But with everyone who wore a badge.
“Ma’am.” Raul looked straight at her. He was a handsome guy, but his eyes shone with new concern. “Tommy told me… you’re afraid of him being an officer.”
“Yes.” Tears stung at the corners of Reagan’s eyes. “I… I’m working through it.”
“She is.” Luke put his arm around her. Then he raised his brow at Raul. “But you’re proof… the danger is real.”
“It is.” Raul didn’t look away from Reagan. “My mom told me something the night before my first day on the job. She told me this: ‘God knows the number of your days, Raul. God knows.’ ” He had the hint of a smile. “I think that helped her. It definitely helped me.”
Two tears slid down Reagan’s cheeks and she brushed them away. Her heart was too full to cry, too thankful to do anything but smile. “That’s why you’re here today.”
“Exactly.”
Reagan stood and hugged the young man. “Thank you.” She stepped back. “I’m glad your number wasn’t up.”
“Yes.” He chuckled. “Me, too.” Raul made his way back to his recliner and rattled off another story.
Reagan turned to Luke. His eyes told her he knew exactly how she was feeling. Officer Raul’s words had been just what she needed. The hope she would hold on to.
Worry never made anyone live longer. Fear never kept people from dying or getting sick or being shot by a criminal. Whether you were a doctor or a lawyer… or a businessman like her father, the world was a dangerous place.
And at the same time it was utterly safe. Because no cancer, no bullet from a drug dealer’s gun could ever take someone’s life until the exact right time. One out of one of the people breathing and moving on earth would die one day. But the hope was in what Raul had told her just now.
God knew the number of their days. And that wasn’t only true for her and Luke and their kids, but for every police officer in the room.
20
The scan that Monday afternoon hadn’t been originally scheduled. Annalee knew that. Her doctor wanted another look just four weeks after the last test for one reason.
To see if the stronger chemo was working.
It had been four days since her last hospital stay, but the effects of the drugs kept making their way through her body. Annalee wore a blond wig and sat in a wheelchair in the waiting room with Tommy and her mom. Across her mouth she wore a mask.
Her doctor was concerned about her immune system. Any cold, any flu bug could be disastrous. Plus it was ten days till Thanksgiving. The last thing Annalee wanted was to be sicker over the holidays.
“How are you feeling?” Tommy took her hand. The way he always did when they were together. “You have more color.”
“She does, doesn’t she.” Annalee’s mom sat across from them. Her eyes looked dark with worry. “I think you’re looking better.”
“Thanks.” Annalee felt like she could throw up at any minute. There had been a constant ringing in her ears for days now and her feet and hands tingled like they were asleep. She hadn’t felt this bad since the beginning. “I’m getting better.” She nodded. “I believe that.”
“So… you feel okay?” Tommy studied her face. “If you don’t, you can tell me, love.”
Annalee let herself get lost in his beautiful eyes. She’d worried him enough. Besides, the new symptoms were to be expected. Stronger chemo… stronger side effects. “I’m fine.” She smiled, and the action took all her effort. “Anxious for the test so we can know it’s working.”
A nurse opened the door and stepped into the waiting room. “Annalee Miller.”
“Yes.” Tommy answered for her. He looked at her mother. “Is it okay? If I wheel her back?”
“Of course.” Her mom stood and framed Annalee’s face with her hands. “I’ll be praying. The whole time.” She kissed the top of her daughter’s head. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Annalee reached out and took her mom’s hand. “Hey, I meant to ask you… how’s Austin? I’m worried about him.” She paused. “Me being sick, it’s been hard on him.”
“He’s okay. He’s at a friend’s house.” Her mom took a quick breath. As if she was determined not to mention the obvious. That Annalee’s cancer had been hard on all of them. “Your brother prays for you every day, honey.”
Annalee smiled. “He told me.” She sank into her chair. “Well… we’ll know soon.”
Her mother stepped back and sat down.
Tommy pushed her toward the door and followed the nurse down the hallway. They made a few more familiar turns before they reached the scan room. “You can wait here.” The nurse was new to them. She pointed to a spot against the wall, just outside the door.
“I’d like to wait with her inside. Until the test.” Tommy’s voice was polite but determined. “If you don’t mind.”
The nurse thought for a few seconds and then she smiled. “That’s not in the rules. But… it’s fine. The tech will tell you when to leave.”
Alone in the room, Tommy parked Annalee next to a single plastic chair. He sat beside her and once more took her hand. Despite how awful she felt, she grinned at him. “You’re a rule breaker, Tommy Baxter.”
“Only for you.” He wouldn’t look away, wouldn’t take his eyes off her. “I’d get in that tube with you if they’d let me.”
She laughed, but the sound was weaker than before. “Please don’t ask.”
“I like this.” He put his hand alongside her cheek. “Hearing you laugh. Especially today.”
“It’s going to be good news.” She almost forgot where she was, with Tommy so near. His presence made her dizzy—in the best possible way.
“I believe you.” He sat back in his chair. “Did I tell you what Officer Raul said to my mom? At dinner last night?”
“You… said it was fun.” She leaned her head back against the wall. “I wish I could’ve been there.” The talking was making her tired. “Did… he say something else?”
