Hi, she said with a wave as her face popped up on my screen, blonde hair swept back out of the way. The heart shape of her face was similar to mine on my ID badge, an old photo that didn’t reflect how my face had filled out in the intervening years. Apart from the difference in hair colour, mine much darker than hers, my sister and I seemed to look more alike as we grew older. She’d turned twenty-nine quite recently, and I knew she had a bee in her bonnet about her next birthday. Two years older than her, I could reassure her that it wasn’t that bad.
Are you still out on that call?
Yeah, I replied. I’m setting off home now but I have no idea how long it’s going to take me in this weather.
Are you still at Normanby Hall? What happened?
I’ll explain later, I told her, though I wouldn’t be able to give her much information. Still, social media would be full of Leon’s picture by now, so it wouldn’t take her long to figure out why I would be going to Lincoln tomorrow.
Something else has happened, she said, looking at me with a frown. Anna, like many BSL users, was sensitive to even minor changes in body language and facial expression, but I was still surprised she’d picked something up over a video call.
I ran a hand over my face. Mike’s here.
What? she exclaimed. What the hell?
I know, it wasn’t exactly a nice surprise.
What do you mean he’s there?
I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, willing my hands not to shake. This job, it’s connected to where he works.
Is this the missing kid? Anna asked, cottoning on. She must have seen the appeal already. Are you talking about my old school?
I nodded.
What the hell is Mike doing working there?
I have no idea, I replied, shifting in my seat. I’d been wondering the same thing since I’d first seen him. I taught him to sign when we were together, so I assume he’s used that to get himself a job.
Anna shook her head, her face contorted into an expression of disgust. I wouldn’t want that man working with kids. He’s not exactly a great role model, is he?
I know. He tried to get me to give him a lift back into town.
Bastard. Hope you kicked him in the balls.
I laughed. No, Singh rescued me.
He can probably see through scum like Mike straight away, she replied.
He definitely picked up on something. I haven’t told him anything, but I suppose I should. At least the basics, then he can make sure I don’t have to be alone with him.
So, this kid went missing on a school trip? And Mike works there, and he was on this trip?
Yeah. Don’t start getting ideas, I told her, not willing to admit I’d already wondered if Mike was involved. I was about to tell her about the murdered head teacher but stopped myself. I couldn’t talk about it until it was released to the media.
Anna raised her eyebrows at me. Don’t assume anything, Paige. Make sure you tell Singh about him, then he can have a look into his background.
I didn’t have the energy to argue with her. Besides, perhaps it was a good idea to tell Singh at least some of what had gone on, so he understood why I wanted to avoid Mike as much as possible.
Have you told Max?
About Mike? God no. I don’t want to open up that can of worms.
No, I mean have you told him you’re still at work?
Shit. She was right, I should have told him earlier, but I’d lost track of time. We were supposed to be meeting up but I wouldn’t make it there in time, especially not in the snow. Saying goodbye to Anna, I hung up and sent Max a quick text to tell him I’d have to postpone. I waited for a couple of minutes to see if he’d reply, and I was rewarded with the ping of an incoming message.
No problem. Maybe see you tomorrow instead?
Sure :)
Seeing his name pop up on my phone screen always made me smile. I had no idea what I’d be doing tomorrow, because it really depended on the weather and if I was able to get to Lincoln, but I really wanted to see him. We’d been dating for nearly nine months, and even though we were taking things slowly I had to admit it felt good to have someone who cared about me the way he did. At the beginning, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for a relationship, though Anna and Gem had been encouraging me to get out and meet someone for a while. Things had been going well, Max had been so understanding whenever I’d been hesitant, and I was finally enjoying being part of a couple for the first time in a while. Now I’d stumbled across Mike again, and the reasons why I hadn’t dated for three years all came rushing back, as well as the reasons why I’d fallen for Mike in the first place. Max was nothing like Mike, I knew that, but the way Mike had treated me still affected how I thought and behaved even now.
Shaking myself, I put the car into gear and pulled out of the gates, careful to avoid the huge snowdrift on the corner. There was a light covering on the road, but the grit that had been spread earlier seemed to have kept off the worst of it.
As I drove, I wondered what Singh and Mike had found to talk about while Mike was helping with the search. Had Mike told him about our relationship? And if he had, which version had he told?
Chapter 5
What was usually a twenty-five-minute drive took me nearly two hours. Some of the roads had been ploughed, but the village I lived in wasn’t a priority, so only the main route had been cleared. After attempting to get near to the flat I’d given up and left my car three streets away and walked from there.
When I got home, I walked in to a scene that surprised me. Max was sitting on the sofa, telling Anna a story, and she was sitting on the floor laughing. The two of them looked so relaxed, I felt like I was intruding rather than entering my own flat. Max, like Anna, was profoundly deaf, and whilst he spoke when it suited him he preferred to use BSL. He worked in a school in Hull that had a specialist unit for supporting deaf children. I’d never seen him at work, but I could imagine he was great with the kids he supported.
