by Sue MacKay
Mitch astonished her by dragging her into a hug. His chin rested on her head as he said, ‘Jamie’s very lucky to have you as his mum. I can’t think of anyone else I’d want looking out for my child. To love him, cherish and care for him.’
Blimey. That was so unexpected. But then again, this was one of the charming Maitland twins. Of course he’d know exactly what to say to make her feel good.
Hang on. Was that a kiss on her head? Couldn’t be. Not from Mr Enjoy ’em and Leave ’em. But they were in an odd situation. Maybe he was starting to see the whole picture, not just the Oh, my God, I’m a dad bit. She’d take it to be a kiss, a kiss given in friendship. And hope she was right.
‘Mummy, I want a hug too.’
‘Coming right up, my man.’ Turning out of Mitch’s arms, she leaned down to pick up her boy and hugged him tight. And got the shock of her life when Mitch’s arms wrapped around both of them. A giant step forward?
Suddenly Mitch stepped back, his face inscrutable. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow at the appointment.’ He spun on his highly polished shoes and almost ran to his four-wheel drive.
‘That went well. Not,’ Jodi muttered under her breath as she watched his rapid retreat. ‘What next? Huh, Mitch? What am I supposed to do if you don’t want to face this?’
Confusion boiled up in her head. If he was going to Australia soon, why had he made an effort to meet Jamie this morning? Had he decided to take an active part in Jamie’s life? Or was he just doing what he thought was the right thing? Putting in a cursory appearance? Maybe the reality of meeting Jamie had proved too hard to deal with. Now that he’d seen and met Jamie there was no denying he was a father. So why had he taken off as though a swarm of bees had been after him?
Could it be that—and the breath stuck painfully in her lungs—he’d thought the whole renal failure situation through and realised what she was hoping for?
Then again, last night when he’d told her about Sydney, she’d been unable to hide her anger and disappointment at him leaving—just when he’d found out about Jamie. He’d been ambivalent, saying he thought she’d done the right thing unless it was going to stress Jamie even more. At that point he had still been grasping the fact he was a father, nothing else. Of course Mitch leaving would cause Jamie grief. He mightn’t ask why he didn’t have a father yet, but to learn he had one only to lose him almost immediately would certainly create problems.
And right now she and Jamie didn’t need any more of those. They already had more than their share.
Except there were more. Her unexpected need for Mitch, for one. It sprang up at her in full force, denying the difficulties lying between them, ignoring the fact that Mitch Maitland would never settle down in one place for longer than necessary, pushing aside the number of times he’d left her waiting. The fact was he was undeniably as gorgeous as ever. He’d be very easy to fall in love with all over again. Big problem, that.
*
Three attempts and the key still wouldn’t fit into the ignition. Not surprising when Mitch’s head was in turmoil. He wanted to vent his frustration, to shout at the damned thing and bang the steering wheel with his clenched fist. Why did he feel such a strong yearning for that child out there in Jodi’s arms?
No ordinary child. His son. Where had this sense of belonging come from when most of his life he’d been happy to believe he didn’t want kids of his own? It had arrived, bam, the moment he’d seen Jamie standing by the fence, his little face puckered in wonder as he’d watched the sheep.
Was this how a father felt when the midwife handed him his baby for the very first time? Couldn’t be. That would be more poignant, seeing the birth, holding the brand-new baby. Or would it?
When he’d decided to follow Jodi to Cornwall Park he’d believed he was prepared to see Jamie. He’d spent most of the night thinking about him. And about why Jodi hadn’t told him earlier. And about Jodi herself. Part of him still didn’t want to believe that the rumpled-looking woman now heading for her rental car was the vivacious, fashion-conscious lady he’d once lived with.
‘Damn it.’ His hand unclenched, clenched again. He’d thought he’d just meet the boy and be able to remain impervious to him—at least until he’d worked out what he was going to do. But that first glimpse had brought reality crashing down on him like a load of bricks. Shock and fear had fought with something like pride as he’d stood drinking in the unbelievable sight of the small boy who had his genes. The kid was beautiful, cute.
