by Tufo, Mark
“Really, Mia? You’re going to make me come in there? Fine, Ned, get the grenades.”
Jess’ face blanched. Patches had only heard the word once before when Daniel played at war with his friends. He always made exaggerated explosion sounds and would say that everyone on the opposing side was dead, although that never happened. They would complain that they were sufficiently hidden so as to not be hit by the burst.
“I see movement in the house,” Grumper said.
“Looks like zombies…and a shitload of them,” Dianna said.
“Oh you don’t even know how pissed off I’m going to be if they’ve already been offed,” Icely said. “Well…clear some of the stupid bastards away so we can go in and see a half-eaten Mia.”
“The explosion is going to bring zombies,” Ned told him.
Icely grabbed his collar and jerked the man violently towards him. “Do I look stupid?” he spat into the other man’s face. “Just get it done.” Icely shoved him away.
Ned gave a quick look over to Dianna who clutched her weapon tight and then he quickly and cautiously moved towards the house.
“Zombies don’t shoot, dipwad. Hurry up,” Icely said.
“Fire in the hole!” Ned shouted as he pulled the pin on the grenade and lobbed it through one of the broken windows. He quickly ducked down underneath. Everyone took cover except for Icely.
Jess rocked as the house moved behind her. A blistering flame filled with detritus and furniture spewed forth from the window, raining debris down all over the front yard.
“Now that’s what I call exciting! Let’s go see if our friends are okay,” he said with mocking concern. “You first, Dianna, you seem to be all ready to start shooting that little toy of yours.”
She hesitated for a moment and watched him reach for the large magnum strapped to his hip before she did as she was ordered. “Good girl,” he said as she walked away.
She avoided her brother’s blood as she climbed the steps. She checked the lock and kicked once at the door. Pain rocketed up her leg from the unyielding oak and iron door. Icely laughed, a grating noise issuing forth from him.
“Hilarious,” she mumbled as she blistered the door lock with rounds.
The door swung open easily enough after the assault. She stumbled back from the smell of burnt decay. Zombie parts littered the entire room; it looked like a mad doctor’s laboratory that had been stockpiling parts to create some disfigured, liquefied being. She had to swallow down hard to keep the gorge at bay.
“Looks like that bitch of yours is having a hard time,” Icely said to Ned.
Ned came up behind his wife. His eyes began to water, his nose protesting against the odors that assailed it. Dianna walked in, her eyes rapidly scanning the room. She let loose a short staccato burst as zombies began to come out from different parts of the house.
“Shut the screen door,” Ned said, pressing close behind her. He flashed a grenade in front of her.
“Another one?” she asked.
“Why not? How often am I going to have a chance to use them?” Dianna moved out of the way just as the zombies were about to cross the room. Ned pulled the pin and opened the screen door enough to toss it in. “That was stupid,” he said as he grabbed his wife and jumped off the small porch.
The explosion ripped the screen door right from its hinges, sending it spiraling out to the roadway.
“Fire in the hole,” Ned said belatedly.
Jess had cried out from the second explosion. Luckily she wasn’t loud enough to overcome the blast.
Icely stopped the skidding door with his boot. “Maybe lay off the explosives, Ned. Remember me saying I wanted them alive?”
Jess pushed away from the house attempting to see around the corner. From this vantage point she could only see the flattened wheels of the vehicle they had come in. She stayed tight to the side of the house and inched herself closer to the front. She almost gasped when she saw Icely’s white snakeskin boots in the roadway. She pulled back quickly.
Zach was fidgeting a bit, but even he knew better than to say anything right then. Patches had stayed close to Jess as she moved. Her attention was pulled away as she caught a foul odor; she mistakenly thought another zombie was on the prowl. Not more than a foot away Ben-Ben had resumed his defecating position.
He smiled wanly as Patches glared at him. “I really have to go,” he told her sheepishly.
