“Do I lie if I hate it?”
“Of course,” she said, nudging the box even closer. He took it, turning it over and over in his hands. She sighed and rolled her eyes. “It’s not a bomb. Open it.”
“Brat,” he grumbled, ripping back the paper and exposing the gift. It was a frame and when he turned it over his breath caught in his throat. A drawing, a really great one. It was her. Smiling. Holding a dog. A yellow lab. That’s what all the happy suburban families had these days. They fit in the back of their environmentally friendly SUVs. A big “thank you” was scrawled across the bottom. “You’re a great artist, Kat. I’ll hang it on my wall. Thank you.”
It wasn’t a lie. He could tell how much she’d improved over the last few years. He had no idea what all the lines and shading things were called but she had a talent. It was good. He nudged her with his elbow, biting back the wince when he strained the stitches in his shoulder.
“Is that mine too?” He nodded toward the other gift.
She shook her head. “It’s for Olivia. I heard you would have never found me without her.”
Okay, that surprised him. He schooled his expression to not show how much he hated that Livvy was gone. “Really? I thought she was your nemesis.”
Katrina rolled her eyes. “I hate to tell you this but I’ve moved on. I have a boyfriend.”
He forced himself not to laugh. You didn’t laugh at girls when they were putting you in your place. He knew that much. He’d rarely gotten it right with Livvy but apparently this old dog could learn a new trick.
“Good to know.” He placed the unopened present on the side table and picked up the beer. “I’ll make sure she gets it.”
Katrina turned on her chair and looked around the deck as if she expected Livvy to materialize in front of them like magic. If she could then he would have conjured her a million times already. But if wishes were horses…beggers would ride.
“She isn’t here?”
“Nope,” he lifted the bottle to his mouth and took a healthy swallow. “She left a week ago. I don’t know where she went.”
“Why isn’t she here? You two were working together to save me. I thought…”
Apparently everyone had thought the same thing. Brant had chewed him a new asshole when he found out that he’d let Livvy leave. It didn’t matter that Rush had had no way to make her stay.
“No, Kat. That’s not how it works.”
“Then explain it to me. I’m a kid.”
A kid, my ass. He gave her the hairy eyeball. “If I was any good at it, I’d explain. But I’m not…good at this. I suck at it actually.”
“You don’t love her?” He took another sip from the bottle to avoid answering the question. Katrina was persistent. “I thought you loved her.”
“We’re divorced, Kat. That ends all that…love stuff.” He’d never even told her how he felt. Words were not his thing. He’d done his best to show her but when it had mattered, he’d been an ass.
And then too chicken-shit to follow her and make it right.
It was like Katrina could read his mind. She whispered, her eyes locked on his own, “I didn’t think you were afraid of anything.”
He went completely still, staring at her. A little girl on the edge of growing up with a big-ass bandage on her face and bruises from being kidnapped by a psycho bunch of killers and she was looking at him with such overwhelming…disappointment.
Fuck. That stung.
“She’s better off without me. We just make each other crazy.”
“Then you figure out how to get along anyway. Crazy has to be better than the grumpy and miserable thing you are right now.”
“I’m not…” He shut his mouth, the lies dying on his tongue. He was too tired to lie to anyone, including himself.
“You need to go get her back. She’s your forever person and you need to make it right.”
“My what?” Rush squirmed in his seat as her words hit a little too close to the truth.
“I see it on your face. You’re not that good at hiding anything when it comes to Olivia. I knew that she was special the first time you mentioned her in a letter. All it said was, ‘I went to a baseball game with Olivia’ and I knew I was out of the picture.”
He couldn’t stop the snort at that one. Figures a twelve-year-old would be the one to hand him his ass. “You knew, huh?”
“Yeah and when I saw you two together that time? When you came back from Iraq?”
“When you froze us both out and acted like a brat?”
