by Louise Bay
“Yeah, you’ve not seen it, have you? You should come round. I can cook. What about tonight?”
My heart sped as I remembered the evening at Luke’s new place. I’d never gotten to taste the duck he said he’d cooked.
“It’s no big deal. We can go straight to mine when we’ve finished here.” He clapped his hands and rubbed them together.
We’d been firmly in the friend zone for weeks now, so I’d expected the flirting to stop. But it hadn’t, and I was beginning to enjoy it. It was attention that felt safe.
“Maybe. Let’s see how we get on.” I appreciated his company, but the last thing I wanted to do was be a prick tease. I pointed across the showroom. “Let’s try that gray one. I like it because it’s a corner but not a corner with the bit that sticks out on one end for your feet.”
“Very eloquent, Ash. Really.” He squeezed my shoulder and stood, then offered to pull me up.
“I’m not an old lady. I can manage standing up just fine.”
“Okay, Miss Grumpy Knickers. I was trying to be a gentleman.” He turned and headed to the other sofa.
God, I was a witch sometimes. I was clearly channeling Haven. “Sorry. And you don’t need to try. It comes naturally to you,” I said as I caught up with him.
“That’s better.” He nudged my shoulder. “You see? You can be charming when you put your mind to it. Now, this I like.” He flung himself full length across the cushions of the sofa. “I’m going to ask some random stranger to lie with me and test out the spooning capabilities of this sofa if you’re still refusing to cooperate.”
“Yeah? Good luck with that. You wouldn’t dare.”
He rested his head on his elbow and raised an eyebrow. “You’re daring me? You’re actually daring me?”
Richard seemed to have loosened up in the last couple of weeks. I suppose without the pressure of a relationship, I had too, and we were getting on better than ever. I’d started to see his fun side. My feelings for Luke had led to me label Richard as not being the one. I’d thought Luke was . . . but I hadn’t made that work either.
Perhaps I’d been wrong to write off Richard too soon.
“Excuse me, Miss.” Richard leapt to his feet and caught the attention of a woman with a pushchair. I watched, open-mouthed.
“My wife,” he said, pointing to me, “doesn’t like public displays of affection. She won’t spoon with me on this sofa to see if we fit. Would you mind standing in for her?”
The woman turned her head toward me, and I could do nothing but shrug. She looked as if she were in pain, but replied, “I’m sorry. I’m running late.” She scurried to the opposite end of the show room, toward the lifts.
Grinning, Richard turned to me. I rolled my eyes. “For the record,” he said, “it’s not a good idea to dare me to do anything. I find it impossible to pass up a challenge.”
He winked at me as if I were next.
“Pinot noir, right?” Richard asked as he passed me a glass of wine.
“Perfect, thanks.” How had he known which wine I liked? I’d had a really good time shopping with him. He’d bought the gray corner-not-a-corner, sofa, despite him being unable to spoon before he purchased. He’d been funny and laid back and all the things I’d wanted him to be when we’d dated. I genuinely didn’t want our time together to be over, so when he asked me again to go back to his flat for dinner, I’d gone along with it.
“How come you moved?”
He joined me on his old sofa and rested his sock-covered feet on the table in front of him. “I think I was holding off until I found someone to share a place with. And then, after we . . .” He paused, and I took a sip of my wine, trying to ignore the discomfort that pushed between us. “I just thought I needed to get on and live in the place I wanted to.”
I nodded, struck that he hadn’t simply moved on to the next girl when I’d ended things. He’d got on with his life, but kept the door between us open. He’d basically done what I’d asked Luke to.
He turned toward me, rearranging his body so he was sitting with one leg hitched on the cushion, his arm resting on the back of the sofa and his hand just behind my head.
“It’s a nice place.” I glanced around the room. Everything was neat and matching in various tones of gray. I turned to look at him.
He was watching me. “It’s not very family friendly, but I reckon I can move again when the time comes.”
“You feel ready for a family?”
