It came as no surprise a week later when Annalee was cast as Annie Oakley and Tommy, as Frank Butler—less because he was so talented and more because no one else in the program could sing on pitch.
Week after week of rehearsals, Tommy and Annalee were in the same scenes, working together, blocking their movements, side by side, singing duets. And in all that time Tommy learned practically nothing about her. Only that her parents were missionaries who had relocated to Indiana, and that she had one younger brother named Austin.
Otherwise she was an enigma.
Annalee was friendly while they worked on the show, but after rehearsal she would hurry off. When Tommy saw her in the lunchroom each day, Annalee sat by herself, usually reading. And she looked quite content about the fact.
Like she quite enjoyed the alone time.
Finally the night of the show, Tommy took a chance. After the applause died down and the curtain fell, while he and Annalee were still in the dark of the stage, he took her hand. He would never know what had been more surprising about that moment. The fact that he’d been brave enough to make the move, or what happened next.
Annalee didn’t pull away.
“I don’t want the show to end,” Tommy had whispered. “Could you still be my Annie?”
And she had done the exact thing Tommy had hoped she would do. Annalee Miller had laughed. “Why, yes, Frank Butler.” She had kept her voice low. The rest of the class was a few feet away in the wings. “I’d love to be your Annie Oakley. And I’m still a better shooter.”
They had laughed, their faces close to each other. And they’d been together ever since. Every now and then she was still his Annie and he was still her Frank. Back then his friends hadn’t understood the attraction. “She’s so quiet,” they would tell him. “Sure she’s pretty. But she’s always reading a book.”
Tommy would only smile and nod. No one else had to get it, but him. In the seasons since then, Annalee had sat near the top of the bleachers with her family for every one of his basketball games. And when he didn’t have practice after school he sat in the choir room and listened to her sing.
He could pick her voice out of a hundred-person ensemble.
As the months and years went by Tommy never tired of Annalee. Hardly. Instead he found more things to love about her. The fact that she didn’t care about the popular crowd like so many of his friends. And she was smart, too.
When she and Tommy would walk the canal path in downtown Indianapolis, Annalee would talk about her classes and what she was reading. Frank Peretti’s The Oath and Randy Alcorn’s Deadline and Dominion. Francine Rivers’s Redeeming Love.
One of her favorites was C. S. Lewis’s Mere Christianity. They’d sit on the swings at White River Park and she’d talk for hours about a single facet of one chapter. “C. S. Lewis used to be an atheist. Did you know that?” She didn’t wait for his answer. “If everyone read his book, the whole world would believe in God.”
Other girls her age obsessed over makeup and Instagram and who was liking who. They were addicted to Snapchat and Twitter. Annalee didn’t care about any of that. She wasn’t on social media and the only time she used her phone was to make plans with Tommy or her family and choir friends.
“What could Instagram teach me, that I can’t learn in a book?” she would say.
The fact that she wasn’t like every other girl at school only made Tommy fall harder. At the end of their junior year, he started talking about forever. Especially one night when he had brought her home from a coffee date.
They had stood facing each other on her front porch, and Tommy had put his hand on her shoulder. “Annalee, I want to marry you one day,” he’d said. He wasn’t kidding.
She must’ve seen that in his face because she brought her fingers to his cheek. “Isn’t that the way the story ends, Frank?”
“Yes, it is, Annie.” And the two of them had moved closer, their hearts beating hard, until finally—for the first time—they kissed.
Tommy still wasn’t sure how he pulled away from Annalee that night when she had to go inside. He could remember smiling even after he got home.
And so life had gone with them. His parents loved Annalee and her parents loved him. One night a year or so ago, his dad said it best. “Some people just find the right thing early.”
The fact that they were young didn’t bother Tommy. He had no interest in dating other girls. There were no other girls, not ever. Only Annalee. His Annie.
As if on cue, the door opened and Annalee walked into the waiting room. She looked more tired than before. Weaker. She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Hi.”
