A few years ago, one of the teachers at Northside had been diagnosed with lymphoma, but her treatment was very different. Outpatient, one day a week off and on for six months. Reagan didn’t bring that up. “I’m sure every patient’s plan is different.”
“Yes.” Donna glanced at her and then back at Annalee. “Same with the side effects.”
Tommy’s announcement suddenly didn’t seem that important. Reagan couldn’t imagine being in Donna’s chair, watching her child suffer through chemo and having no idea how things would turn out. Silence fell between them and for a moment, Reagan closed her eyes. Lord, heal her. Please get her through this and let her live.
She put her hand on Donna’s shoulder. “What about the side effects?”
“Well…” Donna kept her voice low since Annalee was still asleep. “She’ll have steroids in the coming week and antinausea medicine.” She looked back at Reagan. “It could take two weeks for her hair to start falling out. It varies.”
Reagan felt her heart sink. Annalee was a beautiful girl by any standard. But she was known for her long blond hair. Hair that other girls longed for and no beauty salon could produce from a bottle. Reagan had assumed Annalee might lose her hair, but now it was certain. The loss would be one more thing the girl would suffer through.
Annalee stirred, and Donna moved to her side. “It’s okay, sweetie. I’m here.”
“Mom.” She moaned and turned her head one way then the other. After a few seconds she blinked her eyes open. “I… don’t feel good.”
“I know, honey.” Donna set her shoulders. As if she was determined to find some untapped personal strength, anything to help bear her daughter’s burden. “The doctor’s getting you medicine for that.”
“Okay.” Annalee looked at Reagan and smiled. “Mrs. Baxter… you didn’t have to come.”
“I wanted to.” Reagan stayed in her chair, but she leaned closer. “We’re all praying for you. That you’ll be better soon.”
“Yes.” Annalee nodded. “Me and Tommy are praying… that same thing.” She closed her eyes and in no time she was asleep again.
“They’re giving her something to make her sleep.” Donna sat back down. Her eyes never left Annalee. “I’m just… I can’t…” She hung her head and her body began to shake.
Reagan slid her chair closer and put her arm around Donna’s shoulders. “You and Dan will not walk this alone.” Emotion tightened her throat and she took a few seconds to find the words. “Today I’ll tell the school. At the assembly, like you asked.” Reagan hugged her friend close. “The whole Northside community will be with you. Every day. Every hour.”
Donna turned to her. “Dan will be here after lunch. It’s a lot for him, balancing work and visits to the hospital. He wants to be by her side through it all.”
“Annalee knows that.” Reagan paused. “There’s no easy way to get through something like this.” She checked the time on her watch. “I need to go. Please… tell me if I can do anything.”
“I will.” Donna stood and walked Reagan to the door. “Tommy has been amazing. He was here all day yesterday. He’ll be here this afternoon, too. When school lets out.” She managed the slightest smile. “He’s a great young man. You must be… very proud of him.”
Very proud. Reagan felt the words like a cut to her heart. “Yes. We are.” She didn’t let her deeper concerns show as she hugged Donna. “I’m here for you.”
Reagan walked down the hall and took the first elevator. You must be very proud of him. She squeezed her eyes shut for a few seconds. Did Donna know Tommy was considering police work? No, that wasn’t possible. He wouldn’t have told Annalee’s parents before he told his own.
The truth was, Reagan had so much to be proud of when it came to her oldest son. So why had she treated him so terribly in the face of his news? She should’ve reacted like Luke. Sure, Son, she could’ve said. That’s wonderful. When do you think you’ll apply to the department?
Instead she had alienated him and let him go to bed hurt and angry.
Reagan reached her car and slid behind the wheel. Of course she was proud of Tommy. But a police officer? The idea was still sending shock waves through her soul. Even so… what kind of mother was she to treat her son that way? Tommy had been happy, after all. Excited to share his announcement. The thought stayed with her. Why couldn’t she have been more like her husband—suggesting ways Tommy could get into police work more quickly? More efficiently? She had no answers for herself on the drive to Northside High and none when she joined with other teachers in the auditorium minutes ahead of the assembly.
