by Meadow Rayne
“Without even talking about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about. I don’t want to do this anymore. You’re crazy.”
Those were the wrong words to use, but I’d been angry. When I turned to look at him his face turned pale and a white line encircled his mouth. He pursed his lips into a thin line and balled his fists at his sides.
“Look,” I said in a gentler voice. “It wasn’t working, okay? I just think it’s better if we leave it at that.”
Shane grunted and stomped his foot like a child. “I’m not going to just let you go!”
“Well, Shane. You’re going to have to. You can’t make me stay with you.” I pointed at the door. “Now please leave.”
He opened his mouth in protest and I expected a fight, but instead he closed it again without saying anything, and left. I was surprised it had been that easy. I breathed a sigh of relief and started loading my things into my car.
The drive to Jonah’s place was quick, and I found I was excited to see him again. Everything had changed overnight. My whole life looked different now, and it was a good different. I’d never had that feeling with a man before.
Jonah met me at the front door and took my bag from me. We took it up to the master bedroom. I wasn’t planning on staying in the guest bedroom.
After dinner we sat talking in the lounge. Someone hammered on the front door.
“What in the world…” Jonah said and got up. With his security system, the average person couldn’t just walk up to his house. We heard the butler answer the door.
“I need to see Rae,” a voice traveled down the hall, and I stilled.
“It’s Shane,” I said softly. I would know his voice anywhere, laced with animosity and the promise that he could crack at any moment.
“Let me handle it,” Jonah said and got up. I followed him to the hall.
“Can I help you?” he asked Shane.
“You can give me my girlfriend back,” Shane had venom in his voice.
Had he followed me here? I would almost bank on that.
“I’m sorry, I don’t have anyone here that fits that description.” Jonah spoke in a business-like voice. Shane saw me behind Jonah and took a step forward. A level stare from Jonah stopped him in his tracks, but it didn’t stop him from talking.
“This is where you run to? I knew something was going on here.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Shane,” I said. “You’re making this a lot worse than it needs to be.”
“You’re just here for his money, aren’t you?” He looked at Jonah. “She doesn’t care for you, Mate. All she wants is what she can get out of it. Trust me, I know.”
“I can see how she dated you for your money,” Jonah said in an even tone. I had to smile. His sarcasm was fluent.
“She’s a liar and cheat,” he said to Jonah. “She’s worth nothing, and if you keep her here long enough she’ll start finding a million things wrong with you and your life. You’ll feel worthless when she’s done with you.”
I gasped. I knew what he was saying was just him lashing out because he was sour he’d lost me. But it was mean and the words stung.
“Shane…” I said, but he kept going, running his mouth.
Jonah shook his head and took a step forward. Shane backed up, still talking but walking backwards through the door and onto the drive.
“You should leave now,” Jonah said. He was getting angry. I could tell by the rigid set of his broad shoulders, the warning in his tone.
“Fine, you can have my sloppy seconds,” Shane said. I physically cringed.
“That’s it,” Jonah lunged for Shane. He hit him on the jaw with his fist and Shane spun before he hit the ground. He lay there, momentarily seeing stars dazed, then hoisted himself up onto his elbow, cursing bitterly. Jonah turned his back on him and looked at me. He opened his mouth to speak but didn’t get a chance to. Shane jumped on his back and wrapped an arm around his throat. Caught off guard, Jonah went down under Shane’s weight. I screamed and covered my mouth with both hands, watching the tussle in front of me.
Shane was on top of Jonah now, and slugged him in the face twice. Then Shane’s irises flashed red.
“He’s going to change!’ I cried out. Jonah deserved a warning, at least. Shane shifted. It was quick and painless. One moment he was a man, the next, a wolf, pushing Jonah’s shoulders down with massive paws and fangs dripping menace into his face.
