“I don’t want her, Jordan.”
“I really don’t care what you want, Jayon. Truth is, you don’t know what you want.”
Jayon didn’t argue with that point. He knew that he had to agree that he was confusing himself. Here he had a woman he had known for almost two decades, who loved him with all her heart, and he decided to push her away. He knew it was foolish. The truth was that he didn’t think he would get caught; he thought he would have his cake and eat it too.As far as Jordan was concerned, it was that simple.
Jordan had had enough of his lame-excuse party, and she couldn’t stand the sight of his face anymore. She just made a sharp U-turn and headed out of the living room. She knew as well as he did that things would never be the same. She couldn’t move on from this, not again. Jordan had been through one too many sad and tear-filled nights, and she couldn’t keep putting herself through it. Jayon had sent his message loud and clear with this one. Dead smack in the middle of their relationship,one where they had “planned” to get married, he was screwing some slore behind her back. She was through. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.
19
Jordan wasn’t trying to be laying around the house sulking. She had taken two days off of work already, and had been on the phone for numerous hours of venting. She was actually tired of telling the story and saying the same old “I’m not the one” lines. It was Thursday, and she had just finished getting dressed to go running. She threw on her black sweater over her black sports bra and some leggings. Once her sneakers were tied, she headed out the front door with her iPod and cell phone.
Jordan turned onto the sidewalk past her lawn and began a brisk run. She was refreshed to feel the chilly wind on her face. She hadn’t been running in over a week, and she needed this. She needed the time to clear her mind and embrace her fresh start. She had contemplated for the past forty-eight hours if there was any room to possibly forgive Jayon and make up. She realized when it wasn’t just about what a fool people would think she was, and what a fool he would think she was that she couldn’t do it. More important than what people or Jayon would think, she knew what she would think. She couldn’t respect herself if she was one of those women who just allow their man to cheat on them over and over again, and with no more than a simple sorry move their way right back into their hearts. Jordan knew that she could never trust Jayon again, and like her and Jayon always agreed, without the trust, there is nothing.
Once she made her way around the corner, she picked up a little more speed, trying to burn more calories. The last two days of lying in bed eating wasn’t going to get her any closer to getting a new man. She came to the corner of Marcus’s block and slowed down to a light jog toward the next corner. She passed by some homes and noticed the landscaping, trying to get an idea of what she wanted to do with hers. She smiled at the one old lady who was in her garden planting seeds, then kept going. Finally, she reached the house that she met Marcus in front of, and she glanced in the yard. She looked around at the windows and surrounding areas and saw no sign of Marcus or anything interesting, so she kept going.
She reached the corner and slowed down to catch her breath. She looked down to switch her iPod to a slow song that she could do a cooldown to, and as she looked for an India Arie favorite, she noticed the shadow of someone. She looked up and saw Marcus running toward her with his headphonesin his ear and his sweats on. Jordan gave a smirk upon his sight.
“Are you cheating?” Marcus said as he walked up.
He pulled the headphones out of his ear as he came to a halt in front of Jordan.
“What are you talking about?”
“Why are you walking?” he said.
“I was cooling down. I ran almost two miles so far.”
“Two miles? Where did you start?”
“From my house ... and wait, don’t judge me,” she said, laughing slightly.
“I’m not.”
“Question should be what are you doing running?”
“I run four days a week.”
“Oh, well let me let you get back to your run,” Jordan said as she began fiddling for that song she had been looking for.
“Don’t you owe me a run?” Marcus asked.
“I thought you forgot,” Jordan said, laughing.
“Not at all. I would never forget that you owe me.”
“Well, I’m finishing my run for today. We should schedule for Saturday morning.”
“How about you come around the corner with me. I’ll fix you a smoothie and we will chat some, and then we can call it even.”
Jordan knew it sounded crazy. You want me, Jordan Moore, to come to your house, Marcus ... I don’t even know your last name, and chat, Jordan thought to herself as she tried to think of an adult excuse to make.
