by L J K Cross
“Quads tensed and pushed out. Mid section pulled in tight. Lats flared and pushed down to give maximum width.”
It took her a good thirty seconds to get into the pose before she finally flexed her biceps at the precise angle for maximum contraction. Amanda had ensured that in getting into what appeared to be the most basic of poses, she had displayed with complex accuracy every muscle group in the body.
“And finally smile,” she reminded herself at the last minute. It always proved to be the icing on the cake.
“Side chest. Any side,” came the next compulsory pose.
Amanda didn’t need to look but she could feel Danni showboating at her side. Two could play that game. It was as if they were in a race – a race to see who could take the longest to get into position. A dead heat as to who could come up with the most transitory poses. Amanda displayed her rhomboids, flicked her hamstring, pulsed her calf. She even made her striated glutes ripple before she finally sat down into a sensational side chest pose.
The crowd was enthralled, applauding every teasing titillation that was thrown at them. The praise was coming thick and fast. The wolf whistles were getting louder.
“Awesome Amanda. Keep it going,” came a shout from somewhere over to her right.
“Outstanding Danni. The trophy is yours. It’s already got your name on it,” bellowed someone else. Amanda felt Danni react in response. Her posing became more flourished, her showboating more dramatic.
“You’re the best Gayle. Keep it going girl,” screamed a female voice.
There was one voice that called out that Amanda recognised. She would know that voice anywhere.
“Keep it tight,” shouted Steve. “Remember your legs.”
Of course she remembered her bloody legs. He wanted to try getting up here and see if he remembered his legs. They had been on stage for little over five minutes and Amanda was already feeling drained. The heat of the stage lights, the demands of holding your poses and flexing to within an inch of your life took every last reserve of energy when you were this dieted and dehydrated. The sweat flooded down your back. Your breathing became laboured as you gasped for air. Your ears buzzed as your head became foggier and your throat screamed out for water. Just a few drops would do!
“Rear double bicep,” indicated the head judge and in unison the six competitors turned their backs on the judges. Now no one could see, there was no need for smiling. It was just too much extra effort. Her densely detailed back and her gravity defying glutes were beyond doubt her show stopping assets. Usually when she flared her lats it was lights out. Game over. But as each second painstakingly dragged by, Amanda could feel her muscles flattening out. She tried in vain to fan out her lats to their full wingspan but debilitating cramp was setting in fast. Holding the pose was becoming near impossible as she became wracked with uncontrollable shakes. All the while Amanda could feel Danni posing effortlessly beside her. She was hardly breaking a sweat. It was evident to all how confident she was feeling and she should be. She knew her deceit was paying off. Just like everyone else she could see Amanda wilting away on stage. She was no longer budding with energy and blossoming as she once had.
As the girls turned back round for their final pose, abs and thighs, Steve watched on in horror. He couldn’t believe the difference in Amanda’s physique from just a few minutes earlier. When she had first walked on stage and got the first call out, he had been convinced the title was hers. No one else on stage, not even the reigning Ms World Body Builder, Gayle Dominics, could touch her. Judging by the knowing nods of several of the judges and a few involuntary gasps from the crowd when she had stepped forward, it was universally acknowledged that she was in a league of her own up there. She had been nulli secunda. Beyond compare. Now she wasn’t even primus inter pares. Gone were her razor sharp cuts. No longer could he see eye popping veins coursing and pulsating across her body. As she attempted to crunch her abs, her once enviable eight pack, now looked half empty. He could see just how hard she was finding it to hold her poses. He could see the look of dejection on her face. Her smile froze as her fight and energy drained away.
If Steve could see all this then he knew without doubt that so too could the judges. As if to confirm his fears, on cue, Siobhan sidled up beside him.
“Shit Steve, what is wrong with Amanda? She is just dying up there.”
Steve wanted to scream at her, “No shit Sherlock.” Subtly and tact had never been attributes you would have associated with Siobhan but Steve was really not in the mood for her direct verbal diarrhoea. Without ordaining her with an answer he shot off, leaving Siobhan floundering and open mouthed.
“Wonders never cease,” thought Steve to himself. He had to get backstage and try and perform a little miracle of his own. He had to get some simple sugars and water inside Amanda and pray that it was not too late.
