by Sarah Osborn
“I don't.” She couldn't quite look him in the eye. “I know he's no angel, but Deke doesn't hurt women.”
“So what is it, then? Cuz you sure as shit ain't looking like an ol' lady who believes her man.”
“I just don't understand why he was there. If he has nothing to hide, why can't he just tell the cops?”
“He ain't gonna say anything, cuz if he does, he could drag the club into a shitstorm, an' the cops wouldn't believe him in any case.” He ran his finger down her cheek. “You think he was fucking her, is that it?”
“Was he?”
“No.” Tiny scowled. “You're better than this, Emma. You should have more faith in your man.” He slammed the car door and marched around to the driver's side. “Get in.”
~ oOo ~
She wasn't going to cry. Maybe if she repeated the mantra enough times, it would be true. Emma stared hard at her hands as Deke approached the table and sat down.
“Hey, baby girl.”
“Hey.” She kept her eyes fixed on the table.
“Emma. You gonna look at me?” She wanted to, but she was scared that she'd see the lie in his eyes. “C'mon, baby girl.” He reached out and touched her fingers. “Fuck, tell me you don't think I did this.”
Reluctantly, she raised her eyes. “Did you?”
“No! Fuck! No, Emma. Shit, you really think I'd do that? You think that little of me?”
“No.” She blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. “But...”
“No buts, baby girl. When have I ever lied to you?” Despite the low tone of his voice and his grip on her hand, Emma knew he was pissed, and she didn't blame him. “You told me once that if I didn't trust you, you an' me didn't have a future. That works both ways, Emma.”
“I do trust you.”
“Clearly, you don't.” Deke sat back and ran his hand across his head. “You better talk fast, baby girl, cuz I got enough shit to deal with. I don't need your insecurities on top of everything else.”
They'd had plenty of ups and downs over the years, and neither could pretend that it had always been easy, but the one constant through it all had been their honesty. Emma knew that now was no exception. Maybe she could've lied and told him he was mistaken, but he'd know. He always knew. “I guess I'm scared that me and Lottie aren't enough for you anymore. You didn't have to do any of this. You could've stayed home, but you chose not to. I know you miss being out on the road, and I know we don't fuck like we used to – but that's what happens when you have a baby – I just thought...”
“You thought I was fucking some whore? Shit, this gets better and better.”
“I'm sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.” He nodded to the guard and stood up. “We're done here.”
“No! Deke, wait. Please.”
He sat back down. “I'm trying really hard not to lose my shit here, baby.”
“I know.” She wanted to hold him so much that it made her heart hurt. “I love you, Deke, and you're right. I should've trusted you, you've never given me reason not to. I know I'm being irrational, but don't pretend you don't miss your old life.”
“Sure, I miss it sometimes.” He smiled and, again, took her hand. “But not enough to risk losing you an' Lottie. You're everything to me, an' I ain't gonna throw that away for some cheap fuck. I dunno what's happening here, but I'm guessing I rattled someone's cage an' got myself set up. If this girl doesn't wake up or....” He left the rest of the sentence unsaid. “I ain't gonna see the outside for a long time. I ain't sure how we work through that.”
“What about forensics? Surely there must've been fingerprints on the weapon or blood splatter or something.”
“You been watching too much CSI. The pigs ain't gonna care about that shit. As far as they're concerned they got their man, an' all a jury's gonna see is some biker scum. The lawyer is doing what he can, but don't build up your hopes, baby girl.”
“I'm kind of scared, Deke.”
“To tell the truth, so am I.” He squeezed her hand a little tighter. “Don't much like the idea of my kid growing up not knowing her daddy.” He stood and glanced over at the guard, who pointedly looked in the other direction. “C'mere.”
Those few seconds in his arms were more precious than she could ever begin to express, and as his lips found hers, the tears finally began to fall. “Deke...”
“Shhh, baby. We'll figure it out. You just gotta be strong, okay?” He pulled away and wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumb. “I gotta go. You need anything, you go to the club. They'll take care of you. You're not on your own.”