Like Ernie twenty minutes ago, Tommy was on his feet and at her side. He put his arm around her. “How was it?”
“Fine. I’ll know next week.” She leaned into him. “I want to go home, Tommy. Please.”
They didn’t talk on their way to his Jeep, didn’t sing on the drive back to her house. Neither of them brought up the plan to get coffee. Instead, Tommy helped her inside and visited with her brother for a few minutes. Before he left, he pulled Annalee aside and stared straight into her eyes. “This is just a virus.”
She nodded, but she looked away.
“Annalee… I mean it.” She had to agree with him. If she didn’t believe she was okay, then his certainty would crumble and everything would fall apart. He hugged her for a long while and when she was settled on the sofa, he headed home.
The whole drive he prayed and believed. The test was just a precaution. Tommy gripped the steering wheel and his eyes lifted to the blue sky. No clouds in sight. Not for Indianapolis. Not for days.
And definitely not for him and Annalee.
As the night played out, a single silent prayer stayed with Tommy. As he ate dinner with his family and played Scrabble with Malin, and as he did his homework and headed upstairs for bed. The words consumed him every few minutes.
Please, God, don’t let her be sick.
God, please heal her.
Please, God.
Until finally he fell asleep.
7
No one else knew about Landon’s doctor appointment.
So when the five of them arrived at LaGuardia Airport that Thursday, the day before the anniversary of 9/11, Ashley had to remind herself to act normal. Of course, the reason they were here was somber. Which meant no one asked questions when she wasn’t her usual talkative self.
The group took an Uber to the Ritz-Carlton near Central Park. Luke’s law firm had connections with the hotel management, so both rooms were comped. But it was just after eleven and the rooms weren’t ready.
Ashley spoke up first. “Landon and I have a few spots we want to visit.” She smiled at her brother and his family. “Let’s meet up at the museum at two. Would that work?”
“Definitely.” Reagan put her arm around Luke’s waist. “I want to show Tommy where his grandpa worked.”
They left their bags with the bellhop and Landon grabbed another Uber for the ride to the doctor’s office, near New York University Medical Center, a few miles from Ground Zero. A decision had been made to continue federal assistance for people sick with 9/11 illnesses. So if Landon had something seriously wrong, he would be entitled to compensation. Of course, Ashley cared much more about getting Landon help than a settlement.
Dr. Michael Berg was one of the leading experts in the area.
Ashley held Landon’s hand in the back of the SUV while their driver maneuvered through heavy traffic. “Big lunch crowd.” Landon tried to make small talk with the man.
The driver shrugged. “It’s always like this.”
Ashley looked out the window as they traveled south along the Hudson River. Every block or two she could just barely make out the new World Trade Center. She looked over the water at the Statue of Liberty.
For the most part, New York looked like the city she remembered, the one it had been before 9/11. The one it was once again. As if the terrorist attacks never happened. O
nly Ground Zero would be totally different.
Landon coughed twice and then again. Ashley pulled a water bottle from her purse and handed it to him. Never mind what had been rebuilt. The terrorist attacks had happened. She lived with the proof every day. Especially lately.
Dr. Berg’s office was on the forty-third floor in a towering medical building. They checked in and waited a few minutes before Landon’s name was called. Up until now, Ashley had been stoic. But as they took their places in two chairs near an examination table she felt her heart skip a beat.
Don’t panic, she told herself. Landon had struggled with lung issues before. He’d been short of breath and diagnosed with signs of early damage. But this time his cough seemed more pronounced. Ashley reached for his hand and felt tears spring to her eyes. Not Landon, God. Please… not him.
“Hey…” Landon put his hand on her knee. “Baby, what?”
“I… I can’t.” Ashley wiped the tears from her cheeks and stared at him. “I survived everything leading up to this. My own health scare and my mother’s death. The loss of our little Sarah hours after she was born. Erin’s family and the accident.” Her throat felt tight, like she couldn’t draw a full breath. “I survived because God gave me you, Landon. That’s the only reason.”