Reagan headed up the Northside PTSA. She worked in the high school office, and managed all parent volunteer duties. It was a paid position, and one she loved. Now, surrounded by the high school staff, Reagan waited till each class had filed into the building. There were nearly five hundred students in grades nine through twelve. When all of them were seated, she took the microphone at center stage.
“Some of you may know that Annalee Miller is sick.” Reagan felt a catch in her breath. Her eyes met Tommy’s in the audience.
But her son looked away.
Reagan didn’t blame him. She took a slow breath. “Annalee has non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. She’s very ill, and she’ll miss the rest of this semester. Probably much of the spring, as well.” She kept her eyes away from Tommy this time. Her announcement held enough heartache without her being constantly reminded of the trouble with her son.
The announcement didn’t last long. Reagan told them that the school would be doing fundraisers to help the Miller family with expenses while her parents cared for her. “We’ll send something home from school soon, letting you know how you can help. Until then we’ll do what we can right now.” She looked around. “Please stand. Principal Larson is going to pray for Annalee. For a miracle.”
It was all Reagan could do to keep her composure as she turned the microphone over to the principal. Larry Larson had been the head administrator at Northside for more than a decade. When one of their own was sick or injured, he took the news personally. Mr. Larson was a praying man, like much of the community. The school’s student body and parent community were grateful for the fact.
With teary eyes, the man asked the students to bow their heads. As he began to pray, Reagan watched the students form circles, their arms around each other. A group of a dozen or so surrounded Tommy. And of course. Everyone knew he and Annalee were inseparable. If Annalee was sick, then Tommy was suffering, too.
The show of love and friendship was striking.
On the way home that afternoon Reagan realized something that made her sick. The students at Northside were clearly determined to give Tommy the utmost level of support. Reagan blinked back tears as she pulled into her driveway. Whatever the situation, whatever he needed, his friends would have his back.
She pulled into the garage and gripped the steering wheel. If Tommy’s friends and classmates had known about his decision to skip college and be a police officer, every one of them would’ve stood by him. Cheering for him. Excited for him.
So then the real question was this.
Why couldn’t she?
13
The idyllic world Tommy had known just a few weeks ago was gone. Forever, it felt like. Annalee was worse every hour, weaker and sicker no matter how much he prayed. And things were just as bad at home.
Tension was still growing between Tommy and his mother. Not only that, but things seemed strained between his parents. They were barely speaking to each other. All in the days that had passed since Tommy had told them his decision.
Malin and Johnny hadn’t noticed. They were busy with school and homework and after-school teams. But Tommy knew. He could see the way his mom and dad looked at each other these past few evenings, and it wasn’t good.
Despite that, they must have come to some agreement. Because yesterday after he returned from the hospital, his dad had pulled him aside. “Detective Mike Lockwood called. You c
an do a ride-along tomorrow, if that works. I told him you didn’t have basketball on Saturdays till the season begins.”
“Really?” The thrill that ran through Tommy had only confirmed his desire to be a cop. That’s when he told Tommy about the age requirement. Tommy had to be twenty-one before he could work for the IMPD. But there were other states where he could work first. Right after graduation. Then he had glanced toward the next room, where his mom was helping Malin with a math assignment. “What about Mom?”
“She’s okay.” His dad hadn’t sounded totally convincing. “She wants you to see what it’s like.”
But at Johnny’s soccer game this morning, Tommy didn’t think his mom was okay at all. She barely made eye contact with him. After lunch, as Tommy was headed downtown to the police station, he found her in the kitchen making cookies.
“Want help?” He still had fifteen minutes before he had to leave. “I can clean up. Dishes are my favorite.” He tried to keep his tone light. “You know me. King of the kitchen.”
