feel bad for her, but don’t exactly trust her motives, and you tell Jake so. Maybe you’re putting him in an awkward position, but that’s just how you feel.
are a little uneasy about it, but you don’t want Jake to think you don’t trust him. You keep your reservations to yourself but keep an eye on his friend all the same.
feel so sorry for her that you encourage Jake to spend more time with her. They’re friends, after all. If you were in her position, you would hope that Jake would be there for you.
5. You’re a big pop star and are up for a Grammy this year. But the award goes to a newcomer who is being called the next big thing. You:
are furious! How could she have won over you? Are those judges deaf? You storm out and vow to boycott all future awards shows.
clap and smile but are secretly fuming inside. You know for a fact that your album was way better than hers, but there’s no accounting for taste.
are a little disappointed, but you’ve heard her album and it isn’t half bad. There’s always next year.
are happy just to have been nominated. You tell the reporters she deserved it. She obviously worked hard and is super-talented.
Give yourself 1 point for every time you answered A, 2 points for every B, 3 points for every C, and 4 points for every D
—If you scored between 5 and 12, go to chapter 19
—If you scored between 13 and 20, go to chapter 18
How do you do it? You are one cool cucumber, no matter how stressful the situation. Not even a drill sergeant would be able to shake you. Because you can stay calm when the pressure is on, you’re great at taking tests, you never panic when things go wrong, and you’d be awesome in an emergency. Just be careful not to put yourself in high-pressure situations on purpose. Just because you’re good at overcoming stress doesn’t mean it isn’t affecting you.
Are you asleep right now? You must be, because your being here, on the set of an actual commercial, just can’t be real. It’s much more likely that you’re curled up in your bed, drooling on your pillow, and all this is just one giant dream. You pinch yourself to make sure. Ouch! Okay, definitely not dreaming. Oh my God! This is all really happening! Now you finally know how those girls on My Super Sweet 16 feel.
“Hey hey no damaging the merchandise,” Steve says, winking at you.
You rub your arm briskly to get rid of any redness you may have just caused. “Right. Sorry.” Thank goodness Janice wanted Steve to be here for the commercial shoot too. He’s definitely less scary than she is and his presence puts you at ease. Not that you’re afraid, really. You’re too busy being excited to be nervous.
For the SmoothSkin Face Wash commercial, the crew has taken over a small section of the mall. While Steve was squaring away all your paperwork (thank God your mom said yes), he explained that SmoothSkin and Bebe LaRue have a long history of cross-promoting and cosponsoring events. When Bebe told SmoothSkin that some of her exclusively signed models would be allowed to promote their face wash if they agreed to shoot their next commercial in the downtown mall (more of that giving-back-to-her-hometown jazz), they went for it. Janice clearly isn’t in love with the idea, but as a director, she always tries to give the client what he or she wants.
And for this commercial, what the people at SmoothSkin want is for you to frolic around the mall with a cute boy, happily spending time together, until you notice with horror that your face is all covered with pimples. So while the guy is buying you each a slice of pizza, you sneak away to the nearby pharmacy and buy a bottle of SmoothSkin Face Wash. When you come out of the store, you say your lines about how great the product is and then run to the bathroom to wash your face. Like magic, when you exit the bathroom, your pimples are gone and the guy is none the wiser. (That could never happen in real life, of course, but hey, we are talking about advertising here.)
They gave you a script to read while you’re waiting for some last-minute lighting adjustments, and your lines seem pretty easy. But so far, there’s been no sign of your costar.
“He’ll be here soon,” Steve assures you. “You’ll be working with a great model today. He’s a dream. You shouldn’t have any problems. He’s just taking a while because he has to remove all that makeup Sheila caked on him at the LaRue shoot.”
You smile a plastic spokesmodel smile and say overenthusiastically, “Tell him to try SmoothSkin Face Wash. It cleans your pores and doesn’t dry out your skin!”
“Hey, save that for the commercial.” Steve runs his hands through his Mohawk a little and then checks his watch and sighs.
“Hot date you’re late for?” you ask.