“Yeah, I want to find that special someone and have a bunch of rowdy kids. Don’t you?”
I thought about Luke, Haven and I sitting under the magnolia tree, reading, fighting, laughing. “At some point.”
“I thought that maybe you and I were right. I think that’s why I was so tense when we were dating.”
“You were tense?” Had I not seen the real him?
“Yeah, I was crazy for you, and wanted to make it all just so.” He shrugged. He seemed to find it easy to be open with me about how he’d felt, and I really liked that he did.
“Crazy?” I asked. Had we been dating long enough for him to be crazy for me?
“You know how I felt—how I feel. I could see how we could have been so perfect together. I was impatient and pushed when I shouldn’t have.”
“Richard . . .” I suppose we were bound to have this conversation at some point. We’d been spending time together, and we’d never discussed what had happened between us. Still, it felt uncomfortable.
“I just wanted you to know that I get it. I understand that I got it wrong. I don’t want you to think that I’m a total idiot.”
I shifted slightly so I was facing him, mirroring the position of his legs with mine. “I don’t think you’re an idiot. Not at all. But we learn from each relationship, don’t we? And we take that into our next one.”
“Maybe . . . it’s just . . . I think when it’s like this between us, I wonder if there’s a second chance in there somewhere . . . for you and me.” His dark brown eyes were staring at me intently.
I took a deep breath. If I hadn’t been lost in the fog of Luke and I, I probably would have seen this coming more clearly. Maybe I’d even want that second chance.
“I don’t think I properly gave you a first chance, Richard. And that wasn’t your fault—it was entirely mine. I was unfair to you.” I needed to be honest with him. “It’s just, I’ve had feelings about someone else for a very long time.” I stared into my wine, embarrassed that I’d perhaps led him on, even though I’d truly been trying to get over Luke when we dated.
“Luke,” he said and I cringed. Was it that obvious? I nodded.
“But you’re not together?”
My heart ached at his words. “No, we’re not together.”
“Have you ever been? I mean, is it unrequited?”
My cheeks heated. It felt wrong talking to him about this, especially as Richard had just declared he’d been crazy for me. “There was a brief . . . I really have no idea.” Luke had told me that he had feelings for me—romantic feelings—and the sex had been incredible, but I didn’t know what future there might be for us. All I knew was that I wasn’t ready to move on from him. Not yet.
Richard’s fingers crept along my arm. “He’s a fool if he doesn’t love you.”
“Richard . . .”
“I mean it. I get that you’re caught up with him, but if he doesn’t get what an amazing, sexy, funny person you are, then he’s a giant idiot.”
I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry. He was being so kind and understanding. A huge part of me just wanted to be taken in his arms and comforted.
“If and when you’re ready to start dating again, I’d try not to mess it up,” he continued.
“Richard—” He was being so nice, and I didn’t know how to react.
“Don’t say anything. Just think about it. No pressure.”
I opened my eyes and stared at my lap.
“Hey, don’t be sad. I wasn’t trying to induce depression.” He
stroked my jaw. “Come on,” he said, jumping off the sofa. “You can help me with dinner. Maybe I can win you over with my mad chef skills. Let’s press pause on this conversation for tonight, and just have a nice evening. Agreed?”
I smiled. It was just what he needed to say. I wanted time to process what he’d suggested. He was a good guy who wanted a second chance. I couldn’t just dismiss that, could I? But at the same time, I wasn’t ready to give up on my fairy tale.
A pause button was exactly what the doctor called for.
Luke
“You look like my brother, but you can’t be him. He doesn’t come around here anymore,” Haven said, clearly looking through the peephole.
“Ha bloody ha, Haven. Let me in.”
I’d promised Haven I’d turn up to Sunday dinner this week. She’d been harassing me for days, but she’d been right. Ashleigh and I had to get through this—at least as friends—so I couldn’t avoid her anymore.
The door swung open, but she was already halfway back down the corridor, and heading for the kitchen. “Way to make me feel welcome.”
