by Ana Medeiros
“Babe, it’s like the North Pole in here. Wouldn’t you rather a warm bed?”
“You’ll keep me warm.” She fondled him. “C’mon, your cock is rock hard. You’re so ready. And so am I.”
“Let me get my wallet. The condom is in there.”
They fumbled toward the back of the car and Meredith straddled his legs.
“Fuck,” she cried out when he entered her. What he lacked between his ears, Colton made up for with what he had between his legs.
Meredith still wore her top but when he managed to free her breasts and circle her hard nipples with his tongue, she closed her eyes. It was good but not enough to push her over the edge. She needed to concentrate on having Colton inside of her; on being fucked in the back seat of a car by a man she couldn’t stand.
“Damn, babe, your pussy is clenching my cock like crazy. I’m going to come soon.”
She moved up and down on him. “I want you to come on my face.”
“Are you sure? I don't—”
She clamped her hand over his mouth. “That’s what I want.”
Shortly thereafter she was belly up on the fabric seat and Colton was trying to balance himself over her. His car was small and there wasn’t enough room for both of them. Her bent knees were pressed against one of the windows and she was gasping for air, his body too close to hers.
Meredith spread her legs and touched herself. Her fingers knew exactly how much pressure, how fast to move and in no time she was close to experiencing the pleasure she sought. Eager to get him there as well, she lifted her head and brought him into her mouth. The taste left behind by the condom wasn’t pleasant but she didn't care.
“I’m coming babe.”
As soon as he spoke, Meredith moved her face away from him. Her body tensed up and release started in her core and expanded through her limbs. Warmth showered her face.
She didn’t let Colton drive her home. She took a cab straight to Near North Side, Julian’s condo. They were supposed to go to The Raven Room that night.
“Wasn’t expecting you so early,” Julian said, closing the door behind her. It was only ten o’clock and she had told him she would come over around midnight.
“Just felt like it.”
The living room fireplace was lit and the curtains were drawn back. Chicago stood, beautiful and resolute, as far as she could see. Sitting on the couch she picked up the open book and smiled. “Straw Dogs: Thoughts on Humans and Other Animals,” she read out loud. “How boring.”
“C’mon, I can’t always be exciting.”
Feeling his stare on her, she looked up. “What?”
“You have dried come on your hair and your mascara is half down your face.” He didn’t move away from her. “Was it good?”
“Was okay. My eye hurts.” She made a face and they both laughed. “I need a shower.”
In Julian’s en suite bathroom Meredith undressed and stepped under the stream of hot water. She sighed, the heat on her skin allowing her to take a moment to reflect on all the things that had been going through her mind for the last week. Meredith decided she wasn't going to tell Julian about Colton. She also couldn’t discuss with him the information she had learned through Pam. It was difficult for her to reconcile the Julian she knew with the teenager the files portrayed him to be. One thing she was certain of—it didn’t dissuade her from spending time with Julian and writing her piece on The Raven Room. On the contrary, now she had more interesting material for her article. More than she had ever dreamed of.
She returned to the living room wrapped in a thick bath towel. Julian was on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table and when he saw her he passed her a large mug.
“You’ve had enough alcohol.”
“Hot chocolate?” she asked “Do you think I’m five?”
“Just try it.”
She sat beside Julian, giving him a suspicious look. As she brought the mug to her lips and sipped it slowly, they kept their eyes on each other.
“So? What's the verdict?” He was grinning.
“Fuck, this is good.”
“I made it myself. From scratch.”
Meredith didn’t believe him.
“I swear,” Julian said, proud of himself. “If you go into the kitchen you’ll see the ingredients on the counter and the dirty pot on the stove. I make a killer hot chocolate.”
“We’ve known each other for over a year and only now you pull this out of your bag of tricks?”
“I save it for special occasions.”
“What’s the special occasion?”
“You showing up at my place covered in come.”
Meredith laughed, drinking more of her hot chocolate. It was rich, hot, and not overly sweet. It couldn’t have been more perfect. “Before you run to get yourself checked out I want you to know I used protection.”
“I’m not worried, Meredith. We’ve talked about this before. If you have unprotected sex with someone you tell me. And if I do I’ll tell you. It’s very straightforward.”
“Do you think I’m dirty?”
He ran his eyes over her wet hair and leaning closer, sniffed her. “You smell pretty clean to me.”
“On the inside.”
“Do you feel dirty on the inside?”
“Don’t talk to me like a shrink.”
He was quiet for a while and Meredith sipped her drink. She didn’t want to gulp it down. She wanted to savor it.
“No, I don’t,” he finally said. “Is this about what happened tonight, before you got here?”
“Why did you make me hot chocolate?”
“Because you looked stressed out and were acting restless. Wasn’t thinking you felt guilty for having a man come on your face. I didn’t make you hot chocolate to lessen your self-disgust.”
“Sometimes I fuck guys I can’t stand. I do it so I can get off on the disgust I feel toward myself for being with them.” Her wet hair was dripping down her arms and she shivered. “I don’t feel ashamed. I feel ashamed for not feeling ashamed about it.”
