by Kyle Vauss
I knew what he meant. He was talking about a respawn point for goblin NPCs. Points like this were scattered all over the map, intended as places for players to wait and level up. Back in the newbie forest, there were respawn points for spider snakes and imps.
“Those places are dangerous,” I told him. “Humans camp out there. They’ll gut you if they see you.”
Gabber nodded sadly. “And they’re already slaughtering my goblin kin. And I say kin, because that’s how I see them. I don’t care if they aren’t in my clan. I’m not bothered if the others see them as lower than us; they’re still goblins.”
“And what’s your plan?” asked Dagnor. “Why do you want to save your little imps…I mean, goblins?”
Gabber glared at the wizard, then turned his attention to me. “I want to save the goblins in the respoon points. They aren’t as strong as clan goblins, but there are lots of them. What they lacked in brute force, they make up in number. If we can save them, I’m going to train them up and use them to take back my clan.”
“And what about us?” said Dagnor. “What’s in it for us?”
Gabber didn’t look at the wizard, but instead stared at me. “If you help me, Tamos, I’ll show you where the treasure is. It’s north, toward the edge of the Infarna borders.”
He pointed at the map. I followed his finger and saw that he was indicating a settlement that was almost on the northern edge of the map.
“You’ve just shown us,” said Dagnor. “So, we don’t need you to find it, do we?”
“It’s an old goblin clan village. It was abandoned long ago, but the treasury is still intact. You can’t get into it, human. Neither of you can. Only a goblin can open the vault.”
“Hang on,” I said. “We go and get your goblin army, and then we go north. Where then? Where’s your clan?”
Gabber moved his finger even further north on his map until he left the map page completely and pointed at thin air. “My clan is roughly here,” he said.
He was pointing off the map. This meant that his clan was situated somewhere where players couldn’t travel. It must have been part of his programmed backstory, I guessed. His goblin clan lay outside of the Infarna game map. It seemed that if I escorted Gabber north, he’d then leave the map completely, and I wouldn’t be able to follow.
That was fine. If all it took was rescuing a few goblin NPCs from a respawn point and then escorting Gabber north, I’d do it. The risks were great, but the reward of a legendary item was even greater. I had to go for it.
“Fine,” I said. “I’ll do it.”
Gabber smiled. “You’re a pal.”
“I’ll go too,” said Dagnor. “But I want a 50% share.”
“Then you better ditch the robes and pick up a sword,” said Gabber. “You’re no good to us if you’re rustling paper in a battle.”
“Shut up, imp.”
I stood up. “Come on guys. If we’re spending time together, you should at least try to get on. We’ll go to the respawn point, save the goblins, and then head north. After that, we part ways.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
For the next two days, we travelled north together. I saw places in the game map that I’d always ignored, and I started to feel like I should have explored a little. We passed a waterfall with a fifty-foot plunge. When Gabber heard the rushing of the water, he backed away, scared he’d fall in. A zeppelin was floating above the middle of the waterfall. You could pay 25GD for a passage across, and on the other side was a castle that housed a quest tree for the Cursed Duke.
During the day, Gabber would sometimes try to fill the silence with talk. He’d ask Dagnor and I questions about our past, our families, our future. I didn’t want to answer them. Dagnor seemed willing to tell Gabber about his mother and father, who lived in a cottage in the country. Then, he talked about his younger sister, who he was protective of and who had just moved to the big city for college.
At nights, Dagnor and I took turns to keep watch. Then, one of us would log out and get some real-world sleep. It meant that each of us only managed 4 hours when I accounted for how long it took my mind to settle after leaving VR. Still, it was something.
In the morning of the second day, the landscape around us seemed bleaker. Rather than green grass and healthy trees, the ground was covered with gravel. Mounds of jagged rock rose from it. West of us, miles away but large enough to blot the landscape, was a sword-shaped rock that jutted up and seemed to fill the sky.
“What the heck is that?” asked Gabber.
“It’s the Eselregog’s Lair,” answered Dagnor. “She’s the boss of a mage quest tree. I haven’t done it yet, since it’s a high-level task.”
“That means there will be some tough monsters around,” I said. “We better be careful.”
“I’ve been pondering something,” said Gabber.
“Here we go,” I said. “Question time.”
“Well, we know that you’re just going to clam up. I was actually talking to the wizard.”
“Go on,” said Dagnor.
“Why can’t you just accept who you are?” asked Gabber.
“In what respect?”
Gabber heaved his bag on his shoulders for comfort. “You know, the whole wizard-barbarian thing.”
Dagnor walked with his hands in his deep robe pockets. The pockets of wizard garments always reminded me of my grandmother’s purse. I swear there was more stuff in there than should have been possible given the size. If she’d really wanted, she could have pulled an anvil out of her handbag. I wondered if Dagnor was the same. Given he was saving for an expensive class change, it was more likely they’d be full of fluff.
