by Bec Botefuhr
“What the hell is going on?” Ryder snaps, glaring at me.
“I…you know that night you came into my room because Trey was yelling out?”
“Yeah, when you were dreaming and slamming the poor man.”
“Well…”
Realizations clicks and Ryder’s eyes widen with fury, “No…”
“It was an accident bud, I didn’t know…”
“You raped her, you fucking…”
“He didn’t rape me!” Maya cries, “It wasn’t like that.”
“What the fuck was it like?” Ryder roars.
“He was asleep, he didn’t mean to.”
Ryder’s fist connects with my face before I can think about it; I stumble backwards and slam into the door frame. Blood pours down my lip and Maya cries out, gripping Ryder’s arm and holding him back.
“You should never have slept in the same bed with her, you knew about your dreams,” he roars.
“I didn’t think it would happen with her, fuck buddy, I love her and would never hurt her.”
“Get the fuck out Nate; get out before I fucking kill you.”
“Ryder please,” Maya whimpers, “It wasn’t his fault.”
“GET OUT!”
I grip my shirt and keys, and then I hurry out the door. Fuck, what have I done?
CHAPTER 10
RYDER
“Ryder please,” Maya whispers, as I pace across the room, “He didn’t mean it.”
“He fucked you, without your permission.”
“He was sleeping, it’s not as though he knew.”
“He fucked my girl!”
I turn on her, I know my expression is severe because she flinches and trembles.
“Maya, baby, I know it wasn’t your fault, but I can’t look at him right now.”
“Why didn’t either of you tell me? Why didn’t you say he was having those dreams, then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten into bed with him.”
“So now it’s my fault?” I snarl.
She frowns, “No, but you two should have told me.”
“He shouldn’t have let you sleep in his bed.”
“We always do that when you work, you know that.”
“Yes, but things changed and he knew it, he should have told you.”
“It was an accident.”
“Tell me you are on the pill?”
“You know I am.”
“Thank God.”
“Ryder, you have to talk to him about this,” she whispers.
“Not now Maya, don’t push me.”
She nods, and tucks her knees up to her chin. With a sigh, I slide onto the bed beside her and wrap my arms around her.
“Are you ok?”
“I am shaken up; it was a very confusing way to wake up.”
“Did he hurt you?”
“No,” she whispers, “Of course not.”
“Do you want to go to sleep?”
She nods, weakly. I take her into my arms and lay down, she nestles into me. Poor girl, I know how confused she must be right now. She is defending Nate, but I know it is hurting her, I know it has really given her a shake up. I stroke her hair, whispering soothing words to her until she falls asleep in my arms. God, poor Maya, how much more can she take?
~*~*~*~*
MAYA
“Nate, please…” I whisper, as he throws a bag into his car.
“I gotta go for a while Maya, I have to.”
“I don’t want you to go,” I say, as a tear slides down my cheek.
Nate looks over my shoulder at Ryder, who is standing with his arms crossed by the door of the apartment.
“He can’t stand me right now, he needs a break.”
“You didn’t mean it.”
He strokes my cheek, “I fucked up Maya, I need to go.”
“Please…”
He grips my shoulders and pulls me in for a hug, “I will never forgive myself for this.”
“Nate…”
“I have to go.”
He kisses my head, then gets into the car without saying another word, and drives away. He is going to his family’s ranch for a while, until things settle down. He sent Heather back to James the day after the incident, and he put in for stress leave. I watch as his car disappears and I swallow to remove the lump in my throat. Poor Nate, I know it is killing him inside.
I shudder when I remember what happened, I wasn’t even aware for half of it. I was dreaming, and just thought it was a good one until I came to and realized Nate was having sex with me. It would be a lie to say it didn’t feel good when I was dreaming, then I realized what was happening and panic washed over me. I had to shove at him numerous times before he woke up.
“It’s for the best,” Ryder says, wrapping his arms around me, “He needs time and so do I.”
“Tell me we can get past this Ryder, it won’t be the same without him.”
“I will try baby, but for now, I just need time.”
I turn to face him, and stroke his cheek. I know it’s eating him up too, because he hasn’t been himself. I don’t know exactly what hurt him so much, because he refuses to speak with me about it. I rest my cheek on his chest, and let him pull me close. I hope and pray that we can get past this, because things will never be the same if we all aren’t apart of each other’s lives.
CHAPTER 11
MAYA
“Hey,” I say, answering my phone later that night. I am at my parent’s house and Ryder has gone off to work, but is calling me only an hour in, “What’s up?”
“Maya…” his voice is hoarse. “Maya…it’s Nate. He has been in a car accident. I don’t know…I don’t know if he will live.”
I black out, I don’t remember anything after that because I don’t come to for a long while. When I do, my parents are leaning over me, patting my cheeks. I scream Nate’s name, this can’t be happening. This is something that happens only in someone’s worst nightmare, he can’t die now…he thinks we don’t love him. I daze in and out as my parents drive me to the hospital.
When we arrive, I am numb. It is one of those moments when you can’t hear the people around you, you can’t even hear yourself think, heck you can’t even feel your own feet moving, but you know they are. Everything is in slow motion, and if someone played a tragic song, you would crumble and fall.