Julian took her feet and placed them on his lap. He cradled them between his warm hands.
“Well, you asked me not to talk to you as a shrink and I won’t.” When he massaged the sole of her foot, Meredith sunk further into the pillows around her. “I’m going to talk to you like a man who respects you—don’t feel ashamed. We all fuck people for the strangest reasons. At least you’re aware of yours.”
It was a Saturday night and by the time they arrived, The Raven Room was full to the point that it was hard to move around. The music was loud and people were talking even louder so they could be heard. When Julian went up to the bar to order them some drinks, Meredith made her way upstairs. Before she stepped away, she had noticed that Julian had showed the card, which he had called his key, to Ben. She would have to remind him to share with her the card’s special touch, like he had promised he would.
When she walked past a large mirror Meredith stopped and adjusted her hair. After showering at Julian’s she had tried to style her hair but without her curling iron her hair hung flat around her face. She looked far from her best.
“Don’t worry, you look just fine.”
Meredith turned around and standing there, before her, was a woman in a black silk robe.
“Thanks,” Meredith replied, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.
“One of the great things about the red lighting in here is that it covers all of those pesky flaws we agonize over.”
The woman appeared to be in her mid-thirties. She was holding a cocktail glass in one hand and a cigarette in the other.
“How many times have you come here?” she continued, smiling.
“This is my second time. I’m still trying to find my away around.”
She put her glass down. “Can I borrow your lipstick?”
Meredith had been about to touch up her makeup when the woman had spoken to her and had forgotten she was still holding her go-to lipstick, Passion by
Chanel.
She passed it to the woman and watched her draw on the mirror with it.
“Just imagine the club as being a large mansion with three floors,” she said, adding a third line to the square. “The staircase is in the middle of every floor. The rest is just halls that lead to different rooms.”
“What’s on the third floor?”
“More of what you see around you. None of the rooms at the club have doors but there’s one, right here,” she tapped the mirror with the lipstick, “on the third floor, which has a door. It’s all black inside. We call it the Black Dragon.”
“Because it’s all black?”
“Because there’s an old guy who sometimes shows up there but never fucks. He just sits and watches as he smokes Black Dragon cigars. Every room has a name. All animals.”
“Why is the club called The Raven Room? Which one is the raven?”
The woman giggled. “Damned if I know. There isn’t a raven room at the club.”
Meredith didn’t miss a beat. “I saw a door downstairs, on the main floor, behind the red curtains. Is that another entrance?”
The woman stopped drawing and shrugged. “I think so.”
As she returned the lipstick, Meredith felt the woman’s stare on her. Meredith didn’t know why she was bothering to put it back in her purse. The lipstick was ruined.
“I’m Meredith,” she said, pleased to be meeting another person at the club.
The woman took the cigarette from her lips and blew the smoke up in the air. “I’m Nina. You don’t remember me, do you?”
Meredith looked at the woman more closely. She had no idea who she was. “Should I?”
“Not really.” She laughed, again holding her glass. “You fucked me and my husband. I went down on you.”
Letting her head fall forward, Meredith covered her eyes with her hand. “I’m so sorry—”
“No one remembers anyone here,” she said, cutting Meredith off. “The only reason we do is because we hadn’t fucked a girl like you in a while. We nicknamed you the blue unicorn.” She leaned closer to Meredith. “Blue because of your eyes.”
Meredith tried to smile.
“And unicorn because every couple dreams of having a girl like you join them in a threesome—hot bisexual babe,” Nina added.
Starting to feel like she had fallen through a rabbit hole, Meredith excused herself and went to see where Julian was with their drinks. She needed one.
When she returned to the ground floor she couldn’t find him so she took the opportunity to investigate what was behind the door she had asked the woman about. Both Nina and Julian had said it was another entrance to the club but Meredith didn’t believe them. She crossed the room and, pulling the heavy curtain aside, pushed the door open. There was a set of stairs leading down. Looking over her shoulder she looked for Julian one more time. She still couldn’t see him in the crowd. His absence convinced her to see where the staircase would lead her. After making her way down the stairs, she found another door. As soon as she opened it she found herself face-to-face with a man wearing a black suit.
“Your key?” he said, assessing her with an impassive stare.
He didn’t look like any of the nightclub bouncers she was used to seeing when going out with her friends. His demeanor was too subdued, which made him appear menacing. Meredith doubted that man would believe any excuse she might come up with.
“I think I’m lost. I’ve no idea where I’m going. Can you help me?” She gave him her most innocent smile.
He didn’t reply. Instead, he spoke into his earpiece in Mandarin. Without wasting time, he got hold of her arm and dragged her up the stairs.
“Hey, c’mon, no need to fucking touch me.” Meredith was no longer scared. She was outraged.
The man didn’t reply. He continued to hold onto her arm.
“‘I told you I was lost. Why the fuck are you manhandling me?” Wearing her stilettos, she almost tripped on one of the steps. “Let me go!”
Soon they were back on the main floor and even though the man released her, two others dressed like him joined them.
