“Uh, keep in mind that cold water does certain, uh, diminutive things to a man,” he said.
Sam peered into his eyes. “Then it’s a good thing you have a lot to work with in the first place.” She freed her wrist from his grip and curled her fingers around him. He was cold from the recent swim. His eyes hooded as she rhythmically warmed him.
He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the house. “Let’s take this inside before we give the neighbors a show.”
Entwining their fingers, he led her to his bedroom, kicking the French doors shut behind them. Standing at the foot of his bed, they peered at each other. His gaze skimmed over her swollen breasts and belly.
“At the risk of sounding completely ignorant,” he said, his voice husky, “is this okay? I mean—” He glanced at her tummy again.
She looked at him through her lashes, her gorgeous eyes just about killing him. Her arms slid around his waist and her fingernails grazed his lower back and buttocks through his swim trunks. She pressed a soft kiss to his chest, and then another, and another.
“I’ll take that as a ‘yes,’” he murmured.
“I just can’t be on my back,” she told him. Her giggle sounded nervous.
He held her away from him. “Sam? What’s wrong?”
She averted her gaze. “My, um, body looks a little different than it did before, and I—”
“You’re worried I won’t find you attractive?”
A pink blush swept across her cheeks. “I’ve gained a lot of weight, John. More than I should have.”
John remembered how her ex-husband had cheated on her when she’d gained weight. He could only imagine what that did to her self-esteem and how it might still affect her. Grasping her chin between his thumb and forefinger, he angled her face so she had to look at him. “Listen to me, Sam. You could weigh 200 pounds and I’d still—” he almost said “love you.” He cleared his throat. “—find you attractive,” he finished. “I’d still want to make love to you.”
Emotions danced through her eyes. She crossed her arms in front of her, as if to shield her ripening body from his view.
If anything, he found her more attractive, not the other way around. “Sam,” he said gently. “I think you’re beautiful, pregnant or not. Please. Let me love you.”
He almost groaned at the slip of tongue, but she didn’t seem to notice as she stared at him, her dark eyes gleaming with moisture. Wordlessly, she backed away from him and nudged her panties down, stepping out of them when they fell to the floor. He noticed the nervous tug of her mouth as she gripped the hem of the damp T-shirt and pulled it over her head.
Her breasts were full and swollen, the belly underneath equally round. Beautiful. “It’s a bit different than your fitness model girlfriend’s body, isn’t it? I’m, um, also probably not quite as limber as she—”
“Sam. Shut up.” When she did, he said, “I haven’t been with anyone since you.”
Her eyes widened fractionally, then narrowed, as if she didn’t believe him. “You haven’t made love with anyone since April, since you and I—?”
He pressed a finger against her lips, silencing her. “I haven’t made love, nor have I had sex. Someone once told me there’s a difference.” Her mouth curved beneath his finger. “Now, stop being so self-conscious and let me show you how beautiful and sexy I think you are.”
“You still think I’m sexy?”
He pressed her hand to his crotch. “What do you think?”
She raised her eyebrows and smiled a slightly wicked smile as she hooked her fingers on either side of his waistband and tugged downward.
When he was naked, he pulled her into his arms. “You’ll always be beautiful to me, Sam,” he said before kissing her. She tasted warm and sweet. It seemed like a lifetime since he’d kissed her and he wanted to make up for lost time. He could devour her whole, but wanted to make this moment last. He couldn’t tell her with words that he loved her, but he could certainly show her.
Deepening the kiss, he cupped her bottom in his hands and pulled her close.
He covered her face, her eyelids, her ear with tiny kisses, trailing down her neck to nibble the sensitive skin of her shoulder. Her head fell back and he kissed the column of her throat, then lower. Lifting a heavy breast in one hand, he drew a peaked nipple into his mouth and sucked gently. Sam jumped.
He raised his head. “That hurts?”
“It feels incredibly good,” she groaned. “Like my nerve endings have been pushed into overdrive. Be gentle, but please don’t stop.”