Hi, I waved at both of them, dropping my bag on the floor and kicking my shoes off before flopping down onto the sofa next to Max. He gave my knee a squeeze and I smiled at him, leaning over to give him a kiss. His wiry copper hair was in need of a trim, but I quite liked him looking a little dishevelled. The grin he gave me still set butterflies fluttering in my belly, even now.
After nine months of dating, I was glad I’d reached a place where I wasn’t bothered by him turning up unannounced. I never used to like surprises, because they took control away from me, and when I was with Mike I’d had so little control over anything that I had to hold on to what I could.
How was your day? he asked.
Terrible, I replied. I didn’t know you were coming over, but it’s nice to see you, I told him with a smile.
I thought you’d probably be exhausted once you’d finished work and battled your way home through the snow, so I brought wine and … he pulled out his phone, the means to order takeaway.
Anna and I both laughed at this – Max’s awful cooking had become a running joke over the last few months.
If they can get here to deliver it, I pointed out.
He shrugged. We’ll find a way, I’m sure. So, what happened? Where have you been all day?
I looked over at Anna, who gave a shrug to indicate it hadn’t been her place to talk about it. Pulling out my own phone, I found one of the social media posts about Leon and showed it to Max. He scanned it and raised his eyebrows.
You were with the police? Oh, wow. But how did it happen?
They were staying in a cabin in the woods and when they got up this morning he’d gone.
So, he ran away? Max asked.
The police aren’t ruling anything out, I told him, deliberately avoiding going into any further detail.
Could someone have lured him out of the park? Anna asked.
I have no idea, I replied, dropping my head back onto the sofa. I’m going to the police station tomorrow morning, then they can brief me on what’s happening next
.
Max put his arm around me and gave my shoulders a squeeze, and I felt myself sinking into him. I was tired and emotional; I just wanted to go to bed, but I felt like I needed to be alone tonight, at least until I made sense of this encounter with Mike. Now Max was here, though, I couldn’t exactly throw him out, and I found his solid presence reassuring.
On the way home, I’d once again considered telling Anna about finding Steve Wilkinson’s body, but then thought better of it. The police hadn’t released details yet, so I had to remain professional and keep it to myself. It would be hard to keep my emotions buried, though.
Are you working next weekend? Max asked me.
I have no idea, it depends on how long this case takes. It’s complicated, I added.
Okay. I wondered if you wanted to do something on Saturday.
Sure, if I’m not working.
Anna was still sitting on the floor, observing this conversation, then she shook her head, got up and walked out of the room.
Max frowned at me. What’s her problem?
Shit, I said. We’ve got plans next weekend, I’d completely forgotten.
I followed Anna through to the kitchen, where she was sitting at the table with her phone in her hand. She ignored me when I sat down opposite her, until I took her phone and made her look at me.
I’m sorry. I forgot.
Since her injury in February, Anna’s moods had sometimes been quite volatile, and I’d learnt that the best option to calm her down was to apologise, then talk it through afterwards. I sat there as she glared at me, until her shoulders sagged slightly and her face softened.
I’ve been looking forward to spending some time with you.
I know, and we will. I can see Max another time.
She gave me a small smile. Fine. But I know it’s only a matter of time before you ditch me for him. You’re going to want to move in together, and then where will I go?
Whoa, slow down. Remember how successful it was last time I moved in with a boyfriend? I’m in no hurry to do that again. It’s not even that serious with Max.
You’ve been together for nearly a year. That’s serious enough.
I shrugged, not in the mood for an in-depth conversation about my relationship with Max. He and I hadn’t discussed the future, and I was perfectly happy with things the way they were, so I wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up.
Is he staying over tonight? she asked, raising an eyebrow.
I rubbed my temples, hoping to dispel the headache I could feel forming. No, I’ll ask him not to. I’m too tired. It’s been a horrible day.
When are you going to tell him about Mike?
I’m not, I replied, giving her a warning look. And you’d better not, either.
I think it’s something you two should talk about.
I shook my head. Not now. I have too many other things going on in my head.
Anna narrowed her eyes at me. Like what? What else happened today?
I can’t talk about it, I said with a sigh. I was getting déjà vu, my mind flitting back to February. I hadn’t tried hard enough to stop Anna getting involved. This time I had to protect her, because I hadn’t protected her then.
That reminds me. I got a letter today, I told her. About the brain injury support group.
Anna rolled her eyes and leant back against the wall. Not this again. I don’t want to sit around in a room full of miserable people talking about how their lives were ruined.
I frowned. Do you feel like your life has been ruined?
No, no, I don’t. Honestly. She gave me a smile that looked more like a grimace as she battled to find the right words. But I don’t feel like the person I was before, if you see what I mean? Things have changed, the way I react to things and the way I function have changed. It’s like I’m learning to be me all over again. The earnest look on her face made me worry that I was forcing her to do something she wasn’t ready for.
That’s why I thought you should go to the support group, because there might be other people with similar experiences who’ll understand what you’re going through, I explained. I can do my best to support you, but I don’t know what it’s like to be in the position you’re in.