“Don’t you ever wish you were different?” asked Dagnor.
Gabber nodded. “I used to. When the clan would catch me practicing English, and they’d shake their heads and whisper under their breath. It used to get me down. I had this apple tree I’d go and sit under. The apples on it were just right; they had exactly the right number of worms in them. I’d sit there for hours with a human book and pretend I was someone else.”
“I always wanted to be a dog when I was growing up,” I said. “I used to hate school, and in the mornings, I’d look at Bowser and wish I could be like him. No school, no homework. Just lounge around all day.”
Gabber looked at the wizard. There was an animosity between the two of them, but this was the first time I’d seen them look at each other without glaring.
“I learned to take my difference as a strength,” said Gabber. “I wasn’t as good as Fengr with a spear. But so what? He needed lessons to learn to read his own name. A chief needs to rule, not fight. If there’s a war to be had, he has warriors who will use their spears. The chief needs to plan everything. Come up with the best strategy so that as few of his people die as possible.”
“I take it Fengr doesn’t have a mind for strategy?” I asked.
“Fengr’s bull-headed. And I don’t just mean because he was born with the same massive noggin as my grandpa. He’s the sort of goblin who charges in without thinking. He picks fights without a reason, and without stopping to think if he can win. He’ll lead the clan to ruin unless I can stop him.”
“Why do you even want to rule these people?” asked Dagnor. “Why do you want to help them? They sided with your brother.”
“Because the masses don’t think for themselves. Hate to say it, but it’s as true as a goblin’s rump. They follow the strong. And when he ousted me, Fengr was physically stronger than me.”
“I still don’t see how this relates to me,” said Dagnor.
“Well, I’m going to beat Fengr through brains. Sure, I used to wish I was as good at fighting as him sometimes. But then I realized that with the right plan, I’ll easily beat him. If you were born a barbarian, then just accept it. Take it as a strength. Become the best barbarian you can be.”
Dagnor tapped on the ground with his staff as though he needed it to support him. I knew it was pretend; he was no more an ageing
wizard than I was a catholic priest.
“There’s a flaw there,” said Dagnor. “You’re saying people shouldn’t change. I’d go the opposite way – if you see potential to be stronger by changing, then you should go for it.”
As much as I wanted to listen to the two of them talk, I stopped. I put my hand up as a gesture for them to be quiet, and I listened. The hairs on my arms had stood up, and I was sure something was nearby. My time in the caverns had given me an early warning bonus against forgotten ones. Despite how dismal the landscape was here, we were out in the daylight. There would be no forgotten ones around. Still, something was here.
Gabber looked around him, scanning the landscape from left to right.
“You feel it too?” I said.
He nodded. “It’s like we’re being watched.”
“I need more scrolls,” said Dagnor.
Looking around, I couldn’t see anything. Just rocky ground that was made of grey stone, with darker rocks resting on it. The sky was filled with mean-looking clouds.
“Let’s be careful,” I said.
We took only a few steps forward, when we saw the reason we were all on edge. All around us, the small mounds of rock began to move. They seemed to be lifting slowly up from the ground. One to my left moved up two feet in the air, to reveal that they weren’t rocks after all.
They were snails. They were six feet long, covered in slime, with a flap of skin underneath them that left a slimy trail as they moved. Their shells were made from black rock. They had antennae on their heads that twisted and turned in the air, sensing everything around them.
“Two on our left, four on our right,” said Dagnor.
“Maybe they’re harmless,” said Gabber.
I drew my sword. “No chance. You don’t create giant snails just to use them as a welcome party.”
One of the snails turned in my direction. At the slow speed in which it covered the ground, I wasn’t worried about it reaching me anytime soon. It gave me time to try and study their weaknesses.
The snail opened its mouth, looked at me, and then fired a glob of slime in my direction. I moved out of the way, and the slime made an arc and landed in front of me. Some of it splashed on the ground and then onto my arm. I felt my skin burn, and my health bar dropped.
“Watch out for the slime,” I said. “And stay out of range.”
“Then how do we kill them?” asked Gabber.
More globs of slime flew at us now. We jumped this way and that, darting out of reach. The problem was, it only took one glob to cause damage.
“Dagnor,” I said. “Stay in their field of vision. Keep them busy. Gabber and I will skirt around the back and then attack from behind.”
“You want me to be a human dartboard for their slime?”
“Don’t worry, they’ve got worse aim that most darts players. Even the drunk ones. Just keep moving.”
As Dagnor danced around at the front, Gabber and I crept to the side, then skirted around so that we could launch a rear attack. The ploy worked well, and I was able to creep up to the first snail and slash it in half. As I did, slime spurted in my face, and I felt my health bar fall further.