They moved to the bed and lay down facing each other. More careful this time, he laved his tongue around the sensitive peaks until she writhed beneath his hands. “John,” she moaned. “Please.”
Understanding her need, he slipped his fingers into her damp triangle of curls and then moved deeper, into her. She moaned again and he covered her mouth with his.
Every nerve in her body seemed on overdrive, because everything felt “too good,” every move he made was “incredible.” Sam had always been very responsive and not afraid to tell him what felt good and what didn’t, but today she outdid herself. He felt like the world’s greatest lover.
“Sam, I’m dying,” he finally said. “I need to be inside you.”
“I need that, too.” Her voice was raspy.
He pulled her onto his lap. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she straddled him. As she slowly impaled herself, they both gasped their pleasure. He felt as if he’d been waiting for this moment forever, like he’d come home. She wriggled her hips and sunk even deeper onto him. Home, sweet home.
He literally groaned at the long absent sensation. “Oh, sweetheart, you feel wonderful,” he said when they were joined as tight as could be.
She shifted her position and squeezed her thighs. “Mm, I’ve missed this.”
For a few moments, Sam couldn’t move, enjoying the simple pleasure of having joined together again. John nibbled on her shoulder, her neck, her ear. Unlike their frenzied kisses on the pool deck outside, their lovemaking now was slow and heartfelt. She pulled him tighter against her, holding his head against her chest, wanting to prolong this moment together, to make it last. It wasn’t just the sex she’d missed. It was the closeness, just being with him.
He slid a hand between them to softly caress her clitoris. She arched her back, the pleasure so intense she wanted to cry. Her thighs tightened against his waist, the sensations spiraling upward until she could no longer hold back screams of passion. At the brink of the climax, John sucked her sensitive nipple into his mouth, and her body erupted into the most fantastic orgasm of her life. The waves kept coming and coming, and her moans echoed in her ears as she clung to his shoulders. As she drifted back to reality, he climaxed into her and his body clenched, his shoulder muscles contracting beneath her fingers.
Sam wrapped him tighter in her embrace and kissed the top of his head over and over, not able to get enough of him. Finally, they came apart and lay back on the bed, spoon-like.
John realized his hand rested on the fullest part of her belly. Slowly, he splayed his fingers, pressing lightly on the solid mass.
He’d worried he wouldn’t be able to get his mind off her pregnancy while they made love. He thought he’d be preoccupied by that, feel strange about it. But instead, it had aroused him. The thought he’d created this little life inside her, the life that had swollen her belly and pressed against him every time their bodies came together… It was a powerful feeling.
“What’s it like to be pregnant?” he whispered into her hair.
“Like nothing you could ever imagine,” she said, squeezing his hand. “It’s the most amazing thing knowing I have this little creature, this little human being inside me. That one day soon, I’ll actually be able to hold it in my arms, to kiss it and cuddle with it and love it.” She craned her neck and peered into his eyes. “And I have you to thank.” Lifting her head, she kissed him then snuggled back into his embrace.
J
ohn was a bundle of conflicting emotion. In some ways, he was proud to be responsible for her happiness, for her pregnancy. But on the other end of the spectrum, his heart felt stomped on. “I’ll actually be able to hold it in my arms, to kiss it and cuddle with it and love it,” she’d said.
And love it.
He closed his eyes. What he wouldn’t give to have that freedom, that simple joy of loving a child. His child. If he was a religious man, he’d either curse God right now or pray like mad to Him. He wished he could complain like so many do that life is unfair. But he knew better. Life was what you made of it. He’d made his bed twenty years ago, and now, like it or not, he still had to lie in it.
Just then, the baby kicked hard against his palm, and he pulled his hand back in surprise. “Holy—” He replaced his hand. “What do you have in there, a soccer player?”
Sam giggled. “Imagine that kick against your bladder.”
He shuddered. “No thanks.” He rubbed her belly, wishing the baby would move again.