“Come on, stop thinking of an excuse to chicken out,” Marcus said as he began to step toward the corner.
Jordan laughed at how he read her mind.
Jordan began to turn around and head toward the corner too. Something inside of her was still holding her back, but there was another voice whispering inside her head, telling her to live a little. She didn’t know what she was afraid of. It was just a friendly visit with her neighbor in the early morning time.
“You taking the day off?” Marcus asked.
“I’m not sure yet. I haven’t been in the office for a couple days. I need to bring my butt in.”
“Oooh, I’m telling,” Marcus said.
Jordan laughed as they continued around the corner. She was trying to concentrate on all the confusion in her brain, trying to decide if she should go through with it. She finally started walking with authority; she decided it was no big deal. She knew that she was capable of making a big deal out of nothing.
Once she stepped inside his house, her gaze began to wanderover the things in his living room. He had a large and very creatively decorated living room. The color scheme was earth tones, and he had several paintings hanging on the wall over the fireplace.There were about six boxes stacked up in the corner,and two suitcases beside them. Jordan was impressed with the house—it was gorgeous—but then again, so were most of the houses in her neighborhood. Marcus had been in the kitchen, which was right over the island that separated the livingroom from the kitchen.
“So you want a fruit smoothie or something else?” Marcus asked as he placed some fruit on the countertop.
“I’ll take a fruit smoothie with just strawberries and bananas.”
Marcus began to cut up the bananas, then turned on the kitchensink faucet. He reached in and began to rinse the strawberriesoff.
“I didn’t take you for a smoothie man,” Jordan added as she watched him prepare the beverage.
“Actually, I’m not. It was a housewarming gift, and I’m finallygetting a chance to use it.”
“Oh,” Jordan said, a bit humored.
Marcus reached over and picked up the remote that was sitting on the countertop. He pointed it at the huge flat screen hanging in his living room and turned the television on.
“What do you want to watch, the Oxygen network?” Marcus asked, flashing his beautiful white smile.
“How about Court TV?” she answered.
“Excuse me, big shot,” he said as he began flicking through the channels.
“Channel Forty,” she informed him.
They both exchanged a slight smirk as Marcus hit 4-0 and placed the remote down. Jordan sat down on one of the wooden stools at the island and swiveled around toward the television. For some odd reason, Jordan felt comfortable. The little voice in her head had quieted down, and she was no longer fearful of being in this strange man’s house. It wasn’t even about Jayon. She knew that him and her were so over, this wasn’t even to spite him. It was just her making a step toward letting go.
Marcus finished the smoothies and went over to the couches with them.
“Come sit over here and make yourself comfortable,” he said as he placed the glasses down on top of the coasters on th
e glass-and-gold coffee table.
Jordan got up and made her way over to the oversized, plush auburn couch.
“This couch is both cozy and beautiful,” Jordan blurted out.
She was nervous and looking to make conversation. Marcussat down beside her before thanking her. He sat down and put one of his legs up on the couch, making himself real comfortable.Once he was sitting, Jordan for some reason scooted back in the couch and made herself comfortable as well.
“So why did you miss work this week?”
“I needed some time to clear my thoughts,” Jordan replied.
“Everything OK? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Well, let’s just say I had a rough week,” Jordan said, trying to use her words carefully.
“OK ...” Marcus said, catching the hint.
“No, I found out my ex was cheating on me this week.”
“Sorry to hear that,” Marcus said.
Jordan laughed a bit. “You said it like there was a death in my family.”
Marcus giggled.
“No, but he was my good friend for years, so the whole thing has really been taking a toll on me.”
“I understand. Well, not to sound cliché, but he was definitelya fool to give up such a good thing.”
“Thanks, but that does sound like a typical line,” Jordan said after letting out a laugh.
“No, I know.That’s why I didn’t even want to say it,” Marcussaid with a smirk. “But it’s really true. You are truly what they consider brains and beauty.”