“Deke....”
“I gotta go.” Turning abruptly, he nodded to the guard and marched to the door, leaving her alone.
TWENTY-ONE
It was an eight hour drive back to Bay View, and in that time, other than to ask her if she was okay, Tiny barely spoke. Emma hadn't expected him to talk much – he wasn't the most verbose of men – but she had the distinct impression he was still pissed. After six hours of almost total silence, though, she'd had enough. “You're still mad at me, huh?”
“Not mad, disappointed.”
“I guess you must think I'm a lousy old lady now.”
“No. A lousy ol' lady woulda skipped out on him a long time ago.” He kept his eyes fixed on the road ahead. “I know this life ain't always easy for ol' ladies. We expect too much an' don't give nothing but shit in return. But Samson has given up a lot for you. He's a good husband an' father, an' I ain't sure you appreciate that.”
There had been a time when Emma had been, frankly, terrified of the big, hard-faced man sitting next to her, but a lot of water had flowed under the bridge since then. “So you think I should be grateful because he doesn't cheat or beat me, is that what you're saying? Because I've got news for you, big guy: In a marriage that should be a given.”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “Ain't talking 'bout gratitude, so how about you curb that sharp little tongue of yours. I'm talking 'bout you appreciating what he sacrificed for you.” He glanced over to her. “Before you, he had a good life. No responsibilities, pussy in every town. Freedom.” He gave a rare smile. “An' before you jump down my throat, I know you didn't make him choose. But Samson is a nomad – it's in his blood – an' he gave it up for you. Don't mean he finds it easy, though.”
“You did it.”
He shook his head. “Was different for me. I went nomad cuz it was the best way to earn an' support my family.”
Emma sighed. “I know I should have trusted him, and if it makes you feel any better, I feel awful for ever doubting him. You're wrong though. I do know what he gave up for me, and I know that he finds it hard, and yes, it freaks me out sometimes. And I'm scared that one day he'll jump on his bike and never come home.”
“He'd never do that.” Tiny reached over and laid his hand on her thigh. “He loves you, little one. An' for what it's worth, I think he's a better man for it. You gotta push that shit aside, cuz he needs you. More now than he ever has.”
“What if...”
“Don't go there. We're gonna get him home to you. You just gotta have faith.”
~ oOo ~
Emma stayed with Beth and Joe for three days. In that time, she never once discussed what was going on with her and Samson. Beth knew that she and Joe had talked, though. There was a tiny part of her – a part that she hated about herself – that was jealous of their relationship. Beth knew it was unreasonable. Joe was loyal to a fault, and Emma loved Samson, but she could never shake the feeling that, all her life, she'd taken second place in Joe's heart.
As she leaned on the back door and watched as her friend pushed Alice on the swing, Beth wondered if she realized just how much Samson loved her, and just how rare love like that was. Her eyes fell on Joe, kicking a ball around with Imi and Luke. He loved her, she knew, but that love would always come with provisos. Only the kids had his unconditional love. He looked over and frowned. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” She smiled.
“We'd better eat soon. Emma will need to leave for the airport in a couple of hours.”
“How about we go to that new place in town, save you having to cook.” He tossed the ball to Luke and stalked over to where she was standing. “You sure you're okay?”
“I'm fine. I'm just worried about Samson is all.”
“Samson will be fine. He's done a lotta shit over the years, but he didn't do this.”
“I know, but he wouldn't be the first innocent man to be convicted.”
Joe shrugged. “Ain't gonna come to that.” He laid his hand on her cheek. “Just try an' stay positive, for Emma's sake, if nothing else. She's kinda struggling with this.”
“She believes him, though?”
“Yeah. But this is the first time he's been locked up since they've been together. I think it shook her faith for a while.” He grinned. “I put her right on a few things.”
“I'm sure you did.” Beth wrapped her arms around his waist. “In your usual sensitive manner.”
Joe wasn't one for public displays of affection, but sometimes, like now, he surprised her. Beth moaned as he pulled her close and kissed her, and any doubts about just how much he loved her disappeared.
