“I’m more worried for Court though, because she was such a sick kid as a child, I bet she’s more likely to be a carrier. And I’m scared to death to tell her. She’s been having such a hard time at school. She didn’t want to go back this semester.”
“You know, she called me,” Darren said.
“She did? When? Did you talk to her?” Jenna tensed up.
“No, I didn’t talk to her, and it must have been right when she got back to school.”
“I didn’t tell her yet.”
“About the disease, right?”
“About us breaking up,” Jenna said.
“Jen, you've got to tell her."
"I'm going to. Next time we see each other."
"How could she not know? We weren’t together all summer. You gave me back the ring after your mom died. Why?”
“I just… ” Tears started up, but she willed herself not to cry again. She didn’t know why. Courtney had loved Darren almost as much as she did. As much as I do, she thought.
God, Jenna was so screwed up, and she didn’t know what the hell she was doing. She looked at Darren, looked into his eyes.
“Darren… ”
“Jen, don’t.”
"I know what was wrong with me then. I think I blamed you partially, and it was so wrong of me. I think I felt you could have saved her. And now I know that's not true. I know she was gone before we got there. I know. But I was in shock, I was grieving. You know I didn't have a stable family life, with Dad leaving when I was sixteen, and Mom never having anything positive to say about their marriage. I freaked. I was in shock, you know that. You know me. Why didn’t you fight for me? Why did you give up on me when I needed you to be there for me, when you knew I didn’t have any strength in me to make any type of rational decision? Why didn’t you want me then?”
“Jenna.”
“Won’t you help now, when things are getting so bad? When I might be facing a life-threatening disease? When you know I love you this much,” she lifted her tattoo and showed it to him, and grabbed his wrist to match the tattoos together.
He didn’t move his wrist from hers. He looked into her eyes.
Jenna grasped his fingers into hers, “When you knew I loved you then, but I didn’t know what was going on in my head because of what was going on all around me? Why won’t you give us another chance? We’re bonded.”
They were quiet for a moment, fingers wrapped around each others, their tattoos matched up together. Their stillness gave Jenna hope.
Finally, Darren spoke. “Jenna, it wasn’t me who did this. It was you. It was all your doing. I would have never left. You pushed me away. I would have never left you. You pushed me out of your life, and I can’t do this. I’m in a totally different place. There’s too much going on at work, some new opportunities, and it’s not… it would be bad timing for us.”
He uncurled his hand from hers and placed her hand into her lap, then stood up to go.
“I’m sorry.”
Chapter 9
When Jenna was sixteen and Courtney was eleven, their world fell apart. One day their father was in their lives, the next, he was gone. The funny thing was, they should have seen it coming. The fights were so frequent, they wouldn’t have known what to do if they walked in one day to their parents actually getting along. So, the day they came home from school to their parents sitting calmly in the kitchen was a surprise to both of the girls.
“It’s happening finally, isn’t it?” Jenna asked, full of attitude and anger, while Courtney’s eyes got big and she looked from her mom to her dad.
“Please know girls, that this has absolutely nothing to do with either of you,” their dad said.
Their mom nodded in agreement, and then spoke. “We both love you very much, but obviously, and you are both old enough and certainly mature enough to understand that things have not been good around here, we know it will be a better environment for everyone if Dad were to move out.”
“You’re separating?” Courtney asked.
“Getting a divorce is what they’re doing,” Jenna said, her eyes hard and cold, glancing from one parent to the other.
Both her mom and dad nodded, and then her mother spoke. “Your father has taken a job in Illinois. He’s been offered a great position, and we know neither of you wants to move away from your school and friends, so we’ve decided that it’s best for him to go. But you’ll be able to visit him during holidays and the summer.”
“I can’t wait for you girls to come see the city, and spend time with me,” their dad smiled, but Jenna, wise beyond her sixteen years, could already tell this was the beginning of the lies, that she wouldn’t see her father much anymore, and that what she grew up thinking was a normal family was no longer.
She looked at Courtney, who was crying uncontrollably, and gave her parents another hard, angry stare. “I hate you both. Come on Courtney, let’s get out of here.”
She took her sister to Dairy Queen and fed her a hot fudge sundae while she cried. Jenna told Courtney everything would be okay, and that they’d always have each other, that they’d always be sisters, and it didn’t matter if their dad didn’t want to be their father any more, they’d always have one another. They’d forever be sisters. No matter what. Nothing could ever change that.
Chapter 10
Courtney left Mitch’s room at three in the morning. She couldn’t believe she stayed and talked to him for four hours. It seemed like she had been there for twenty minutes and when she finally looked at her cell phone to check the time, she was shocked to see how late it was.
“Oh my God, it’s three!”
Mitch ran his fingers through his hair and grinned at her. By now, Courtney knew these things: He had gorgeous dimples when he smiled, and apparently she made him smile a lot; he was the oldest of five kids – the only boy; he thought her toes were adorable; he wanted to be a music instructor someday; and the most important thing – she really, really wanted to kiss him but wasn’t going to.