“How do you know that I don’t suck at being a girlfriend, though? Maybe I’m too strong-minded; maybe I don’t let my man be a man; maybe I’m too jealous. Maybe I’m controlling. How do you know that it wasn’t me and not him?”
“I don’t know if it was you and not him, but I do know that no one is perfect and you must learn to take the good with the bad.”
“That’s insightful,” Jordan said.
Over an hour had gone by, the smoothies were gone, Court TV had broadcast two television shows, and Jordan and Marcus were still engulfed in their conversation. Jordan had receiveda lot of answers to the things she had been wondering about. She was curious as to what kind of business Marcus was in that he was able to afford such a beautiful home, the CLK in his driveway, and still afford the luxury of spending a Thursday afternoon with her. Marcus explained to her that he made investmentsin companies, bought and sold real estate, and had a few small businesses on the East Coast. Jordan was impressed by his drive and ambition. She immediately compared him to her complacent ex, Jayon, who never took the steps to follow any of his dreams, like going back to school. He didn’t have any children and had never been married. Too busy with his career, he claimed.
The more Jordan sat on his couch laughing and talking with him, the more at ease she felt. His smile was one of the most amazing that she had ever seen. His teeth were perfect and white, and the way his lips curved over them just lit up his face completely. Jordan knew that she was in no condition to even think about starting a relationship with anyone, but she had to admit that Marcus was a nice man. He was still in his sweatpants and cutoff T-shirt from his morning run, and his muscular arms were flexing as he moved them during his conversation.Jordan was definitely wondering how no woman had snatched his fine behind up.
Somehow Marcus had made his way closer to Jordan duringthe course of their chat, and before Jordan knew it, he was slightly leaning on her leg, coming in for a kiss. Her initial reactionwas to jump back. She didn’t know how she didn’t see that coming. She hadn’t been intimate with another man since she had started seeing Jayon, and before that not since Omar. Two men in the last two decades left her feeling very awkward with the feel of a new man’s lip on hers. Marcus jumped back with a look of embarrassment.
“I’m sorry. No disrespect,” he said. “You’re just so beautiful,I couldn’t help myself.”
Jordan had her head low, embarrassed that she couldn’t handle the sudden attempt at affection. She tried to rationalize with herself that she wasn’t overreacting. She tried to search for the right thing to say or do, and then suddenly she decided that was just the opposite of what she wanted. Jordan looked up and into Marcus’s brown eyes. She leaned in and began to kiss him. He immediately grabbed the back of her head and began to kiss her back, a little over the top with passion for a Thursday morning. Jordan’s juices must have begun flowing at the thought of having spontaneous sex with this sexy man that she would’ve never thought about sleeping with a week ago, at least not this fast. Something about the thought was turning her on, because as they kissed she could feel herself getting horny.
Marcus took his hand and began to slowly rub down her arm to her thigh and back up. After the second stroke, he slowed down by her thigh and began to rub the outside of her thigh toward the inner thigh. Jordan slowly opened her legs, inviting Marcus farther over, so he would know that her initial jump was not an indication of her interest in him. She allowed him to caress her legs, and the feel of his big, strong hands made her moist. She was loving it, and although Jordan rarely even showed Jayon her aggressive freak Scorpio side, she couldn’t tame herself. Jordan took her free hand and slipped it down Marcus’s sweatpants to begin massaging his penis. It was already hard as a rock and felt like it was a pleasingly nice size. She massaged it some and then slowly began to get up. Marcus was looking up at her as though he couldn’t believe she was becoming such a different person.
Jordan removed her leggings and slowly began to push Marcus back so that he would be lying farther back on the couch.
“You have a condom?” she asked.