“Shane, no!” As a wolf he was much stronger than Jonah, and much bigger. Shane’s ability to shapeshift allowed him to alter the animals he shifted into. I’d seen his wolf before. It was big and angry and stronger than any animal I’d ever seen. Jonah was going to lose this one, and lose badly.
But as I watched, something else happened. Jonah’s body changed. His face contorted and his skin rippled like something moved under it. His bones shifted and popped as I watched him take on a different shape. Fur crept over his skin and his face lengthened out until he had a muzzle with teeth just as sharp as Shane’s. It happened more slowly than Shane’s transformation, but when Jonah was done shifting, he had become a giant black bear. He growled and the sound echoed through the night.
He pushed Shane’s wolf off of him with ease as he got up on his hind legs, growling another warning into the night. Shane was shocked for a second but he recovered quickly and they circled each other. Shane was the first to attack, launching himself at Jonah, but a split second before they came into contact Shane shifted again, changing into a snake. Jonah hadn’t expected that and Shane slipped through the sharp, outstretched claws wrapping himself around Jonah’s neck. Shane sunk long teeth into the back of Jonah’s neck, and the bear growled in pain. He clawed at the snake at his throat. Nails dug into the snakeskin and with a hiss it fell to the ground. A moment later, Shane changed again, this time, into a bear as well.
I couldn’t tell them apart for a moment as they attacked each other, claws swinging and bodies crashing together. They wrestled one another two huge lumps of fur in a tangle of limbs on the ground. But then Shane shifted again, back into a wolf, and bit Jonah on the neck, latching on.
“No!” I cried out. Shane’s grey and white fur was matted with blood. Somehow, despite the advantage Shane’s changes had given him, Jonah had injured him.
Jonah growled again and with a mighty sweep of his arm, knocked Shane off of him. Shane’s muzzle was red with blood. Jonah swung his arm again and the wolf flew through the air, landing a few feet away with a thud that seemed to shake the earth. He lay motionless for a moment, but then stirred and got up, tail between his legs. He stared at Jonah for a moment, but then he turned his back and fled.
“Jonah…” I said. The bear looked at me, black eyes glazed. The giant body trembled and swayed, and then he crashed to the ground.
Chapter 4
As soon as he hit the ground he started changing again, and before long, he was a man again. There was nothing left of his clothes save a few torn rags on the ground. He was naked, but the blood seeping from different wounds distracted from that fact. I came closer to him, but suddenly, he was a stranger to me. The man I’d been friends with for years, the one I’d become dependent on whenever I needed a shoulder to lean on, the person I was sure I knew inside out, lay on the ground in front of me, and I didn’t recognize him at all.
“Someone call a doctor,” I cried out. The butler appeared behind me. Panic rocked through my body and I felt brittle, like I was going to crumble.
“The Master doesn’t go to hospitals,” he said calmly. “There’s nothing human medicines can do for him. He will heal, madam.”
I whipped my head around and saw the old man looking down at Jonah, not worried at all.
“Does this happen often?” I asked. The butler seemed so calm and controlled. I felt like I wanted to scream.
“It happens from time to time. Go on inside. I’ve instructed Cook to make you sweet tea for the shock. I will take care of the master and call you when he’s settled.”
I got up and wandered into the house in a daze. None of this was making sense. I believed in supernatural creatures. I’d dated them, for goodness sake. But that was just it. I thought I had ended that infatuation with Shane. I didn’t want another shifter in my life. I didn’t want any more craziness.
In the kitchen Cook fretted over me like a mother, giving me tea and fussing around me.
“I can’t believe he didn’t tell you,” she said once I was sipping the sweet liquid. It burned down my throat. “I can’t imagine the shock. I was a little surprised myself the first time, but it’s been so long. The butler told me all about it. Serves that man right for coming after you.”
Half of what she said went over my head. Only one thing stuck. Jonah hadn’t told me.
The butler came down half an hour later and told me I could go up to see Jonah. My legs felt like lead as I climbed the stairs. Every step closer to his room had me wishing I was taking one in the opposite direction. I knocked on the bedroom door.