She nodded. “It was because you two looked like a couple. A real, in-love couple, and I was jealous.” She poked him in the side and then grabbed a handful of his T-shirt, making sure he looked her in the eye. “You were happy. You didn’t walk around with a big, stupid smile on your face but you were happy. The deep down kind that just makes your whole face look different. I’ve only ever seen that when you were with her. Don’t you want that back? Everybody wants that. Don’t you?”
Did he? Yes. Right down to his marrow.
He thought about what she said and he knew she was right. He’d been happy with Livvy and that had terrified him because it meant she had the power to hurt him. Life had convinced him that it was foolish to try and keep people in your life but had left him unprepared for the moment when someone wanted to keep him. That had been…everything and he’d fallen in love with her because of it. He still loved her for seeing something in him worth keeping.
Rush took another drink from his beer, hoping Katrina didn’t see his hands shaking. “It’s over now.”
It was lame but it was all he could think of to say at this moment. He wasn’t going to spill his guts to a twelve-year-old girl. Even one as smart as the one glaring at him with preteen indignation.
“That’s not the same as saying you don’t love her. I’m a kid and even I know the difference.”
He wasn’t a kid and he knew the difference too.
But did he have the guts to do anything about it?
Chapter Sixteen
When he’d really thought about it, it wasn’t hard to figure out where Olivia had gone.
The cottage, surrounded by a walled garden, faced the small village green in Oxfordshire. The little place sat in the shadow of her family’s estate just a few miles down the road. Close enough but not too close. Just the way Olivia would want it. She loved her family but she’d need a place of her own. A place where she could be herself—as fucked-up as that might be. One of the many things they had in common.
Rush parked the car and exited, nodding to the two older women walking their dogs. Their eyes bugged out, taking in his long hair, tattoos, black T-shirt, and jeans before scurrying off to the main part of the village, likely intending to call the cops and report the dark Viking who’d landed on the shores of Her Majesty’s kingdom. He’d better grovel quick or Olivia might just let them cart him off to jail for the night.
He headed toward the door, his eyes scanning the brick façade and the wood-shingled roof, the windows open to accept the breeze cutting the heat of the day. A noise just over the wall caught his attention and he paused. Music. Singing.
Olivia was singing. Badly, as always.
It was one he recognized. The lyrics all about how the girl was kicking the shitty lover to the curb and they were never getting back together. He groaned, hands clenched in fists in painful reaction to the awful song and also the words. Olivia was going to bust his balls. Yeah, he deserved it but knowing the pain was coming didn’t make it any easier to take.
Rush considered for a long moment walking up the path and ringing the bell. It would be the polite thing to do. The non-confrontational way to go. But he guessed that he’d never get past the front door if he asked the nice “pretty please” kind of way.
And that shit just wasn’t his style.
Rush examined the wall, eyeballing the trailing vines, flowers, and foliage. He didn’t want to squash her garden, but his best option was up and over. If this went
the way he hoped, he could replant the stuff he ruined.
With some care, he found a spot of almost-bare brick along the wall, grabbed a hand and foothold on it, and hoisted himself up. Ignoring the twinge of pain in his other shoulder, he caught a glimpse of the surprise on Livvy’s face when he hit the top but lost it in the blur of motion as he launched himself off the ridge and executed a perfect roll on the green lawn. He came up in a crouch and froze when she stood just outside of arm’s length, her garden spade aimed at him with deadly intent.
The anger and surprise in her eyes matched the glint of the metal of the spade where the bright sunshine caught it. Her hair was snarled around her face in bright gold curls. She wore no makeup but her cheeks were pink with her effort and matched the soft fabric of her sundress. She was barefoot, her long legs, arms, and shoulders exposed and begging for him to take a taste. Or several. He swallowed hard and rose slowly, raising his hands defensively when she advanced on him.