Hours ago, he had propped himself up against pillows along the edge of his bed and she was on the other side propped up with some comfy pillows as well. Together, they sat and listened to every single John Mayer song he had on his MP3 player. He had been to sixteen live shows and even met the singer in person backstage. Mitch said he didn’t seem like the ass that all the tabloids made him out to be.
When Courtney first got there, after his comment about studying her, they had laughed it off and he offered her a beer, then, realizing that he wasn’t supposed to have beer in his dorm, he said, “Root beer.”
“Wait, you’re a junior, so you’re at least twenty-one, right?” Courtney said.
“Twenty-two.”
“So you’re legal,” Courtney said. “You can have a beer.”
“You want one then?” he asked.
“Do we live by the policy of what happens in Mitch’s room, stays in Mitch’s room?”
“I knew you were a smart one,” Mitch bent down to his dorm-sized fridge and grabbed two Coronas. Courtney couldn’t help but notice how nicely his jeans fit and also saw the waistband of his navy blue boxer-briefs peeking out as he bent over.
He turned quickly and caught Courtney staring. “You want a lime in yours?”
“You have limes?”
“I’m very prepared for unexpected visitors,” he said.
“Do you get many?”
“Nah. Remember, no one knows me here.”
“Gotcha, and yeah, lime sounds great.”
Mitch grabbed a lime from the fridge, a small cutting board, and a Swiss army knife from the shelf above his desk and sliced the fruit. He opened the beers, and expertly shoved the limes into the Coronas.
“Here, don’t let the RA catch us,” he grinned at Courtney.
“Your secret’s safe with me,” and they clinked their bottles together.
From then on, they talked about the music they loved, both of them big fans of Dave Matthews, (“I’ll jam for you when it�
��s not so late that we’ll get busted by the RA,” he teased.) David Gray, Jack Johnson, Adele and Amy Winehouse (they toasted to her unfortunate passing).
She told him about her mother’s recent death, and how she began to draw after everyone in the family decided she couldn't play the piano, and how she wished she had more time for it. She talked about how much she loved her sister but how it was hard growing up and being the young one living in her shadow.
He told her he knew all about what it was like living with sisters, how he felt neglected, even though, and because, he was the only son. All his sisters came along and he sort of got forgotten. How he lived with all the makeup and hairspray and how annoying it had been to deal with all that. But it had also made him more sensitive to women in a way.
They drank and talked, and listened to music until suddenly it was three in the morning.
“Wow, it’s pretty late,” he said.
“I should go,” Courtney said.
“Yeah, I have an eight o’clock actually.”
“You have an eight o’clock class and you let me stay this late!” Courtney said.
“Hey, I was enjoying the company,” he smiled.
“Me too,” she said. “If the RA finds out you had some chick in here till three, you may get written up.”
“I know. I hear she’s a tough one. You better get outta here. Want me to walk you back so you don’t get caught after hours?” Mitch asked.
“I think I’ll be all right.”
Courtney stood up and wobbled a bit on her heels. Mitch moved toward her to steady her as he also got to his feet, and he held onto her shoulders. She shivered at his touch.
“Whoa, you okay there?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Courtney noticed nine empty beer bottles on the desk.
“Did we drink that many?” she asked.
“I drank maybe one more than you, but you did all right for such a little girl.”
They stood side by side in the small room. “Who you calling little? And I’m your superior, so you better watch it buddy!”
Mitch took her hands in hers and looked Courtney in the eyes. “I want to make sure you’re okay? You okay, RA?”
“I’m okay.” God, he was holding her hands, and his were so smooth, and warm, like the perfect feeling of warm, like when a towel comes out of the dryer perfect warmth, Courtney thought. She imagined what his arms would feel like on her body, wrapped around her in a hug. Those lashes, they were so long, and his eyes, and he was so nice, and sweet. It had been such a long time since Courtney had spent time with such a nice, sweet guy.
She placed her head on his chest for a moment, giggled, but quickly got hold of herself. “I gotta go.”
“Can I walk you to your room?”
“No, that’s okay. I really don’t want anyone seeing me come out of your room.”
“Like it’s a scandal that you’re in here, right?” he smirked, still holding her hands. He played with her fingers, his fingers intertwined with hers; they were such long, guitarist fingers. Perfect fingers. She imagined his fingers in her hair. He looked into her eyes, and she thought he might want to kiss her.
She had to look away, because if she didn’t, she was afraid she would stand on the tips of her toes, lean into him, and kiss him.
“I gotta go,” she said.
“Okay.”
Still holding her hand, he walked her to his door. Slowly, he opened it, as if giving her a moment to say that she didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to leave. She stood there for a moment, halfway in and halfway out. She would have loved to go back inside, to sit on his bed, have another beer, listen to more music, and just lay next to him. To have him touch her hair and look into her eyes for the rest of the night. That would have been enough. That would have been perfect.
“Next time, why don’t you come over earlier, and I’ll play the guitar for you?”
“Yeah?” she asked.
“Definitely. For sure.”
“Okay.”
“Night RA.”
“Night Mitch.”
He leaned down and took her face in his hands, moved her bangs away and kissed her forehead.