And so bloody sick. His heart squeezed tight. His fingers gripped the key. Inside his head a drum began beating a steady rhythm. Jamie. Bang. His son. Bang. Jodi. Bang. On and on it went.
Nothing Jodi had said had prepared him for what he’d seen when he’d studied Jamie. He knew sick kids, dealt with them daily. But this was his boy. Jodi had done the right thing, bringing him to see Lucas Harrington. The man was the best in his field in New Zealand, and close to it on the world stage. He had access to other top specialists too, including Max Maitland, transplant surgeon extraordinaire.
His teeth were grinding and he swore under his breath. Max was going to love this. He could see his brother’s eyes lighting up now at the thought of Mitch needing something from him. Worse, somehow he had to tell Max about Jamie and his illness. How did he do that when they rarely talked? On the occasions they had to work together with a patient they were very professional. Thankfully, they didn’t cross paths too often, though when they did there wasn’t a civil word spoken between them. But all that was about to change. Jamie would be Max’s patient.
Angrily shoving any thoughts of his brother aside, he concentrated on Jodi and her telling him he was a father. Had that been the right thing to do? Of course it was. He had two healthy kidneys. That had to be the biggest motivator for Jodi. His kidney—for Jamie. Anger should be enveloping him. She’d manipulated him. Perfectly. So was he going to follow the path she’d mapped out for him? He shrugged. Too soon to know yet. He still had to get his head around being a parent.
Across the road Jodi was buckling Jamie into a child’s car seat. Her body was bent at the waist, her long legs seeming to go on for ever. His body tensed as memories of caressing those legs with the satin skin, of kissing his way from her knees to the apex where her womanhood waited, warm and moist, for him.
He shoved the key hard. Finally got it into the ignition. The engine roared as his heavy foot hit the accelerator. The wheels spun as he pulled away.
Jodi raised a startled face as he passed. A shocked, sad face with disappointment blinking out at him. That Jodi he remembered without any trouble at all.
Jodi Hawke, the woman who always sneaked into his skull in that still hour before the sun lightened night into day. Reminding him of what he’d lost.
Huh, you didn’t lose Jodi. You handed her an excuse to leave you and then felt hard done by.
Forget those emotions. Forget why she’d suddenly turned up with Jamie. He wasn’t ready to contemplate that can of worms. Not today.
Strange how already he felt some strange connection with the lad, as though there was a thread running between them. Which was frightening. Terrifying. But he was leaving for Sydney soon. That concerned him too. One thing he was an expert on was living without his father. He took a glance into the rental car as he drove past. ‘My boy.’
That thread connecting them was tightening, pulling him inexorably closer to the kid, no matter how far away he drove. As though genes cut through all the words to the heart of the matter. If he hadn’t felt so wired, confused and downright terrified, he’d laugh at himself because never once had he envisaged this moment. He’d sworn he’d leave children and parenting to the rest of the human race.
Driving through the park, he watched out for Sunday strollers and kids chasing each other, more aware than ever before of those children and the dangers they placed themselves in as they played.
What was it like to play ball with your son? To help him get dressed in the morning? To read him bedtime s
tories? His head swirled with images of him and Jamie together. Alien images, but kind of intriguing and warm and nice as well. Damn it.
And in every picture flicking across his brain was Jodi. The real Jodi or the lookalike Jodi? The woman he’d once thought he might love? Or a complete stranger?
He needed to know. Now. Before he could digest anything more about that child and what to do for him. He had to find his Jodi amongst all those heart-wrenching emotions continually scudding across her beautiful face.
Lifting his foot, he slowed and turned back the way he’d come, pulled up behind her car. Climbing out, he went to meet her just as she hauled the driver’s door open to get in.
‘Mitch?’ She tilted her head back, blinking as the autumn sunlight caught her eyes.
‘I need to find you.’ He tapped her sternum with a finger. ‘Somewhere in there is the Jodi I once knew.’ And then he took her shoulders and pulled her close. His lips covered hers as she gasped. Hot air spilled into his mouth. But he didn’t pull away. Instead, he eased into her, hauling her up close against his chest, his stomach, his thighs. And tasted her, recognised her. This was his Jodi. Not that worried woman holding him to ransom. This warm, responsive woman not pushing him away but sliding her hands around his neck—that was the real Jodi.