Sam moved his hand to her left side, pressing his fingers against what used to be her waist. He felt a hard little mound. “I think that’s the butt,” she said.
He pressed again. “You’re kidding. You can tell?” The hard mound disappeared then there was a rolling sensation beneath his palm. “Oh, my God. Is it turning?”
“Uh, huh. Isn’t that the weirdest thing?”
After some more movements that had John convinced this kid would be the next Gabby Douglas or David Beckham, the baby finally stilled.
John wrapped her into his arms, knowing this closeness would end. It had to. And how would he possibly react when it did?
John left to pick up Brian, leaving Sam to shower and dress. The boy wasn’t stupid and would most likely put two and two together, but they didn’t want to flaunt their recent tryst.
Sam was just finishing up tossing the salad when they returned. She flashed a bright smile at John and one at Brian.
“Brian, it’s so good to see you. If you didn’t eat too much with your mom, I’d love it if you’d join us for a late dinner.”
“Are you kidding?” John ruffled Brian’s hair. “This kid’s always shoving food in his mouth. Eats me out of house and home. Gonna have to get a second job to support my grocery bill. Of course he’ll join us. Right, Bri?”
Brian blushed under all the attention and pulled out of Sam’s embrace. “Yeah. I guess I’m a little hungry.” He glanced at Sam’s tummy. “Wow. You’re huge.” John gave an embarrassed cough and disappeared outside to check the chicken on the grill. Brian’s cheeks and neck reddened, and he stammered, “I’m sorry. I meant—”
Sam grinned and gave her belly a slight shake. “Don’t apologize. You’re right. I am huge. This kid is going to be a monster. A little heavyweight.”
The boy’s skin tone returned to its natural coloring. He grabbed a Dr. Pepper from the fridge and sat on a bar stool. “When’s it due?” He swigged the pop and wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve.
Sam tore lettuce into bite-size pieces. “In about eight weeks.”
“You excited?”
She glanced across the counter at him and smiled. “Can’t wait.”
He gulped the rest of the drink then set the can on the counter. “I think you’ll be a good mom.”
Sam stopped what she was doing. “Well, thank you, Brian. Why do you say that?”
He shrugged, the blush returning. “I dunno. I just think you will. Mr. E thinks so, too.”
A funny tickle skittered through Sam’s body and lodged in her heart. “He does?”
Brian nodded. “Yeah. He talks about it a lot.”
“Really?” A sweet warmth swept over her.
He shot her a funny look. “So what’s the deal with you two anyway? I mean, I know Mr. E is the father, I mean that he helped you get, um—” He cleared his throat, his face reddening. “But you guys act like you’re together, you know, like a couple, but he keeps sayin’ that you’re not.”
She thought how to answer this. “Well, he’s right. We’re not really a couple.”
“But you like him.”
She sighed, smiling. “Yeah.”
“And he likes you. I mean he’s always talking about you. No offense, but I get kinda tired of it sometimes.”
Her smile broadened. “No offense taken.”
“If you guys are so hot for each other, I don’t get what the deal is.”
Sam sighed. “It’s a long and complicated story, Brian. John and I both have our reasons for doing things this way. It just—” her voice caught, “—wouldn’t work between us.”
He looked at her like she was an idiot. “I know what Mr. E’s problem is. He’s scared to have kids.”
Her eyebrows rose, and she wondered how much John had shared with him.
Brian continued, “I mean, his dad sounds like he was a major asshole. So maybe Mr. E thinks he wouldn’t be a good father either. You know, not having a good role model or nothin’.” He chugged the rest of his Dr. Pepper and crushed the can in his fist, something John always did.
She reached her hand across the counter toward him, splaying her fingers against the tile. After a moment, she pulled her hand back and resumed making the salad.
The chicken was moist and flavorful, the marinated vegetables grilled to perfection, but they could have been eating macaroni and cheese out of a box and John didn’t think he’d have recognized the difference.