Jake stood at the counter, bent over what looked like a recipe book. “Hey, mate,” I said.
He gave me a hug, his eyes bright. “It’s so good to see you. Thanks for coming. Haven’s been a wreck with all this shit going on with you and Ash.”
My stomach dropped. I’d not thought about the impact on Haven. “I’m sorry. I just needed a bit of space.”
“You don’t need space from me, you dickhead,” she said.
“Not you, from Ashleigh. I didn’t want it be difficult between you two, so I thought . . . I don’t know.”
“He’s here now, Haven. That’s the main thing,” Jake said. “It’ll be a great night.”
“Is Ashleigh coming?” I asked. Haven had been pretty fierce when she’d told me to get over it and turn up for dinner. She’d said she was making Sunday night dinner mandatory and would tell Ashleigh the same thing.
“Of course she is. I’ve told you, there’s no choice. You two need to find a way because I’m not having my family breaking apart.” Haven’s voice quivered and Jake reached out to smooth circles on her back. “Not now.” She moved away from him and scurried past me into the bathroom at the same time the door buzzer went. Jesus, I’d had no idea she was so upset.
“Can you get that?” Jake asked. “I’ll go and check on Haven.”
“Yeah, of course. God, I’m sorry. I—” I hated to see Haven sad. It was my job to protect her. The last thing I wanted was to be the cause of her sorrow.
“Listen, don’t worry about it. I’ll explain in a bit . . . You see in Ash.” Jake hurried after Haven, and I went to answer the door.
Her smile faltered, just a tiny bit, when she saw me. “Hey.” Her voice was quiet and unsure, and I had to muster up a burst of energy when all I wanted to do was stand and stare at her. To remind myself of her every soft curve.
I bent and kissed her on her cheek. “It’s good to see you, Ashleigh. It really is.” I inhaled her scent. It was a call home, a call to where I belonged. Every time I saw her I was more and more certain that we were meant to be together, that I needed her, wanted her . . . loved her. I’d been giving her some space by not coming to Sunday dinner, but I’d also been giving myself some space. It was too painful to be constantly reminded of what I desperately wanted but couldn’t have. Of where I should be, who I should be with.
“Where’s Haven and Jake?” She looked round the living room as we entered.
I frowned. “The bathroom, I think. Haven got a bit upset. I think because the whole Sunday dinner thing. I mean, I’ve not been coming. I don’t know about you.”
She shook her head. “No, me neither. I thought—”
She thought she’d give me room to keep on with our ritual, and I’d tried to do the same. “We should make more of an effort.”
She nodded, the light catching on her hair, highlighting her beautiful face. I had to look away. How had I gone so many years without being totally mesmerized by her?
“God, that’s not like her to be upset about stuff like this.” She shuffled from one foot to the other. All I wanted to do was pull her close.
I held my breath as Haven’s and Jake’s voices became louder and doors opened and closed.
“So, it’s this guy’s fault,” Haven announced, pointing her thumb toward Jake.
“What is?” I asked as Haven hugged Ashleigh. Why was Jake getting the blame?
“Me getting emotional.” She pulled away from Ashleigh and put her arm around Jake’s waist. “He knocked me up.”
“What?” Ashleigh squealed. “You’re pregnant? That’s amazing.”
“We wanted you both here, so we could tell you at the same time,” Jake said.
“Beth, too, but she’s in Chicago, and I wasn’t drinking when she popped in earlier in the week. And well, she guessed . . .”
“Wow, congratulations,” I said, shocked as I shook Jake’s hand and pulled him into a hug. I looked Haven up and down, trying to spot evidence of a bump. She grasped at her stomach. My sister was pregnant. I was going to be an uncle. Fucking hell. I’d thought life was moving quickly before. “You’re a braver man that I.”
“Don’t look at me like that.” I pulled her toward me, and she wrapped her arms around my waist. Pride knotted in my stomach. A huge wave of relief passed through me that I’d never had an accident with Emma. I would have married her, of course, and it would never have been enough for me.
