by Bec Botefuhr
R: I can come home from work?
M: No, it’s ok. I am just overwhelmed. I am going home soon.
R: I will see you tonight, ok?
M: Ok. I love you GI Joe.
R: Hate that. Love you.
M:
I sit another hour listening to Sarah talking about her boyfriend and how I just have to meet him. When my Mother begins clearing up, I stand and help her. With a huff, Sarah follows. When we are in the kitchen, I decide it is a good time to ask the question that has been bugging me all afternoon.
“Mom?” I ask.
“Yes Angel.”
“Why does Mark hate me?”
She drops the dish she was holding and turns.
“He doesn’t hate you…”
“He asked me why I don’t feel it, what is he talking about? Please don’t lie to me.”
“Oh silly, Mark is your twin!” Sarah cries, rolling her eyes.
I feel the blood drain from my face. I hear my Mother tell Sarah off and to leave the room. She grips my arms, but I am numb. Twin? Mark is my twin?
“I wanted to tell you, but he never dealt with it well and…I thought it was something he should explain.”
“Twin?” I whisper.
“Yes, I am so sorry.”
“All his life, he has known about me, known I am his twin and known he was the child that didn’t get taken.”
“We never treated him badly, we loved him but…we suffered for so long when they took you, I guess Mark missed out.”
“What is my real name?” I whisper.
“Pardon?”
“What did you name me?”
She sucks in a breath.
“We didn’t for a long time, but we finally got around to filling out the papers and called you…”
“Heaven,”
She nods and tears tumble down her cheeks.
“I need a moment.”
I turn and rush out of the house; Mark is just coming down the stairs and his eyes narrow when he sees me.
“I did feel it,” I yell at him, “I just didn’t know what it was.”
Then I storm out the front door and into the rain. I run over to the beach and drop down onto the sand. There was so many times in my life I felt unexplained pain, heartache, happiness or sadness. I never knew what it was, but now I realize it was a connection with Mark. I always felt like something was missing; now I know why.
I grip my knees to my chest and rock backwards and forwards. A moment later, someone sits down beside me. I glance over to see it’s Mark. I don’t know what to say to him? What can I say? He suffered his whole life because I went missing; he missed out on the parents he deserved because they were broken. He lived in my shadow, even though I wasn’t there.
“I don’t hate you,” he says in a broken voice.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did,” I choke, swiping my tears.
“They were hurt, they had their child taken, they crumbled but what they didn’t realize, is that I grew up knowing I had a sister and knowing she was never coming back. I lived every day with the knowledge that I was the child that didn’t get stolen. I wondered so many times, if they would have preferred I got taken.”
“No,” I whisper, “No, it would have been no different. They love you, don’t doubt that.”
“I felt things all my life. I knew you were alive, even when they did a memorial to say goodbye to you, because they were convinced you were dead. I knew you weren’t, but no one would listen. I knew because I felt you, I can’t explain it, but I just knew you weren’t gone.”
“I know what you mean.”
“I knew one day you would find out about us, and I had so many things I wanted to do but then I saw you and all I felt was pure rage.”
“I never meant for you to end up living under my shadow Mark. It’s not like I knew.”
“Heaven, I never lived under your shadow, because you were my shadow even though I couldn’t see you.”
I feel fresh tears spill down my face.
“You have my name tattooed on you?”
He smiles. “They called you Heaven, because they wanted to believe you went to a better place.”
I swallow. “And you?”
“I put it there because Heaven is where I wanted to go, so I could be next to you because living here was just too hard.”
“You don’t mean that?”
“I tried to kill myself when I was sixteen.”
I sob uncontrollably. Mark reaches out and puts his arm around me; I shiver because I do feel a bond when he is around me.
“I am not going to lie and say my life wasn’t hard, but…it’s better now.”
“You’re tough Mark, I couldn’t have done it.”
