“I just needed to get away. I needed some time.”
“I know. If it had been me, I would have done the same.” Emily fidgeted. “Are—are we okay?”
Gemma studied her for a minute, doing both a heart and a little bit of a mental health check. She didn’t want to revert to who she had been after last summer, and she knew it was time to move forward. “Yeah.” Gemma nodded. “I just . . . I can’t see him. I know it’s silly, but I’m just not over it yet. Seeing him, especially happy and with someone else, may be the nail in the coffin.”
“Oh, Gemma.” Emily walked forward and hugged her. “It isn’t like that at all. He—”
“Stop.” Gemma pulled back and made sure Emily was looking her in the eye. “I don’t want to hear anything about him, okay?”
“Yeah.” Emily nodded. “Whatever you want.”
“So,” Kate interrupted, “anyone up for some coffee?”
“Yeeeesssss.” Gemma dragged out the word. “I’m dying for it.”
“Then let’s do this thing.” Kate clapped before pulling Gemma and Emily behind her toward Emily’s car.
~~~
They sat at the coffee shop for hours, catching up. It turned out the year hadn’t been kind to Emily and Ryan. They were still together, but the distance had taken its toll. She was attending NC State while he had stayed locally and had no plans to leave, ever. Emily had struggled with knowing that wasn’t what she wanted but also knowing she didn’t want to give him up. This summer would be their chance to figure out what the plan was not only for their future as a couple but for their future as individuals. It was their chance to figure out where their hearts were truly being drawn. Gemma hated that her need for time had cut her off from a friend going through something so difficult and was hit with guilt immediately. She promised herself she would be stronger in the future, not only for her friends but for herself. A guy couldn’t own her so completely, and no one ever would again. She was sure of that.
When Emily dropped them back at the house, the girls headed in to take showers. They felt disgusting after sitting in sweaty clothes so long. Kate went first and Gemma waited in the room, deciding to open her window and smell some of the beach air. When she lifted it, she looked down and gasped in surprise. She had expected to see her chair and the wooden planks, not a giant bouquet of tulips, her absolute favorite flower. She looked around outside the window, trying to make sure Abe wasn’t anywhere around, and picked up the arrangement before crawling back inside.
“Whoa, nice,” Kate said as she walked out of the bathroom and noticed what was in Gemma’s hands. “Let me guess . . .”
“Please don’t.” Gemma set the flowers on the dresser and grabbed her clothes, heading into the bathroom without looking back.
Karen made the pasta that Gemma secretly, not so secretly anymore, loved for dinner, and they all sat around and ate together. It was strange for Gemma; she had been able to avoid almost every meal with this family the summer before, and now it was just how things were done. She hadn’t even realized it was happening, but she had started letting them in. Her mother had even accepted things, telling Gemma to try to give her father a chance. It had been long enough. Gemma was starting to suspect her mother had met someone and was just scared to admit it. Gemma didn’t blame her. They didn’t exactly have the best track record going between them. Zero for two wasn’t something to brag about.
Her father didn’t hurry back to his loft after dinner, instead asking the kids about their day. Gemma let Kate answer for her. They had hung out at the coffee shop and then spent the rest of their time hanging around the house. Gemma had been bored out of her mind, but the alternative wasn’t an alternative at all. “You girls should go to the private beach at least. I know you’re trying to avoid a certain person, but you know neither he, nor anyone else, is allowed there unless you let them in. I don’t want you to spend your summer cooped up. That’s my job.” He smiled at them and Gemma nodded. She knew he was right. She needed to face things. She needed to leave this house. She would die if she had to spend eight weeks just as she had spent her first day.
Twenty-Two
The next day, as she was preparing herself both physically and mentally to go to the beach for the first time of the season, she looked out her window, almost to prove to herself there wasn’t anything there. When she looked down, however, there was a very large bottle of SPF-75 sunscreen. She tried not to but almost instantly started to laugh. She hated how well he knew her—hated that he was clearly trying. It only led to hope that he was still alone, hope that she couldn’t have because there was no chance for them. Not now.
As Gemma and Kate made their way along the beach a little later, she was enjoying the way the sand burned her feet and the wind blew warm on her skin. In the distance, she saw someone whom she thought looked like Trey and momentarily fought with herself. He was kind of like Emily, a bystander, but not the guilty party. She should at least say hello to him, but he was also the last one seen with Abe before he went off with Megan. Clearly, he didn’t find it necessary to stop the two of them. Was he really someone worth her time? Just as she was preparing herself for him to approach, he finally noticed her, and she saw him do an awkward double take, before he quickly turned and walked away.
“Well, that was strange.” Kate scoffed.
“Yeah, maybe he’s still struggling with missing out on you last summer.” Gemma teased.
Kate inhaled, aghast. “You brat!” The girls took off running, Kate trying to kick sand on Gemma from behind. When they noticed Gray walking toward them in the distance, trying to show off some of his newly acquired muscle a little too obviously, they both stopped what they were doing and laughed. Before he was in earshot, Kate whispered to Gemma, “Do you think he still has that thing for Emily?”
“Doubt it.” Gemma shrugged. “He’s got that girl he’s seeing and Emily’s way too old anyway.”