“You don’t have to ask to come in,” Jonah said as I walked to the bed. He looked drained, and old. Like he’d aged ten years. Bandages were wrapped around his chest and shoulder.
“Are you alright?” I asked. My voice sounded impossibly thin, despite my efforts to sound brave.
“I’ll be fine,” he said, smiling. “The upside is that I heal fast. By tomorrow I should be right as rain.”
I nodded mutely and looked around the room. Anywhere as long as I didn’t have to look at him.
“I know this I is a bit of a shock…” he started, his sentence trailing off at the end like he expected me to fill in the rest. I was suddenly angry. What else could he expect of me? They all wanted something; men were all the same.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked. My voice sliced through the air, and Jonah’s face fell.
“I didn’t know how,” he said.
“After being friends for six years, and knowing I had my fair share of were-creatures, you didn’t think it was a good idea to tell me you could change into a bear?”
Jonah opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again without saying anything.
“I was looking forward to some normalcy, do you know that?” I carried on. Everything just bubbled out of my mouth and I couldn’t stop it. “I’ve been accepting all the flaws and quirks men had, and I’d always thought what an idiot I must be for loving so deeply that the surface didn’t matter. When you wanted more I thought thank God, this one is normal for a change. And now look.”
I took a deep breath after my speech and let it out in a shudder.
“I’m sorry,” Jonah said. “I don’t know what else I can say. I wanted to tell you. I should have, and it was wrong that I didn’t.”
“Did you think I wasn’t going to freak out when you just changed in front of me?” I asked, but the fight had left me again and my voice sounded deflated.
“I wasn’t planning on changing in front of you, ever. But Shane was hassling you and then he attacked me, and the bear in me got angry. It wasn’t exactly voluntary.”
“That was how you found me in the woods, wasn’t it?” I thought back to the dark shadow that had scared me half to death. Jonah nodded slowly.
“Great,” I said. “Perfect. Well, you go on ahead and do your thing. I’m going to go home and do mine.”
“But let me—“
“I’m leaving, Jonah.”
I turned and walked toward the door. My bag was still against the wall, unpacked. I picked it up and left.
***
My house seemed lifeless and dull when I arrived. I unpacked my bag and returned my valuables to their places. I folded my clothes and put them neatly back in the cupboard. I cleaned the house, vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed. I remade my bed. None of it made me feel any better, but it passed the darkness of night that held all the thoughts I didn’t want to think about.
I went to bed miserable, with the blackest of black moods hanging like a cloud over me. When I closed my eyes all I saw was Jonah’s eyes. I could still feel his fingers on my skin, the fiery kisses he’d planted in my neck. I stuffed a pillow over my head to drown out the memories, and after a very long time struggling to keep my mind a blank, I finally fell asleep.
I went through the following week on autopilot. I went to work, finished assignments, made deadlines and came home without really knowing what I was doing. I cleaned to pass the time. My home had never been that neat before. Jonah tried to phone every day, but I ignored his calls. I didn’t want to hear from him. I had nothing to say.
“You really shouldn’t be so hard on the poor guy,” Marissa, a friend of mine at work advised when I told her about it in the cafeteria. At work. She’d noticed me going through the motions like a drone, and cornered me. It was Friday. I’d been a mess for five days. Somehow it felt like a lifetime.
Marissa was one of those women that didn’t necessarily believe in the things I did, but gave objective advice anyway. I had a suspicion that she didn’t believe me when I told her Jonah was a bear shifter, but she was level headed in a way that made her emotionally detached. Why didn’t I make friends with these kinds of people more often?
“I’m always attracted to danger,” I said, pushing my food around with a plastic fork. “I always end up with the crazy ones and then I don’t understand where my happily ever after went.”
Marissa chuckled and took a bite. “Well, if it were me, I would have been scared to come out with a secret like that.”