He breathed her in. She still used lavender-scented shampoo. His hands splayed over her waist. His tongue danced across hers. Finally everything was beginning to make sense. This was the real deal.
Which meant so were all the problems she’d brought to town with her.
*
Jodi watched Mitch’s vehicle until it was lost from sight behind the oak trees lining the park roads. Her finger traced her lips. ‘What just happened?’
Worse. Why had she let it happen?
No. Worse was that she’d enjoyed the kiss. More than enjoyed it, had felt it was right. It made her feel she’d finally come home, come in from the cold.
Which was so stupid because it didn’t solve a thing. Their son was still ill. Mitch was still leaving for Sydney. She still didn’t have a clue what came after Jamie’s transplant.
Slumping against the car, she couldn’t stop the warmth creeping through where her body had been chilled for weeks. Mitch had said he hadn’t recognised her until he’d kissed her.
‘Why? Have I changed that much?’
Must have. But she liked Mitch’s technique for finding her. Except it would probably complicate things even more to have that kiss hanging over them.
No, the complication came from the fact that she’d enjoyed it, hadn’t wanted Mitch to stop.
This was not what she’d come to Auckland for.
Or was it? Deep down in that dark corner had she been hoping for a reunion with Mitch? A kiss-and-make-up, fairy-tale ending to the years of anguish?
‘If that’s what you’re wanting, you’re in deep water. Mitch is still on the run from himself. You’re going to get left behind and be angry at him for that when it will be your own fault for even thinking you could make it work again.’
Straightening up, Jodi turned and opened the car door again. Peeking in the back, she saw Jamie was dozing. At least he wouldn’t have seen that kiss. Did it matter if he had?
Who knew? He might accept Mitch more readily if he thought Mummy liked this new man who had started hanging around a bit.
What Jamie wouldn’t understand was that Mummy more than liked him, had always more than liked him.
Time to head back to the motel and put Jamie to bed for an hour. But as she drove slowly along the road the thought of that dark, cold unit did not excite her. At the intersection she looked left and right. To heck with it. She’d head for One Tree Hill. If Jamie stayed asleep then he was getting his nap anyway. If he woke up she’d show him the sights of Auckland.
And try to push that kiss down into the dark hole where all her other great Mitch memories were stored, gathering dust.
At the top of the hill she parked and went to sit on the stone wall where she could see Jamie and yet have the fresh air blowing around her cobweb-filled head. She tried not to think about anything.
But that kiss had startled her, not to mention it had quickly awoken a need inside that she doubted would be easily ignored.
Cars came and went, disgorging tourists who talked in many languages as they pointed out landmarks to each other. When Jamie grizzled she went and freed him from the seat belt and lifted him down to the pavement.
‘Let me carry him.’ Mitch stood in front of her, wariness in those unsettling eyes.
‘That’s the second time in less than an hour you’ve sneaked up on me.’ There was a wobble in her voice that annoyed her.
‘It wasn’t intentional. Either time.’ He reached down for Jamie. ‘Hey, sport. Want to see Auckland?’
She followed slowly, wondering why he’d returned. She had no idea. It was as though he was on an elastic rope, pinging back and forth. Now she saw him. Now she didn’t. Now she did.
At the wall, Jamie stood on the top so he could see the city sprawled out below. Gripping her jacket, he asked, ‘What’s that over there, Mummy?’
‘That’s the harbour bridge,’ she told him, hoping they were looking at the same thing. ‘And that skinny tall building with a knob on top is the Sky Tower.’
‘Can I go up there?’ Jamie asked.
‘When you’re a bit bigger.’ When you can go alone and I don’t have to suffer vertigo.
‘Why do I have to be big?’
‘It’s a Mummy rule.’
‘That works?’ Rare amusement laced Mitch’s question.
‘On a good day.’ She tried to smile back and managed some sort of twist to her mouth.