“What’s wrong with you people?” Meredith shouted, rubbing her arm. She would have bruises. “Do you even speak English?” she continued. “I was lost.”
She skimmed the room. There were more than fifty people standing around but no one appeared to be paying attention to what was happening. One of the men in the black suits took a step closer and she put her hand up. “Stay the fuck away from—Julian!” she cried out when she saw him walking toward her. Meredith was so relieved she almost ran to him.
“Where were you?” he asked, his voice clipped.
“I got lost and—”
Julian didn’t bother to hear what she had to say. He turned to one of the men and, to add to her confusion, started to speak in Mandarin as well. He and Julian were having a heated conversation. She didn’t need to understand it in order to know it was about her. They both kept pointing in her direction. She noticed another man, leaning by the bar, who was staring intently at the interaction between Julian and the man in the black suit.
Ten minutes later Julian and Meredith had left The Raven Room and were in the car, driving away.
“Julian, what the hell was that all about?” she asked, rubbing her arm.
“What were you doing? Why did you go down there?”
“I got lost.”
Julian glared at her.
“I swear.”
“You don’t go down there, do you understand me? You don’t even look at that fucking door again.”
“What’s down there?”
“Enough, Meredith!”
Never before she had seen him raise his voice and she was surprised he was speaking to her in such manner.
“Who were those men? Security guards? They fucking look like gangsters.” He was angry with her but she wouldn’t allow him to intimidate her.
Julian didn’t answer her.
“Do you know them?” she continued.
“It doesn’t matter. Just stop asking questions.”
She had been roughly grabbed by a man she had never met before and now Julian, with his shouting and dismissive tone, was adding to the whole abusive experience. It didn’t matter that she was snooping and had lied. They still had no right to treat her like she didn’t deserve an explanation or an apology.
“Is this about the woman?” she blurted out.
He turned to look at her. “What woman?”
She hadn’t planned to tell Julian but now she couldn’t take it back. Maybe it was a good thing. He might know something. “The dead woman,” she repeated.
“What are you talking about?”
“The woman who showed up dead a few weeks ago.”
“Meredith, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I found out through my stepmom. The woman had the club’s smell on her hair. Just like we do after we leave.”
“How did she die?”
“Drug overdose.”
Colton had told her that the cause of death had been ruled an accidental drug overdose but, by overhearing Pam’s phone conversation, Meredith knew that’s not what had really happened.
“And her death is connected to The Raven Room because of the way her hair smelled?” He frowned. “That’s ridiculous.”
“It’s not ridiculous. Maybe she was at the club when she was killed. Maybe she had just left the club when she was killed.”
“And whoever killed her did so by drug overdose?”
“Probably.”
Julian shook his head. “And this is what the police believe?”
Meredith wasn’t going to reveal to him she had been the one who came up with some parts of that theory.
“What’s down there, Julian?” she asked again.
“I told you before—just another entrance. I need you to stay away from it and forget what happened tonight.”
He had his eyes on the road and they were both silent. Aft
er a few minutes of sitting beside each other without talking, Meredith realized they had passed his neighborhood. They were also still in the car they had picked up on the way to The Raven Room.
“You don’t have to drive me home. I can take a cab,” she said, looking through her window.
“It’s three in the morning. I’ll drive you to your doorstep.”
When they arrived at their destination, Meredith couldn’t wait to leave the car. As she was about to step out, he grabbed her elbow. “Did you tell your stepmom you’ve been going to The Raven Room?”
She gave him a sarcastic smile. “Julian, you’re not the only one who knows how to keep secrets.”
Chapter 10
Julian was thinking of Alana when he picked up the day’s newspaper from Hazel’s porch.
He hadn’t seen Alana since the evening at the coffee shop a week ago and the memory of their encounter in the bathroom only intensified his desire to be with her again.
The bold behavior he had seen at the club, together with the shyness she had showed in his presence, gave Alana an insidious magnetism. He had to be careful around her. Most of his lovers were like Meredith, malleable but with firm boundaries they wouldn’t allow him to cross. If he pushed too far they would push back. In that resistance he felt safe. Alana wasn’t like that. He couldn’t remember the last time he had oral sex as punishing as what he had experienced with her. He had bruised her and as it was happening Alana hadn’t stopped him. She had enjoyed it.
The interior of the house was dark, only lit by a small lamp next to the stairs, and Julian took the time to remove his shoes before he made his way upstairs. Hazel no longer stood by the kitchen door, arms crossed over her chest, with her eyes on him to make sure he remembered he wasn’t allowed in the house with his shoes on. Many times he had cursed at her, turned around and banged the door behind him as hard as he could. Hours later he would return and she would be again waiting for him. He would always end up taking off his shoes.
When he had first met Hazel, she had been a fearless social worker in the most violent part of town, dealing with the children her co-workers avoided. To this day Julian wasn’t sure why she had decided to adopt him. He believed she had done it because she knew she was his last chance for survival. In recent years, together with dementia, Alzheimer’s disease had robbed her of her independence and replaced it with a crushing vulnerability—it was his turn to do anything he could for her.