His mother’s smile fell flat. “Thank you.” She set down her dishrag and looked at him. Straight at him for the first time since his announcement. “Tommy… I’m sorry. For how I’ve been acting.”
He nodded. “Dad says you’re good… with the ride-along today?”
“I am.” She exhaled. Like she was carrying a ton of bricks on her shoulders. “You’ve seen your grandpa John at work in the hospital, and you’ve been with your father in the courtroom.” Her expression was tight. Dark with what was obvious worry. “You need to do this. So you can see if…” She stopped herself.
“If what?” Tommy felt a rush of frustration. “Mom. I’m not going to change my mind. If that’s what you think.”
She didn’t say anything in response. Instead she hugged him—longer than usual. “I’m sorry. That’s all.” She looked at him. “Be careful, Tommy. Please.”
Now Tommy was doing the ride-along paperwork at the downtown station. He wore dress pants, a white button-down shirt and loafers. No jeans. No tennis shoes. The department took the ride-along program seriously.
At least his mother had been kind to him on the way out the door. But now he understood why she’d agreed to this. Because she thought he would get in a police car and see… what? The danger of it? The frustration? Clearly she thought riding alongside an officer would change his mind about being a policeman.
They would have to talk about that later.
Tommy finished filling out the forms and turned them in at the front desk. The next four hours would be spent in a police car. Then he’d go to the hospital to see Annalee. To see how she wasn’t improving and how God wasn’t answering their prayers. At least it seemed that way.
In the meantime, being with Detective Lockwood was going to be a great diversion. The man met Tommy in the lobby a few minutes later. He shook Tommy’s hand. “You look just like your dad.”
“Thank you.” Tommy had heard that before. It was always a compliment.
The detective nodded for Tommy to follow him. “You’ll ride with me this afternoon. I don’t get out on patrol very often, so this will be good for both of us. After today, I’ll assign you to one of our other officers.”
“Yes, sir.” Tommy could barely breathe as they walked to the man’s squad car. Along the way Detective Lockwood told him what to expect. “Anything can happen out there. We’re working to take down a couple of very dangerous gangs and a group of our officers is closing in on a sex-trafficking ring. Beyond that there’s the 9-1-1 calls. And they come in just about constantly.”
Tommy remembered something Annalee’s dad had said when they were in Thailand. The crime they’d seen on the streets there was just as bad in Indianapolis. And most major cities across the United States. Some of it might be more hidden, but it was out there.
Detective Lockwood was still running through the possibilities. “The most dangerous calls are the ones that take us by surprise. The routine traffic stop where an officer is shot before he or she can say a word. Or the calls that lead us on a chase—by car and then by foot. Always the goal is to get the suspect safely in custody. Whether they have a weapon or not.”
Already Tommy’s heart was beating harder. “I’ve watched just about every episode of Cops. The chases seem pretty dangerous. Especially at night.”
“They are. Other bad guys could be waiting for us, hiding in the shadows, ready to shoot. The truth is, every call is a risk.” Detective Lockwood paused as they reached the squad car. A new-looking Ford Explorer. “But it’s a risk we’re all willing to take. Because honestly… we want to be part of the solution on how people see cops. We could walk away, get a different job. But for most of us, this is a calling. Someone has to help the people. My wife and daughters understand that.”
Of course they do, Tommy wanted to say. Why couldn’t his mother be like them? Maybe she just needed time to get used to the idea. Tommy hoped so.
Once they were inside the squad car, the man explained that the vehicle’s floor was made entirely of rubber. No carpet at all. “Nothing to slow us down if we need to enter or exit quickly.”
Detective Lockwood then pointed out the brake pedal. “It’s larger than normal. Easier for us to stop in a hurry if a crime is in progress.”
In the door there were white envelopes. “For tickets,” the detective explained. “And you’ll see hand sanitizer there. Which we need more than you’d think.”