Mark is holding my hand, though I can’t feel it. My Mother and Father are walking behind me, their faces solemn. I can’t see Ryder, I can’t see anyone. I walk down the long, bland halls. I pray, pray to anyone who’s listening, to let him be ok. God, please, let him be ok. I turn three corners; all the rooms look the same. All the people look the same.
Then, I see Ryder. He is sitting on a row of plastic chairs, his head in his hands. I let go of Mark’s hand and hurry forward. His head snaps up, and when he sees me, tears tumble down his beautiful cheeks. As soon as I reach him, his hands wrap around me and he crushes me to his chest. Together, we cry and tremble, both of us praying for our best friend.
“What happened?” I whisper.
“I don’t,” he says, choking on his words. “I don’t really know. I hear he was driving and a car came out of nowhere. It slammed into the side of the car and crushed him.”
“It’s going to be ok,” I croak, though I don’t believe it. Not for a second.
“Ryder?”
We turn to see a doctor in light blue scrubs. He gives us a kind smile, and we try hard to return it.
“Doc, is he ok?”
“Sit.”
“Is he dead?” I cry, my voice alarmed and traumatized.
“No, please, sit,” he says, sitting beside us, “Nathan’s injuries were bad. We have done everything we can to repair the damage but at this point, he is in an induced coma and we won’t know anything until he wakes.”
“What are we looking at?” Ryder asks, swallowing.
“Brain injuries, internal bleeding, those are the worst two. He was crushed in that car; he had two broken legs, a broken arm, co
llar bone and ribs. His spine was damaged mildly; his head took a large hit. He has severe internal bruising and bleeding. It is critical at this stage.”
“Oh, God,” I cry, putting my head in my hands.
Ryder stands and storms off down the hall. I stand and run after him, we get outside into the pounding rain and he begins slamming trees and poles with his fist. I grip his arms, “Stop, Ryder, stop.”
He spins around and grips my shoulders.
“If he dies…Oh God…he thinks I fucking hate him.”
I yank him into my arms and we stand in the pouring rain holding each other and crying. His body trembles and shudders, and I know that right now I have to put my big girl panties on and be strong for him. If I don’t, he will crumble and if he crumbles, I crumble. I take a deep, shaky breath and pull back.
“We have to believe he will be ok,” I say, “If we don’t, then he will have no one to fight for him.”
“Ryder?”
We turn to see Janelle, she is dabbing her face with a tissue.
“I just heard, is he…ok?”
Ryder shakes his head, “No, he isn’t ok.”
She nods and swallows back a sob. For the first time I feel a little bad for her, I know she cares about Nate, I know he is the Father of her daughter and she needs him.
“May I wait with you?” she asks, her eyes falling on me.
I nod weakly, what is the point in hating at a time like this? There is none, she is hurting too and we should all stick together. We all walk back inside, and the nurses hand us all towels for our wet, soaked clothes. My Mother rushes over and takes my shoulders; she swipes a lone tear from my cheek and hugs me close.
“Oh my baby, it’s going to be ok.”
I nod, biting my lip.
“Mom, Dad, Mark – this is Ryder, my boyfriend.”
My parents take in Ryder, and I see my Mother flush. They all shake hands and introduce themselves.
“I know it’s not a great time to say it,” My Mother begins, “but I am so grateful to you for finding us.”
Ryder nods, his voice is hoarse, “It was no problem at all, I would do anything for Maya.”
Shrill alarms sound out, causing me to jump.
“Code blue, code blue!” someone yells, “Get a crash cart.”
I watch nurses and doctors run into a room down the hall; Ryder makes a pained sound, a sound so heart wrenching it rips through me.
“Nate,” he cries, running towards the room.
Nate is in that room? My heart falls to the floor. I crumble, my knees give out and I drop onto the cold tiles. Mark wraps an arm around me and holds me close. Janelle wails and rushes out.
“What is happening?” I can hear Ryder yelling.
“Please Sir, you can’t be in here.”
My world goes hazy and I cup my face in my hands, please God, please don’t let him die. Please.
~*~*~*~*
Five days pass, and Nate remains in a coma. I can’t bear to look at him most days, it rips my heart out. Guilt swarms me, how can I look at him when it is partly my fault he went away in the first place. He is so battered and bruised; I don’t know how he survived. His face is cut, swollen and I no longer recognize him. Trey is devastated, spending every spare minute by Nate’s side. I visit twice a day, and each time nothing changes.
“How are you feeling today?” Sandy asks, as we sit down for breakfast on day six.
“I feel awful.”
I have been throwing up for three days now, and it isn’t subsiding. I figure it is because of the stress, but it seems to be getting worse.
“You are still sick? Maya…have you considered that you might be pregnant.”
My heart stops. Pregnant? No, I don’t think so.
“I don’t think so, I am protected.”
“That isn’t always fool proof.”
“I don’t…”
“You have been sick now for over three days, it’s only in the morning. When was your last period?”
“I don’t…it was before we went to Miami.”
“Go to a doctor, I urge you.”
I nod, biting my lip.