“Damn,” Kate grumbled, “that was fun.”
“You’re terrible. Every time Ryan kissed her, I swear Gray died a little inside.”
“He does have abs now.”
“Oh my God! Are you suggesting he has a chance?” Gemma laughed.
“Who has a chance?” Gray asked as he met up to them.
“Trey”—Gemma laughed—“with Kate.”
“You jerk!” Kate yelled and took off after Gemma again.
~~~
Day four’s surprise was an iced coffee she found before she showered after her run. This gift had one more detail to it than the other gifts had had: a note.
I miss you.–A.
That was all. She wondered if she should let him know signing a note like that only made her want to watch Pretty Little Liars. She tried to tell herself she wasn’t softening and that it didn’t matter, but there was no denying there was a cracking of the ice she had surrounded her heart with for nearly a year. The girls decided that the day before had worked out pretty well and would use that as their pattern for the typical day. Their runs were getting longer already, so it was a little later before they showed up at the beach. Gray had already made it ahead of them and had set up their spot.
After applying her new sunscreen, Gemma lay back and enjoyed the rays making the back of her eyelids glow. Distantly, she heard yelling and laugher, and it only helped to relax her. All of a sudden, she started to distinguish the laugher. It was a little too familiar. It didn’t take long to know for sure that it was him, and he was close, too close. After freezing for a solid fifteen seconds, she jumped into action. Kate realized what was going on only moments later and was right behind her, throwing her stuff together as well before trying to escape. Abe stutter stepped when he saw her and stared for a moment, immobile.
He walked up slowly, but she felt every step as a pounding throughout her body. Her back tensed as she waited for his first words, but she remained where she was, facing her fear, Kate’s presence giving her some much needed strength. “Gemma,” he almost whispered, and to her
it felt like a caress. She was pretty sure a shiver ran down her back but was too busy trying to figure out an escape to think too hard on it. It had been so long since she heard his voice she ached to see him. She hadn’t heard from him since that last call, the one that should have won awards for the amount of damage it did on shattering her heart.
She wanted this over with, she was ready to end what would no doubt be the hardest thing she had ever had to endure, and she didn’t want to prolong the moment any longer. She turned to him slowly and answered. Hadn’t she told him there was nothing he could say or do? She wouldn’t be cheated on, and she wouldn’t be left for a guy’s first girlfriend or some cheap lay. It was all too familiar and she was out; she wasn’t going to be changing her mind. It had been fun while it lasted, but it was time for him to lose her number and her address. If he wouldn’t, she had no problem leaving again. At least that’s what she told herself to say. Hearing her name on his lips and seeing the way he looked at her right that moment only ignited desires that she had never fully been able to quench as well as feelings she would never be able to extinguish.
“Please, Abe,” she pleaded. “Let’s not do this.”
“How can you say that, Gemma? You felt the way I did, I know it.”
“The way you felt? Are you kidding me?” Her voice rose, so Kate and Gray came a little closer, flanking her, showing her support, and giving Abe a subtle warning.
“Gem, I have no idea what happened that night, but there is no way I was in my right mind.” He pulled his hair in frustration and looked her in the eye. “The way I love you, the way I still love you? Gemma, this is crazy.”
“You have the oddest way of showing your emotions,” Gemma sneered.
“Exactly! Gemma, a person doesn’t willingly cheat when their heart feels like this, no matter how much they drink.”
“Well, apparently you’re walking proof that isn’t the case.” She started to turn and walk away. She couldn’t handle any more excuses, any more lies.
“Gem . . .”
“Don’t call me that, ever again.” She turned and pleaded with him, “Go. Please.” She let the first sob free and started to walk away because she couldn’t stand to be close to him for another second. She took off in a sprint, desperate to get away from everyone. As soon as she rounded the bend and was out of sight, she heaved a heartbreaking sob and collapsed so she could cry the tears she thought she had dissipated long ago.
~*~
Trey
Trey watched as Abe’s shoulders fell and he turned to walk somberly back to the group, a single tear streaking his face. The jovial attitude of five minutes before was long gone. The group dropped into a circle, surrounding him without words, and waited as Abe pulled himself together, all the while staring out at the ocean. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”
Emily reached out to Abe and held his hand as Ryan rested a hand on his back. “Give her a little more time, man,” Ryan said.
“It isn’t time she needs.” Emily looked up into Abe’s eyes regretfully. “There were some things that girl would have never cared about. There were some she would have gotten over no matter what. But this . . . This is one of those that she just can’t.” Abe shook his head and a few more tears escaped. “I’m so sorry, Abe.” Emily cried along with him.
“I still don’t understand,” Ryan said. “How did you let yourself get that wasted?”
“I told you I have no idea. I literally remember two beers and two shots. You know I can handle a hell of a lot more than that.”
“This all just stinks of Megan. She had to have been feeding you drinks or something.”
“Either way, drunk or sober, I made the decision to sleep with her. I lost everything. It’s over, man.” Abe lowered his head and let a deep breath out. “I think I’m going to head home. I’ll see you all at the party later.”