Alexander was also watching with fascination as events unfolded on stage – fascination and jubilation. He watched with growing glee as Amanda, Danni and Gayle swapped positions on stage. Gayle was now centre stage. It was obvious to Alexander that Amanda’s position change meant only one thing – a drop in her placings. He was delighted that events were going so well, well for him anyway and he had a sneaking suspicion that he had Danni Ashton to thank for such a fortuitous turn of events. If he had to hazard a guess he would have said that Danni’s grubby fingers had done more than just prod and stir Amanda’s cauldron of despair. He could see that the more Amanda spiraled down the gloomy path of defeat, the more Danni appeared to blaze forward with fire and vigour.
As much as Alexander hated to see Amanda’s pain and anguish, at the same time he couldn’t help but rejoice in her misfortune. He knew that her loss would be his gain. Her pain could only bring him happiness. Her distress would convince her that only he could bring her solace, that he alone could fulfill her deepest heart felt desires. Never again would she have to feel such heartache.
“Thank God that is over,” sighed Amanda as she got off stage. She really didn’t think she could have lasted out there much longer. She could hardly carry on standing up, let alone pose. She couldn’t take any more of the humiliation, any more of the torture of watching her condition fading before her eyes. The moment she stepped off stage she dropped the facade. She didn’t need to carry on the act that everything was going according to plan. Amanda felt her whole body slump to defeat as her last remnants of energy deserted her. She just felt so drained that she couldn’t even feel anger towards Danni for such underhandedness. If Danni could get satisfaction from such a hollow victory then she was welcome to it. Let her have it, Amanda resigned herself. Amanda knew without doubt that Danni would enjoy every minute of victory over her and wouldn’t miss a single opportunity to remind Amanda of it. She simply had no scruples.
Amanda felt a reassuring arm slip over her heavy shoulders. Steve, as always was there when she needed him. Always by her side. Always there for her to lean on. Burying her head in his chest, Amanda felt the soothing comfort of familiarity.
“Did you see?” muffled Amanda into Steve’s consoling chest.
“I just can’t believe how badly it went,” despaired Amanda. “It was a disaster.”
Amanda remained with her head buried in Steve’s chest. She couldn’t bare to look up and chance seeing disappointment or dismay in his eyes. He had worked just as hard as her for this. It was just as gut wrenching for him. She need not have worried though. When Steve lifted her face up from his chest, she saw no dejection, just the same fire and fight that always burned behind his eyes. She immediately chastised herself for having so little faith in him. Steve would never doubt her. His faith in her was unshakeable.
“Yes. I saw,” said Steve quietly. Firmly. “But the contest is not over you know.”
“You got the first and last call out. Without doubt because of your performance in prejudging this morning you are still in the top three.”
With each word he spoke, Amanda felt herself strengthened with his steel and certainty.
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“It’s going to take more than a cheating bitch like Danni Ashton to get the better of you.”
Amanda gave Steve a grateful smile but it was not returned. His expression chilled and instilled fear. His eyes promised unspeakable retribution and revenge as from behind his back he produced her missing glucose drink.
“Where …?” She began to ask but didn’t bother to finish. It wouldn’t have taken a super sleuth to figure out who had taken it.
“We have got to get you sorted out,” said Steve slowly. His calmness was almost scary. “I’m sure I will catch up with that arsehole trainer. Don’t worry.”
Amanda wasn’t but Danni’s trainer should be.
“You’ve still got your routine and the final pose down. You’ve just got to give it all you have got and more,” rallied Steve.
Impulsively, Amanda threw her arms around Steve in gratitude. He was her saviour. His faith in her never wavered. She would be lost without him.
Alexander watched the other competitors perform their routines absentmindedly. They just didn’t capture his interest. To him they failed to captivate or enthral. Alexander couldn’t help the way he was. He was a man of intense extremes. In his mind there could be no shades of grey. Only light and dark. Good and evil. Love and hate. And his love for Amanda was total. Unequivocal. All consuming. From the second she stepped back on stage to perform her routine, her mere presence commanded his full attention. He sat up. Each movement mesmerised. Every rhythmic sway seduced. She was pure magic, bewitching and spellbinding in equal measure. She intrigued him, as she always did, with her music choice. “Born this way,” he mused. Maybe that was how she felt but he would prove her wrong. He would show her that she was born to be so much more. He would resurrect her. He would make her reborn.
