aunt Tillie and Alex Trebek. She takes it personally. She thinks she knows all of the answers, and then swears the television is lying when she’s wrong. Winchesters like to be right. All of us.
“I needed some fresh air,” Aunt Tillie said.
“Why?”
“Because … well … why does it matter? I love nature. Give it a rest.”
She was up to something. I can always tell. The first hint is the fact that she’s breathing. The second is her darting eyes when formulating a lie on the spot.
“Why don’t I believe you?” Landon asked.
“Because you’re suspicious by nature,” Aunt Tillie replied, nonplussed. “It’s your biggest personality flaw.”
“How many personality flaws do I have?” Landon asked.
“None,” I said, patting his hand reassuringly. “She’s making that up.”
“Six,” Aunt Tillie countered.
Landon lifted an eyebrow. “Six?”
“You have a big ego, you’re a bully when you want to be, you yell too much, you’re a glutton, and I think you might be a sexual deviant,” Aunt Tillie said.
“That’s on top of me being suspicious, right?”
“Exactly.”
“Well, I can’t argue with any of that,” Landon said. “You know you have some of the same personality defects, right?”
“I don’t have any personality defects,” Aunt Tillie said, crossing her arms over her chest.
I tried to swallow the snort before it escaped and failed.
“I don’t,” Aunt Tillie said. “I’m one of those rare people who have no failings.”
“Good to know,” Landon said.
Something else was going on here. “Why are you really out here?”
“I told you, I want to enjoy nature,” Aunt Tillie said. “Summers are far too short in Michigan. I want to enjoy this one before winter returns.”
“I … .”
“Aunt Tillie!”
The three of us froze when we heard the bellow. By the time Landon and I shifted our eyes back to Aunt Tillie, she was already descending the porch steps.
“You never saw me,” she said.
The front door of The Overlook flew open and my mother stormed out, her sisters, Marnie and Twila, close on her heels. “You stop right there,” Mom ordered.
Aunt Tillie did as she was told, but instead of turning to face her family she focused on a nearby tree and pasted a puzzled look on her face. “I think we should hire someone to come in and prune some of these trees,” she said. “The ones over here are getting out of control.”
“You’re out here looking at the trees?” Mom asked, dubious. “Do you really expect us to believe that?”
“What’s going on?” Thistle asked, walking up to the front porch from the path on the west side of The Overlook. Her boyfriend Marcus was beside her, and our other cousin, Clove, trailed several feet behind with her boyfriend Sam.
“I have no idea,” I said. “We were hanging out when she came outside and said she was hankering for some nature.”
“And you believed her?” Marnie asked.
“Of course not.”
“You’re on my list,” Aunt Tillie said, shooting me a dark look and extending a gnarled finger in my direction. “You’re at the top of it.”
Thistle clapped her hands excitedly. “I’m so glad. I’ve been at the top of the list for weeks.”
“You’ve been at the top of the list since you were born,” Aunt Tillie said. “It’s in your nature to be at the top of the list. You want to excel in everything.”
“Let’s get back on topic,” Mom suggested.
“Let’s,” Aunt Till
ie agreed. “I think these trees need to be pruned.”
“That’s not the topic I was talking about,” Mom said.
Aunt Tillie ignored her. “Marcus, I don’t suppose you would be willing to help me prune these trees, would you?”
“Sure,” Marcus said, his face impassive. “I like pruning trees.”
“You’re multifaceted weird,” Thistle said.
Marcus leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. “That’s why we get along so well.”
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