“Oh God,” Jess mumbled. “What is that?” She turned to see Ben-Ben finishing up. She looked relieved that it wasn’t a zombie, but somewhat terrified that Ben-Ben’s masterpiece, such as it was, was blocking her only available path for escape.
“Not cool,” Patches said, skirting a wide path around the scat. “Not cool at all.”
“I really had to go.” Ben-Ben pleaded his case. “Oooh…itchy butt,” he said as he dropped his rear end to the mulch-strewn earth. He dragged himself with his front paws towards Patches. She hissed and ran further away.
“Who does that?” Patches asked.
Ben-Ben was all smiles and tongue when he finished.
They all stopped as they heard the approach of heavy footfalls on the hard ground. Jess breathed a sigh of relief when she realized Icely was heading in to the house.
“You coming?” he asked the driver of his car. “Schools, post a man at the door. I want you to come in and tell me what happened.
“We’ve got to go,” Jess said. Patches thought it was completely unnecessary to voice the obvious.
They clearly heard a lighter snap a flame as the sentry lit a cigarette. That seemed to be the spark Jess needed to get moving. Her eyes grew wide as she did some unnatural body contortions to get past Ben-Ben’s offering. When they were back by the window they had escaped from, Jess forced herself through the bottom of the bush, looked around quickly, then pulled herself and Zach all the way through. She took off running across the backyard.
Dianna and Ned swept through the rooms, taking down four more resilient zombies before the top floor was clear.
“None of these are, Mia,” Icely said as he picked up heads and looked at them whether they were attached to a body or not.
Dianna was in the master bedroom. She had checked out the en-suite bathroom and when she determined the room was safe, she went over to the window to take a look out. She thought she caught movement a few houses down, but it was so fleeting she couldn’t be sure; and she wasn’t going to tell Icely that she may have seen something. Odds were he’d tell her to go check it out herself.
Jess never looked back as she ran. She crossed through two yards and darted into the side yard just as she sensed a psychic tickle that someone was looking her way. She leaned up against the house, breathing heavy. She waited to hear the sounds of alarm or pursuit. When she was convinced she must have imagined it, she began to take in her surroundings.
She turned to her side. Ben-Ben and Patches were sitting staring up at her. “Okay, I know I’m not a world-class sprinter, but how did both of you beat me here? And more importantly, how did you know I was going to stop here?” she asked, looking down at the two animals.
“Because at least one of us is as smart as you, if not more so,” Patches purred. “And you really aren’t very fast, especially carrying a baby and a rifle,” she added, rubbing up against Jess’s leg.
“I’m fast like the air!” Ben-Ben yipped.
“Do you mean like the wind?” Patches asked.
“That’s what I said…I think.”
“This is too close. Let me catch my breath and we’ll move further away,” Jess told them.
ICELY
Diana exited the bedroom just as Ned was opening the doorway to the basement. He stepped back quickly in alarm. Dianna rushed to his aid but he held his hand up. “It’s alright, there’s a stiff on the top landing. Brains blown out. Zombies must have got into the basement as well. Just wasn’t expecting to see that.”
“A little brain splatter making you lose your manhood?” Icely asked as he
opened the door wider.
“That the dog killer?” Ned asked, looking at the slumped over form of Jumper.
“Are you fucking kidding?” Icely asked. “That damned thing is so old it couldn’t chew a doughnut. I fucking pay you?”
Schools moved Ned out of the way. “That’s not a zombie,” Schools said as he got down on his haunches.
“Who shot him?” Icely asked. “A little domestic dispute gone bad?” He laughed.
“Offed himself,” Schools said. “Took his shoe off so he could use his toe to pull the trigger. Must have stuck the barrel in his mouth because there’s no entry wound, but he sure took care of business. Twelve gauge if I’m not mistaken. He was bit…the back of his leg is almost stripped clean of meat…must have hurt like hell.”
“Same damn thing he killed my brother with,” Dianna said angrily from behind them.
“Most likely,” Schools said.
“Where’s the gun then, genius?” Ned said.
“Good question.” Schools said as he pulled his from his holster.