Amanda had danced and whirled like a fanatical dervish during her routine. She had felt possessed by wild abandon in a last ditch desperate attempt to draw back points. She had devoted every last shred of hope to her final flourish. She had nothing left to give and nothing left to lose. As she lined up at the side of the stage with the other competitors for the medal presentation, she tried to shake the foreboding feeling that it had all been too little, too late. She tried to ignore the fact that the fans no longer seemed to cheer as loudly and as enthusiastically for her as they had done at the beginning of the night. She couldn’t bring herself to look at the judges for fear that she would read bad news written all over their faces.
Sixth place and then fifth place was announced. The audience clapped politely. The competitors accepted graciously. It was all so formal and muted. You couldn’t tell if they were accepting of the result or if they felt it unjust. All the passion, all the obsession, all the devotion and dedication was gone. The contest had drained the competitors dry of emotion. It was all such an anti climax.
The head judge announced fourth place with his usual enthralling moribund monotone. Amanda couldn’t help but smile as Tanya stepped forward to be awarded her medal and pose for the photographers. It was such a fantastic and well deserved result.
The final three, Gayle, Danni and herself were ushered centre stage. Amanda could see the photographers jostling in the press pit. They all wanted to get that award winning shot of when Ms World Body Builder was announced. The head judge dramatically played for time knowing that it was futile to try and make himself heard over the frenzied cries of the crowd. Everyone had their favourite and every cry threatened mutiny if their demands were not met. And still, above all the noise and excitement, Amanda could hear her heart frantically pounding in her ears. She was desperately trying to stop the sickening dread that churned in her stomach from rising.
One of the sponsors of the show was walking towards her. Amanda could feel hands patting her hard on the back and pushing her forward. The bronze medal was hung round her neck. This couldn’t be right. She hadn’t even heard her name be announced. She could hear the crowd booing. Hopefully that would alert the judges to the mistake they had made. She could hear ecstatic screaming. That was probably Danni giving a master class in sportsmanship and magnanimity. She hadn’t even registered her name being called out. She felt numb and dazed, too stunned to cry. Her arms were held aloft in mocking celebration as she posed for the photographers and then she was pushed aside to make way for the final two.
Amanda had always thought that second place was the worst result to get. You were so close and yet so far but she had been wrong. This was so much worse. When you knew you were so much better. When all your preparations were first class and of a winner. When you knew you had been robbed and had first place stolen from your grasp by malice and back stabbing. Well if there was any consolation at least she didn’t have to undergo the torture of watching Danni Ashton be crowned Ms World Body Builder. That would have been just too cruel. Way too unjust. And still Danni had the audacity to act as if she had been hard done by. She could barely bring herself to oblige the waiting photographers before storming off stage, snatching her medal from around her neck as she did so.
Alexander could feel Amanda’s disappointment. The cruelty of it tore through him just as it did her. He heard her desire for revenge as she watched the second and first places medals being awarded to others. At that moment in time his love for her was so complete. Her vulnerabilities made her all the more endearing to him. They made her all the more human. He needed to protect her. He longed to be her dark angel, her dark saviour who would bring her a world where all her deepest desires were fulfilled, where all her most primitive needs and urges were indulged by whatever means necessary. Watching her turn and exit the stage, he whispered after her,
“Ya lyublyu tebya. Ya pomogu tebye.”
His love knew no earthly bounds.
CHAPTER 9
It felt so reassuring to hear her hotel room door slam shut behind her with a reaffirming thud. Here in her sanctuary she felt safe. She felt protected from all the phoniness and fakery, from all the bitching and bad mouthing, from all the lies and deceit.
