by Amy Cross
"Not this time," she replies coldly.
I look up at her.
"I'm just saying," she continues, shrugging. "You didn't do it on purpose... this time. But what about -"
"Shut up," I say. The last thing I need right now is to listen to her bullshit, even if she's telling the truth. "You don't know anything about me".
"I've been in your head, remember?" she replies. "I know your deepest fears, Juliet, and I know how to fix them. The way I see it, you have two choices. You can muddle through on your own, end up getting accused of killing Lizzie, and they'll probably lock you away for a long, long time. Especially with your history. Or you can accept my help, do what I say, and have a much better time". She pauses for a moment. "It's your choice, but you should probably hurry and make a decision. There's not much time".
Staring at Lizzie's body, I realize she's right. The last thing I want to do is accept any help from Jennifer, but that's exactly what I have to do if I'm going to have any chance of getting out of this thing. I can come up with all sorts of crazy plans to get myself out of this situation, but they'd all fall apart in the end. I need help, and Jennifer's the only one I trust right now. "What do I do?" I ask eventually. "What the fuck do I do?"
"Bring her this way," Jennifer says calmly.
"Where?" I ask.
"Don't ask stupid questions".
"Where?" I ask again, but when I turn to her, I find that she's gone. Taking a deep breath, I realize that I know exactly where I'm supposed to go. I grab Lizzie's body and start hauling her along the corridor. It takes a few minutes, but I eventually reach the door to the abandoned ward. Fumbling with my key-chain, I eventually find the right key, and I unlock the padlock. Trying not to panic, I pull the door open and start dragging Lizzie across the threshold. Once she's inside, I'm about to drag her along to the other end of the ward when I hear Jennifer's voice in my ear.
"Shut the door," she whispers.
Without hesitation, I step over Lizzie's body and push the door shut. And that's when everything changes.
Chapter Six
Eleven years ago
"I still don't understand," my father says, staring at me with a very serious look on his face. "Go back to the beginning, Juliet. Where did the cat come from?"
We're sitting in the dining room. My father and Martina have very serious expressions on their faces, and she looks as if she's been crying. The atmosphere is very still and quiet, and I can tell I'm in a lot of trouble.
"Did you find him?" Martina asks, her voice sounding uncharacteristically calm. "Was he in the road?"
I shake my head.
"Where was he?" she asks.
I stare at her. "He was in your office".
She glances over at my father for a moment. "Was he alive when you found him?" she asks. I can hear the tension in her voice; it's as if she's scared of what I might say.
"He was purring," I reply.
"Oh God," she replies, looking down.
"Did you kill him, Juliet?" my father asks.
I stare at him. "What?" I ask eventually.
"Did you kill him?"
I take a deep breath. "With scissors".
"Why?" Martina asks. She's started crying again, with tears streaming down her face. I don't know why, but the sight of her red, watery eyes makes me smile.
"What's so funny?" my father shouts.
"Nothing," I reply, looking down at the floor so he can't see that I'm still smiling. It's not my fault; I can't help it. I don't even think it's particularly funny, but the muscles around my mouth are forcing themselves into a smiley shape.
"Answer the question," my father continues. "Why did you do this, Juliet?"
I pause for a moment. "I just..." I start to say. Damn it, I had everything worked out in my head earlier. While I was waiting for my father to come and fetch me from my room, I rehearsed this conversation over and over again; I imagined what I'd say, and how I'd explain myself, and it all made sense. Right now, though, as I face them over the table, it's as if my mind has gone blank and I know that anything I say will sound stupid.
"Did you do it because you wanted to upset Martina?" he continues.
"No," I say, although that's probably partly true.
"Did you do it because you wanted to hurt the cat?"
"No". I can't tell him the truth. If I tell him that I wanted to dig my mother up, he'll think I'm crazy. He's always thought I'm a bit strange, but the last thing I want to do right now is give him any confirmation. "I just did it," I say, remaining purposely vague. "I'm sorry".
