by Maggie Cole
She giggles.
Is this girl for real? She actually laughs at my sick jokes?
I stand up. “Well, I’m ready to get out of here. You done for the day?”
“Yes. I’m all caught up on my paperwork. You want a ride back to your hotel?”
“Sure. If it isn’t any trouble?”
She shakes her head. “It’s on the way.”
“Okay. Thanks.” I go to grab her bag.
“What are you doing?”
“I was going to carry your bag for you.”
Her eyes widen. “That’s nice, but we’re at work. Let me carry my own bag.”
“Okay.”
We walk through the hospital and into the parking garage. When we get in the car, I put my hand on her leg.
She freezes then turns toward me.
“Why is Damon harassing you?”
Charlotte turns to look out the window, as if there’s anything interesting in the garage.
“Charlotte, tell me.”
Taking a deep breath, she looks back at me. “He says he saw us at Club D. He assumes I cheated on him.”
“Nine months ago?”
“Yes.”
“But you had already broken up with him.”
“I told you that this morning. I’m not a cheater,” she snaps.
“I didn’t mean to insinuate anything.”
“I’m sorry,” she says.
“It’s okay.” I pause, then say, “So he saw us at Club D? In Chicago?”
“Yes.”
“And am I to assume we were having a pretty good time?” I wiggle my eyebrows.
She blushes. “You’ve assumed right.” Then she pauses. “Damon saw us leave together, too.”
“It’s not his business what you do either inside or outside of work. We should report his harassment to HR.”
She shakes her head. “No. He’s hurt. Let it be. He will stop.”
“Charlotte—”
“Xander, can you drop it? Please. I have enough on my mind without dealing with an HR investigation.”
Enough on her mind. I’m assuming she means our situation. I squeeze her thigh, realizing my hand is still on it. “Okay. But if he keeps it up, we won’t be able to avoid it.”
“He won’t. It will be fine. I’m sure he was having a bad day and will realize tomorrow he’s been a dick and apologize.”
I don’t expect he’ll do that for one minute, but I don’t argue. I slowly remove my hand from her thigh.
“Thank you.” She starts the car.
We drive for a while. I inhale her flowers-after-the-rain scent and peek at her from time to time. “By the way, you look really nice.”
A sexy blush sweeps across her face, and my dick throbs against my zipper.
“Thanks. So do you.” Her blue eyes stare into mine briefly then focus back on the road.
“You have plans tonight?”
“Nothing special.”
“Wow. So you look this hot when you don’t even have plans?” I tease but am not joking. She’s smoking hot.
Her blush deepens. “Ha, ha.”
I lean closer to her. “I’m serious. You are smoking hot.”
“Stop it.” She elbows me, but her face lights up.
“So, what do you do when you don’t have plans?”
“What do I do?”
“Yes. What are you going to do all night?”
She shrugs. “No clue. What are you going to do all night?”
“I’ll go for a run. That’s my excitement.”
She tightens her grip on the wheel, to all appearances, concentrating on the road.
“Do you want to hang out?” I ask.
She freezes, sitting up straighter.
Crap. I’ve overstepped the boundaries. But what are the boundaries here? I’m in over my head. I like this girl. I really like her. But I still have feelings for another woman, and that isn’t fair to her.
I’m about to retract my offer when she says, “Okay. What do you want to do?”
Make you cum at least a dozen times and cry out my name all night. Shit, Xander. Stop it.
“I don’t know what there is to do here, and especially on a Tuesday night.”
She laughs. “What time do you have to be at work tomorrow?”
“Same as today.”
“Me, too. Why don’t we keep it low-key?”
“I’m good with that.” I drum my fingers on my thighs, trying to hide my excitement about spending more time with her. “How do we keep it low-key around here?”
“Why don’t you go for your run and come over after. I’ll order dinner, and we can play Scrabble.”
“Scrabble?”
“Medical term Scrabble.” She pulls up to the hotel.
Grinning, I lick my lips. “I’m pretty good at that.”
“So, you’ve said.”
“Okay, text me your address when you get home. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”
“Deal. But fair disclosure, I’ll kick your ass.”
“We’ll see about that.” I lean over and kiss her on the cheek, once again automatically doing it.
She inhales sharply, turns her head toward me, and our lips are inches apart.
I hold myself back from crushing my lips into hers. “I’ll see you tonight.”
She bites her lip and nods.
“Thanks for the ride.” I get out and walk into the hotel as guilt, excitement, and lust all rush through me. I spend the next hour with Billie and Charlotte’s faces in my mind, fighting my demons and still not able to remember anything that will put the puzzle pieces of my mind together.
12
Xander
Four Months Earlier
“Piper and I need to head back to Chicago in a few weeks,” Noah tells me. We just got done with our run and are both breathing hard and sweating.
We grab bottles of water, and I throw some cash at the vendor. I knew Noah wouldn’t stay in New York forever, but I can’t say I’m not disappointed.
“Not sure how you can leave New York,” I tell him.