His amusement faded, replaced by seriousness. ‘Why did you come to Auckland? Was it only so Jamie could get the best medical care? Or did you come for my undivided attention and support? Hoping I’d drop everything to be by your side now that you’ve decided to tell me I’m a parent?’
Jodi flinched. And considered his questions. He had every right to ask. ‘Both reasons.’ She paused, thought it through some more. This was too important to muck up. There was a third reason, the most important one. But she was afraid to bring that out into the cold light of day yet. More than that, she’d prefer Mitch to broach it first. ‘At least I think so.’
‘Explain.’
I’m trying, without pushing you too hard. ‘From the moment I heard about Lucas Harrington, nothing would’ve kept me from bringing Jamie to see him. At first I thought that’s all it would be—a visit. Maybe a few visits, depending on the outcome of the consultation. Then back to Dunedin while we waited to see what could be done.’ She rubbed Jamie’s back absentmindedly. ‘You’ve got to understand that Jamie comes first, second and third with me. Whatever’s important for him is important for me. Nothing and no one will get in the way of that.’ Not even you. Despite that bone-melting kiss.
‘I’d never doubt it. You’ve always had the right instincts when it comes to other people so you’d be no different with your own child.’
So what did he doubt? That her altruistic claims regarding his role were false? ‘I was wrong not to tell you I was pregnant. It was wrong not to let you know we had a son. But at the time it felt like the right thing to do for me. I can’t change that.’
‘I’m happy to let it drop, Jodi. As you say, we can’t undo anything.’
Astonishment caught her. Blinking back sudden tears—darn, but there were a lot of those this weekend—she leaned over and kissed his cold cheek. ‘Thank you.’
Together they stared out over the city, Jodi wrapping her arms around Jamie for added warmth. Then she gave Mitch a little more of herself. ‘When Dad went to prison, Mum worked every hour of the day and night, trying to get ahead, trying to prove to the townspeople she could be a success and that Dad’s criminal habits hadn’t rubbed off on her. I really didn’t factor into her plans in any way other than as a child to be fed, clothed and educated.’ She paused, added qui
etly, ‘I know Mum loved—loves me. But it was a lonely, cold way to grow up. She was never there for me. I didn’t want sandwiches. I wanted hugs and mother-daughter talks.’
‘Did you think I’d act in a similar way with my child?’ There was no condemnation in his voice, only a need to know. Which was kind of sad.
Yet she couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice. It had been collecting for a long time. ‘And wouldn’t you have? Isn’t that why we broke up? You were always too busy for me. I was like your car: handy when needed otherwise best left parked up. Not the sort of man I wanted for Jamie’s father.’ But she could’ve dealt with that if only she’d given him a chance.
‘That night of your birthday I was dealing with an emergency and couldn’t get away.’ He ground out the words.
‘Mitch, you could never get away. There were always emergencies. There were other doctors available. You didn’t try hard enough. You didn’t even consider that a text to say you weren’t going to make it would be preferable to leaving me sitting in the middle of the restaurant while I copped pitying looks from all the other diners.’
‘I was pushing you.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘Like a test. Waiting, watching for your breaking point, which to me was inevitable. The closer we got, the harder I pushed.’
‘So I passed the test with flying colours. And in doing so failed you.’ And me. It was all beginning to make sense at last. If only she’d known more about Mitch’s insecurities back then, how different the last three years might’ve been.
‘Mummy, I’m cold.’
Oh, heck. ‘Jamie, love, sorry. We’ll go back to the motel now.’ She had a lot to think about regarding Mitch and her role in this screwed-up situation.
‘Don’t want to go to bed. I want chicken nuggets.’
She picked Jamie up and headed for the car.
‘Jodi.’ Mitch spoke softly as he opened the door for her to place Jamie in his car seat. ‘You’re right. I should’ve let you know I wasn’t going to make it that night. I let it get out of hand. I didn’t text or phone and you kicked me out. Over and done. That’s history. Since you’ve turned up again I’d like us to find a way to get along, at least for Jamie’s sake, while his health is sorted.’