“On your way back, watch out for that RA, okay? I hear she's brutal.”
Chapter 11
Jenna walked out of the doctor’s office dazed. She knew she shouldn’t have gone alone. What a stupid, stupid thing to do. So much information thrown at her at once, she couldn’t comprehend it all. What she did know was that she was overwhelmed and she had no one to talk to. Not her mother, not Darren, and she certainly couldn’t call Courtney and worry her over this.
She was going to have to tell Courtney in person.
The doctor had been nice enough, and calmed some of her fears, but he did let her know that there was a very strong chance that she and her sister would be carriers of the gene and that both of them may have hemochromatosis. But he also let her know that in this stage in their lives, with no symptoms of fatigue, joint pain, or other indications of liver or kidney problems, it was unlikely that they’d be severely affected at their young age. Most likely the situation would be that they’d have to, worst case scenario, have a liver biopsy to see how much iron was being held in their bodies. The best case scenario, if they were carriers and afflicted with hemochromatosis, they would have to relieve themselves of a pint or two of blood once or twice a week for an unforeseeable time in the future. Even the best case scenario scared the hell out of Jenna.
Mostly, Jenna was worried about how Courtney would take the news. They both needed to have two separate blood tests done to determine if they had the gene, and Jenna was sure that Courtney was a carrier. She had been so weak as a child, and always still so tired all of the time. She seemed to have bags under her eyes, and Jenna knew she never got enough sleep. She worried so much for her younger sister, and now that their mother was gone, she was going to have to step it up and really make sure Courtney was okay. But she didn’t know how she was going to break this news to her, that they could both be inflicted with the gene that had ended their mother’s life.
She knew she had to see Courtney in person to discuss this with her; Jenna didn’t want to tell her over the phone. She also knew Court was stressed out at school. Being an RA hadn’t been what she had expected, and she was overworked in her classes and probably not getting enough sleep as it was. Jenna had hoped she was going to be able to come home for a visit soon, and that they could get the blood tests done together; she didn’t want for them to have to go separately. If they had something strange and horrible going on inside their bodies, the two of them needed to be together.
The doctor had indicated that if one of them had it, the two of them would be carriers, and that they’d be dealing with this together. Courtney prayed to God that this disease somehow decided to skip a generation, but in what she had read on the Internet, and from what the doctor had told her, it wasn’t likely.
She stopped by her mother’s house and went up to the bedroom. She felt bad that she still hadn’t gone through her things, but after that last time she was there, she couldn’t go through it alone. She didn’t have it in her. Someday she would, she thought, but not now. Not when she was dealing with this. She needed backup. She needed her sister.
Jenna flopped onto her mother's bed, grabbed the blanket, stuck her fingers through the comforting holes and dialed Courtney. She answered on the second ring.
“’Lo?”
“Court?”
“Hey Jenna!”
Jenna looked at the phone, a bit shocked to hear her sister sounding so… well, so unlike the last time they talked. “You sound cheerful,” she said.
“Yeah, well, I’m having a good week,” Courtney said.
“That’s good. How’d that soc paper go?” Jenna asked.
“Good. Real good. Got a B+, and the teacher’s a bastard, so I was really happy. How are you, how’s Darren?”
“Everything’s fine here.”
“You know,
tell him I’m pissed at him. I called him, but he never called me back,” Courtney said.
“Yeah, well, he’s been taking some double shifts lately.” Double shifts? Why did I lie to her, Jenna wondered. Why can’t I tell her the truth?
“Are you guys coming up for parent’s weekend?” Courtney asked. “I might have someone to introduce you to.”
“Um, I don’t think I can make it then. I think Darren has to work. And what do you mean, ‘someone to introduce me to?’” Courtney asked.
“There’s this guy.”
“Oh really,” Jenna said. She could tell that her sister was happy and she was glad to talk about something else. She didn’t want to discuss Darren and the breakup, or the possibility that they both might have a genetic disease.
“Yeah. He plays the guitar.” Courtney said it so it sounded almost decadent.
“Ooh, sexy.”
“Definitely sexy. But I’m not sure if it’s going anywhere. We’ll see. We hung out the other night, and he’s really, really nice.”
“I’m glad,” Jenna said.
“I’ve always been a bit jealous of you and Darren, and now that I think about it, it’s been kind of immature of me. Maybe I need to be a little patient. Like my time will come, you know. How's Darren anyway? You tell him to call me, okay!”
“Sure,” Jenna was desperate to change the subject. “But hey, when do you get a weekend off at that prison you’re in charge of? I kind of need you at home for a couple of things. Stuff for Mom. You think you can get away and come home for a night or two?”
“Well, we have two days off later this month for fall break. Do you really need me home?” Courtney asked.
“Yeah, I really do need you at home. There’s some important stuff we have to go through, and I don’t think I can do it alone. Please Court?”
“Okay. Hey, depending on how things are going with Mitch, that’s his name, by the way, guitar man. Mitch. Maybe I’ll bring him with. You and Darren can meet him.”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
“Okay, give Big D a hug for me. Love you sis.”
What She Left Us Page 3