He watched the two other people at his table. Sam and Brian had been discussing the care of houseplants for some minutes now. She had explained to Brian about her brown thumb and wanted his advice since he was becoming so knowledgeable in horticulture. John didn’t know if she truly had a brown thumb or if she was merely trying to make Brian feel good about himself. Either way, the boy clearly enjoyed every minute of the conversation.
“So, I should clip off the dead leaves?” Sam asked Brian, spearing a grilled onion with her fork.
Brian shoved a huge bite of chicken into his mouth and nodded. After a few chews, he said, “The dead leaves suck the nutrients from the healthy part of the plant, so if you get rid of ‘em, the plant will do better.”
John pushed at his food. He’d never thought of himself as someone who needed or even wanted domesticity in his life, especially after his failed marriages, but he could get used to this. Sam and Brian in his house, sharing meals with him every day. And Sam sharing his bed every night.
The thoughts were as disturbing as they were appealing, he thought a few minutes later as he brought out dessert of fresh berries and cream. Because they were nothing but pipe dreams. Weren’t they? Brian would likely move back in with his mom soon, and Sam… well, his thoughts shouldn’t travel that path. Should they?
If only his past didn’t stand as a barrier between him and Sam. If only he wasn’t so scared, so petrified, to chance a relationship with her, to chance being a real father to the child she carried. Sam hadn’t given him any indication she’d changed her mind about wanting him in their life. He knew she cared about him, but she’d never hinted at anything more. Had she? She was still just as dead set against getting married — especially to someone with his track record — as he was against being a father. Wasn’t she? Wasn’t he?
Christ. His emotions were as jumbled as a boxed jigsaw puzzle.
Looking at her now, laughing and animated as she spoke with Brian, her hand rubbing her belly that carried the child he helped create, John wanted to shout from the rooftops that he loved her, that she was carrying his child. His child. But confessing his feelings to her would topple the delicate balance of their relationship. Wouldn’t it?
“John?” Sam asked.
His mind snapped back to the present and he cleared his throat in embarrassment. “Hmm, what?”
“I said, Brian and I voted you as dishwasher tonight. I’m going to help him with a term paper.” Her amused expression sobered as she stared at him. He thought he recognized his tangled emotions reflect
ed in her eyes. Didn’t he? Or was he just imagining it?
“I notice that neither of us ate much at dinner,” John stated later after Brian retreated to his bedroom to study.
Sam sat at the opposite end of the couch. “Yeah, well, I wasn’t too hungry.”
“I thought you were always hungry these days.”
She looked away and said nothing.
After a few moments of not entirely comfortable silence, he said, “It was nice having dinner together. You, me, Brian. It was kind of like we were—”
“A family,” she interjected in a whisper.
His eyebrows lifted. “You felt that, too?”
She nodded. “Kind of scary, isn’t it?”
He shifted on the cushion and stretched his legs out in front of him, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “Yeah.”
Neither spoke for a while. Finally, John said, “We need to talk about this.”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Sam—”
“No. Not right now. This has been a beautiful evening and I don’t want to ruin it by talking about—” She swallowed hard. Twice. “—About us. I’ll start crying. And I don’t really feel like crying right now.”
John stared straight ahead. “Why couldn’t things have been simple between us?” he asked after a time. “Just two normal people meeting each other under normal circumstances, going out on normal dates, developing a normal relationship.”
Sam glanced away and didn’t say anything. What could she say? Her friends had warned her this would happen if she got involved with John. She’d thought she could handle it. She’d thought she was so jaded to love and romance that she had nothing to worry about.
She’d been wrong.
It was pretty clear to her that she was in love with John — she, who wanted to raise this child alone. He was all she thought about besides the baby. He was in her daydreams and night dreams. She’d never felt like this in her life. It had to be love. And she was pretty sure that he reciprocated the feeling — he, who was dead set against children and marriage. Was there any hope of reconciling all these opposing attitudes? He hadn’t indicated he’d changed his mind about having children or becoming involved with her. Had he?
Shameless Page 26