As he walked away, Trey, Emily, and Ryan watched, all looking as devastated as Abe was. It had been a long year, watching their friend lose his heart, his happiness, and his hope. No one in the group had forgiven Megan for what happened. It was almost understood among them that she had somehow taken advantage of Abe in an already shady situation. She had finally given up her run for Abe during the holidays when he was home, and once that happened, she must have realized that no one else in the group cared if she was present either. She had shown up at a few parties, and she always made sure her presence was known, but she had stepped out of their circle, and no one seemed to mind that in the least.
~*~
Kate
When the girls got home, Gemma headed to her room to relax without a second glance at her siblings. Kate told Gray she was going to go make all of them snack, and he headed to the media room without a backward glance.
When she was in the kitchen, Kate didn’t even have to think about what she would be putting together. She started pulling out and mixing the ingredients for peanut butter cookies and was sure to make it a double batch. This was the greatest thing Kate ever learned about Gemma. Knowing her weakness had benefited their relationship on so many levels. Every time Kate pissed Gemma off she turned to these bad boys and their fights lasted, at most, the amount of time it took to bake a batch.
Her father came down the stairs to the kitchen when the smell of baking peanut butter made its way up to his writing area. “Uh, oh, what did you do now?”
“Ha, ha.” She rolled her eyes. “Actually, it was that douche of an ex-boyfriend. Cheating beach scum, ass hat.” Kate said then flinched as she realized her current audience.
“Don’t feel bad, I know what he did, and I know what I did. I also know what I had and have to make up for with not only her but you as well.
“I know. It’s just you never cheated on us; you’ve never cheated since us . . . I hope.”
He simply gave her a look that said not to push his good graces.
“It’s just that for Gemma”—she shrugged and started to push the fork into the cookies, making the crisscross pattern on top—“it’s all she’s known. She was born into a home broken by infidelity. She was raised by a mother who never let her forget that men do that, and then the first one she allows herself to trust does it within a matter of weeks.” Her father merely nodded his understanding and walked away, head down and defeated.
Twenty-Three
Gemma
There was a knock on the door that had Gemma rolling over to face the wall. “Kate, don’t be ridiculous. You don’t have to knock—”
“It’s not Kate. May I have a word?”
Gemma sat up to face her father, wiping her hands under her eyes to hide the evidence of tears. “S-Sure.”
“Don’t waste your time.” He smiled. “I smelled the peanut butter cookies.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m a predictable being.” She tried to smile, but it fell short.
“You okay, baby?” He walked over and sat by her feet on the bed. She shook her head “no” as she said “yes” and a whimper escaped. He dove in with what he came to her room to say. It became obvious to her after the fact that he knew if he didn’t just say it he never would. “Did you know that your mom was the first person to ever get me to try sushi?” Gemma looked up at him, confused, but didn’t interrupt, so he took that as the go-ahead and continued. “She also introduced me to wine, J.R.R. Tolkien, and peanut-butter-flavored ice cream. Gemma sat up straighter and looked at her father, confused. “When we met, I had just broken up with Karen because I was too young to settle down. I mean I literally remember thinking to myself who meets the person they’re supposed to be with when they’re still in high school? I had also just decided I wanted to be a writer. I had figured out I wanted out of the small town America life that was before me if I stayed where I was, and then, like a beacon, there she was in all her glory. I wanted an adventure, and, baby, your momma was definitely an adventure.
“The first time we met I was at my first art show, staring at some black-and-white blob of a painting and tryi
ng not to laugh. She walked up, told me I was looking at it wrong, and then walked away.” He shook his head and laughed, lost in a memory. “I was so hooked I barely saw another painting after that. I was too busy looking for the gorgeous brunette with the eyes that could melt my very soul.”
Gemma hugged her knees to her chest and looked at him in confusion and a little bit of awe. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because you need to hear that I loved her, that I wanted her, and, yes”—he shrugged—“we rushed into things way too fast and we never should have gotten married, but I did love her. She was supposed to be my story, you know? The one that changed me and made me the man I am today? But then we did get married, and then I got you, and there is nothing in the world you could say or do to make me regret that. You are my gift, the miracle I never deserved. You are my girl. I mean Kate has absolutely no interest in writing. She doesn’t have that desire to understand everything around her as we do. And Gray likes the writing, but he doesn’t have that deep soul that has almost too much feeling like the two of us. You though . . .” He smiled at her as he reached out to squeeze her hand. “I watch you, and I see the best things about me and the best things about your mom and absolutely no bad.
“One day I’m scared I’ll have to pay for it, you know? I did this terrible thing: hurt you and your mom. How did I deserve to have my cake and eat it too, all that, you know? One day I will have to pay for my sins.” He wiped his eyes. “I can’t regret it, though. Watching you grow, especially this last year, has been the greatest blessing of my life.”
Tears filled and threatened to spill over Gemma’s lids. “Why didn’t you ever tell me this?” she cried out.
“Because I’m a coward. Because I figured it wouldn’t matter to you. You hated me so much. Because it meant admitting to someone that, at times, I regretted my decisions. I’m a fool, Gemma. And I’m so, so sorry for it.”
Break Me (The Summer Series) Page 17