“Don’t I wish?” Steve answers. “It’s my little brother, Bryan. He’s still back at the Photo Hut. He’s been waiting all day for me to drive him to the arcade. But everything’s running behind schedule, and now that Janice wants me to stick around for the commercial, we may never get out of here!”
“Oh, that sucks,” you say sympathetically. “I hope she didn’t make you stay because of me.”
Steve waves your words away as if you’re being silly. “Please. It has nothing to do with you. That’s just the life of an unpaid lackey!”
You guess not all jobs in “the industry” are glamorous. You never thought about it before, but someone has to do the grunt work. Looking around, you see a few people adjusting lights, one other making sure the boom mikes are secure, and one college-aged kid taking everybody’s lunch order. Then there is another woman, dressed just like Janice, holding a stack of cue cards. There are wires and cords all over the place. Who knew that all this stuff was so complicated? For some reason, when you watched these commercials in the past, you always pictured somebody just filming it with a digital camcorder.
Instead, there’s Janice, presiding over this carefully controlled chaos. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see a group of SmoothSkin reps, all in intimidating black suits, waiting to see you in action. Lucky for you, the outfit you have to wear—jeans and a peasant top—is so close to your usual clothes that you feel really comfortable. And since the whole point is to see how bad your skin is, they didn’t put much makeup on you. You still have a number of angry pimples blooming all over your face.
Off to the side is Mr. Hadley, the pharmacy owner, and he’s beaming. (Steve told you earlier that the face wash company had paid him an arm and a leg to let them use his store for the day.) Behind the barricade the crew set up, you can see a group of kids from school starting to form, all of them jostling to see what’s happening on the other side. But Janice—aka The Director—is doing her best to ignore them. You can tell she’s struggling to keep her cool in front of the SmoothSkin reps. Bad enough your cell phone went off while they were prepping the scene—Gwen Stefani had never sounded so loud! You knew that was Lena’s ring-tone, but to get that murderous look out of Janice’s eyes, you just turned off your phone and tucked it away.
You are having the finishing touches put on your hair (they’re positioning a small silk flower, just like the one on the bottle, above your ear) when you hear a velvety voice say, “Sorry I’m late, everybody. Sheila must have put that makeup on with superglue!”
You look up and smile at Elliott, quite possibly the best-looking guy you’ve ever seen. (Sorry, Jimmy.) “Elliott!” you shout in surprise. “You’re my costar?”
“Yep,” he answers, smiling a toothy grin. “Disappointed?”
“Huh? No! I mean … why didn’t you tell me?”
He shrugs and raises one eyebrow playfully. “I wanted to surprise you.” Well, it worked. You are surprised all right! First you find out you get to be in a commercial, and now it turns out you’ll be sharing the screen with a major hottie. You can’t help it: You reach out and pinch yourself again.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Steve warns. “What did I tell you about damaging the merchandise?”
Elliott laughs sweetly. You are so busted.
“Right,” you offer sheepishly “Sorry about that.”
At last Jan
ice announces that it’s time to take your places. She explains that in the first shot, Elliott will be chasing you around the mall, but you let him catch you.
So let’s get this straight. You have to pretend that you and a really cute model are spending the day together, and he’s so into you that he’s chasing you around the mall? Gee. Life is tough. You go through a couple of takes, amazed at how natural it feels. Elliott keeps tickling you on this really sensitive spot on your neck, so all the laughing you’re supposed to be faking is real. In fact, a few times Janice has to yell, “Cut!” just to stop you from giggling uncontrollably.
“Do I have to remind you where the light is again?” Janice yells. “Get it together!” Then she casts a guilty glance at the SmoothSkin reps. “Please,” she adds.
Elliott turns toward you so Janice can’t see him silently imitating her. Then he leans in and whispers, “Usually I don’t mind pushing Janice’s buttons. But not if it means she won’t hire you again. I’ll behave if you will.”
“Me?” you protest. You can’t help laughing a little, but you quickly get it under control.
