by Ana Medeiros
The Raven Room
The Raven Room Trilogy - Book One
Ana Medeiros
Copyright
Diversion Books
A Division of Diversion Publishing Corp.
443 Park Avenue South, Suite 1008
New York, NY 10016
www.DiversionBooks.com
Copyright © 2015 by Ana Medeiros
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
For more information, email [email protected]
First Diversion Books edition November 2015
ISBN: 978-1-62681-776-0
To Garfield.
I’m here. Again. How can I stay away?
As I walk down this narrow corridor, I caress the blood-red walls with my open palm and I can feel the energy of the place course through my body. This is the secret. The big secret all who come here have to protect if we want to die and be reborn through our desires. I’m afraid. Afraid I’m depraved. Afraid solitude is all I’m ever meant to feel.
It’s dark. Warm. Sounds of pleasure, sounds of pain, echo around me and I close my eyes. The air in here is different from anywhere else. It’s full. Heavy. I can taste it. The taste of unleashed sexual appetite. I kneel myself at the feet of it all, like a faithful lover. It energizes me. I don’t have to pretend to be that other person anymore, the one who survives in the outside world. Here is where I come to forget. To let go. Here is where I come to be alive.
I enter the room and she’s already here. Naked. While her body carries the scars we both have come to love, I carry her scars within me. In my soul. They are ours. The crimson glow of the light embraces her body like I never will. It comforts me. It makes her crave what’s to come. I touch her and the sensation of her skin against my fingertips sends a shiver down my spine. Our eyes meet. A dark prelude. I’m inside of her and while we move together, gasps and sighs escaping our lips, we both know there’s honesty in the gift we present each other with. She allows me to be myself, and I’m weak when I’m being strong. That’s where the beauty of trust lies.
I hurt her. She hurts me.
I kill her. She kills me.
We have never met before. We are strangers.
Chapter 1
He still thought of them.
Julian woke up that morning covered in a thin layer of sweat, feeling like he couldn’t breathe. He forced himself to inhale and sat on the bed with his head hanging forward between his tense shoulders. He kept his eyes closed, afraid to open them. Maybe he was still in the house. The fast pounding of his heart against his chest was making his whole body throb. It hurt. He ran his fingers through his hair and rested his damp forehead on his arm.
Julian opened his eyes. Unwrapping the covers from around his lower body, he got up and made his way to the window at the opposite end of the dark room. He drew the heavy, grey curtains and the dull, early winter morning light surrounded him. He squinted and the feeling of the hardwood floor against his bare feet brought him unexpected comfort. He had always liked the cold.
It was another snowy day in Chicago. Through the floor–to-ceiling bedroom windows on his eighty-fifth floor condo on North Wabash Avenue, he had full view of the eastern side of the city. Though it was early, the streets below were already hectic with traffic and pedestrians, all trying to move as fast as they could. To Julian they looked like scattered, lost toys. Sometimes he would concentrate, trying to hear the faint buzz of city noise, but that far up it was impossible. There was only silence. He felt detached from all the life unfolding at his feet, but he never got tired of watching it. The view was magnificent. It didn’t matter how often or for how long he stared at it. The city skyline was a sight that never failed to move him.
Two years ago, when Julian first walked in with the real estate agent to check out the condo, he wasn’t planning on buying it. The asking price was higher than he wanted to spend and he was looking for an older dwelling, something with an intimate atmosphere and a past; a home with a soul. But the instant he had stepped into the master suite he had been mesmerized. The sun was setting and the sky was bleeding in different shades of red, until all the colors drowned in sheer darkness. He had bought the condo on the spot.
The soft, shifting sound behind him made him turn.
“What time is it?”
Julian faced the bed. He tried to hide that he had forgotten she was there.
He smiled, “Seven-thirty.”
“Come back to bed,” she said, pulling the covers aside and opening her arms to him.
Meredith was beautiful. He had revered her healthy, toned body from the first time he met her, over a year ago. She exuded life and he had been naturally drawn to her. He appreciated that she never asked for too much. There were no demands or expectations. Their time together was fun, passionate, and carefree. Just what he needed. To Julian, that made her the perfect lover.
“What do you want?” he asked, moving his eyes from her face to her unclad breasts. He was no longer smiling and there was now a demanding, harsh quality to his voice.
Meredith bit her lower lip, delaying her reply. With an unabashed look, she stared at his naked body and touched herself. She arched her back and a sound of pleasure escaped her parted lips.
“I want to fuck you,” she said.
Julian continued to watch her, not moving from his spot by the window. He knew she could see he was getting aroused. Locking eyes with his, she took her fingers to her mouth, licking them with abandon, and then placed them back between her outstretched legs.
“Please,” she added.
He stroked himself slowly, but with purpose. “Get on your stomach. I want to take you from behind.”