"I don't think sorry is going to be enough," my father says. "Let me get this straight, Juliet, so that I understand. You took a pair of scissors and you used them to kill Martina's cat, and then you put the body in a box and gave it to her as a present. Is that, broadly speaking, what happened?"
I nod.
"When you killed the cat, did you intend to give it to Martina later?"
I shake my head.
"So what did you intend to do with it?"
"I wanted to watch it," I reply.
"To watch it?" he asks, sounding as if he doesn't understand.
"I wanted to watch what would happen to it," I say, being careful to avoid mentioning my mother.
"Is that why you kept it until today?" he asks.
I nod.
"And then why did you decide to give it to Martina today?"
I shrug.
"Don't shrug," he replies, his voice getting a little louder. "Answer the question, Juliet. Why did you do this?" After a moment, he stands up and walks around the table, before crouching down next to me and looking up into my face. His eyes are wide open and white, staring straight at me with barely-concealed anger. "Tell me right now, Juliet. I want to know exactly why you did such a horrible thing".
I stare back at him. "I wanted to see what would happen," I say quietly.
"What would happen to the cat?" he asks. "What would happen to Martina?"
"To the cat," I reply. "I wanted to watch it rot, so I could see what would happen".
"Like an experiment?" Martina asks, her voice sounding pale and fragile.
I nod.
My father stares at me for a moment. "No," he says finally. "No, I don't believe you, Juliet. I think you're lying. I don't think you're telling us the truth at all. I don't know why you did this, but I'm damn sure it was nothing to do with an experiment".
"Brian," Martina says, "don't be too harsh on her".
"Oh, I'll be harsh," he continues. "I think harsh is the least she deserves. I have no idea what's got into her head, but I'm damn well going to make sure she never does anything like this again. Do you hear me, Juliet? I don't care how your mother raised you or what she taught you, but you're living with me now, and things are going to be different. Do you understand?"
I take a deep breath. I feel like I'm on the verge of crying, except the tears are bottled up and won't come out.
"Maybe we should take a time-out," Martina says. "It's getting late, and I have to get home". She takes a tissue from a small packet on the table, and dabs at her eyes. "I'm sure Juliet didn't really mean to do what she did. It was probably just an accident". She smiles a sad smile at me. "It's okay, Juliet. These things happen. I know you wouldn't have wanted to hurt Gizmo on purpose. You're a good girl, so whatever happened here, it probably just got out of hand". She turns to my father. "I just need to grab some things from the bedroom. Can you come with me for a moment?"
My father nods and follows her out of the room, leaving me sitting alone. I can hear them talking in the distance, but I can't quite make out what they're saying. Carefully getting off the chair and making sure to keep quiet, I sneak to the doorway.
"How can I come here when she's like this?" Martina is saying. "It's one thing to not connect with her, but her behavior has gone beyond aggression, Brian".
"I know," he replies. "Maybe give it a couple of weeks while I see what I can do. She's needed help for a while, but
her mother always insisted we should just wait it out. At least this time I can take charge. I'll get her to see someone".
"You think a couple of weeks will be enough?" she asks. "Brian, I like Juliet, but she's clearly got problems. She's going to need more than a few sessions with a therapist".
"You're preaching to the converted, Marty," he says. "I said the same thing to her mother years ago, but she always saw her as this perfect little angel. I love Juliet, but I'm not going to let her get away with this kind of behavior".
There's a pause. "I'm sure she'll be fine," Martina says eventually. "I never met Amanda, but I know you're a good father. I just think I should stay out of the way a little while you two are dealing with this".
"I'll get a babysitter for next weekend," he says. "Maybe we can go away for a couple of days. Just the two of us".
"I'd like that," she says.