“Be careful with your attacks,” I told Gabber. “Attack from the side so that you don’t get splashed with gunk.”
“Hurry up guys,” said Dagnor, gracefully sidestepping out of the way of a projectile.
One by one Gabber and I killed the snails. Finally, all that was left of them was their jelly-like bodies and pools of slime.
Something rumbled to the right of us. Gabber and Dagnor snapped their heads in the direction of the sound. It was so loud that it was like an earthquake, as if the tectonic plates were breaking apart beneath us.
I couldn’t see anything around us. Certainly no volcanoes, and no sign that the earth beneath was splitting part.
“The only thing I can see is the twenty-foot rock just over there,” I said. “But that…oh crap.”
The chunk of black rock had been so large that I had just dismissed it as a landscape feature coded by the devs. There was no mistaking it now, though. The chunk of rock rose from the ground to reveal a slimy body underneath. It was a giant snail. It was taller than me, and its body stretched out forty feet across the ground. On its back was a rock-hard shell that rose twenty feet in the air.
“Look at the antennas on that thing,” said Gabber. “It’s like a giant squid.”
The giant snail twisted its antennas to look at us. It opened its mouth and fired a glob of slime in our direction. I pushed Gabber out of the way and dived to the side. The slime hit the ground and then spread out like an oil spill, smoldering everything it touched.
I barely had time to get my bearings before it launched another puddle. This one landed five feet in front of us, but the splash-back hit Gabber and coated his body. He screamed. He tried to wipe it off, but the liquid hurt his hands. When it finally stopped burning him, he bent over and panted.
“We need to get you out of reach,” I said. “Dagnor, try and distract it. I need to take Gabber away while we kill this thing.”
“Just hurry up,” said the wizard.
We ran east, trying to put distance between us and the snail. If I could get Gabber out of reach, then I’d be able to deal with the snail. If I took damage, hell even if I died, I’d respawn. Gabber would get no such comeback.
As we ran, the snail turned and followed us. It seemed to be uninterested in the wizard who pranced in front of it and clapped his hands to get its attention. We ended up running further away than I’d planned, until we hit a patch of trees. The snail followed us, making squelching sounds as it lumbered across the ground.
It was no good. There was no way we’d be able to avoid the creature; it was just too big. I was going to have to deal with it.
Gabber leaned against a tree. He looked in a bad way.
“Stay here,” I told him. “Don’t come out until this is done.”
I looked at the giant snail. Despite its size, it was only a level 12 creature. As a level 9 shadow walker, that meant I should have been able to kill it. The question was, how?
I moved in front of it. I tried to go to the side to catch it unaware. No matter where I moved, its antennas followed, and then the creature shifted direction to face me. Every so often it launched slime at me. With my shadow walker agility, I was able to avoid the globs, but my stamina was beginning to drain. I couldn’t keep this up; I needed to kill it somehow.
The only way I could strike a blow was if I could distract it. I needed to trick its antennas so that it couldn’t sense me.
I accessed my cantrips and cast Minor Illusion, creating a copy of myself. I stepped to the side, to reveal a shimmering hologram of my own body.
As the snail focused on the illusion, I ran around to its rear. I didn’t have long, I knew. As soon as the snail touched the hologram, the illusion would disappear.
As my stamina drained and my breaths came fast, I jumped up onto the snail and grabbed hold of its shell. It was made of hard rock, and it was lined with grooves that seemed to form a spiral pattern. The grooves gave me enough room to grip on and climb up. Panting, I pulled myself up its shell until finally, I was directly on top of it.
The shell was a kind of protection, and that meant that it was guarding something vulnerable underneath. I held my sword and stabbed it, but when I struck the shell my sword rang, and I felt pain in my hands. I wasn’t going to be able to break through it.
The snail spat a glob of slime at my illusion, destroying it. With Gabber hidden and my copy gone, the snail turned its antennas in every direction, trying to find one of us.
I had to act quickly. I didn’t have enough brute force to just hack through its hard casing, so I needed to think of something.
I kneeled and gripped onto a groove to keep my balance, and then I studied its shell. The spiral patterns ran all around it, but they seemed to meet in the center, forming a ring.
That was it. The weak spot.
>
The snail’s antennas stared in the direction of the trees now. It must have seen Gabber. Any second now, it would fire a volley of burning slime at him.
I raised my sword, took a deep breath, and then struck the center of its shell with all my strength. The tip of my blade cracked through the casing, revealing the snail’s soft insides.
The creature screamed. It was a low and deep sound, almost like something shrieking out in slow motion. It moved and tried to shake me off its back, but it was too big to do it quickly enough.