She turned around and Julian approached the bed. He covered her body with his, spread her legs further apart and, with one single trust of his hips, entered her. She gasped and he closed his eyes. No words were exchanged. Meredith’s frame wasn’t fragile but he had her in a submissive position, emphasizing how much stronger than her he was. Using his strength to his advantage, Julian took full control. He didn’t show her any gentleness. Moving her long brown hair aside, he bit the back of her neck. The sound of her breath catching in her chest brought him intense gratification.
Meredith buried her face in the mattress, yielding to the force of having him deep inside of her. Julian had learned her body; he knew she was close to climax. Taking in the clean scent of her skin, he wrapped her hair around his closed fist and, tugging hard, lifted her head off the bed. Sliding his free hand under Meredith, he stroked her with his fingers. Her moans grew louder as he caressed her. The feeling of her body convulsing, tightening around him, was all Julian needed. Bringing Meredith to her hands and knees, he allowed his desire to take over. They were both panting. Holding her by the waist, his head thrown back, the sound of his body slamming against hers with powerful force reverberated through the bedroom. Meredith continued to shudder and, though lost in his own lust, he was aware of how incredibly wet she was. Julian felt his release building and he leaned forward, his face in her hair. Spasms rocked his body and, as his gravelly moans mixed with hers, he spilled inside of her.
Julian pulled out of Meredith and rolled over, facing the ceiling. Fighting for breath, neither of them moved for what felt like a long time.
Meredith was the first one to speak, “You’re ruining all the other guys for me.”
He chuckled, absently touching her nipple with his fingertips. When they had first met, at the end of
last summer, Meredith’s body had been an alluring golden tone. Now he knew she was naturally very fair and he enjoyed the contrast of his swarthy complexion against hers.
He closed his hand on her voluptuous breast. “All I’m doing is raising the bar. It guarantees you don’t waste time on men who can’t satisfy you.” Julian brought his face closer to her and started to lick her nipple with his tongue. “Like the one you were sleeping with last month.”
“Which one?”
“Mister Listerine.”
Meredith groaned and slapped the side of his head. “His name was Theodore.”
“He made you use mouthwash after you sucked him off.” He continued to lick her nipple as he spoke. “You should have told him to go take a hike the first time it happened.”
“He had OCD.” She was staring down at him, her fingertips tracing the outline of his black and grey tattoo sleeve. “Jesus, you’re being such a cunt.”
“Is that the type of language they’re teaching in grad school these days? If I was your dad I’d ask for my money back.”
“Gross. Can you please not mention my dad as you suck on my nipple? It kills the mood.”
“Figured it might turn you on.”
At those words, she closed her fingers in his hair and pulled hard.
He laughed, wincing in pain. “Is this how you treat the man that just gave you an orgasm?”
“Yeah, one! You want me to be kind, you have to do better than that.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I’d let you down.”
“You can make it up to me. Take me to The Raven Room next time you go,” she said, resting her leg on top of his. “We’ve been talking about it for months.”
Meredith wasn’t demanding, but when she wanted something she was relentless. “I’ll think about it,” Julian replied.
Getting up, he walked toward the en suite bathroom. “I have to go. My first patient is in an hour and, with this weather, it’ll take me twice as long to get there. Don’t you have a lecture or seminar?”
“I’m skipping,” she answered, hiding under the covers.
“No, you’re not. Get up and get dressed. I’m leaving in fifteen minutes,” he said from the bathroom.
Meredith sat up and moved her tangled hair out of her face. “Wow, I don’t even get the chance to shower before you throw me out?”
Returning to the bedroom, Julian approached the bed and, grabbing both her ankles, pulled her roughly toward him. She was now sitting on the edge of the bed, with him standing between her open legs.
“I’m doing you a favor,” he whispered against her ear. “You’ll have my scent on you all day. You’ll remember how good it felt to have me deep in you,” he continued, noticing the mark he left below her collarbone the night before. He kissed the bruised skin. “You won’t be bored during your lecture. You’ll be soaking wet.”
Meredith rubbed her thighs along the side of his body. “You’re making me wet now.”
When Julian pressed two of his fingers inside of her, she looked up, searching his eyes. He moved them in and out of her several times. Eventually he brought the damp fingers to his lips, watching her as he sucked them into his mouth.
Julian pulled away from her. He left the bedroom again, closing the door behind him. A few seconds later he was in the shower, feeling the hot water cascading down his head. Images from his nightmare came back to him and he lifted his face toward the water stream, hoping he could cleanse himself of the past.
Meredith had gotten out of bed and was standing by the expansive window. Her whole body felt sore but she enjoyed the satiated emotion that always followed. As she came to a decision, a smile formed on her lips. It was time for her to find out who Doctor Julian Reeve really was.
Chapter 2
Odetta’s voice was Julian’s companion every time he drove alone in his car. He knew the lyrics to most of her songs and on that Sunday, as he made his way to Peter and Grace’s house in Lincoln Park for the birthday party of their one-year-old twins, he hummed along to one of her blues tracks. He looked relaxed and in high spirits but he couldn’t shake the sense of dread every time he thought of the afternoon ahead of him.