Deciding I don't need to hear any more of their conversation, I go back over to the table and stare at the jack-in-the-box. There's something about its crazy smile that makes me feel seriously uncomfortable; I mean, when you think about it, Martina's gift to me wasn't a whole lot better than my gift to her. I sit down and grab the box, carefully stuffing the clown back inside and closing the lid. Hearing my father and Martina coming back through, I focus on the box, making sure that the lid is firmly shut. The last thing I want is for the clown to pop back up without any warning.
"Stay down," I whisper. For a moment, my mind goes blank, and finally I realize what I have to do. Grabbing the jack-in-the-box, I hurry over to the door and out into the garden, and then I go around the corner to Martina's car. My heart is racing as I glance back to make sure no-one can see me, and then I try the handle. Luckily, the door is unlocked, so I climb inside and open the glove compartment. Carefully positioning the jack-in-the-box inside, I unfasten the lid and then quickly shut the glove compartment back up. I take a deep breath: when Martina opens the compartment, the clown will leap out at her. If I have any luck, she'll be so startled, she'll crash her car and die.
"Juliet!" my father calls from the distance.
Getting out of the car, I shut the door and hurry back around to the door, where I find my father and Martina waiting for me.
"What were you doing?" my father asks.
"Nothing," I reply, seeing that Martina has the shoebox in her hands.
"I'm going to bury him when I get home," Martina says.
"Are you sure you don't need any help?" my father asks.
"No," she says quickly. "Really. I'm fine".
"Juliet," my father says, turning to me, "do you have anything you'd like to say to Martina?"
I stare at her for a moment.
"Anything at all?" my father adds.
I pause for a moment, before shaking my head.
"I'm going home now," Martina says, looking tired as she smiles at me. "I'll see you soon, Juliet, okay?" With that, she kisses my father on the cheek and then heads to her car; for once, she doesn't tousle my hair. I turn and watch her walk away. With any luck, I'll never have to see her again. I can just imagine her driving along at high speed and then deciding she needs a cigarette; she'll open the glove compartment and the jack-in-the-box will leap out at her. While she's busy screaming, she'll steer the car straight into a wall. I know I should feel bad about this, but I don't. I want her to die, and when that's done, I want my father gone too.
"Come on," my father says, taking my hand and leading me back into the house as Martina starts her car and drives away. "We've got a lot to talk about, young lady. It's time to sort your head out once and for all".
I don't reply. Glancing back over my shoulder, I see Martina's car heading along the road, headed for certain death.
Chapter Seven
Today
"Are you okay?" Jennifer Mathis asks. She's standing in front of me, just inside the door of the abandoned ward.
"Yeah," I say, taking a deep breath. It's crazy, but while I was dragging Lizzie's body here, I was filled with doubt and fear and regret; as soon as I crossed the threshold into the ward, however, all those feelings seemed to just dissipate. It's as if they were sucked out of me, and now I don't feel anything at all. Looking down at the body, I see nothing but a lump of meat and bone with a human face.
"You don't seem okay," Jennifer Mathis continues. "You seem kind of shell-shocked".
"I'm fine," I say. "It's just -" I look along the corridor. It's been a few weeks since the first time I came to the abandoned ward. Since then, I've been careful to avoid the place. I always knew I'd come back eventually, but I was planning to come up with some kind of plan. The first time I was here, I ended up having some kind of emotional breakdown, and I came close to cutting my wrists. "Maybe I'll just leave," I say, stepping back toward the door.
"You can't leave her here," Jennifer says, looking down at Lizzie's body. "Someone'll see her. The people around here are stupid, but they're not morons". She pauses for a moment, and then she looks at me and smiles. "I know what you're worried about".
"You do?"
"You're worried it'll happen again. You're worried I'll give you a knife and encourage you to kill yourself. Don't be scared, Juliet. I'm not going to do that again. Now that I've realized how special you are, the last thing I'd ever want to do is get rid of you. I want to keep you around so I can study you. In fact, I think maybe we can work together".