TWENY-TWO
This wasn't Samson's first bid, but it was, by far, the toughest. He screwed up the sheet of paper and threw it in the general direction of the trash can. Letters from Emma were bright, upbeat and full of news from home, but what could he tell her? That with every day that passed, his hopes for release grew smaller? About the stink that, after a few days, you stopped noticing? The same slop they ate every day? The constant noise? That everything, from a cigarette to an ability to read and write, was currency, and nothing ever came without a price? Of the mind-numbing boredom coupled with the constant stress of perpetually watching your back? Maybe he could tell her that the kid in the next cell had slit his own throat last night, but at least he'd get a good night's sleep now that he wouldn't have to listen to his sobs and wails every fucking night. He lay back on the bed and closed his eyes. How could he tell her that his humanity was being sucked from him a minute at a time?
He'd already decided that, if he was convicted, he'd tell her they were done. Not for her sake, but for his own. That one brief visit had torn him apart, and while he lived for phone calls, just the sound of her voice nearly brought him to his knees. Every letter from her was pounced on and devoured. But he knew they were killing him. And he knew that he wouldn't be the same man if he ever saw freedom again.
He reached over to the cabinet next to his narrow bed and, picking up the photograph of Lottie, pressed it to his lips. Of course, if he was convicted there was a good chance the only way he'd be leaving this place was in a box, and if he didn't set them free, Emma and Lottie would be serving the same sentence. There was no way he'd subject them to that.
With a sigh, he sat up and began, again, to write. Emma, I love you, but I want a divorce.
“Samson! On your feet.”
Samson screwed up the notepaper and stuffed it in his pocket. “S'up boss?”
“Follow me.” The guard gave a half smile. “Looks like you're going home.”
~ oOo ~
Deke killed the engine and quietly let himself into the darkened house. Only Genghis was awake as he opened the bedroom door, but even he just gave a single wag of his tail and remained firmly where he was at Lottie's feet. Not wanting to wake his girls, Deke undressed in the dark and, pushing the cats out of the way, tried to make space for himself on the edge of the bed next to his daughter.
He hadn't told Emma he was free – he wasn't sure why – and had hit the road as soon as he'd been released. Riding for nearly twenty hours with just breaks for gas, food and to piss, had been tough when he was young and at the peak of physical fitness, and now it was just plain stupid. The last couple of hundred miles had been a triumph of will over exhaustion. He knew he'd be paying the price for the next few days, but right now, he didn't care. All he needed was to see his girls.
Emma stirred and, reaching over Lottie, Deke touched her curls. “Hey, baby girl.”
“Deke?” She sat up. “Oh God, Deke.”
Maybe in the movies, they would have fallen into each other's arms and made mad passionate love. But even if he hadn't been bone weary, there was the matter of a baby, a dog and two cats to contend with. He smiled in the darkness. “I guess I shoulda told you I was coming, huh?” His fingers found her hand and closed tightly around it. “It's late and I'm kinda tired. Go back to sleep. We can talk in the morning.”
TWENTY-THREE
“Hey, sleeping beauty. You're awake.” Emma was rolling pastry, while Lottie, guarded as usual, by Genghis, slept on the sofa in the corner of the kitchen. She wiped the flour from her hands and turned to face him. “You hungry? I could... Oh!”
Deke slammed her hard against the counter and, grabbing her hair, pulled her head back. “Only for you.” He'd waited over a month for this. A month of waiting and worrying that he'd never be able to touch her again. A month of needing to prove that she was enough for him. That she never needed to doubt him. Emma whimpered as he bit hard into the soft flesh of her neck and his hands worked their way inside the baggy tee shirt to her beautiful tits. “Shit, baby girl, I want you so bad.” Her nipples were hard between his fingers, and he could feel her tremor as he pressed himself against her.
“Deke... Oh god, Deke.” Her nails dug into his shoulders. “Oh god, I was so scared, I thought...”
“Later, baby girl.” Now wasn't the time for talking. Picking her up, he carried her into the living room and threw her onto the sofa. “Get naked.”