The sidewalks were deserted. Chicago was in the midst of its hardest winter in over fifty years and the punishing weather was all one would hear being discussed across town. Constant snowstorms, freezing temperatures, dangerous driving conditions, persistent delays in public transportation—all of it was forcing the locals to hibernate. But the harsh weather was also having an invisible impact on Chicagoans. Julian had heard many of his mental health colleagues mention the spike in the demand for antidepressants and sedatives. Pills, he believed, in most cases caused more harm than good. He figured that by the time spring made an appearance everyone around him would have gone a little bit crazier. But for Julian it was different. He was secretly enjoying the savageness of the season. The cold lulled the city to a quieter pace and the stillness that permeated the air sharpened his instincts.
Julian wished he could have declined the invitation to the birthday party. But Peter was his oldest friend. They had met several years ago, while they were both pursuing their undergrad. In the beginning, Julian had been annoyed by Peter’s sunny disposition but after a few months of attending the same classes, he had come to enjoy Peter’s company. By their third year of university, Julian was considered a member of Peter’s family. His friend would often voice that Julian had been adopted twice, first by Hazel, when he was sixteen, and second by Peter.
After graduation, Julian remained in the city to attend the Chicago School of Professional Psychology and Peter temporarily moved back to Toronto, where he had grown-up, to attend medical school. During that time they continued to visit each other often. Achieving academic success despite the constant drunken adventures and string of failed romances, Peter was the fun-loving friend Julian had learned to appreciate, support, but many times condemn. Their summer trips to Peter’s cottage in Muskoka, called by many the Malibu of the North, were always the highlight of their time together. It was then, through witnessing Peter’s interaction with his family, that Julian understood how his and Peter’s lives would forever be different. The love of his family would always enable Peter to behave recklessly. If he fell, Peter knew that they would be there to catch him.
Julian parked on the street outside of Peter and Grace’s three-story home. “Goodbye my friend, Odetta. Till next time,” he said, turning off the music. He continued to tap his gloved fingers on the steering wheel. He was fighting the urge to turn the key in the ignition and drive away.
Julian was disgusted with himself. All he had to do was go into the house, socialize for a few hours and then leave. Instead he was hiding in his car like a coward. Looking for a distraction, he glanced at his phone. There was a text message from Meredith, reminding him of her desire to go to The Raven Room. He wanted to take her but the truth was that he was afraid of what might happen if he did. Sighing, he decided it was best to leave things as they were. It was safer that way.
He jumped out of the car, grabbed the boxes from the back seat, and walked to the front door. Grace greeted him with a warm smile.
“Julian! We were starting to think you were going to bail on us.”
“You know I wouldn’t miss the party.”
Grace took the presents and his coat. “I’m very happy you’re here.”
“Me too. Where’re the boys?”
“They’re down for a nap. Can you believe it? I’m sure you and Pete would love to catch up before we all start drinking to dull our nerves against screaming kids.” As soon as she spoke, a high-pitched scream echoed down the hall and they both flinched. “See?” she laughed. “Peter’s upstairs in his office. Go.”
“Are you sure you don’t need my help? Sounds like you might.”
“No, we’re fine. Just drag Pete downstairs in a few minutes to cut the cake.”
As he made his way up the stairs, Julian heard the voices coming fro
m the other end of the house. He was appreciative that Grace, knowing how much he disliked gatherings, saved him from having to greet a horde of talkative family members, yuppie friends, and shrieking kids.
He found Peter sitting in the middle of his disorganized office, smirking at his laptop screen.
“Hey man,” Peter said, running his hand through his disheveled blonde hair. “Looking forward to eating some rainbow-colored cake?”
Julian fell into the big worn-out couch beside Peter’s desk. He grabbed a small rubber giraffe stuffed between the seats and grinned. It belonged to the twins. “Everywhere I go I’m stalked by toys.”
“Not just toys. You’ve got hungry pussy jumping at you like spider monkeys.”
Julian lifted his eyes to Peter. His grin morphed into a smirk. “That fast, huh? No ‘How are you doing, Julian?’ No ‘What’s new at work, Julian?’ Straight to living vicariously through my sex life. Envious?”
“C’mon man, my golden days of banging whores are behind me. You’ve become my premium spank bank supplier. Porn gets kind of boring, after a while.”
Julian looked through the bay window. It had started to snow. “Did you tell Grace about Meredith?”
“Is that her name?”
Julian didn’t waver. “Did you tell Grace?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“I want to know how ugly a picture of me you’ve been painting.”
“Yeah, I told her. We both worry about you.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.
Julian faced Peter, his expression solemn. “Don’t do that. I’m the psychologist here. I’m the only one allowed to sit like that while pretending to care about someone.”
“I’m not pretending, jackass. That Meredith girl is what, twenty?” He frowned, “And you, forty?”
“Thirty-nine.” From the corner of his eye Julian saw a large pile of toppled books on the floor. He wondered how Peter ever found anything in the midst of the chaos of his office. “She’s twenty-three, an adult.”