“Ok, I will go,” I say, “I promise.”
She nods, “How’s Ryder?”
“Devastated,”
“I bet he is, Nate is his life line.”
“He blames himself, and it’s killing him. God Sandy, if he dies…”
I feel my throat swell again.
“Hey,” she says, putting her hand over mine, “He isn’t going to die.”
“You can’t know that.”
“No, but I have to believe it and so do you.”
I nod, swallowing.
“I should make an appointment with the doctor.”
She nods, “That is a good idea.”
“How bad would it be if I was pregnant right now?” I say, putting my head in my hands.
“Hey,” Sandy says, touching my cheek, “Maybe it’s the little bit of light Ryder needs.”
“I don’t know how he would take it right now, I truly don’t.”
“Ryder will support you.”
“This is such a bad time; I truly hope you are wrong.”
She smiles, “We will deal with whatever comes.”
“Yeah, I know. How are you family?” I ask, needing a subject change.
“Really good, we are going tomorrow. They have been amazing.”
“They sound great, I am so glad it’s working out for you.”
“How’s Mark?”
“We are growing closer, it’s still so strange.”
She smiles, buttering a croissant, “I bet it is. I can’t believe you are twins.”
“Me either, it’s quite intense.”
We finish up our breakfast, and I ring to make an appointment with a doctor. God, I hope she is wrong, I don’t know if it would be a good thing right now.
~*~*~*
“Congratulations, you are pregnant.”
I pass out cold, as soon as I hear those words; I am out like a light. I wake to a woman wiping my face with a cold cloth.
“Hi there, are you ok?”
“What happened?” I croak.
“You fainted.”
“I…fainted?”
“Shock, stress, it can do that to you.”
“I’m pregnant?” I whisper.
“Yes, I am sorry if this wasn’t something you were expecting. There are options and I am happy to discuss them with you if that is what you wish…”
“No, it’s fine. It was just a shock.”
She nods and helps me up; I spend the next hour going over everything with her before leaving and stopping at a café to sit alone in a corner, thinking. Pregnant? This can’t be happening right now. I know Ryder wants kids, but it is such a bad time. If Nate dies, if he doesn’t make it…a tear tumbles down my cheek. I have to tell him, he has a right to know. I pick up my phone and text him.
M: Are u at work? X
R: Just finished. You aren’t home?
M: I am at Café French, can you meet me? We need to talk x
R: Ok, be there soon. x
I order an iced tea while I wait for Ryder. A baby, we are going to have a baby? I don’t know how I feel about that, I don’t know if it is a good or bad thing. Ryder arrives and I watch him walk through the door. Women turn their heads, watching as he gracefully moves through the crowd. He is wearing blue jeans and a light grey shirt; he looks as dazzling as he always does. His eyes fall on me, and he walks over.
“Hey,” he says, kissing my cheek, “What’s up?”
I fumble the napkin in my hands. It is better if I just get it out, just say it…
“Ryder this isn’t the best time I know, but, I went to the doctor today and I’m pregnant.”
His face goes white as a ghost and his chair scoots back quickly, he gets to his feet and stares down at me.
“What?”
“I didn’t mean it to happen and…”
“You’re pre
gnant?”
“Ryder, please don’t be mad.”
“Is it mine?”
“What?” I cry, “Of course it is.”
“You fucked Nate.”
“That was just over a week ago, I am further along than that.”
He runs his hands through his hair, “I can’t deal with this. How can I be happy about this when my best friend could fucking die? Fuck.”
He turns and storms out of the café and I put my head in my hands, crying. A woman comes over and lays her hand on my shoulder.
“He will come around, it’s ok.”
I look up at her, humbled by her kindness.
“Thank you.”
She hands me a towel and I wipe away my tears.
“Congratulations.”
I nod and stand, walking out of the café. I go to the hospital. When I walk in Nate’s room, it is dark and quiet. He lies in the bed, in the same position he was in yesterday. I choke back a sob and walk over; I stare down at his battered face and stroke a piece of dull blonde hair away from his eyes. I slide into the bed next to him, and I break down.
“Please Nate, please wake up. Please,” I sob, clutching him.
I sob and cry for hours, nurses come and go, they don’t stop me. I lay beside Nate until I have nothing left to cry. I breathe in his scent and take him in, trying so hard to create every perfect memory in my head and keep it there. I feel the bed move, and then I feel a hand go over mine. I open my eyes to see Ryder; he is in the bed, on the other side. His hand stretches across Nate’s chest to clutch mine.
“I am so sorry baby,” he whispers.
“I want him back, Ryder, I want him back.”
“God, I know, I know.”
“Why is this happening to us? Not him, Nate is beautiful, why him?”
“It’s how life goes sometimes.”
“It’s not fair.”
“He will get through this.”
“What about us?”
He lifts his head up and stares at me, “You’re really pregnant?”
“Apparently,”
A smile plays across his lips, the first smile I have seen in days.
“I am going to be a dad, for real?”
“For real this time,”
He lifts his hand to cup my face, “I’m sorry about how I reacted, I was shocked, I didn’t see it coming.”
“Neither did I, tell me this is going to be ok?”
He grips my chin.