“Well, you’re the most useless one here, Ned. Why don’t you go down first?” Icely said. “Normally I’d send Dianna, but her tits are just too nice to have impaled with buckshot. Probably flood out the basement in silicon if that happened anyway. And no, you can’t toss any more fucking grenades.”
“Ned?” Dianna asked with concern.
“It’s okay,” he told her. “I’m coming down.” Ned said, “I don’t want to harm any of you.”
“But I do!” Icely laughed.
Dianna looked at the gun in her hands. It would be so easy. Icely, though--it was like he was psychic. He turned to look at her, a wicked smile plastered across his lips. “What are you looking at?” he asked her before turning back to watch Ned slowly descend the stairs. “Hurry the fuck up, I’m double parked out there,” Icely blared.
Ned moved quicker when his legs became exposed to anyone who was looking. He turned quickly from side to side, wishing that his eyes would adjust quicker to the murkiness in the room.
“Well?” Icely asked, nearly making Ned jump.
“No...nothing. I see blood, but no bodies.”
“They’re down there,” Icely said as if he’d seen them with his own eyes. “Move some boxes out of the way or some shit. They’ll come scurrying out like the rats that they are. And, oh yeah, look out for that fucking dog…it’ll tear your damn throat out.”
Ned swallowed hard, subconsciously hunching his shoulders and pulling his head down a bit to make less of a target for the nape-lusting mutt. As he shuffled further into the room, a spider web draped across his face, nearly making him loose a magazine of rounds. As his eyes finally adjusted, he followed the blood trail to the far corner of the cellar. A form was huddled there, still and unmoving.
“Got a body,” he said as he approached.
“You’re going to be next if you don’t hurry up,” Icely said.
He wanted to tell the man he was more than welcome to come down and look for himself if he was in such a fucking rush, but all that would get him would be a grenade for his efforts.
If there were more people down in the basement with him, they were masters in the art of camouflage because there just weren’t that many places to hide. He prodded the body with the end of his muzzle. If the blood loss was any indicator, this one had expired long ago. He hooked the barrel of his rifle on the shoulder of the body and rolled it over; a sliver of light illuminated the once pretty, now distorted face.
Whoever had shot her had put the barrel of the gun to the back of her head. The bullet had ricocheted throughout her skull breaking her delicate facial bones. Her face had caved in on itself, giving her the sunken look of a woman three times Mia’s age.
“It’s Mia!” Ned shouted.
“Oh happy days,” Icely said gleefully. “We’re going to have so much fun.”
“She’s dead,” Ned replied.
“What!?” Icely asked hotly. He came down the stairs fast, forgetting the potential for any imminent danger. “Where is the bitch?” he demanded as he came across the room. He nearly pushed Ned over in his haste to get to her. “Oh, Mia, what have you done?” he asked tenderly. “I loved you in my own way.” He sat down hard on the concrete. He placed his gun to the side and cradled her head, stroking her hair. “We had good times, me and you. Then you had to go and fuck it all up.” He pushed her head off his lap. “This is what I get for trusting I suppose. It’s a good lesson to learn. A hard one…but a necessary one.”
He bent and picked his gun back up. Just when it looked like he was going to turn and leave, he pulled his leg back and kicked her lifeless body. It was impossible to not hear the sound of snapping ribs as he repeatedly drove his boot into her. Schools and Dianna had come down and were watching the entire scene.
Icely turned and wiped his glistening forehead. “Well…not nearly as satisfying as I would have hoped, but it will have to do. So, mister detective man, what happened here and where are my other little treats?”
“You done?” Schools asked as he approached the broken and battered body.
“For now,” Icely told him.
Schools turned her back over so she was face up. She had been such a beautiful woman, reminded him of his own ex-wife a little. He despaired at seeing her so broken.
“Mercy killing,” Schools said as he stood up.
“So that I wouldn’t get to her?” Icely asked.
As good of an answer as any, Schools thought. “She was killed before she turned into a zombie. She was bit on the arm.”