"I don't want to work with anyone," I say. "I don't even know what you -"
"First things first," she says, interrupting me. "You've got a dead body to get rid of, and I've got a place for you to hide it. There are a lot of things I can do, Juliet, but dragging corpses along corridors isn't one of them. She's heavy, but you'll have to bring her yourself. Come to the rec room. You know the way, right?"
"Yeah," I say, looking down at Lizzie for a moment, "but I don't know if -" Suddenly I look up and realize Jennifer has vanished. "Fuck," I mutter. I want to get out of here, to run as far away as possible, but I know I have to find some way to hide the body. Grabbing Lizzie's ankles, I start dragging her along the corridor. It's a long, slow job, but eventually I get to the rec room, and I find Jennifer waiting for me.
"Get her in there," she says, indicating a small storage closet over in the corner.
"In there?" I ask, shocked. "You don't think anyone's gonna look in there when they find out she's missing?"
"Let me take care of that," she replies. "You do the dragging, I'll do the rest".
"I swear to God," I say, hauling Lizzie over to the closet, "if you turn out to be a figment of my imagination or some kinda crap like that, I'm not gonna be happy".
"You're so suspicious," she says. "Now we've come to the hard part. You've got to get that big chunk of humanity into the closet, and then get the door shut".
"No way," I reply. "She won't fit".
"She will. Trust me; I know these things. You get her in there, Juliet, and I'll do the rest".
Sighing, I start trying to get Lizzie into the closet. It's a hard job at first, and I'm convinced it can't possibly work, but eventually I get her inside and, to my surprise, I'm just about able to get the doors to shut.
"Seriously," I say, taking a step back, "when they realize she's missing, they're gonna look for her, and they're gonna come here".
"They're not going to realize she's missing," Jennifer says. "I've already made sure of that".
"How?" I ask.
"Don't worry about the details," she continues. "I've got experience with this kind of thing".
"But they're going to wonder where she is," I say, feeling as if Jennifer hasn't quite grasped the severity of the situation. "She must have family and friends. They're going to notice she's missing, and they're going to realize I was the last person who saw her alive".
"Just wait a few more hours," Jennifer says. "Go back to the ward. Go and do your work. By the time your shift's over, everything will be okay. I promise".
I take a deep breath. "Why don't I feel bad?"
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"You don't?"
"I should," I say, "but I don't. I'm scared of getting caught, but other than that, I don't feel bad at all. I killed her, but I just feel like..." My voice trails off. I've always known that there's this side to me; a side that seems to have no conscience at all. As far back as the day I killed Martina's cat, I've realized that I don't seem to have the same kind of emotions as other people.
"Any feelings you have about Lizzie are gone," Jennifer says. "As soon as you came to see me, I took them away. I'll continue to take them away, whenever you need a little help. Think of it as a special ability".
"You mean I have no conscience?" I ask.
"Of course you have a conscience," she replies. "You're not a monster, Juliet. But you have a special friend who's able to wipe certain things clean for you".
I turn to her. Did she really just refer to herself as my friend? I don't even know what she is, but she seems to have taken an interest in me. I guess she's picked up on the fact that I'm not quite normal. I don't know whether to be flattered or horrified by this development, but I guess there'll be time to worry about all of that later. Right now, I just have to make sure that I don't get into any trouble over Lizzie's death.
"Go," Jennifer says. "You have a job to do. I'll be fine here. Just promise me one thing".
"What?"
"Come and say goodbye before you leave when your shift ends".
I pause for a moment. "Sure," I say, before turning and hurrying away. As soon as I'm out of the abandoned ward, I push the door shut and re-attach the padlock, before heading through to the main part of the building. I check on all the patients, and finally I reach Kenneth's room. I find him sitting on his bed, having apparently not moved since I left; he's still clutching his hand, and there's still a wet stain on the bedsheets.
"Hey," I say, my heart racing. I have no idea what to do next.
"I won't tell anyone," he replies.
I stare at him. "Won't tell anyone what?"