“You know, dad told me about you getting taken by that killer. It makes sense to me now, because at the time I went mad. I was angry, and scared, and full of these crazy emotions and I didn’t know why. I had a horrible feeling of dread constantly, I couldn’t shake it.”
“You felt me?” I whisper.
“Yeah, in a sense,”
I look up and sigh. “We should go back inside. We are soaked.”
“Yeah,” he smiles, taking my hand and standing. He leads me back over the road, and into the house. When we get in, my phone begins beeps to alert me that I have a missed call. I look down to see it was Ryder.
“I should take this,” I smile, walking off.
I walk out back and open the phone, dialing Ryder back. He answers on the first ring.
“Hey baby,” I say, leaning against the house.
“Hey gorgeous, I was wondering where you are? I thought you might like to help Nate and me with something?”
“Oh?”
“We have a new person in the unit, she is a Domestic abuse case, and she might like a female to help her feel more welcome.”
“Oh sure, I will be home soon.”
“Alright, love you girl.”
“You too.”
CHAPTER 8
MAYA
When I arrive home, I see Nate right away. He is wearing his uniform, and looks handsome as hell. I beam and walk over, noticing James Clancy standing beside him. I haven’t seen James for a long while now, so I am thrilled. I rush over and clap my hands excitedly.
“Well, if it isn’t the one and only James Clancy,” I grin.
James laughs, “Still not over that I see?”
“It will never get old, never.”
“I heard you were still involved with these two, haven’t woken up to yourself yet?”
Nate snorts, “Now, go easy Clanc.”
I wrap an arm around Nate. “I will never wake up to myself. Where’s Ryder?”
“He is going over the security while we wait for Heather to arrive.”
“Heather? She’s the new case?”
“Yep, she’s twenty two and has no family.”
I frown, “That’s so sad.”
Nate rests his hand on my head, and then tilts it back. “You’re too soft.”
“So are you Nate, don’t play it cool in front of James Clancy.”
James snorts and Nate laughs, “Alright, you win.”
“So how long will she stay?” I ask, curious.
“A month maybe, it really depends.”
“Oh she is in for a shock when she see’s hot stuff here,” I tease, winking at Nate.
“Conflict of interest…” James Clancy says.
Nate and I both roll our eyes. “Yes Clancy, we know.”
A silver cop car pulls into the complex then, followed by Ryder’s security vehicle. When the car stops in front of the apartment, my curiosity burns. I watch as James goes over and opens the door, and out steps a bombshell. I mean holy crap, the girl is stunning. I see Nate’s eyes widen, and even Ryder, who has just gotten out of his car, stops in his tracks. The woman is breathtaking, with long flowing blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. She has the body of a model, and the breasts of a curvy woman. I feel my eyes widen.
“She is a Domestic abuse survivor?” I whisper to Nate.
He doesn’t answer, he just stares.
“Nate, Ryder, this is Heather,” James says, introducing the woman.
Her eyes roam over the two men, and her mouth turns up slightly. Oh…sweet Jesus. She walks forward, and I get a good look at her tall frame. She is wearing jeans that hug her ass in ways I couldn’t even have begun to imagine, and a tank top that is so tight it looks like it’s painted on. She stops in front of Ryder, and extends her hand.
“Thank you for helping me,” she says in a husky tone, “I am Heather.”
“Um, Ryder,” he responds, did he just stammer? “Nice to meet you.”
“Nate,” I hear Nate say, and watch as she takes his hand and gives him the same reaction.
“So, now that is out of the way, we will go inside and go over the case,” James says, extending his hand and ushering the woman into the protection unit.
God help me, this can’t be good.
~*~*~*~
Heather fits in well, just over a week passes, and the woman has her claws in deep with Nate and Ryder. I try hard not to be jealous, I truly do, but how can I feel normal when she gets around in bikinis and tiny shorts? I don’t know what her game is, but she is all over the two men like a dirty rash and can’t keep her mitts off. I always see her placing a hand on one of their shoulders, or accidentally stumbling into their arms.
