“Yeah, come on in!” Courtney yelled.
She nearly fell off her chair when the door opened and Darren was in the doorway.
“Court, hey,” Darren said.
“Oh wow, not who I was expecting!” She got up and gave him an awkward hug.
“How’s it going kiddo?” he asked. He always called her cute little names, but this time it sounded too personal. Too much time had passed since they seemed like family.
“Fine, good,” Courtney said lightly. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m looking for your sister, is she around?”
“Did you talk to her, have you called her?” Courtney asked.
“No, why? Is it bad that I came up? I just wanted to see her. When she left it was not a really good scene.”
“She said you have a girlfriend.”
“Oh Christ,” he rubbed the stubble on his chin. “There’s no girlfriend. That woman at my house, she's one of my shift partners. We work together.”
“Oh,” Courtney said.
“So, where can I find Jenna?”
“She’s at work.”
“She got a job already?”
“It’s part-time, at a bar called Klippy’s. She’s waitressing, but I don’t think you should go over there. It’ll totally freak her out. And she just started, so it wouldn’t be cool for you to show up. You know?”
“Yeah, I get it. But maybe I’ll go over and have a beer when her shift is about to end.”
“Maybe,” Courtney said.
“How are you doing? How’s your health? Are you girls okay?” Darren asked. “That’s part of why I came up. I want to make sure you’re both okay.”
“We’re doing what we have to do,” Courtney offered.
“Good. I’m glad,” Darren said.
“Wait, so do you want to get back together with Jen?” Courtney asked.
“I want to talk with her,” Darren said.
“Oh. Well, then I guess you should do that.”
Chapter 41
Jenna hadn’t really expected Clay to call her but he had, two days after her first blood ‘session.’ They met up at Klippy’s and he took her to see the apartment he told her about. She could rent it on a monthly basis as long as she put down a security deposit and passed a background check, which she did. It was a one-bedroom with a loft, and it belonged to an English professor. He was teaching overseas for the school year and the apartment was impeccably clean, English professor clean. It was filled with interesting books and unique artwork, and because it was already furnished, Jenna didn't have to have any of her furniture shipped. Jenna couldn’t wait to live there. It was too good to be true.
As Clay promised, he also set up an interview with Doug, the owner of Klippy’s. She and Doug hit it off and she had a part-time job by the time the interview was over.
Clay had been great – taking Jenna around campus, getting groceries with her, and helping her set up necessities for the apartment. There was definitely a spark there, but beyond that, a friendship was blossoming, and that was exactly what Jenna needed at the moment.
She was near her sister, had a new apartment and a part-time job, and two ‘sessions’ under her belt. The second one was much less traumatic than the first, but it still brought some emotions to the forefront. She and Courtney both agreed each time would get easier.
Now she was serving hamburgers and beer to college students, and she couldn’t be more content. It was her third shift at Klippy’s and everyone had been so nice, it was going so smooth. That’s why when Darren walked through the doors, she didn’t realize it was him at first.
It was four o’clock in the afternoon. When she was hired on, she and Doug agreed that she would start with the lunch shift, to give her a chance to get familiar with the menu, and also, the lunch shift was an easier crowd. No drunks, no boisterous people, no beer splashing all over the place. So far she was doing great. Then, Darren walked through the doors at the end of her shift and at first it didn't register, because why would Darren be at Court’s school?
Then, she locked eyes with him.
He gave her a casual two-finger wave as if all was right in the world.
He took a seat at the bar and watched her until her shift ended. She was a nervous wreck.
When she was done with her last table, she walked over to him. She had been thinking of what she would say to him, wondered how he knew where she was, but figured he must have driven up to school, went to Courtney’s and she had told him. Why the hell hadn’t Courtney texted her to warn her? Maybe she had but her phone was in the lockers in the back. Damn it.
Jenna decided she wasn’t going to say anything and let him do all of the talking. After all, she was the one who made a fool of herself at his place right before she left. She couldn’t believe it had been only two weeks. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
“You work here now?” he asked.
“Did you come here for a burger?”
“Not exactly,” Darren said.
“Why are you here?” Jenna demanded, her voice trembling. She was so very glad Clay’s shift didn’t start until six. The two had become really good friends and he knew enough about hers and Darren’s relationship that she didn’t want him to be in the middle of any unfolding drama.
“I wanted to see you.”
“Here I am.” Jenna wanted to suck the words back inside. She didn’t know why she was coming off so mean. She still loved Darren. She knew that. She really wanted to hear what he had to say. Why was she acting this way?
“Can we go somewhere?” He looked around the bar. “Somewhere other than here?” he asked.
“I need to go home and change,” Jenna said. “I smell like hamburgers.”
“Should I come with?” Darren asked.
Jenna considered it. She knew if she took him to her new apartment it would definitely be a big mistake, because they wouldn’t talk at all. She would end up in bed with him, and nothing would get resolved.
“Sure. Let me get my things.”
Chapter 42
Jenna went to the back to get her keys, and grab her cell phone. That’s when she saw the text from Courtney:
Holy shit, Darren is on his way over there!