“You were going to. You still will.” He says with surety and confidence.
“You said I planned to move to Chicago, but there is no way I could ever leave New York.”
Noah laughs. “You got your dream position. They are still holding it for you. You’ll be moving one of these days. I don’t doubt it.”
I shake my head, trying to grasp living anywhere besides New York. “Honestly. Can you say you don’t miss New York when you’re in Chicago?”
Noah shrugs. “Sure. There are things I’ll always miss about New York, but Chicago isn’t bad. Besides, I got Piper.”
I’m happy he has Piper. I like her, too. But a twinge of pain fills my heart that I still haven’t found Billie. “Hopefully, I’ll find Billie soon, and we can work out whatever happened between us.”
Noah stops walking, and sternly says, “Xander, you need to stop this.”
“Stop what?”
“Searching for Billie. It’s not healthy.”
“But I love her.”
“No, you don’t,” he scolds.
“Don’t tell me I don’t love her.”
“You do not love Billie. Stop trying to find her. Why don’t you come over and talk to Charlotte and see if you remember her now that you’re beginning to remember some things? Maybe then you’ll realize you don’t love Billie.”
I glare at him. “I won’t give some poor girl hope I might remember her when I want nothing to do with her.”
“You don’t know you want nothing to do with her. You’ve not giving it a chance to see if you remember her.”
I grind my teeth. “I would never do that to Billie.”
“Jesus, Xander. You’re not doing anything to Billie. She’s been gone for over ten years. You’re way better off without her. When are you going to understand this?”
He’s trying to help me, but he doesn’t understand. I tell Noah for the hundredth time
, “I’ll understand it when I either remember it or find Billie.”
He sighs, just as frustrated as I am. “You’ve already started remembering so much. The doctors assume it’s only a matter of time before everything comes back enough for you to resume surgery. Come over to my place and visit with Charlotte before she moves back. I’m confident once you spend time with her you’ll remember more.”
I shake my head. “I already saw her and didn’t remember her.”
“You were on a ton of meds and had only been awake a few days. Let’s try.”
I shake my head. “No. It’s not fair to use people like that. I’m in love with Billie. I need to find her and work out whatever miscommunication we had. We’ll get through it, and then we can be together again.”
Noah stares at me like I’m crazy. “She could be married with a dozen kids right now.”
She’d better not be.
“If she is, I’ll deal with it, but I need to know I at least did all I could to save us.”
“Xander—”
“Let’s change the subject.”
A few weeks pass, and Noah and Piper have left for Chicago. I’m running on my own through Central Park.
“And you wouldn’t have any issue moving to Chicago?” A woman with short chestnut hair flashes in my mind. She’s sitting behind a big mahogany desk and holding her pen, ready to write all my responses.
“No issues. This is the position I’ve always wanted. Chicago is a big city, like New York,” I tell her.
I stop running as the conversation replays so bright in my mind, it’s like it’s happening right now.
“Well, Chicago isn’t as big as New York,” she says.
I laugh. “I’ll be okay. In all fairness, I imagine you’ll keep me so busy I won’t even notice.”
She smiles. “You probably are right about that. Do you have a family that needs to relocate?”
“Nope. I’m baggage-free. There’s no one to convince or worry about.”
“Great. Baggage-free is easier. Makes it a little easier for you to slave away in the operating room all day and night,” she jokes.
“I won’t have a problem with that, either,” I tell her, not to get the job but because it’s true. I love being a surgeon.
“The position won’t be open for another few months. Dr. Richardson is retiring, and he hasn’t given his full resignation date yet, but he’s toying with four months.”
“I’m fine with that timeline. Like I said, no baggage to worry about.”
She writes some notes and puts her pen down. “Dr. Sear and Wemer both gave their approval. The position is yours if you want it.”
I stick out my hand. “I definitely want it. Thank you. I’m excited about this.”
She shakes my hand. “We are excited to have you on board. As soon as we get further clarification from Dr. Richardson about his retirement date, I’ll notify you. How much notice do you need to begin your duties?”
“A two-week notice for my current hospital and long enough for a plane flight.”
“That easy, huh?”
“As I said, this is my dream job, and I have no baggage.”
I leave the hospital and take an Uber over to Noah’s penthouse where I punch in the code and text him I’m there. It doesn’t take long before he’s next to me, and we are cracking open a celebration beer.
“Thank fuck you got the job. I’m dying here all by myself,” Noah says.
“Is it really that bad?”
He sighs. “No, Chicago is fine, I guess. It’s a lot harder than I guessed it would be here on my own.”
“Haven’t you made some friends?”
“No. Only Piper, but she hates me.”
I reel back. “Dude, that makes zero sense. She’s your friend but hates you?”
“That would be our relationship. Zero sense.”
I consider. “So, is this Piper friend slash hater going out with us tonight?”
“I mentioned she hates me, right?”
“So that’s a no?”
“Definite no.”
I laugh. “I take it you’ve slept with this girl?”
“Yep. And she’s my employee.”
