by Alexis Gold
Every worry that had plagued her fell away from her body as she breathed out. It had been a tumultuous year. She had met him and liked him on the yacht, but then their new friendship had caught fire so quickly; maybe, it was his lonely heart, maybe it was his beautiful physique, and maybe it was his tender and respectful manner. Maybe it was all of them; she didn't know, but whatever it was, it had turned her world upside down and one sweet moment led to a few hot kisses and the next thing she knew, her weekend fling had changed her life.
It had been two months after her long weekend with him that she had noticed a change in her body. At first, she had shrugged it off as nothing in particular; she thought she'd gotten a bug of some kind, perhaps food poisoning. It could be that she was working too much and not sleeping enough, not eating right and wearing herself thin by trying to do too much.
Then, in the third month, she knew there was something very different, and she had missed enough periods that the nagging little voice in the back of her head told her she had better get checked out because maybe... just maybe? Lo and behold, her worst suspicion had been correct. The thing she kept denying and laughing off; oh no... she told herself... I'm not.... I couldn't possibly be... and then, she was.
Camille cried for four solid days before coming to terms with the fact that she would be bringing a new life into the world. She blamed all her tears on the hormones. Then she thought of Roman, something she’d tried to stop herself from doing several times; every time he came into her mind, as a matter of fact, and he slipped into her thoughts frequently. The look in his eyes, his smile, the smell and feel of his skin, the taste of his burning kiss... and then she would shake her head and try to clear her thoughts of him.
He was married, she would tell herself. It was a one-time fling, she would say. It wasn't anything more than one hot night, so don't lose yourself in him, just cherish the delish memory and let it go. But he had stuck in her, like a tiny thorn that had just barely pierced the exterior of her heart. Little by little, he had worked his way into it, until her heart was sore thinking about him.
She hated that. She knew he should have no place in there at all; and then he had a place much deeper in her. He had a place in her belly where their tiny baby was growing, and when she discovered that secret, nothing in the world could keep him from her mind or her heart any longer.
After she had stopped crying, Cami had wondered whether or not to tell him. At first she was afraid; he was married, he might not remember her, he might not ever want to see her again, he might be angry. A thousand and one thoughts went through her mind. She was alone in chaos, and then as time passed, her fears changed. She still wondered if he should know, but she also wondered how she would manage taking care of a child on her own and still be able to do her art.
She had a good patronage and following, but she would have to have time to paint and sculpt still, time to create and draw inspiration from her muses, and she didn't think she could raise a child on her own and do that.
Cami was lucky; she wasn't totally alone, her mother was willing to help her, but she lived in Seattle, and wouldn't be moving. Cami would have to relocate to Seattle to get help from her mom. Moving to Seattle wasn't an option for her. She had gone through the pregnancy alone until the last month when her mother came to help her for a few weeks. It had been good to have the time with her, and Cami was grateful for the help after her daughter had been born.
Cami's mama, Cicely, had asked whether the father would be in the picture, and Cami hadn't known what to tell her, so she had said no, and left it at that. Cami's mama hadn't asked anything else. There was nothing else to ask.
When Emma was three weeks old, Cicely went back to Seattle and Cami was left with her daughter, facing life as a single mother. The prospects had been challenging, but the thing that really changed her mind about finding Roman was when Emma’s infant eyes settled into their soft brown color. Cami couldn't look at her without seeing Roman, and she knew that she had to tell him. She couldn't let Emma wonder about her father all of her life. Roman was a good man; a truly good man, and Cami had taken a leap of faith in putting all of her hope in a dream.
She wouldn't move to Seattle, but she knew that San Francisco was a place that she could live happily and succeed as an artist. Some of her patrons lived there, and she wouldn't be starting from zero with them. There were galleries there that already showed some of her art, so it would be an easier transition than being in Seattle. What she knew was that she couldn't raise Emma alone, she knew Emma needed to have a chance at knowing both of her parents, and she knew that Roman deserved to at least know about her, so she gathered up all of her courage and took the trip to San Francisco to see what Roman would say.
He wasn't hard to find. Roman Bruce was a well-known name among sea faring companies in San Francisco, and his office was right near his marina. She thought her heart was going to beat right out of her chest the day she walked in and asked for him. The secretary had been nice to her, and hadn't acted like she didn't belong there.
She didn't know how it would go with him, but she knew she had to give it a shot and see. When the door opened and her eyes found him, her heart had gone straight up into her throat and stopped her in her tracks, but with Emma sleeping in her stroller in front of her, she kept her mission at the forefront of her mind, took a deep breath and walked over the threshold.
It hadn't helped that he'd been nude from the waist up. His gorgeous body had been a huge distraction and the reminder that he was married became a mantra while she was in the office with him and he got so close to her. She kept repeating it to herself over and over... he's married, he's married... oh God he's so close and he smells so good... and he's married... he is married.