Rush wanted to grab her, pull her down to the grass, and fuck her until she was limp beneath him and remind her how good they were together. But if he’d learned anything, it was that their issues weren’t about sex. It was about more. The “more” that kept people together for fifty to sixty years. The kind of “more” he’d only seen at a distance in movies or with the MacKenzie clan. Rush had never had anything close to “more” but he wanted it.
With Livvy.
He dropped his hands and stood still in front of her. He spoke softly. “If you need to stab me with that thing in order to get to a place where you can hear me, go ahead.”
She cocked her head at him as if he was an alien and she couldn’t believe he spoke English. He waited. It killed him to do it but he waited. She needed to know that whatever happened next was up to her.
“What is this? It’s been two weeks with no contact and you launch yourself over my wall and expect what? You must think I’m mad to think I’d buy anything you’re selling.” She stepped closer, keeping the spade in front of her. Her eyes scanned his body before returning to look at him straight on. “If you forgot the zip ties, I’m sure I’ve got some in the garden shed.”
“No.” He shook his head. “No. I came to say I’m sorry.”
“What?” The hand holding the spade dropped a little with her shock but she corrected quickly. Always on guard. Always wary. The fact that she’d let her defenses down with him for a second time and he’d thrown it away cut into his gut as if she’d thrust her weapon in deep. The pain was real and he’d barely survived last time.
He hit the ground on his knees, hand splayed out before him in a gesture of surrender. He’d never bowed before anyone. Never acknowledged the power that one person could have over him. Yes, he’d pledged his allegiance to a country he loved and served. He’d stood with his brothers-in-arms and fought alongside them or in their memory. He was a fighter, a man honed from hard beginnings as a throwaway kid and sheer will and determination. He’d never needed anyone. He’d built a life that ensured he’d never need anyone.
But he needed her and life had taught him that some rare things were worth giving up the one thing you coveted most. His pride was nothing if it kept them apart for another moment.
The spade in her hand fell to the lawn with a dull thud. Her hands flew to her mouth but they couldn’t prevent him from hearing her gasp of surprise.
“Atticus, what are you doing?”
“I’m begging.”
“It’s too…” she stammered, starting to lean forward to make him stand up, but he shook his head and she backed off. Her expression was equal parts pain and confusion. “This is too much.”
“No. If this is what I need to do to get you to come back to me, then it’s just enough.”
“Come back to you?” That spooked her and she started shaking her head, her body now poised for flight. He could tell by the subtle change in the shift of her body toward the open space to his right and the door beyond. The way she stood on the balls of her feet, ready to run at the slightest provocation. He started talking, hoping it would keep her here long enough to change her mind. Or to make his escape if she went for the spade again.
He took a deep breath. “I love you, Livvy. I never stopped. I’m never going to stop. I know jackshit about love and marriage or anything normal but I won’t fuck it up again if you give me another chance.” Here was the hard part. Livvy would either believe him or not. “I left you behind not because I didn’t trust you but because I didn’t trust myself to keep my head in the game if you were there. I’m a soldier. A hired gun. People put me on the scent of a target and I go after it with deadly tunnel vision. I needed to keep that edge to survive, to make sure that my fellow soldiers and the girl we were trying to save stayed safe. But one thing the Marines taught us is that everyone has an Achilles’ heel and you’re mine. Because if I lost you…really lost you…I’d lose the only home I’ve ever known.” He paused, reaching out to snag her fingers with his own, letting out a little bit of the pent-up energy in his gut when she allowed him to tangle them together. “For a kid who wasn’t wanted from the moment he was born, I didn’t think anyone would ever look at me and say ‘mine.’ I never allowed myself to want that, to need that, because it wasn’t meant for me. But when I fell for you and you loved me back? That was a miracle moment. It was all my secret desires right there in front of me for the taking and even as I accepted it, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
“So why did you throw it away? Why didn’t you come after me?” Her voice was barely above a whisper but every syllable was as loud as a shout and as painful as a slap.