She shrugged. I don’t know. What was the letter?
I’d asked if they could provide an interpreter so you could attend.
And?
I shook my head. No funding, of course. They suggested I go with you as your interpreter.
Anna grimaced at this, but I didn’t take offence. The whole point of a support group was that it should be a place where you can vent about your life and the people around you, as well as get support from people with similar experiences. Having her sister with her would skew that experience for Anna, because sometimes there might be things she wanted to say but didn’t feel she could in front of me.
So, I can’t go anyway? she said.
No way, we’re not giving up that easily, I replied. Groups like this should be accessible to all, and that includes providing an interpreter for a BSL user. I just need to work out who to take the fight to next.
Anna rolled her eyes at me and stood up. Come on, you’ve abandoned your boyfriend in the living room.
He’ll be fine, I replied, giving her a wry smile.
You need to keep him happy, he’s buying us pizza, she reminded me, and I laughed.
When we went back into the living room, Max had his phone out. He showed us the takeaway app, already open and waiting for our orders. I explained about our plans to go to a Christmas market the following weekend.
Ah, well I won’t intrude on that! he said. I’d talked to him a few times about my concerns about Anna, my worries about how her accident had affected her long-term, so I knew he understood that there were times when I had to prioritise her. I wished that I could let myself enjoy our relationship without worrying about repeating past mistakes, but there was no way I could put them out of my mind after today.
About half an hour later, the doorbell rang and I went down to the front door to collect our pizzas.
We’d ordered from the kebab shop in the village, and the young delivery guy appeared to have walked rather than try to drive in the snow. He handed over the pizzas without a word then trudged back up the road. As I watched him go, my phone rang in my pocket and I juggled the pizzas to pull it out.
It was a number I didn’t recognise, but I stepped back into the hallway and answered it, checking the front door had shut behind me.
‘Hi Paige.’
I breathed in sharply as I recognised Mike’s voice.
‘Don’t hang up on me, please. I know you probably want to. I just wanted to make sure you got home okay. It’s been a long day, the roads are really bad and I know you get tired doing lots of driving.’
‘I’m fine, thanks,’ I replied, my throat dry.
There was a sigh on the other end of the line. ‘I wish we’d got to talk properly today.’
‘We don’t have anything to talk about.’
‘Yes, we do,’ he said. ‘Paige, I never apologised for what I did, and I regret it. I want you to see that I’m not the man I was then. I made a lot of mistakes, and I’d like to try and put some of them right.’
I was so surprised by this, I leant back against the wall, the heat of the pizzas starting to burn my hand through the boxes.
‘Paige?’
‘I’m still here,’ I said. ‘I wasn’t sure what to say.’
‘That’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know I’m sorry, and I hope we can at least be civil to each other. I understand if you want nothing to do with me, but I couldn’t sleep without knowing you’d at least heard my apology.’
‘Okay. Well. Thank you for the apology,’ I said. I didn’t know what else to say in response, because I’d never imagined a scenario in which he actually took responsibility for the way he’d treated me.
‘I’ll see you soon, okay?’
‘Okay.’
He hung up, and I stared at my phone for a moment before walking back up to the flat. I put the pizzas on the table, trying to figure out what had just happened.
You took your time, Max said with a grin. Hope you haven’t eaten half of mine.
He thought he’d brought the wrong order, had to check, I lied. Anna narrowed her eyes at me, but I gave my head a slight shake. Now wasn’t the time.
Just as I’d been getting to a place in my life where I’d put my past behind me, suddenly everything had been thrown into confusion again. Against my better judgement, I saved the unknown number on my phone as ‘M’, not putting his full name in case Anna saw it and had a go at me. I ignored the little voice telling me that if I was hiding it from my sister it was probably a bad idea.
Sixteen hours before the murder
I’m going to have such a shit weekend compared to you, Samira grumbled as she and Leon left their English lesson. He walked with her in the direction of the car park, where she’d be met by the taxi that took her home.
You’ll be fine, you’re going to spend the weekend watching what you want on Netflix, eating takeaway and ignoring your brother when he tries to make you tidy up. That sounds like a dream to me.
Samira laughed. Okay, maybe, but I won’t have you to chat to. You’ll be too busy being all loved up. She started making kissing faces, but Leon frowned at her.
Don’t. I don’t want everyone knowing about it.
Fine, fine, I’m sorry. She sighed dramatically. Just make sure you text me and tell me what’s going on, okay?
I will.
Promise?
Promise.
Leon waved his friend off, then turned to go back into the school. He’d left one of his books in the English room and he’d need it for his homework when they returned on Sunday. On his way back, he cut through the courtyard outside the management offices.
The sky was a gunmetal grey, and he wondered just how many outdoor activities they’d actually manage this weekend. There was snow forecast but Mr Wilkinson had said he wasn’t bothered, they’d still be able to get outside even if there was a bit of snow on the ground.
Silent Night Page 4