She'd managed somehow to keep all of that inside her and remind him that they were parents of a child and that they should have a platonic relationship. All the while, her body betrayed her, warming up just being around him; her heart palpitating, her breath a little short. He's married.
She focused on Emma, and that had done the trick for her. Remembering that the only reason she was there, and the only reason the two of them should ever have anything to do with each other ever again, was Emma. That had put things into perspective for her faster than anything else had, and it helped keep her heated thoughts of him at bay.
Cami was sure, now that she was outside in the cooler bay air, that given time and a bit of practice, she would be able to be around him without feeling like she had while she was in his office. They had parted almost immediately after an intense intimacy, and that was how it had been left. She thought that maybe with time, they could learn a deeper friendship and make being around each other much simpler.
She’d decided right away that she liked Janine. The older woman made her feel at ease, and she had been amazed that there was no judgment on Janine's part; she'd been totally accepting of Cami, and even welcoming to her. Janine made her feel as though she had an ally.
Roman made her feel like she wasn't going to have to do anything alone, and he would support her through all of it. It was like the worry and weight of the year leading up to that moment had vanished, like the fog that burned off in the morning sunshine of her new city.
Cami put Emma into the car and drove back to the hotel. Janine told her she would get to work immediately on finding her a place and hiring a moving truck to bring her belongings up to San Francisco from Los Angeles. It was wonderful to Cami that she now had so much help. She decided to call her mama and tell her all the good news, and finally, the truth about Emma.
She called her on the hands-free phone in the car, and Cicely picked up on the third ring.
"Hello? Cami?"
"Hi Mama, are you busy?" she asked, both excited and a little nervous.
"No, I'm not busy. Are you driving? Are you calling me while you're behind the wheel of a car?" Cicely asked in a warning voice.
Cami bit her lip. "You're on hands-free, Mama. You know I'd never have my pho
ne in my hands while I'm behind the wheel. Especially with Emma in the car."
Her mother harrumphed disapprovingly. "You know I don't like it when you drive and talk on the phone, whether it's in your hand or not."
"I know, Mama, but I have some big news and I want to share it with you." Cami could feel the excitement bubbling up inside her.
Cicely hummed curiously. "What's going on, baby girl?"
Cami couldn't hold back the grin on her face. "Well, I'm moving to San Francisco," she said. It was one shoe dropping. She'd have to wait a moment to drop the other shoe.
Her Mama was shocked. "What? Do you want to tell me what that's all about?"
“Well, I have a good client base up here and uh... um... this is where Emma's daddy lives. I thought maybe he ought to be part of her life, and I could use the help." She dropped the other shoe and her Mama dropped the phone on her floor.
There was a loud scuffling noise on the line as her mother bent to pick the phone up and bring it back to her ear. "What did you just say to me?"
Cami's voice lowered some. "I said this is where Emma's daddy lives."
"I knew you knew who it was. What changed your mind?" Her Mama never missed anything. Silence, in her case, almost never meant ignorance.
"Well, Mama, it's like I said, I need the help, I have a client base here, I like San Francisco, and I really think he ought to be part of her life and help me raise her, you know, be there for it, and he wants to be." Cami was immeasurably glad for that fact.
Her Mama was taking it without surprise now. "Mmmmhmmmm," she hummed. "So are you moving in with her daddy now? You two are going to raise her together as a couple?"
Cami knew that this would come. She wasn't looking forward to it. "No, Mama."
"No? Why not? He wants to be part of that baby's life, doesn't he?" her mother replied in consternation.
Cami sighed. "Yes, he wants to be a big part of it; he wants to do everything with her, but we can't live together. We're raising her in two different houses."
"Well, why not? Don't you care about him? Does he care about you?" Mama asked in a softer tone.
Another sigh. "It's not that, Mama."
"Well what is it? It doesn't sound so complicated to me," Mama said simply.
"He's married,” Cami said quietly.
There was a deafening silence on the other end of the line for nearly a full minute. She could feel the heat radiating through her phone. She waited as long as she could, and then she had to speak up.
"Mama?" she almost whispered.
"Was he married when you two made that baby?" Mama asked, in a low tone.
"Yes, ma'am." Cami spoke quietly again.
There was the briefest of silences, and then Mama was not quiet any longer. "What in the world are you doing, having sex with a married man? What in God's name has gotten into your head, young lady? Did I raise you to act like that? You know better than that!
“What kind of a world have you brought that little girl into? What kind of a future is she going to have now? I can't believe you did that. My own daughter, having an affair with a married man! What is in your head, young lady?" she demanded.
Cami let out a huge breath of air. The worst was over. She had admitted it and Mama had gone through her rant and had finally stopped to listen. There would be more ranting, but the hottest burn of it was over.