“Yes.” Tommy’s expression looked more serious. “Something from the Bible. He told her God knows the number of our days.”
“Mmm.” She let the words work their way into her heart. “I love that.”
“So I’m not going to worry, Annalee Miller.” He held her hand a little more tightly. “This scan is going to bring us good news. But no matter what happens today… God holds you.” He exhaled. “What could be better than that?”
“That sounds more like the Tommy I know.” She looked at him. “You’re not mad at God anymore?”
“I don’t understand Him.” Tommy shifted so he could see her better. “But the world makes no sense without Him.”
A female tech walked in and hesitated. “Uh… I think you’re supposed to be outside, sir.”
“Actually”—Tommy winked at Annalee—“I have permission this time. Annalee… she’s a special one.”
Kindness filled the woman’s eyes. “Very well.” She motioned to the door. “But you really do have to leave.”
Tommy nodded. “Thank you.” Then he looked at Annalee again. “Good news, love. Only good news.”
And like that he was gone.
Once she was inside the tube, the tech gave the usual instructions. She’d hear a series of orders. The machine would be loud and if she needed help she could push the button. Annalee barely listened. Her dad had reminded her again last night, “Go someplace wonderful, Annalee. Don’t stay in the scan tomorrow. Take wing.”
Today she knew exactly where she wanted to go. She closed her eyes and breathed in deep. Her stomach hurt, but not for long.
Not where she was going.
Once, six years ago, she and her family had traveled to Atlantis in the Bahamas. Paradise Island, the place was called. Annalee had been only twelve, but the memory remained as clear as if they’d gone last week. That summer a millionaire donor for Each One International had provided airfare and lodging for Annalee’s entire family to spend a week at the resort.
&nb
sp; And while Karon Beach was magical with its recent memories of her time with Tommy, Annalee knew one thing. If she and Tommy ever really did get married, she wouldn’t want to spend their honeymoon anywhere but Atlantis.
Since pretending was free, that’s exactly where she was headed.
First, Annalee put herself in a packed church opposite Tommy. She was wearing the most beautiful gown—white lace and cap sleeves, a fitted bodice and a train that spread out behind her. Tommy looked more handsome than ever. Black tux, white shirt and a white bow tie.
Her uncle was an ordained minister, so he was officiating the ceremony, of course.
“Take a deep breath. Hold it,” the machine barked at her.
Annalee obeyed, but she wasn’t in the tube any longer. She was looking into Tommy’s eyes and he was telling her how he’d never imagined he could love anyone as much as he loved her.
For all my life—whatever comes our way—I will love you, Annalee Miller. His vows landed deep in her heart, every word finding its place. I will hold you when you cannot stand, and laugh with you till we cry. And when you’re sad… I will catch your tears and take them as my own.
Then it was her turn and she felt the crowd fade away. I love you, Thomas Luke Baxter. When I look at you, I see myself. The best parts of me. And when you look at me I feel your very heart. I will believe in you whatever you do, and cheer for you when you win. And you will always win, Tommy. We both will. Because we have each other.
The wedding played out before her eyes. Tommy slipped a ring on her finger and she could feel the cool gold, see the brilliant diamond. And she was slipping a ring on his finger, too, and they were kissing. Not the kiss from their walk along the canal before her treatment began. A different kiss. Longer, deeper.
A kiss that told all the world they would forever belong to each other.
And like that they were married and walking up the aisle, grinning so big they were laughing. Annalee blinked and they were at a reception, and people were talking and cheering and looking at them while they danced.
“Never My Love” played throughout the room and Tommy was singing to her. You ask me if there’ll come a time…
“Exhale. Hold your breath.” The machine’s voice was as distant as the moon.
Which was what Annalee could see now. In the cool of night, they were walking out of the reception, hand in hand, to a waiting car. And the moon had never looked more beautiful. Full and bright overhead. Then they were boarding a plane and headed to the Bahamas.
Annalee could see it all… the palm trees that lined the runway and the lyrical accent of the driver who picked them up and took them to Atlantis. They were staying at the Reef, the building where Annalee and her family had stayed. Only they were checking in to an ocean-view room and then…
Then Tommy opened the glass door and led her out onto the balcony and heaven itself seemed to spread out before them. The pale blue water and white sand, the strip of land that separated the two beaches. And the most beautiful manicured grounds that spread as far as they could see.
Their wedding had been in the evening, but it was daytime again—because why not? And the sun was setting as they walked back into the room. The bed had a ceiling-to-floor view of the water—a privacy window no one could see into. Tommy drew the sheer curtain across the patio door. Because what was going to happen next needed privacy.
Intimacy.
And they could still hear the ocean outside, one wave after another, mixing with the lilting instrumental music that played across the resort. The surf and beach sounds were like the most romantic symphony, and Tommy turned to her.
I’ve dreamed about this since the day we got engaged, he told her. And she was in his arms and they were kissing. A passionate kiss that took them slowly to the bed. More than once they had talked about this moment, the time when they could finally be together the way they wanted to be.