“I wish she had turned. I would have kept her as a pet. I could have fed my enemies to her. Where’s the other girl? She’s not in here, and somebody had to do Mia in.”
“Maybe it was the guy upstairs?” Dianna asked.
“Did I ask you to say something?” Icely wheeled on her. “Why don’t you make yourself useful and go make us some sandwiches or some shit.”
“She could be right,” Schools said. “Not sure why he’d go back up the stairs to kill himself as well, especially since traversing those steps would have been near impossible with the wound he had.”
“No, this was the girl. That sweet little bitch and her baby brother, they did this, they took my Mia from me and now I have to exact my revenge,” Icely said icily.
Schools couldn’t help himself and it almost cost him his life. “Icely, it’s just two kids, let them go. If you’re away from town too long, anything’s bound to happen.”
Icely’s gun was pressed to School’s head before he could even come to the realization. Schools put his hands up. “Figured you’d see it my way,” he said, putting his pistol back. “This is about respect. What do you think those peasants in Vegas are going to think if I come home empty handed?”
Schools shook his head.
“I’ll tell you what they’ll think. They’ll think Icely is weak and that they can get away with whatever they want. No, that will never do. I’ve got to show a clear message to those who are thinking of crossing me. Ned, get your useless tit-carrier of a wife and grab a body bag from my trunk. Bag the bitch and then we’re leaving.” Icely headed back upstairs.
Ned looked over at Schools. “Don’t, Ned, don’t say it, don’t think it.” Schools followed his boss out of the house.
Icely was leaning against his car, smoking a cigarette when Dianna and Ned finally came out of the house wrestling Mia’s black vinyl-clad body. They were by the bumper of Icely’s car when Icely spoke.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he asked in between puffs.
“What you told me to do,” Ned said with an edge.
“Never once did I say put her dead ass in my car, that’s just fucking creepy. Put it in yours.”
“Now what?” Schools asked as Ned and Dianna duck-walked the body over towards their car.
“Grumper, pop the fucking trunk will you?” Ned asked. The back of the car rocked momentarily as they unceremoniously deposited Mia’s body int
o the trunk.
Ned quickly shut the lid.
“You tell me, detective man,” Icely said staring up at the sky.
“Well…she’s either real close, or she got a car and she’s miles from here,” Schools said.
“They used to pay you money to come up with this shit?” Icely asked, flicking the butt of his smoke away.
Schools shrugged his shoulders. “My guess is she’s still around. She probably can’t start a car without keys and that means going into homes to look for them. That’s dangerous all by itself. Any car she finds in the road with keys in it is most likely drained of gas which involves another stop for her.”
“Door-to-door it is then,” Icely said.
“You can’t be serious? That’s how Sedgwick got killed.”
“Oh, I’m serious. I’ll send Dianna up first, and then when she gets killed, I’ll send Ned.”
“And then?” Schools asked.
Icely merely smiled.
“I’ve got a better idea.”
Icely nodded his chin in an ‘I’m listening’ gesture.
“You are under the impression that the girl is set to go to Colorado.”
“I’m positive,” Icely reiterated.
“Then let her.”
“What are you talking about?” Icely asked.
“Odds that we find her in this town are slim. Odds that more of us get shot are probably pretty high. Let her get whatever she needs. She will still be heading to Colorado so all we’ll need to do is wait.”
Icely stared long and coolly at Schools. “That’s not fear speaking is it, Schools? I’d hate for my head of security to be afraid of something, especially a little girl and that big bad wolf of hers.”
I’m more afraid of you and what you’ll do, Schools thought. “The dog merits some fear,” Schools said. “And the girl has proved resourceful. This is the best course of action. There’s the chance she’s already escaped here and we’ll lose valuable time looking for her ghost.”
“Maybe you’re alright after all,” Icely said, wiping his hand along the side of Schools’ face.
“I saw a dog!” Grumper shouted. He was standing next to his car. “Brindle colored. And zombies,” he added.