She didn't need telling twice, and just the sight of her was almost enough for him to come undone. He unbuckled his jeans and pushed her back onto the sofa. She was dripping wet as his fingers thrust inside her. She arched at his touch. “Deke!”
“Tell me what you want.”
“I want... I want you... I want your cock.” Her voice was coming in breathy gasps. “Please, Deke.”
“Turn over, on your knees.” He wasted no time. As soon as she was in position, ignoring the pain in his back, he slammed hard inside her. “You want this?”
“Yessss.” Emma convulsed and pushed back onto his cock as he pounded inside her. “Harder.”
Jesus. If she kept this up, she was going to kill him. “Fuck, Emma. I'm gonna... Fuck.” He collapsed across her. “Fuck, baby girl, I've missed you so much.”
~ oOo ~
“Why did they let you out?” Emma pulled on her leggings as Lottie objected loudly to being neglected.
“The girl woke up – thank god – she told the pigs she'd been attacked by two European guys, so they had to let me go.” Deke stretched and winced. “I feel kinda bad, she was sniffing around on my behalf, an' I should've stuck around, but I wanted to get back to you an' Lottie.” He buttoned his fly. “I'll get her.”
“Deke?” Emma watched as he limped towards the kitchen. “I'm sorry. I should've believed you.”
“Yeah, you should've.” Picking up Lottie, he buried his face in her downy curls.
“You pissed?” She knew he was.
“Ain't exactly thrilled, baby girl. Ain't ever given you reason not to trust me.”
Apart from the nights spent partying at the clubhouse, the women who still threw themselves at him, his evasiveness on returning from runs. All she'd really had ever had was his word, but Emma knew he wouldn't see it like that. She sighed. “I'm sorry.”
“Yeah, I know.” He closed the distance between them and ran his finger down her cheek. “How about we just draw a line under this?” She opened her mouth to speak and he silenced her with a kiss. “It's done, Emma. I shoulda been more open with you, and you shoulda trusted me.” He kissed her again. “It's done. Now I'm hungry, how about you get us some food.”
TWENTY-FOUR
For two weeks, they fell back into their usual routine. Deke spent his days working on his latest acquisition in the garage or watchi
ng Lottie, while Emma caught up on her painting, and Emma, when she wasn't in the studio, puttered around in her vegetable patch or worked on her latest recipes. Neither discussed the events in Vegas, or the widening gulf that seemed to have opened up between them. They both knew it was there, of course, but both were afraid to address it.
Emma rested her forearms on the table and watched as he scraped the leftovers from his plate into the scraps bucket for the chickens. Today would be the first time since getting home that he would be heading out to Seattle. That in itself was unusual; Deke would usually spend at least one night a week at the clubhouse, but – although Bugs had swung by once – he hadn't as much as mentioned the club. She guessed he'd called Tiny, and he was obviously still worried about what was going down in Bay View and Vegas. He straightened up and frowned as he became aware of her scrutiny. “Something on your mind, baby girl?”
She shrugged. “Not really.” She pushed her chair back and stood. “I'm going to give Lottie her bath.”
“Emma.” He grabbed her arm as she passed. “Talk to me.”
As always, his touch was enough. She turned and slipped her arms around his waist. “It feels like I'm losing you, Deke. You're here, physically at least, but... I dunno.” She closed her eyes and pressed her cheek against his chest. “Forget it, I'm just being stupid.”
“Come and sit down.” He led her back to the table and, taking her hand, sat next to her. “I want to you to be honest with me, baby girl. We both know something ain't right here, an' the longer we pretend that everything's fine, the harder it'll be to fix.” He ran his thumb across the gold band on her finger. “You know I love you, right?”
“I know.” She took a deep breath. “But I don't think it's me who needs to do the talking. I know that I hurt you, but I think there's more to it than that. I don't know what's going on in Bay View, but I'm guessing that has something to do with why you've been so...” She searched for the word. “Distant. But there's something else, and I just can't pin it down.”