A whole hell of a lot of good that text did her now. She swiped on some lipstick, ran a comb through her hair, and folded a stick of peppermint gum into her mouth. She chewed vigorously, damning herself for eating onion rings on her break.
“Bye, Doug!” she yelled to her new boss, and she motioned to Darren to follow her out the front door. She didn’t want to talk to him right then, so she walked to her car and simply said, “You can follow me.” Dear God, she had no idea what she was going to do.
Jenna could see Darren in her rearview mirror as she dialed Courtney, who answered on the first ring.
“What the fuck!” Jenna yelled into the phone.
“He showed up?” Courtney asked.
“He’s in his car following me to my apartment!”
“He’s WHAT?”
“I didn’t know what to do! He wants to talk!” Jenna said, checking her own reflection. She looked horrible. She had spent the last five hours serving hamburgers.
“You can’t take him to your apartment!” Courtney said.
“What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to take him? I’ve got to hear what he’s got to say.” Jenna drove slowly, making sure she didn’t go through a light and lose him.
“Oh, by the way, totally not his girlfriend,” Courtney said.
“You asked him!”
“Yes, confirmed it was really his co-worker.”
“Damn. Okay, that’s good,” Jenna said. “You’re such a great sister.”
“What’s he doing now?” Courtney asked.
“Following me. God, he looks so good.”
“Be strong. He said he wants to talk to you.” Courtney said.
“Okay, I’m sure I’m going to talk. What the hell am I going to say to him?” Jenna asked her sister.
“The inside of my wrist is where he and I have matching tattoos. That’s exactly the place where if I look, I’m going to start crying,” Jenna reminded her.
“Oh crap. Sorry.”
“All right. I’m almost at the apartment. Thanks for the pep talk. I’ll call you when he leaves.”
“Okay. Thanks. Be strong! Love you.” Courtney hung up.
Jenna clicked the phone to off and pulled into the parking lot of her apartment, and Darren parked in a spot behind her. She got out of her car and looked at him, her bottom lip quivering. “It’s this way,” she said, motioning toward the flight of stairs. He followed her, dangerously close.
“This looks like a really nice place; how’d you find it so quickly?” he asked.
Jenna didn’t trust her voice. “Friend from work.”
“Nice.” And then, “You have friends already. That's great.”
His height matched hers as he followed a step behind her on the stairs and she could feel his breath on her neck. And although there was an early November chill, she felt the heat of him being so near.
At the top of the stairs, Jenna fumbled with her keys and once she got the right one into the keyhole, she opened the door but dropped her cell phone. They both bent down and reached for it at the same time. Darren grabbed it first and held it in his hands.
He looked at Jenna’s face, studying her, then reached under her arms and lifted her to her feet and led her into the apartment, closing the door behind him with his foot. He put his lips close to hers.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for months.”
She couldn’t think straight, her head was spinning.
“Can I?”
She knew his breath, sweet and clean, with a hint of spearmint, and she wanted him to kiss her, so badly, but she couldn’t get the words out because her head was filled with memories of them, of their history, and if she made any noise at all, she would crack into a thousand tiny pieces, so instead, she nodded.
And then his lips were on hers and she fell into him, as if no time had passed at all.
Darren cupped her chin and looked into her eyes and kissed her lips until she felt like she might fall to the floor with the weight of it all. He must have sensed this because he moved his lips away from hers and trailed them to her ear, slowly, softly, like he used to, so many times before.
“Can we go into the other room?”
Jenna felt herself nod.
Darren lifted her up and she put her arms around him and he continued to kiss her neck and her earlobe the whole time he felt his way toward the bedroom. Jenna’s bed was unmade and he placed her on it, then he lay there with her, tracing her face, her arms, her stomach with his fingers, touching her everywhere, recovering all the places he had lost the past seven months.
“I’ve needed you so much, you have no idea.”
He took off his shirt and she remembered his body, the body that she knew so well and had missed for so long. She touched his chest again, feeling the strong muscles, his stomach, the light hairs that covered his navel, trailing to just below his jeans. His arms so smooth, biceps so perfect. What had she been thinking when she had let all of this go?
She hadn't been thinking.
He slipped off her pink Klippy’s tee, and then unhooked her bra. He took her into his arms, held her, touched her, and then kissed her mouth again, harder, more desperate this time. He removed her jeans and then his own. They sat up, and came together, crushing their bodies against each other, as if they were meeting for the first time, wanting to discover one another.
Slow rediscovery turned into familiar passion. Darren found his way to Jenna and then they were moving together like they once knew how to. It was perfect and wonderful and Jenna couldn’t remember a time without him, she couldn’t remember how she lived without this, without him, or why she ever would have wanted to.
Afterward, when they lay there in the quiet of the early evening, lost in their own thoughts and hearing nothing but the sounds of their internal heartbeats and breath, Darren turned to Jenna. She wanted to touch his cheek but was afraid to.