“Love, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” He put his arm around her shoulders and eased her close. “Everything is still fine. I believe that.”
Ashley nodded. I can’t live without him, God…. Don’t take him from me. Please.
“Say something.” He put his finger beneath her chin and lifted her face to his. “Come on, baby.”
“I love you.” She blinked back another rush of tears. “That’s all. I love you, Landon Blake.”
Her head was still pressed to his shoulder when Dr. Berg joined them a few minutes later. The man was in his fifties, maybe. Pleasant and fit. He asked Landon to sit on the table. “This was supposed to be just a consultation. But I had a cancellation.” He checked his folder. “If you have an hour, I’d like to go over a few things and do a few tests.”
“Absolutely.” Landon released his hold on Ashley. “We’d like answers.”
“And yes”—the doctor glanced at Ashley—“illnesses related to 9/11 are very real and very dangerous.” He sighed. “We know now that toxins filling the air around Ground Zero in the days and weeks after the attacks were deadly.”
Ashley pressed her fists into her middle. She didn’t want to hear this. She wanted to grab Landon’s hand and run back to the airport. Board the first flight to Indianapolis and get home to Bloomington as fast as they could.
But Dr. Berg was still talking. He explained that he would draw blood and do an X-ray. Then he would do a PET scan.
“If you haven’t eaten yet today.” The doctor put his stethoscope to his ears.
“Actually, I haven’t. Just in case.” Landon smiled. “I’m ready for you.”
He looked calm and relaxed and it hit Ashley. Landon had always been like this. Able to stare danger in the face. She and Landon had met in fifth grade, but long after that—when Ashley was in her early twenties, she had come back from a wild time in Paris, pregnant and alone. And when her longtime friend Landon Blake pursued her, she thought him too safe. Because he was a good man. Too good for her.
She smiled. How wrong she had been back then. No one took danger on more quickly than Landon Blake. Whether he was putting out a fire or marrying her.
Or here, facing tests that could define their future.
Dr. Berg listened to Landon’s lungs for a long while. A few times Landon coughed and the doctor had to step back. Was that concern on his face? Again he listened and after a minute or so he smiled. “Your lungs, Mr. Blake, sound surprisingly healthy.” He hesitated. “I’d still like to take a closer look.”
Next he sprayed a numbing agent into Landon’s mouth. “This might feel a little strange.” The doctor checked his watch. “In a minute, I’ll slide a camera into your mouth and down your throat. Lung damage often shows itself in the esophagus.”
Ashley crossed her arms tight in front of her as she watched Dr. Berg thread the camera into Landon’s mouth and down his throat. Landon didn’t even flinch. Another ten minutes and Dr. Berg pulled the tube clear. “Beautiful! Your tissue looks pink and healthy.” He shook his head. “You were at Ground Zero for quite some time, is that right?”
“Yes.” Landon exchanged a glance with Ashley. “Until we found my buddy. He was FDNY.”
Dr. Berg pursed his lips. “I’m sorry.” He paused. “I hear that a lot.”
Of course he did. Ashley stared at her hands for a long moment. Hundreds of firefighters were caught in the collapse of the buildings that day. Their FDNY coworkers were naturally the ones searching through the pile of smoldering toxic debris. And most of them—like Landon—didn’t leave till the last body was pulled out.
Dr. Berg took Landon for his scan, and Ashley waited in the exam room. She thought about the crazy timing of this test. Their nephew Tommy had just sat in a waiting room while his girlfriend, Annalee, underwent a similar exam.
The PET scan would check all of Landon’s soft tissue, every organ and especially his lungs. If there was cancer growing anywhere, the test would show it. Ashley paced in the small room. Every tomorrow hung on what Dr. Berg found in the next hour.
Ashley pictured their older son, Cole, in his sophomore year at Liberty University. Cole, who Landon had adopted when he married Ashley. Back when Cole wasn’t even in kindergarten yet. Now Cole and Landon talked every week—about classes and girls and the ways God was challenging Cole in his faith.
What would their son do without the man who was everything to him?