As soon as she had come off stage, all Amanda had wanted to do was get out of there. She needed to get away from it, all of it, but especially Danni Ashton. She just didn’t think she could carry on with the superficial charade. She didn’t want to play along anymore with the pathetic pretense of having people coming over and congratulating her for third place, when third place was never good enough. She knew it. They knew it but they would have all carried on with the vacant smiles and empty air kissing because that was just what you did. Long after the show was over it still went on. Everyone still had to play their parts and recite their lines. But Amanda couldn’t trust herself not to fluff her lines. She was afraid she would unmask the whole fragile masquerade and reveal the true ugliness that lay beneath. All she really wanted to do was expose Danni Ashton as the lying, devious cheat she was and wipe that smug smirk off her face once and for all. But Amanda knew that to retaliate now would be to play straight into Danni’s hands. She would have loved nothing better than for Amanda to make a scene with Danni in the star role as the unassuming and innocent victim. Amanda knew she had to wait to get her revenge. She was going to enjoy plotting each minute detail of her sweet retribution.
Amanda also didn’t want to face the endless, meaningless interviews, the banal questions, the rehearsed vacuous answers. Right at this moment she didn’t feel like being magnanimous in defeat. What was the point? Why did she have to be the gracious good sport when it was obviously selfish underhandedness that got the results? If sport didn’t reward those who worked the hardest, who were the most dedicated and who were the most talented then just how sporting was it? Amanda had always thought that bodybuilding was the sport for her, the sport that inspired and drove her, the sport that appealed to her mind and mentality as much as her physicality. But she just wasn’t sure anymore. She had been pushed beyond exhaustion and now her resolve was shattered. Her emotions were raw. She just felt like giving up. Maybe she had had enough of bodybuilding and maybe, just maybe, it had
had enough of her.
Now though was not the time for making rash decisions. The only thing Amanda knew with certainty was that she needed to get out of this dumb bikini and wash off this ridiculous tan. The bikini was carelessly discarded on the bed along with her medal and her $8,000 prize money cheque. $8,000 was all she got for pushing her body to its limits and beyond. Most other athletes wouldn’t even get out of bed for that kind of paltry sum. Life would have been so much easier if she had chosen a sport where the rewards justified the sacrifices?
Stepping into the shower, Amanda lifted her face to welcome the sharp stinging splash of the shower. Its pounding pressure drowned out her thoughts that threatened to throw her overboard. The physical sensation as the water streamed down the thick ravines between her muscles rescued her, reviving her senses and making her feel alive. As the warm wetness washed over her and soothed her aching muscles, she also felt her emotional anguish wash away too. The shower felt so invigorating, so cleansing, so purifying as all negativity and indecision was washed down the plug hole, along with the dark tanned water.
Amanda stepped out of the shower rejuvenated in her body and reaffirmed in her mind, cleansed of all doubting negativity. Using her damp towel to wipe the condensation off the bathroom mirror, Amanda saw herself clearly for the first time. She had clarity. Stripped back and revealed, Amanda studied her true self under the harsh illuminating bathroom light. The real Amanda that very few people saw without all the adornments and distracting decoration. Staring back, Amanda saw feminine strength, pure and proud, in all its natural uninhibited glory. Amanda liked what she saw and no third place, however unjust, would change that. It would take more than a poor placing to undermine and diminish her. It would take more than a disappointing decision to make her question her true path. She was unswerving in her resolve that the only path to happiness and fulfillment was to be true to your self.
When Amanda came back in the bedroom, she found it plunged in darkness. The only light that filtered into the room was the sickly jaundiced hue from off the street. It did little to illuminate the room but rather cast an ambience of bitter resentment. The way in which its feeble yellow glow flickered and flashed off the bedroom walls only served to taunt and torment. Amanda was just about able to make out Steve’s hunched, dejected figure slumped on the edge of the bed. His body language reflected the mood of the room as if he had imbibed its despondent whisperings. Not only did he look tired and jaded, but his face spoke of the sour pessimism that hung in the room. He hadn’t appeared to notice Amanda come back into the room but remained slouched, deep in thought. Just like Amanda he seemed in no kind of mood to be sociable and congenial and so left his mobile frantically buzzing and bleeping at his side on the bed. It seemed to crave his attention but Amanda knew that right now the only attention that Steve needed was hers. He looked in desperate need of her comfort and reassurance.