My eyes widen. “You didn’t dip it in the company ink.”
“Oh, but I did. And I knew I shouldn’t before, during, and after I did it.”
I take a sip of beer and laugh. “Man, Noah. Chicago is doing a number on you, huh?”
“Tell me about it.”
“I guess the good news is we both get to hit the town single and free tonight. No baggage to deal with.”
Noah gives me a half smile.
I shake my head. “You have it bad for this girl, don’t you?”
“I wish I could say no, but I would be lying.”
I laugh. “All right. Well, maybe we can change that tonight.”
“Please. Put me out of my misery.”
“Will do my best. So, where are we going?”
“No idea.”
I squint at him. “You’ve not gone out since you moved, have you?”
“No.”
I pull out my phone and scroll for things to do in Chicago. “It’s a good thing I’m moving here. You’re on track to have the most boring life on earth.”
The memory fades, and another portion of my life becomes clear to me. Noah was right. I wanted to move to Chicago and didn’t care about leaving New York. I wanted that position.
I stand, stunned for a minute, then run again as the conversation repeats in my mind.
When I get back to my apartment, I pick up my phone, type in Angela Sincroy, and hit the call button.
“Angela Sincroy,” she answers.
“Hi, Angela. This is Dr. Xander Kane.”
She sounds surprised. “Dr. Kane. How are you feeling?”
“I’m feeling a lot better. Thank you for asking.”
“Great to hear.”
“Are you still holding the position for me?”
“Yes. Dr. Richardson said he would stay on a few more months if you believe you’ll be able to past testing from your doctors by then.”
Relieved, I reply, “Yes, I expect I will complete the physical with flying colors.”
“That’s great, Dr. Kane.”
“So, you’ll hold the position for me?”
“Yes. As long as you can pass your physicals within the next few months, but I need to tell you Dr. Richardson is getting antsy.”
“I understand. Please tell him I appreciate it, and I will be ready.”
“That’s great to hear. Please have your physicians send all their test reports directly to me.”
“Sounds good, Angela. Thank you.”
“Great to speak with you, Dr. Kane. I’m glad you’re recovering.”
“Me, too. Thank you. I’ll talk to you soon.” I disconnect and sit back, looking out into the New York skyline. There are no more doubts. My life is waiting for me in Chicago.
13
Charlotte
Present Day
My stomach has been in knots all evening.
Why did I agree to hang out with Xander?
Because you’ve never wanted anyone as much as you want him.
You’re in way over your head.
My attraction toward Xander has only gotten stronger throughout the day. I’m so comfortable around him, and every time he looks at me or touches me, I get a rush of endorphins.
I gaze over at the brown bag I put on my counter, pull out a blueberry muffin, and eat it. The sweet things he did for me today, like buying me this treat, trying to carry my bag, and kissing me on the cheek race around my mind, never mind how he waited for me to make sure I was okay in the locker room after the Damon incident.
Damon. He was so angry today. I pull out my phone and text him.
“I know what you believe, but I’ve never lied to you, and I’m not lying now. We were over when I met him.”
“You’re such a whore,” comes flying back, and my gut flips.
“Stop this. You’re better than this. I realize you’re hurt, but this isn’t the way to act. I would never have cheated on you.”
“Doesn’t even matter. Even if you got with him after we broke up, within a week, you were with someone else. WHORE.”
I stare at the screen in shock. I shouldn’t be surprised at Damon’s cruelty after the last encounter I had with him.
“I’m sorry you feel that way. From now on, don’t talk to me or touch me.” There. At least I have a written trail if I need it for any reason.
Better not tell Xander about this. He will flip and have me in HR first thing tomorrow.
Xander. My pulse creeps up, thinking about him. And I need to stop it. I remind myself he still has feelings for Billie, and he may never lose them.
I panic and consider canceling on him but can’t seem to do it. So instead, I tell myself I’ll only be friends with him. That’s what he needs right now anyways—friends who care about him and can help him.
Keep it in the friendship zone, I tell myself, right as the door buzzes. I push the button, and his voice comes through the speaker.
It doesn’t take long before he’s knocking on my door. I open it, and he has on the black wool cap he looks super-hot in. He steps inside, he bends down, and kisses me on the cheek.
I freeze for the third time today.
“Sorry. I don’t know why I keep doing that,” he says.
“It’s okay. Come in. Here, let me take your coat.”
He steps farther inside and removes his jacket. He’s wearing a long-sleeved knit top that hugs his body perfectly and a pair of designer jeans. My heart beats a little faster.
Why does he have to look so good?
He hands me his coat, and I put it in my closet. When I turn around, he’s standing still with a strange expression on his face.
“Xander?”
His face is pale.
“What’s wrong?”
He shakes his head. “I feel like I’ve been here before.”
A chill moves through me, and I softly reply, “You have.”
“No, this is different. Give me a minute if you don’t mind?”
“Take all the time you need.”
Glancing around the room, he focuses on my kitchen, plods over and sits down on a barstool. His face scrunches up, and he gazes from side to side.