One afternoon before I head over to my parents house, I walk over to the apartment to see Ryder before work. He has been busy, and I am feeling the distance. When I walk inside, he is on the couch with Nate and Heather. She is sitting between them, giggling at a show on the television. Jealousy swarms me, I feel like she is taking my place. I listen a moment as they talk, and my skin prickles.
“I can’t believe you’re a Dom, Ryder,” she giggles, “I never saw that one coming.”
“I don’t practice it so much anymore.”
“Doesn’t your girlfriend like it?”
“Not really,” he replies, “It isn’t really her thing.”
“That’s a shame,” she purrs, “I would love a Dom. Some women just don’t have that fire in their blood.”
That bitch. I cannot believe she is moving in on my territory and bad mouthing me.
“Maya is a softy, it isn’t her fault,” Nate laughs, “She just doesn’t do hard sex.”
Now Nate is in on it?
“I wish you weren’t gay Nate, I would snap you up in a second,” Heather laughs.
“Well, if I wasn’t gay, I would snap you up.”
Ouch.
I clear my throat, and they all spin around quickly, “I was just coming to see you before work, I guess you are busy. Maybe you should stay here and associate with women who aren’t soft and boring.”
I turn and walk out, trying hard to reign in my emotions.
“MAYA!”
Hell no, I am not going to sit and listen to Ryder or Nate tell me how they were just joking. I don’t need it. I get into my car and slam the door, throwing it into reverse just as Ryder rushes out of the apartment. I pull it into gear and speed off, furious at him and myself. I should have known the Dom thing would eventually raise its ugly head.
My phone rings over and over as I drive down to a nearby beach. I just need to be alone. I get out of the car and find myself a spot on the sand, where I sit and pull my knees up to my chest. I don’t know what I feel right now, all I know is it hurt me to walk in and find another woman in the spot that used to be mine. I glance down at my phone, and the numerous text messages from Ryder and Nate.
R:Baby, it was just a joke. Please come back.
N:You know you’re my number one, don’t be jealous bubba.
R:Maya, where are you?
I punch in both their numbers, and send a double text.
M: Don’t text me, leave me be. Your words were hurtful. I am turning my phone off now.
I turn the phone off and sit staring out at the ocean, alone in my thoughts. An hour later, I decide to head back to my apartment. I don’t want to go to my parent’s house today; I just want to be alone. I park my car outside the complex and walk back in; I don’t want Ryder or Nate to see me. I sneak into my apartment and lock the door, hopefully no one saw me coming in.
I wait a few minutes, and when I don’t hear the door being kicked down, I breathe a sigh of relief. I plod into the kitchen, still pouting, and pull out a tub of chocolate ice cream. Comfort food. I settle onto the couch, and don’t bother with a bowl. I scoop the ice cream straight from the tub into my mouth. I am mid-way through the tub when Sandy arrives home.
“Hey, uh oh, what happened?”
“What makes you say that?” I ask.
“You are eating ice cream right out of the tub, something happened.”
“Heather happened.”
“Oh God, I can’t stand her.”
“Domestic abuse my ass, the girl probably heard about how hot Ryder and Nate were and decided to get herself into protection.”
Sandy laughs, sitting down beside me, “I did actually see faint bruises on her body when she was at the pool just now.”
“Oh she is swimming…AGAIN.”
“Nate was with her, she was trying to persuade him to get into the pool. I walked past and he gave me a guilty smile, gay my ass!”
“She is enough to turn him straight, damn bimbo.”
Sandy laughs loudly, and wraps an arm around me, “Come on, tell me what happened?”
“I walked in on them all teasing me.”
“What?”
“Yep, going on about how Ryder doesn’t get to practice being a Dom because I don’t ‘like’ it, and how I am too soft for that lifestyle. I let him go Dom on me the other night, but apparently that isn’t enough.”