After that the filming runs pretty smoothly. You shoot a few cute sequences by the water fountain, a few on one of the benches near the key-chain kiosk, and of course the overly dramatic scene in which you first notice that your face is covered in unsightly zits. It all goes so well … right up until it’s time to film your lines. Elliott wishes you luck, then takes a seat behind the cameras.
“All right,” Janice says, now sitting in a high canvas chair, as if she’s a movie producer. All that’s missing is the megaphone. “We’ll give you a few minutes to run through your lines a couple of times and then we’ll begin. Stephanie here will be holding your cue cards. Can you see them?”
“Can I see them? The letters are each the size of my head. They’re kind of hard to miss.”
Janice gives you a look that reminds you she has zero sense of humor.
“Ahem … I mean, yes, I can see them.”
“Good.” She stands up and walks behind the camera, giving you a second to steal a glance at Steve, who wipes imaginary sweat off his forehead with one hand and mouths, Phew!, which makes you giggle again.
You take a deep breath and read through the cue cards once, twice, a third time. The copy is not that hard to say or to memorize. The girls on ANTM always make the Cover-Girl commercials look like the hardest challenge. But you have a feeling you’re about to show them how it’s done.
“I think I’m ready,” you announce, taking your place just inside the pharmacy door.
Another young intern rushes onto the set with a big black and white clapboard. “SmoothSkin Face Wash commercial, take one!” she shouts and snaps the thing closed. You’re on!
“Ugh … It just figures. I’m having a great time with Luke at the mall, but instead of looking my best, my face is a big ol’ mess!” You gesture to your bumpy face. “The last thing I want is for him to catch me with bad skin. Just because I like pizza doesn’t mean I want my face to look like one! That’s why I use SmoothSkin Face Wash.” You hold up the bottle to the camera. “It’s made with extra aloe and vitamin A, which cleans pores and helps fight—”
“Hey! Watch it!” one of the kids from the hall yells out.
Janice starts massaging both of her temples, as if she has a migraine. “Cut!”
When you look over at the commotion, you see that your friends are the source of it. Lena and Jessie have shoved their way through the crowd at the barricade, which was, you guess, when Jessie stepped on Mark Bukowski’s foot by accident. She’s busy apologizing to Mark while Lena is flashing a ten-thousand-watt smile and waving around what looks like … Yes! It’s a golden ticket. Awesome!
Less awesome are the death glares Janice is sending toward your friends and back at you. “I demand complete silence!” she barks.
Lena actually yelps a little and tucks the ticket into her bag. You flash her a quick thumbs-up and then put one finger over your lips. She gets it immediately. She closes an imaginary zipper over her mouth—and then one over Jessie’s—and folds her hands in front of her. Even Mark and his friends straighten up a little.
When Janice is sure that the group of spectators has been properly terrorized into silence, she turns back to you and says, “Let’s try this again.”
“SmoothSkin Face Wash commercial, take two!” Snap!
This time you can’t help smiling. You know you’re supposed to be bummed that your face looks like an oily pizza pie, but your friends just won tickets to the party of the year! It’s beyond great. You wonder what they’ll wear… . You don’t get five words into the commercial before Janice yells out, “Cut!” for the second time.
“Excuse me, but would you mind not grinning like an idiot because your face is full of acne? You’re supposed to look upset, remember? Amateurs!”
Steve runs up to you and pretends that your hair needs fluffing. “Okay, honey, time to focus. Pretend your friends aren’t here, all right? Unless you want Janice to start breathing fire.” He winks and runs off the set.
Right, yes. Time to focus. Third time’s the charm.
The intern runs out again. “SmoothSkin Face Wash commercial, take three!” Snap!
This time you look right into the camera and talk as if you’re just gabbing away to Jessie and Lena. “Ugh … It just figures. I’m having a great time with Luke at the mall, but instead of looking my best, my face is a big ol’ mess!” You point to your bumpy face again. “The last thing I want is for him to catch me with bad skin. Just because I like pizza doesn’t mean I want my face to look like one! That’s why I use SmoothSkin Face Wash.” Once again, you hold up the bottle. “It’s made with extra aloe and vitamin A, which cleans pores and helps fight acne. And the moisturizing solution leaves my skin feeling soft and clean, never dry.” You look off camera to where your Luke (aka Elliott) is supposedly buying you pizza. Then you whisper to the camera, “Thanks to SmoothSkin, my acne problem will be my little secret.” Then you wink and dash into the bathroom.