Marcus reached into his pocket and pulled a condom out of his wallet. He placed the condom on as Jordan began to pull his sweatpants down. Once he was done putting on the condomand Jordan had fully removed his pants, she pulled the crotch area of her panties to the side and slowly lowered over Marcus.The look on his face as he enjoyed the feeling of being inside her excited her more. Jordan began to ride Marcus up and down. She was throwing her head back while enjoying the feeling of his shaft filling her walls. Although Jordan’s body was in ecstasy while enjoying every minute of Marcus’s thick, curved penis, she didn’t expect this ride to last too long. After several minutes had passed, she realized Marcus wasn’t the average—he was going long and strong.
Just when Jordan was trying to give her best, Marcus placed both of his arms around her waist, stood up with her wrapped around him, and turned around to place her on the couch. Once she was safe and lying on the couch, Marcus inserted himself inside of her and took control of the action. With his immediate long strokes, Jordan could do nothing but throw her head back and moan. She had no idea that Marcus would be so well worth this sudden experience. She glanced up at the sweat that was glistening on his forehead and watched how he bit his lower lip, and it turned her on even more. Jordan wasn’t expecting to orgasm, but it became obvious that Marcus was expecting her to. Before Jordan could even realize what hit her, her body was quivering and she was breathing heavily. She laid there, enjoying the last few strokes, before Marcus too came to a halt as his body clenched tight.
Wow was all Jordan could think to herself. Marcus’s body wasn’t just false advertisement. That sexy, muscular, chiseled body was a fair representation of the man behind the image.
“I’m going to get us some water,” Marcus said as he walked to the kitchen.
Jordan lay there, not sure what to do next. She had never been in this situation where she’d had sex with someone she barely knew. Jordan had only had sex in her last couple of relationships;she didn’t know how to engage in casual sex. She didn’t want that to be too obvious so Marcus couldn’t tell what a big deal the sex they just had was to her. Jordan knew she couldn’t figure it out there, so she began to get dressed.
“I’m going to get going, Marcus,” Jordan said as she straightenedherself out.
“Are you sure? You are welcome to stay,” Marcus said.
; “Thanks, but I have to go handle some stuff. I guess I am taking another day off, but I have to get some work done,” Jordansaid, laughing.
Jordan was hoping that Marcus couldn’t sense her discomfort.She didn’t want to appear that she had just been used or anything. She wanted to seem like the women that do stuff like that all the time, like it was nothing to her and she was capableof just brushing it off and going home. Jordan couldn’t tell what was being conveyed, because her conscience was startingto set in, and she could feel the regret taking over. Inside she wanted to cry at how stupid she had been to go against everything she had ever known in the past hour. However, on the outside she seemed confident and looked beautiful. Maybe Marcus had been in the situation before, but he was able to sense that Jordan wasn’t leaving with as much confidence as she came with.
“Jordan, I had a great time with you today,” he said.
“Me too, Marcus.”
“I really hope that what we did doesn’t change anything.”
“Not at all,” Jordan replied quickly.
“Jordan, I know you’re wondering if I’m going to think less of you or some 1950s thoughts like that, but I don’t.You’re grown and I’m grown.You’re sexy and I’m sexy,” Marcus said with a giggle. “There was no need to play games, in my opinion.I would still love to spend time with you, getting to know you better.”
“That’s fine with me,” Jordan replied.
Jordan knew that Marcus wouldn’t understand exactly what was going through her mind, so she just decided to leave it at that. She made her way out the door and down his block toward her home, remaining calm. Jordan was feeling strange. She had very mixed feelings about what just happened. One thing was for sure: That was exactly what she needed physically.Mentally, that was another story.
20
“I’m just a little too old to hate being home alone,” Jordan said aloud.
She was looking in the mirror, facing someone she hadn’t faced in a long time: herself. Jordan had spent so many years chasing her dreams, she hadn’t slowed down to get to know herself. Since she was in high school, Jordan was the “relationshiptype.” She only had three childlike relationships before she got married to Omar, whom she had been with since college,and now Jayon made five. At the age of thirty-four, Jordanhad spent all of her adult life working on a relationship and not herself.
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