“Because I was arrogant and stupid. I was mad and then I was too fucked up to apologize, to try and work it out. I thought I could just move on and not deal with you and your personal brand of crazy.” She opened her mouth to argue, her eyes narrowed with a flash of anger. “I forgot about the truckload of crazy I brought to the table. I let it matter when it should have been nothing. I knew it the minute you left. I knew it every time I checked on you to make sure you were safe. I was just too full of pride to go after you and tell you that I was wrong. To tell you that I wanted nothing more than to be yours again. That you were my home and that I need you.”
Livvy stood, staring down at him with an expression he couldn’t read. He waited, sending up a prayer to the patron saint of fuck-ups to make this right. Rush wanted to pull her close but he waited, hating every moment of helplessness.
“I think that’s the most you’ve ever said to me at one time,” she said, her voice so low that it almost disappeared on the breeze coasting through her garden.
“Jesus, Livvy, don’t bust my balls over this. I’m not sure I can take it.”
She paused the briefest of seconds before asking, “I’m your home?”
“You’re the only home I’ve ever had.” He swallowed hard, clenching his hands in an effort to stop the shaking. “I love you.”
She dropped to her knees in front of him, tears running down her cheeks, smearing the smudges of dirt she had on them from working in the garden.
“You never said it before.”
“If you give me a chance, I’ll never stop saying it.”
Livvy nodded, her breaths mingling with her sobs and laughter as he reached up and cupped her face and pulled her in close.
At the last minute she whispered, “I love you.”
This kiss wasn’t like any other they’d ever had. It tasted like a future, belonging, and love. And a whole lot of wicked desire. The best combination, in his opinion.
She broke it off first, her eyes scanning his face, the area between her eyebrows scrunched with concern. “About my extracurricular activities…”
“I’m not crazy about you being in danger and risking your neck with this stealing gig but we’ll work something out.” He nipped her bottom lip, his fingers busy untying the thin little straps of her sundress. He needed her. Desperately. “There’s got be a way for you to not risk a felony conviction a
nd still let you steal things.”
She laughed, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. He stopped what he was doing to ask, “What?”
“Remind me to tell you about my job offer.” She leaned in for his kiss, her smile sexy and enough wicked to make his breath catch in his chest. “Later.”
Epilogue
One year later. Paris.
You could see the glow of the glass pyramid from where he parked the car.
The streets were dark with only the streetlamps casting pools of yellow light on the ground. Some people still walked around, the usual crowds reduced to couples walking hand-in-hand as the evening slid into the darkest part of the night. He cut the engine and turned to Livvy, biting back his laugh at her confused expression.
“What are we doing here?”
“I’m going back to our hotel and you’re going to break into that building and see if you can steal a painting and ask her first hand why she’s smiling.”
Livvy hadn’t been speechless often in the last year, never afraid to tell him what she wanted and what she didn’t. If the first time they’d been together had been largely silent, this time around was the complete opposite. There was nothing off the table, nothing that couldn’t be discussed or shared. He still wasn’t chatty but he made sure she knew what was important. Like the fact that he loved her. Worshipped her. Always wanted her.
He told her all the time. And she told him the same and he never got tired of hearing it.
And now he got to hear it for the rest of his life. Married for the second time just two short days ago, he was just now delivering her wedding present. One he’d cooked up with a lot of help from Brant.
“I get to break into the Louvre? Are you kidding me?” She unfastened her seatbelt and was bouncing in the leather seat, her eyes bright with excitement. “Are. You. Kidding. Me?”
“Nope.” He grunted out a laugh as she crawled over the center console and straddled his lap. She laced her arms around his neck and he lifted his hands to run along the bare skin exposed by the back of her dress. Soft and silky and warm to the touch, his fingers itched to undo the few buttons that secured the dress and bury himself in her body again. “Brant is helping them with the new laser security system you assisted him with and he made sure you got to test it first. Why do you think I insisted we come to Paris for our honeymoon?”
Rush: A MacKenzie Family Novella (The MacKenzie Family) Page 10