From inside the ladies’ room, you hear Janice yell, “Cut!” For a minute you think you must have messed up a line or something, but when you come out, the SmoothSkin reps are all nodding and smiling happily. And when you look over at Janice, she’s smiling too. An actual smile! It’s like a miracle.
“That was perfect!” she says. “That’s a wrap for today, everybody. Steve, show the actress the release forms she and her mother have to sign and”—she looks back at you—“send her contact info for the agency. We’ll definitely need her for the ‘after’ segment next week … and possibly for more commercial work in the future.”
Elliott shoots you a wink and a big smile. And Steve does a quiet little nod-and-clap.
It’s unbelievable! Not only did you get to star in a commercial, but it might be the first of many! And did Janice just call you the actress? Oh, this is better than being one of those ridiculously rich My Super Sweet 16 kids. Well, it ranks pretty close, anyway. (Who are you kidding, right? Some of those kids get two cars and a private concert with Kanye West or Bow Wow. Of course, that’s before they get Exiled.) The point is you’re beyond happy.
An hour later, after you have changed back into your clothes and you’re sitting with Jessie and Lena at the coffee shop, you are still unable to wipe the smile off your face.
“I can’t believe it,” Jessie says as she stirs her hot chocolate. “We’re sitting here with a bona fide actress!”
“Please, please, no autographs,” you say, pretending to be bothered by a gaggle of adoring fans.
Next to you Lena groans as she sits with her head down over her folded arms. “And I can’t believe Amy actually videotaped me puking into a trash can. She sent it to everybody! A plague on her house!” She’s right. Amy’s viral video started making the rounds right after you left the commercial set together.
You and Jessie try to hold in your giggles. You know that Lena is embarrassed, but it was pretty funny. “He
y, look on the bright side: all that popcorn Shawna dared you to eat was totally worth it. You walked away with a golden ticket! Now you and Jessie will be front and center at the party.”
“I guess,” she groans. “But I’m leaving that out of my blog.”
“No fair!” Jessie protests, her bangles tinkling wildly. “On Perez Hilton’s blog, he always posts the whole ugly truth.”
“Yeah, about other people!” Lena retorts.
“Minor detail,” says Jessie, taking small bites from a giant chocolate chip cookie. She then blinks her big blue eyes at you, biting her lip guiltily. “About the party … I’m really sorry we can’t take you too. It’ll be extra lame without you.”
But you wave her concern away. “Don’t worry about it, really. I’m just glad we all actually had fun at the mall today. It must be a full moon or something! You should put that in your blog!”
“Actually, speaking of my blog …,” Lena says, pulling out her BlackBerry and slipping on her glasses. “We still haven’t forgotten that we have a binding oral agreement about a certain comic-book geek named—”
“Hey!” you shout, interrupting Lena. “No names. Amy is still lurking around here somewhere, I’ll bet.”
“Well, you know who we mean,” Jessie chimes. “And you might want to know that he had a big fight with Mona today in the bookstore. Amy wasn’t around to catch it on tape, but supposedly it was pretty ugly, so he’s no longer Mona’s date to the party. And he spent that whole time at the diner asking a zillion questions about a certain supermodel-slash-actress.” Jessie nudges your elbow. “So the road to Jimmy is wide open for you!”
You silently look down at the table. Jimmy broke off his date with Mona and now he likes you? You really must have missed a lot while you were off trying to get famous. But how are you going to break it to the girls that although you still have feelings for Jimmy right now there’s someone new on your mind—someone who is better-looking than you even thought possible and who really knows how to make you laugh? “The thing is,” you begin, kind of wincing because you don’t know how they’ll react, “there’s kind of … another guy.”
Your Life, but Better Page 15