“I’m so proud of you,” I said, my cheek resting on her head. “You’re going to be an amazing mother.”
“Turns out it’s not that difficult to get pregnant,” Haven replied. “It wasn’t planned.” My stomach churned. I hoped she was ready. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be. A kid was going to change things in our family forever.
“That’s because we’re so good at baby making.” Jake grinned proudly.
“Okay, enough already.” Ashleigh covered her ears. I reached out to pull her into a weird double hug behind Haven. The three of us stood together like the unit we’d been for so long.
It felt good.
“Come on, guys, break it up. I’m starting to feel left out,” Jake said.
The three of us dispersed and gathered round the kitchen island.
“So we need to celebrate. I should have brought champagne.” Ashleigh clasped her hands together. She was excited, her eyes sparkling. Our earlier awkwardness had dissipated.
“I’ve got some. We’ve got lots to celebrate. Ash sat her entrance exam to business school. And you won your whats-a-mathing case,” Haven said. “I’ve not seen you properly since.”
“You won the Nigelson case?” Ashleigh asked, her eyes wide.
I nodded and stuffed my hands in my pockets. “Well, it settled, in our favor.”
“Oh my God, Luke, this is huge. Congratulations.” She wrapped her arms around my neck. Shocked, I slid my hands around her waist, leaned down and pulled her close. “You should have told me,” she mumbled against my skin. Her familiar scent wound itself around me, all sweetness and summer. I had to work hard not to smooth my hands over that perfect ass of hers. She moved her body against mine. Like flint on stone, sparks went off across my skin. Jesus, it was torture holding her like this, but being unable to peel off her clothes, lay her down, spread her out and enjoy her. My dick began to harden. I tensed and pulled back.
“I know.” I would have normally told her, but I’d forgotten how to be normal with her. “How was the exam?”
“Good, I think. I won’t know for a few weeks whether I got in.” She wouldn’t meet my eyes as we parted. She headed toward the refrigerator as if we’d just had a friendly hug. “Rule number one of your pregnancy is that you can’t judge me for drinking. It’s going to be bad enough knowing that I’m the only one out of you, Beth and me that’s still on the booze, I don’t need to feel your judgment.”
“Deal. And shoot me if I become one of those women who start tell
ing you that I didn’t know what love meant until I had a baby. I mean, I might think it, but if I let those words out, feel free to stuff them back in. I also promise to put the kid up for adoption if all I start to talk about is nappies and breastfeeding.”
“No one is being put up for adoption. Jesus.” Jake looked ashen. I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“I told you I’m going to be a terrible mother,” Haven said, shrugging as if he should know better than to expect anything else from her.
Jake grabbed her by the waist and held her against him. I looked away, their moment too private. I caught Ashleigh’s eye. She gave me a small smile. I missed her so much.
Things settled between us after that and entire minutes went by where I forgot the awkwardness between Ashleigh and me. It descended again when I had to resist smoothing my hand over her back as we sat at the table, and again when I was tempted to press my lips to her cheek as I passed her. I was forced to remember that we weren’t together.
“So seriously, we should celebrate, properly,” Jake said as he handed me a dish of vegetables. “Let’s go out. Next weekend, maybe.”
“I really want to go to Chiltern Firehouse,” Ashleigh said.
“It’s good.” I said at the same time Jake did.
The girls snapped their heads toward us. Jake and I exchanged a glance.
“Have you two been dating each other when we weren’t looking?” Haven asked.
“I went there ages ago, before us,” Jake said pointedly to Haven.
Haven transferred her glare from her husband to me.
“I went last weekend. It was nice,” I said.
I shouldn’t have said anything. The implication hung in the air like a dreary fog. No question, Chiltern Firehouse was a date restaurant. Ashleigh focused on her glass. I wanted to shout, “But you told me to date.” I didn’t. If she still had feelings for me, it would smart that I was taking someone out. If she was dating, I was pretty sure I’d go down for murder. Somehow we were going to have to get through this.
Together.
Twenty