On the center console was a laptop on a swivel. “The computer gives us options police officers didn’t have in the old days. It’s loaded with programs that help us run plates, check IDs on suspects and write reports.”
Beneath that was a built-in radio with a microphone and a series of switches. “The microphone is constantly connected to dispatch. Same with the one on our uniform.” He tapped the receiver unit near his shoulder. Then he pointed to a switch on the console. “Flip this and everything’s on. Lights, sirens. Back lights. And the wall of light for a traffic stop. All of it ready for action.”
Tommy was mesmerized. He’d never been inside a police car before, and what he’d seen on Cops couldn’t compare to being here in person.
“And of course our spotlight.” Detective Lockwood put his left hand on a shiny knob near the windshield frame. “This helps us see addresses or people we’re looking for.”
Tommy looked over his shoulder to the backseat. “The containment area is only on one side of the car?”
“Not for all police vehicles, but for this one, yes.” The detective nodded to the open seat. “Once in a while we need to transport a citizen for noncriminal reasons. An elderly person, or someone lost. That sort of thing. Obviously we don’t use the containment area for those situations.”
Every detail made Tommy more thrilled about being out on the road.
Detective Lockwood pointed to the other side of the backseat. “This suspect containment area is pretty typical. Hard plastic. Nowhere to hide anything—drugs or weapons. Plexiglass all the way around the top. That way we can see whoever’s back there, but they can’t spit on us or harm us in any way.”
Tommy noticed the bars on the window. “Are those new? I haven’t seen that before.”
“You’d be surprised how easily a suspect can kick out a window. The bars protect us and the suspect.”
At the top of the inside roofline, the detective pointed out a compact printer. “We run off tickets right here in the vehicle. That keeps the simple traffic infractions legible and quick. Much nicer than a handwritten ticket.”
The ride-along started with basic patrol time. “We check out the city’s most crime-ridden areas, looking for victims in need of assistance. Sometimes we pick up a drug dealer or two. But as soon as we get a call, that takes precedence.”
Detective Lockwood cruised from the station to Haughville, one of the most crime-ridden neighborhoods in Indianapolis, he told Tommy. “We have an epidemic of drugs and gang activity in this area. A police presence here is critical.”
In recent weeks, Tommy had done his research about the IMPD. The last officer killed in the line of duty had been in 2014, and a number of others had lost their lives in the decade before that. Beyond that were a number of high profile cases from around the country where police officers were convicted of murder because their wrongful actions resulted in the death of a suspect.
The job was incredibly tough, and not all cops were good. Tommy knew that.
But considering the way many big-city communities had turned on their police departments, the IMPD still had a fairly good relationship with its citizens.
Even in the toughest areas.
A few years ago the department hosted a lip-sync challenge to a Justin Timberlake song, and nearly a hundred community members took part in the video. The resulting YouTube clip only further improved relations with the city.
But here in Haughville, Tommy couldn’t imagine many of the residents were thrilled to see a police car coming their way. Sure enough, a few minutes later Detective Lockwood radioed for backup. “See that.” He nodded to a trio of old-model sedans in a parking lot overrun with weeds. “Drug deal going down for sure.”
Tommy had read the rules for a ride-along with the IMPD. If a dangerous situation presented itself, the officer conducting the ride-along was encouraged to take their citizen passenger to a safe location, if possible. Tommy doubted there was such a thing in Haughville.
“We’ll come at them from a side street and keep a low profile. You’ll stay in the car.” The detective had his radio in his hand. He was in constant contact with dispatch and after a few minutes, three patrol cars joined them. In letters and number codes Tommy didn’t know or understand, a plan was made. Two other officers took the lead and surprised the drug deal, and in a rush of action three men were in custody.
“We’ve been looking for two of those guys all year.” Detective Lockwood smiled when he was back in the car. His forehead was damp with sweat. “Someone’s daughter… someone’s son. They won’t get a drug buy tonight. Might save a life.”
Truly, Madly, Deeply Page 11