“I can’t wait to sleep with you,” Annalee had said on their canal walk. “If we get married… being with you—all of you—that will be the most beautiful part of living.”
Tommy’s cheeks had turned red. “Annalee!” He chuckled and pulled her into his arms. They swayed together for a few seconds. “Listen to you!”
“You’re surprised?” She stepped back, her arms still around his neck.
He thought for a second and laughed again. “I guess not.”
She had started running down the path that day and he had chased her. And before they left the park he told her something that still remained with her. “You’re one in a million, Annalee Miller. I am going to marry you one day… and that honeymoon will be the highlight of my life.”
“Breathe. Hold your breath.” A series of sledgehammer sounds echoed through the tube. But not one of them interrupted Annalee.
Because this was their honeymoon. The ocean breeze dancing in the sheer curtain, the sun setting over the horizon. They were kissing again, breathing faster than before, and Tommy was whispering to her, We have all the time in the world, Annalee. All the time.
And they were taking off their shirts and the way he was looking at her made her feel like the prettiest girl alive. Then he—
The machine fell silent and the table Annalee was lying on began to slide out into the open room. Standing there was the tech. “Okay, Annalee. That’s all.” She held out her hand and helped Annalee off the table. Then she left while Annalee got dressed again.
When Annalee was back in her wheelchair, the tech patted her shoulder. “You got through it. I’ll get your boyfriend.”
Her boyfriend. Two words that reminded Annalee this wasn’t the Bahamas and she and Tommy weren’t married. She wasn’t lying on a luxurious fresh bed looking out at the ocean and she and Tommy weren’t about to—
He rushed into the room. “Hey.” He stooped down to her level. “How was it.”
“A dream.” She put her hands on his shoulders and smiled. “If you only knew.”
He stayed down at her level. “You… fell asleep?”
“Sort of.” She leaned closer and let her forehead rest on his. “It was the most beautiful dream ever.”
“Well, then…” He took gentle hold of her face. “I believe it’ll come true, love. Someday. Somewhere. Sometime away from here.”
“Yes.” She smiled at him. “I believe, too. With everything in me.”
And so she did. As they left the scan room and headed back down the hallway, Annalee was no longer thinking about her test results or whether she’d need more chemo or steroids or antinausea medication. She was back in the Bahamas.
She could practically feel the sheets on her skin.
21
For the rest of his life, Tommy was sure he would remember this Thanksgiving Day, and the sight of Annalee and her parents and brother walking up the porch of his uncle Landon and aunt Ashley’s house. She was a vision, Annalee. Her flowy skirt swished just above her ankles, and her navy sweater hid just how much weight she’d lost. She wore the blond wig, the one she loved most.
She looked too pretty to have cancer. He opened the front door as they got closer. The Baxters always gathered at the old farmhouse in Bloomington for Thanksgiving, and this year they had invited the Millers. Because the news from Annalee’s scan was so good.
Her tumor was disappearing!
She didn’t need a wheelchair now, even though she’d had another round of chemo since the scan. Maybe because of the great news or maybe because God was working a miracle, she felt stronger these days. Able to walk. And the color really was back in her pretty freckled cheeks.
Tommy met them at the door and resisted the urge to let Annalee lean on him. She wanted to walk on her own, she had told him a few days ago. Like a normal person. She had missed it. Instead he shook hands with her dad and hugged her mom and brother.
“Glad you could make it!” He grinned at each of them. “Everyone’s inside.”
Over the last three years Annalee’s family had shared other dinners here at the B
axter house, so there was no need for introductions. Tommy’s dad had asked the family to avoid talking about Annalee’s cancer.
Better just to enjoy the time together.
When everyone had said their hellos, Tommy walked with Annalee to the back porch, where they could be alone for a few minutes. He had promised that even he wouldn’t ask how she was today. So he put his arm around her and together they stared across the back field.
“It’s so pretty.” She shaded her eyes. “Let’s walk to the stream out back… next time.”
“We will.” He held her close, warmed by the feel of her body against his. “This spring. It’s a date.”
“Perfect.”
They were talking in code. She would finish with her treatments in early January. Then there would be another scan weeks later. That one had to show just one result if they were actually going to take a walk to the stream in spring.
No evidence of disease. NED, her doctor had called it.
“What are you thankful for, love?” He held her closer still. They would talk about it at dinner, go around the table so everyone could share. But he wanted to have this moment with her first. Just the two of them.
She turned to him. “So much.” She paused. “I’m… thankful for the smell of turkey and potatoes coming from your aunt and uncle’s house. And for the chill in the air reminding me that winter is coming. Time is passing. The seasons are changing.”
Here was one more thing Tommy loved about her. She was a poet. Every detail of life landed on her. Moments like this he wished he could write down what she had just said. Because he never wanted to forget it.
“Okay.” He faced her now. “My turn.”
She put her finger softly to his lips. “Wait. I’m not done.” Her eyes danced, the way they hadn’t in far too long. “I’m thankful for my friendship with Jesus and my parents and my brother. And I am forever thankful… for you, Tommy Baxter. I don’t think… I really don’t think I could’ve survived all this without you.”
Truly, Madly, Deeply Page 17