“That’s just the thing. It shouldn’t have been a secret in the first place. If I could tell him about the kind of guys I dated, why couldn’t he tell me he was one of them?”
“Maybe that’s precisely why,” she said jabbing her fork in my direction. “Because he’s one of them. Maybe he didn’t want you to compare him to all the idiots you’ve been with. You said he’s liked you for a long time. I wouldn’t show my ugly side if I liked someone.”
“You don’t believe in relationships,” I pointed out.
“That’s not the point. I’m talking about the concept.”
I shrugged.
I went home thinking my colleague was being ridiculous. What did she know about trust if she didn’t understand that in six years there shouldn’t be any secrets? I hadn’t hidden anything from Jonah. He knew everything about me, my dreams, pursuits, plans for the future. He’d known for a long time how I felt about things. He should have known, more than anyone, how much I hated being lied to. And an omission of truth counted as a lie.
On Saturday morning, before dawn, I awoke to someone trying to hammer down my door. I pushed myself out of bed, feeling groggy and miserable. I hadn’t been able to sleep much the whole week, and I had only about an hour of sleep behind me. It annoyed me that someone could do this to me. All the other men I’d broken up with hadn’t affected me like this. But with Jonah I was reduced to a useless mess.
My head throbbed dully with a lack-of-sleep headache and my eyes were gritty. The banging started again.
“Coming,” I muttered.
When I opened the door, Jonah stood in front of me. He looked terrible. He didn’t have any wounds, he’d healed as he’d promised. But his clothes were shabby. His shirt looked like he’d slept in it for days, and his pants hung low on his hips without a belt. He had three-day stubble on his chin and his hair was a genuine mess, not the styled mess he rocked every day.
A pang of sympathy shot through my chest and I wanted to wrap my arms around him. But I stopped myself. I was angry with him, and he didn’t deserve mercy.
“What do you want?” I asked instead, although my voice wasn’t as snappy as I would have liked.
“I want you,” he said matter-of-factly, and the straightforward statement had me searching for words. “I messed up. I know I did. But I’m sorry. I know I’m a creature just like them, but you mean more to me than you ever meant to them. You’re all I think about all the time, and now that you’re gone I’m wilting.”
&
nbsp; “You lied to me,” I said, but my resolve was already buckling.
“I know. And I’m sorry. But I love you.”
I blinked at him. I understood the words but I couldn’t fathom what he was saying. How could he love me?
“I know you don’t believe me. But I’ve loved you for a long time. And I have flaws, I know I do, but the whole change happened because I was afraid of losing you. When you’re in trouble, it just happens. It happened that night you phoned me from the woods as well. I just can’t help it. You bring the raw side out of me. Most of the time, I love who I become around you.”
“Most of the time?” I asked.
“Only when I change I don’t. I don’t want to be an animal, not when it comes to you.”
I looked over Jonah’s shoulder at the sunrise behind him. The rosy hue of dawn bled into the night sky and fingers of light crept over the horizon, coloring everything it touched. It was a new day. The cold night air still hung around me, and I shivered.
I stepped toward Jonah and wrapped my arms around him. He was warm, I could feel it through his clothes. His arms closed around me, and I heard the steady drum of his heartbeat under my ear on his chest.
“I’m glad you came,” I said.
“I’m glad, too,” he said and his voice vibrated through his body, following through to mine.
“Anything else I should know about you?” I asked, looking up at him. “No other surprises like your butler howling at the moon or your cook sucking my blood?”
He chuckled. “No, they’re all human. There’s nothing else.”
I nodded. “Okay then.”
I took him by the hand and led him into the house, closing the door behind him. He followed me into the bedroom and pulled off his shoes. He climbed into my bed and I crawled in next to him, lying in the crook of his arm with my head on his chest where I could feel his heart beating. I closed my eyes, and he sighed. His fingers intertwined with mine, and his arm curled around my shoulder.
Finally, sleep came easy.