“I hope you know I didn’t come here planning on doing that. It wasn’t my intention to… you know. I don’t want you to think I was taking advantage of you.”
“I know,” Jenna attempted a smile, but her heart sank. She didn’t know whether to be flattered or hurt by what Darren had said.
Chapter 43
He fell asleep. After Darren said he hadn’t wanted to make love – that that wasn’t why he came to see her, he kissed her, and they had done it again. There was no stopping it, Jenna couldn’t help herself, she had always loved Darren, and she knew too that he loved her, had never stopped loving her, no matter what Jenna had done to him.
He was asleep now, and Jenna’s left palm was sweaty and clasped in Darren’s right palm, their inked hearts on their wrists lined up together, just as they’d always intended. She lay on her left side and watched him sleep, wondering why she ever gave him back her engagement ring, and had no logical reason for ever doing so.
To think she might have lost out on a life with this amazing man was too much to take. Jenna sighed, and thought she must be dreaming, that he was there, lying next to her. She couldn’t believe that what had just happened had really happened. She looked at his huge feet sticking out far beyond the edge of the bed, at his bare biceps, smooth and tight. His breathing was steady, Jenna thought, as if he were totally comfortable being there, like he belonged there. She wanted to reach out and touch his lips, feel the stubble on his chin, but didn’t want to wake him.
She tilted her head closer to his body, her hand still clasped tightly into his, and closed her eyes, wishing she had never given the ring back, wishing she had never hurt him so much.
She had no idea what time it was when she woke, but he was watching her this time, and their hands were still clasped together.
“Um, hi.” Jenna said.
“Hi.”
“Should this be awkward?” she asked.
“Only if you want it to be,” Darren said. “It doesn’t feel awkward for me. Does it for you?”
“No, but my hand feels like someone smashed it with a hammer,” Jenna let go of Darren’s hand and gave hers a shake. “It’s all pins and needles.”
“Here, let me massage it.” Darren took her hand in his and rubbed it. He took each finger in his hand and massaged them gently, then he made circles on her palm with his thumb. After a few more minutes, he pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed her heart tattoo.
“How's that feel?”
“Thanks, that’s a bit better.”
“I was watching you sleep,” Darren said.
“I did the same when you were sleeping,” Jenna admitted. “What time is it anyway?”
“Ten-thirty.”
“Wow.” Jenna said.
“I know. Time flies when you’re–”
Jenna stopped him. “I should call Court.”
“And say what?” Darren asked.
“I have no idea really,” Jenna said.
“Well, we do need to talk, now that we’re ‘rested.’” Darren said.
“If that’s what you’re calling it,” Jenna joked.
“Look,” Darren said, “You know I love you, I’ve always loved you… ”
“This sounds like the part when you throw in a ‘but.’”
“No, it’s not that. But… ”
“I knew it, there is a ‘but!’”
“Oh crap. Well, there’s... Look, I know you came to my apartment and Eva was there. I really do work with her. I’m training her. I called you after that, at your apartment. Don’t you check your voicemail there?”
“Darren, no one works off their landlines anymore. It’s all ce
ll phones these days.”
“Right. Anyway, here’s what’s going on. I’ve gotten this opportunity to train for the air medic job.”
“That’s great! That’s always been your dream!” Jenna reached for Darren and hugged him, then realizing she was still naked, she reached for the covers. Darren held her at arm’s length to look her in her eyes while she adjusted the sheet. Jenna didn’t take this as a good sign, but watched for clues.
“It is great, it’s great news. Everything I’ve always worked for. And yeah, I guess there is a pretty serious ‘but’ if you think about it, but there doesn’t have to be. There doesn’t have to be a glitch in the plan.”
Darren stopped what he was saying and looked at Jenna, so thoughtfully, as if he was trying to figure out the right way to say what he needed to say next.
“I’ve been miserable without you. I wanted to give you the space you needed to figure out what was going on in your own head. I knew you were grieving your mother’s death. I wanted to be there for you. I didn’t know how to help. I thought that was what you wanted – the space and the time. I would have pushed you, knocked on your door every damn day if I thought that would help. But I know you. Or I thought I did.”
Jenna smiled at this, but it was a sad slow smile, because she thought she knew herself too.
“I figured you would come around. That eventually you would show up and say, ‘I’m all better now,’ and then when you did, when you told me you were sorry and you were ready, you called me and you were freaking out about a disease. That honestly threw me for a loop. I didn’t know how to react. But now… Now, it's all good. I can handle everything. I want to be with you. Whatever happens with your health and your future, it’s you I want to be with, and only you. I want to start fresh. I want to be us again.”
Darren pulled Jenna close.
“I love you so damn much. You’re part of my life. I don’t ever want to lose you again,” Darren said.
“Oh, Darren, my God, you don’t know how long I’ve waited for this. I want this too,” Jenna sighed. “I want nothing more than to be with you again. I’m so sorry for everything that’s happened, for everything I’ve put you through. I’ve been miserable too. You have no idea.”
What She Left Us Page 12