And then there was Devin. Their firstborn as a married couple was only twelve. He needed his father with every breath. Same with Janessa. At eight, she would barely remember Landon if something happened to him.
Amy’s sweet face filled Ashley’s mind. What about her? She had already lost her entire birth family in that horrific accident. Could she survive losing Landon, too? Ashley didn’t think so.
She swallowed. Help me, Lord. Take away this terrible fear. It’s suffocating me.
Even with his cough, Landon was too healthy to die anytime soon. Hadn’t the doctor just told them Landon’s tissues looked healthy? Yes, exactly. Ashley was letting herself worry about diseases and diagnoses that didn’t yet exist. A story filled her heart, one that Jesus had told.
The parable of the sower, the one who threw seeds of faith into his field. Some landed on hard ground and the birds ate it. Other seeds fell on shallow soil and sprouted, but with no root systems, quickly died. And still others landed on fertile soil, where they grew and flourished.
It was the other seed condition that always concerned Ashley. The one where the seeds of faith were choked out by the weeds of worry. The worries of the world. Was that happening to her? Could her faith be suffocated by worry? Ashley wouldn’t let that happen. I trust You, Lord. I do. Whatever happens today, You hold the moon and stars and earth. So You can hold me and my family. I believe that.
Ashley took a deep breath and did what she often did in situations like this. She began to recite everything she was thankful for. Her faith and Landon, of course. And each of her children by name. Then every gift her children brought to her and to the world. Their kindness and intelligence and laughter.
Next she thanked God for her extended family, each person by name.
With every passing minute she felt more relaxed, more sure that she wasn’t invisible here on the forty-third floor in one of a hundred skyscrapers in Lower Manhattan.
She was seen by the God of the Universe and she was loved. She kept her prayer of thanksgiving going until Landon and Dr. Berg walked through the door. Landon was grinning. That was Ashley’s first sign that maybe… just maybe everything was going to be okay.
Dr. Berg folded his arms and looked at Ashley. “Your husband needs some good allergy medicine.” He grinned. “Oth
erwise he looks perfectly healthy. For now, anyway. His organs look perfect. Like he never spent a day at Ground Zero.”
Ashley was on her feet and in Landon’s arms before Dr. Berg could say another word. “Is this real?” She looked from her husband to the doctor. “Are you serious?”
“Very much so.” Dr. Berg laughed. “I’ll leave you two alone. You can check out down the hall.”
When he was gone, Ashley searched Landon’s face, his eyes. “You’re… you’re okay?”
“Yes.” He touched his lips to her cheek.
Tears stung her eyes again but she couldn’t stop smiling. “Landon, you’re not sick!”
“I told you.” His hands were on her face and in her hair, and he kissed her in a way that took her breath. Then he whispered close to her skin. “I’m not leaving you. Not ever.” He found her eyes again. “I want to grow old with you, Ashley Baxter Blake.”
She clung to him until she had her breath and composure. Everything was different now. The blue sky outside the office window and the joy in Ashley’s heart. “We need to meet up with the others.” She kissed him again.
“Yes.” His smile fell off a little. He didn’t have to say anything. She could read his eyes. Landon might have a clean bill of health, but there were countless others who did not. Others, like Jalen, who never stood a chance. Landon sighed. “Thank you for making me do this.”
He wasn’t talking about the doctor appointment, Ashley could tell. He meant the time they would spend today at the 9/11 Memorial Museum, thinking back on all that happened nearly two decades ago. The time with Dr. Berg was behind them.
Now it was a time to remember.
* * *
THEY MET UP with Luke and Reagan and Tommy in the shaded courtyard just outside the doors to the 9/11 Museum. Ashley and Landon had decided to tell their family later about the doctor appointment and Landon’s incredible results.
For now they had other things to think about.
Ashley hadn’t known how she would feel about being back here, seeing the spot where the Twin Towers had stood and visiting the museum with Landon. Reagan had said as much on their walk yesterday.
Truly, Madly, Deeply Page 6