"I knew he was married, and it's no excuse, but his wife is a real piece of work and it just kind of happened. We really liked each other, and one night it just... uh... happened. Now he knows about Emma and he wants to take full responsibility for both of us. He is going to take care of all of our expenses; he's getting us a nice place to live, a car, and he's putting Emma on his insurance and paying me a huge amount of child support.
“Mama he's paying me so much that I wouldn't have to work if I don't want to, but I do want to... so I'll still make my art, but, Mama, we're doing so good now that I won't have anything to worry about. It's like I have a good friend to help me through it all." Cami felt good saying all of it out loud, as though his support, responsibility and generosity had offered some semblance of redemption for them falling into each other's arms.
Mama's voice was still loud and higher pitched. "Friends? He's putting you up and doing all of that for you and you think he's just going to be friends with you? Girl, you better wake up and smell the coffee. He's going to want a lot more from you than that. He's looking for a mistress, and my baby girl- both my baby girls, are better than that.
“Don't you dare take him up on any of that nonsense! You take care of yourself and be your own woman; you be independent. I don't want you being some man-whore's kept woman. Don't you dare! That is not the kind of girl I raised!" Mama was starting to rant again.
Cami shook her head. "No Mama, it's really not like that. I promise you, and if it was, I wouldn't do it, because you're right, you didn't raise me like that. Aside from the glaring fact that I have a child with a married man, it's the only time it ever happened and neither of us wants it to happen again. He just wants to step up to his responsibility and he's pretty well off financially, so in his eyes, he isn't buying me, he's just taking care of a situation that he created and feels completely responsible for."
Mama was quiet for a short minute, and then she spoke in a softer voice. "What's his wife like? Does she know about you and Emma?"
"No, Mama, I don't think she knows, and I think we're going to try to keep it that way for now. Maybe someday she will know. I mean, at some point she's bound to find out, don't you think? Who could keep their own child a secret from their family?" Cami hadn't really thought about that aspect of it, but now that she was talking to her Mama about it, she realized that Denise was going to be a step-mother to her daughter, and that put their situation in a whole new light for her.
Mama seemed to think the exact same thing. "Well, when she does find out, you better keep an eye on her. She better be good to my little grandbaby or I'll put the fear of God into her."
Cami laughed a little. "I know, Mama, we both feel that way. You and I are on the same page about that. Listen, I just wanted to let you know what's going on here; you know, that we're moving and why... and to let you know that everything is going to be okay and you don't have to worry about me doing any of this on my own. Everything is going to be okay, and I'm really happy, Mama, I'm not scared or worried anymore."
She could hear her Mama smile through the phone. "Alright, well, I don't like what you told me, but it seems like it's all done now, so we'll look toward the future and we'll take it a bit at a time. That's the only way to do it, and you know that. Day at a time."
"Yes ma'am," Cami answered her. "I love you Mama,” she said gratefully.
"I love you too, baby girl. You kiss Emma for me and tell her I miss her," Mama said with a smile. She knew Mama must be looking at one of her photos of Emma just then, as her voice got a little high and she sort of cooed.
"I will." She hung up and pulled Emma from the car, heading in to their hotel with a glance around her new city. Things were going to be alright finally, and nothing felt better than that.
***
Roman went home that afternoon with his head and his heart totally focused on the new change in his life. He had a daughter; a beautiful baby girl, and he was never going to be the same again. It seemed like nothing could bring him down, until he walked into the kitchen at home and was surprised to see his mother-in-law sitting at the kitchen table with his wife.
"Uh... Agnes! How... how are you doing?" he asked, trying not to stumble over the words he spoke.
She turned her face to him and narrowed her eyes. "I'd be a hell of a lot better if I wasn't sitting here looking at your rotten face," she snapped at him.
Denise stood up and walked toward the wine cooler, pulled out a bottle of wine and started to decant it. "Mother is going to live with us now. She needed a good place to go, so I told her she could live here! Isn't that wonderful?" Denise giggled, grinning
and bouncing as she spoke.
Roman stared at Denise. "I don't know what to say," he said in a quiet tone, but then blinked and turned to look at Agnes who was swilling a tumbler of whiskey.
"Uh... welcome, Agnes. Welcome home. It will be nice to have you here. I'm sure Denise will appreciate your... company." He felt like a rug had been ripped out from under his feet and he'd landed on his back hard enough that the wind was knocked out of him.
He looked at his wife. "Denise, may I please talk with you in the other room?" he asked delicately, with a serious undertone.
She turned and leveled her eyes at him. "Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of Mother. We have no secrets."
Roman looked from Agnes to Denise, and then shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "Alright. I think it would have been helpful if you could have mentioned this to me before it changed. Of course, Agnes is welcome here, but you should have talked with me about this first. You could have at least... mentioned it."