“Aw babes, want me to go and kick his ass?”
“Please do.”
A knock sounds out, and I quickly leap off the couch, “I’m not here.”
I quickly hide down behind the kitchen bench, because I know if I run down the hall, whoever is at the front door will see me. Sandy opens the door and I hear Ryder’s voice.
“I know she is here, I saw her car.”
Dammit.
“I haven’t seen her, maybe she went for a walk.”
“Don’t lie, Sandy.”
I stand and Ryder notices me right away, amusement flickers across his expression and I want to reach out and slap him.
“Nice hiding spot.”
“What do you want?” I snap.
“To talk,”
“I don’t want to talk,”
“Too bad,”
He walks in and around the kitchen bench where he grips my arm and drags me down the hall way to my room. When we step through the door, he kicks it closed behind him, then turns to me. I cross my arms, giving him my best glare. He smirks, and sits on my bed, staring over at me. I hate when he is all cool, calm and collected.
“I am sorry about before.”
“Sorry? You mean for making out like I am a soft lay?”
He winces, “That’s crap, I didn’t say that.”
“Do you want someone like that Ryder?”
“No, you know that.”
“Do you want to practice being a Dom again?”
“No, I am happy where we are.”
“It didn’t seem that way.”
“We were playing.”
“She was sitting on the couch between you two, and you were making out like you were all best friends, she was in my spot.”
Realization clicks, “That is what this is about, isn’t it? The fact that she was where you are supposed to be. She hasn’t replaced you Maya; we were only having a conversation.”
“Nate was flirting…NATE!”
“He was playing.”
“He was flirting, and so were you.”
“I was not, Maya you are over reacting.”
“Am I?”
“Yes, you are.”
“Well in that case you should leave, because I won’t be under reacting any time soon.”
He sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “Maya, I am sorry ok? If you think you aren’t enough for me, you are severely mistaken because if anything, you are too much.”
“If you want to be a Dom again, why don’t you say so?” I cry, “I played your sub the other night, I thought you liked it. I am trying Ryder; I am trying to make you happy.”
He stands suddenly, and lunges forward, taking my face in his hands, “You do make me happy, fuck baby, can’t you see that?”
“I was jealous,” I whisper, “I felt stupid.”
“We were out of line, but don’t you go thinking you aren’t enough.”
“I can’t compete with someone as beautiful as her.”
“You don’t need to, you run rings around her.”
“She is what you used to go for.”
“She is what made my life miserable. Hot women like that, they have no personality. Ok, they are good to look at but that is where it ends. They are dead pan and boring. You are different, not only are you gorgeous, but you are a beautiful person. Can’t you see that?”
“You two didn’t seem to have a problem with her personality.”
“Maya!”
“I really just want to rest, please go…”
“Baby…”
“Please Ryder.”
With a sigh, he walks out and slams the door behind him. I sink onto my bed and let out a gush of air. Why are things always so complicated?
CHAPTER 9
MAYA
“Do it Maya, seriously, blow his mind.”
I stare at Sandy, then down at my dark trench coat.
“I can’t, what if he laughs.”
“Do you want to outdo her?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then go and do it, just like we discussed.”
“I don’t have it in me,” I whine.
“Yes you do, now move!”
She shoves me out the front door, and I take a deep breath. We have spent an entire day working on this plan, and I hope to God it works. Filling my lungs full of air, I pull on my poker face and begin walking towards Ryder and Nate’s apartment. I can hear laughing coming from inside. God, how can I do this when she is there?
I stand outside the front door, gathering myself. I can do this, be sexy, be saucy, and be hot. We practiced, I can do it. With trembling hands, I open the front door and step inside. Ryder and Nate are in the kitchen laughing about something, and Heather is perched on the bench giggling along with them. When the door closes behind me, they all turn. Ryder tilts his head, no doubt curious about my trench coat.
